Flog a Pro: Would You Turn the First Page of this Bestseller?
By Ray Rhamey | November 21, 2024 |
Trained by reading hundreds of submissions, editors and agents often make their read/not-read decision on the first page. In a customarily formatted book manuscript with chapters starting about 1/3 of the way down the page (double-spaced, 1-inch margins, 12-point type), there are 16 or 17 lines on the first page.
Here’s the question:
Would you pay good money to read the rest of the chapter? With 50 chapters in a book that costs $15, each chapter would be “worth” 30 cents.
So, before you read the excerpt, take 30 cents from your pocket or purse. When you’re done, decide what to do with those three dimes or the quarter and a nickel. It’s not much, but think of paying 30 cents for the rest of the chapter every time you sample a book’s first page. In a sense, time is money for a literary agent working her way through a raft of submissions, and she is spending that resource whenever she turns a page.
Please judge by storytelling quality, not by genre or content—some reject an opening page immediately because of genre, but that’s not a good-enough reason when the point is to analyze for storytelling strength.
How strong is the opening page of this novel—would it, all on its own, hook an agent if it was submitted by an unpublished writer?
The phone rang. Again.
It was the fourth time in eight minutes.
All from the same number. All ignored by the head of homicide for the Sûreté du Québec. In the hopes it would go away.
But like most things ignored, it just got worse.
The first peal had interrupted the peace of the Gamaches’ back garden this Sunday morning in mid-August, in the Québec village of Three Pines. It broke into Armand’s thoughts as he sat on the fieldstone terrasse, absently brushing croissant flakes from his shirt and sipping strong, smooth café au lait.
While Reine-Marie read the paper, his section lay folded and warming and gathering crumbs on his lap. He tilted his head back slightly to the sun, taking a deep breath of the late-summer air. Then he contemplated the bobbing black-eyed Susans and the morning glories and sweet pea and purple Jackmanii Superba clematis climbing the fence that separated them from the mad poet next door.
It was a lovely, though ineffective, barrier. Barbed wire would have to be added.
Actually, the duck was the menace. Thank God Rosa seemed to have forgotten that she could fly. Or, more likely, she simply chose not to.
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You can turn the page and read more here. Kindle users can request a sample sent to their devices, and I’ve found this to be a great way to evaluate a narrative that is borderline on the first page and see if it’s worth my coin.
This novel was number one on the New York Times trade paperback fiction bestseller list for November 24, 2024. Was the opening of The Grey Wolf by Louise Penny compelling?
My vote: No.
This book received 4.6 out of 5 stars on Amazon. Although the writing is skillful, this passage stopped short of raising a compelling story question for me. There are little questions raised, some curiosity stimulated, but the continuing setup and musing left them wanting in terms of stakes. If there had been a taste of the trouble he fears will come if he answers the phone—and thus let me know there’s a story to be had—I’d have read on.
And, of course, I did read on. More writing that was fun to read but, otherwise, nothing much happens on the next page. Nor on the next. I gave up. Your thoughts?
[coffee]
Ray Rhamey is the author of five novels and one writing craft book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling. He’s also an editor of book-length fiction and designs book covers and interiors for Indie authors and small presses. His website, crrreative.com, offers an a la carte menu of creative services for writers and publishers. Learn more about Ray’s books at rayrhamey.com.
This paragraph really bugged me: “All from the same number. All ignored by the head of homicide for the Sûreté du Québec. In the hopes it would go away.”
I’d have closed the book and put it back on the shelf with the last sentence. That clipped, fragmented style would drive me crazy over the course of an entire book. I love a good short sentence, but that last one is not a sentence.
I kept reading for the sake of this exercise and didn’t see anything that would have convinced me. It felt a bit overwritten and just didn’t do anything that made me interested in finding out what was going to happen to Armand or Reine-Marie.
Funny! To me that was the best part. Professional editor here. The short phrases keep it moving!
Same for me, Susan! It demonstrated that the author understands the use of phrasing to advance the story.
I hit the same problem spot. What bogged me down was the awkward phrasing of “All ignored by the…” and then the long but backward introduction that we’re supposed to realize is our character for the scene. “The head of homicide for the Surete to Quebec ignored them all” wouldn’t have had that parallel or the same sense of elegance, but it wouldn’t have been demanding so much from a reader right on the third line.
Fragments have become a style choice and a popular one. Personally, I loved it.
I loved it and I think it shows why Louise Penny is so popular. Her books are character driven and her writing draws me into her world and made me curious about who was calling and why the call was being ignored….that question was raised immediately and generated tension for me to keep reading.
I had high hopes for this one. The first four lines were engaging—and created some questions in this reader’s mind—but then it switched gears. The writing itself was fine but it settled into to casual-too soon for me. Had there been another hit of mystery (something else to create questions and ignite curiosity in the reader’s mind) towards the end of the page I might have turned the page. It just fizzled too soon for me.
Ray, I agree. Great example! I can also understand why she carried on with the setup: it’s satisfying in other ways (flowers and animals). Such a great reminder on craft. Also hard to do when we love our words. I know I love mine too much at times. Maybe if I hung a physical ax on the wall above my desk …
I would keep reading. I enjoyed the steady hint of humor in the voice and the selection of details. The ringing phone lets the reader know that some actual plot is on the way.
I liked it because the increasing level of detail the character was paying attention to drove home to me that this was a person who really, really did not want to be disturbed on Sunday morning. And yet, he knew exactly how many phone calls from the same number came in. He’s paying attention to everything. I like that in a detective.
Her stuff moves slowly. I guess I would have stayed with it, but that’s no ringing endorsement.
But this is the latest in a series, and all of the fans of the series are returning for the familiar characters and settling in with a cosy ‘Aaaah!’ of recognition and delight.
Her stuff is dangerous to listen to while driving. Nodding out can create sudden rushes of panic.
I recognized the writing right away and love Louise Penny’s character-driven stories. My favorite is actually one of the slowest paced ones, the pace of monastic life: The Beautiful Mystery. Esp. since it has to do with Gregorian chant.
However appealing the writing is–and it is appealing–you can’t start with a phone ringing four times, not being answered, and then move out to the terrace for cafe au lait. You just can’t.
Well you can, and Penny did. ;) It’s quite effective, actually, because it allows her to build the setting with the promise that something is, indeed, about to happen. The plot is literally calling on the phone, about to interrupt a perfectly lovely day.
Yes! The plot is calling. Love that notion. Loved this opening!
I stand corrected (actually, I’m sitting corrected). If you have a big fan base that already understands and likes what you do, you can’t do much wrong.
I think that’s the key. I am also a big fan of this series, but I attempted to read this page as if I had never heard of these characters or this setting before, and I was curiously disappointed. This opening page did not hold enough suspense **if it were the first page of a manuscript by an unknown author** which was, after all, the assignment. But when it’s number 1,342 in a series, you get some leeway and thousands of people who will buy the book from the name of the author alone.
Agreed. It did not compute. No real tension unless we know who is calling and why — has a dead body been found? Is a murder in progress? Does the neighbor want to borrow the hedge clippers?
I recognized the passage instantly as I just started reading the book and as the scene goes on the tension builds….sitting on the cafe, delaying the taking of the call built the suspense. It worked well.
I disagree. The deliberate choice of not answering over preserving the quiet atmosphere of a Sunday morning creates tension, plus it provides a character insight. This is clearly a very character-driven story (I haven’t read Louise Penny because I am not a mystery reader, but this segment might actually draw me into checking her out).
Joyce, I don’t read many mysteries anymore, but Penny’s writing is so evocative and her characters and setting so charming, it is such a pleasure to be in the world she has created.
I do recommend you check out her books, if you’re at all interested! They are well written, highly character driven, as you note, and the setting of an idyllic small town near the Canadian border with the US is also beautifully created. I’d love to live there and be friends with all of them. Apart from the astoundingly high body count, that is. :)
How sad I am to have voted No, even though I am a devoted reader of the series, recognized the characters and setting right away, and would of course continue reading for the sake of hanging out with old friends in a cozy setting with crime and suspense guaranteed. However, with difficulty I put myself into the mind of a Gamache-naive reader and found that despite the enticements of the lovingly detailed setting, I was left frustrated and wondering about that ringing phone, still ignored and perhaps forgotten, for all we know so far. The characters are not yet in action (even Rosa the duck has not yet unloaded one of her trademark F-bombs). No story yet, alas. But with such a large devoted readership, who cares?
Yes. If you don’t already know who Gamache is, it’s a self-indulgent mess of an opening. The juxtaposition of a high-level policeman and a duck might create enough curiosity to turn the page, but that’s about it.
Thank you, Michael. I agree completely. I know nothing about the writer, so I am responding as “the average reader,” not as a fan.
For this column, maybe uber-popular series aren’t the best examples. Once a series is exceptionally beloved, an author is under an entirely different set of expectations. They can break the rules, and often do. For the Gamache books, the big appeal IS the laid-back nature of the town and characters. So, this opening is perfect. Personally, I would have kept reading anyway, because we know something is about to happen, but we get to enjoy this charming scene first. We know Gamache is paying extreme attention; he knows exactly how many times the phone has rang and in how many minutes. I love the note about the mad poet and the need for barbed wire. But ultimately, I trust Penny and her characters. I’m sure this book will captivate me. I’m in.
The one detail I would have liked to have seen (depending on the time the story is set in) is the character looking at his phone, seeing who is calling, and putting the phone down. Thing is, I’ve known people in the equivalent position in corporate life and yes, people *do* such things when they are with their spouse and wanting to preserve a quiet moment. It’s the behavior of the person in charge, not a subordinate.
This is definitely a character-driven story. Not all stories need to go charging right into drama. Sometimes the quiet opening, establishing a character and their deepest desires, is best. I might actually read these books, where I’m otherwise turned off by too many mysteries that want to slam me into the action from the very first page. I’d be more inclined to turn the page of this story than a lot of other current mystery writers (Craig Johnson is an exception but his Longmire stories are also very character-driven).
The first page was probably only compelling to people who know the characters. I’m a huge fan of her books–I’m reading this one right now–and I loved the beginning.
Not necessarily. I have never read her work, and I found it intriguing.
Same here. Well, I read the first book in the series years ago and wasn’t tempted to pick up any more at that time. But I’ve read nothing else by her and this one, once I turned the page, made me want to keep reading.
I like writing that’s fun to read and if nothing much happens on page 1, that’s OK — if I like the writing, I’ll read at least a few pages more. Story is important, but it’s voice that draws me in. If I were an agent, I’d probably quickly go broke, and/or be summarily dismissed from the Famous Agents School because I’d want to help writers who like what I like. I seldom read mysteries for pleasure (if I want a puzzle, I’ll do a puzzle), but my friends who are fans of various popular mystery series, including this one, tell me that what they really like are the characters and the backgrounds — more than the mystery. So? I said “yes” to this as I tried to slip into the viewpoint of an agent like me struggling to maintain a decent income, but I would not choose this book for my own pleasure reading.
I recognized the name Gamache, and I know of Louise Penny’s popularity. I’m not a fan, though, and, based on this passage alone, I don’t think I would be.
A homicide detective who gets a phone call on a Saturday and doesn’t answer it, is, if you ask me, incompetent, and therefor no hero for me. Nobody calls a homicide detective on a Saturday unless they’re urgently needed.
I got bored right away, then I was like, wait, there’s a duck!?
I started out with somewhat mixed feelings about this one. Yes, starting with a phone call is cliched. Yes, it seemed to wander off into irrelevancy. But there were always the questions tapping you on the shoulder: who was calling and why did Gamache ignore it? And keep ignoring it? I decided to turn the page and then kept reading until he eventually answered the call and told the person at the other end to go to hell. And that’s when I wanted to _keep_ reading.
Also, all the business about the quiet peace of the day, the garden, the duck, etc., proved that it had a place: to reveal what he didn’t want to think about–corpses, violence, death, past hurts hinted at. He is shown as a man struggling to separate the beautiful aspects of his life from the ugly and the painful. And not just separate them, but put up a honking big fence between them. The persistent phone call–and he knew who was calling–was the stretched-out hand reaching over that fence to drag him back into that other world.
So, after I read that little bit more, I came away impressed with how masterfully the author introduced a character and a situation and a dark thread of tension with seemingly innocuous description. I voted yes, because I did turn the page.