The Book in Your Head vs. the Book You Write
By Kathleen McCleary | October 9, 2024 |
Every time I’ve worked on a novel, I’ve had a vision in my head of the book I wanted to write, the book that could be— if I could bring it to life. And with every book I’ve written up to this point (three published novels, two I started and put aside), I’ve fallen short. There’s always been a ghost book out there, the one that could have been.
Now I’m about to finish a new novel, my fourth. And this time, for the first time, I’ve actually written the book I wanted to write. It’s the best feeling, and to be honest it’s not something I ever thought I’d achieve. The book is still a newborn—I’ve shared it with exactly one other person, my critique partner, and I’m not sure when I’ll be ready to send it to beta readers or my agent. I want to sit with this feeling for a little while, enjoy it before I face the inevitable opinions and feedback and criticisms others will have. And I want to spend some time understanding why this book feels so different. Here’s what I’ve come up with:
I gave up being a pantser. I’ve always been a believer in the old “no surprises for the writer = no surprises for the reader” school of writing. All my earlier books were character-driven, and writing them involved lots of running down one road, smacking into a dead end, turning around, running down a different road, and ending up at a very different destination. It’s a crazy way to travel. This time, I re-read Jessica Brody’s Save the Cat! Writes a Novel, and I followed that 15-beat structure closely. It gave me guardrails, white lines at the side of the road. It kept me honest. And it enabled me to write a story that is both character-driven and plot-driven. It also gave me a much greater sense of control over my work, a sense that the vision I had was attainable, because I had a way to get there.
I wrote the book for myself. I started this project during the pandemic, after five full years of not writing any fiction at all, and almost ten years after I’d finished writing my third novel, which was published in 2013. In 2020 and 2021 I was struggling with a lot of things, as many of us were. When the pandemic began, I became the full-time caregiver for my elderly mother, who died at the end of 2020. I lost a close friendship. Even my beloved cat died. I started writing fiction to write my way out of despair, to create a character who had to figure out what to do when her world fell apart. I kept writing, always with a clear understanding that this wasn’t a project I wanted to discuss with my agent or friends, that maybe it was a book I didn’t even want to publish. I didn’t think about the potential market for the book, or what readers might think if a character said this or did that. I kept writing the book I needed to write to work out my own dilemmas.
Publishing is a crazy world. I still don’t know if this book will be published, but it almost doesn’t matter—and believe me, it’s incredible to me to write that sentence. But it’s true. I wrote the book I needed to write, and I’m happy about it.
I have more life experience/wisdom. This is not a book I could have written when I first started writing fiction 20 years ago. Nor is it a book I could have written ten years ago, or even five years ago. Precisely because I am older, and I’ve had the usual losses, gains, joys, heartbreaks, successes, and failures that we all have, I am wiser. I have learned a lot from all this living, and it informs who I am, what I do, and what I write. Writing this book has let me tap into that wisdom and experience. I’m the richer for it, and so is my novel.
I have a different definition of success. When my first novel was published in 2008, I envisioned big sales, best seller lists, making the rounds of radio and TV interviews—the ordinary, big dreams of debut novelists. None of that quite happened, but I had success enough—being an Indie Next pick and Target emerging author pick, having my book in all the airport bookstores, being nominated for a handful of literary awards. Don’t get me wrong, all those things were and are meaningful to me, validation. But the book I am finishing right now feels more “successful” to me, even if it’s never published. Because I wrote the book I wanted and needed to write.
May it happen to you.
Have you ever written the book you wanted to write? How did you do it? How often does your WIP come close to your vision for it?
Kathleen McCleary is the author of three novels—House and Home, A Simple Thing, and Leaving Haven—and has worked as a bookseller, bartender, and barista (all great jobs for gathering material for fiction). A Simple Thing (HarperCollins 2012) was nominated for the Library of Virginia Literary Awards. She was a journalist for many years before turning to fiction, and her work has appeared in The New York Times, The Washington Post, Good Housekeeping, Ladies Home Journal, and USA Weekend, as well as HGTV.com, where she was a regular columnist. She taught writing as an adjunct professor at American University in Washington, D.C., and teaches creative writing to kids ages 8-18 as an instructor with Writopia Labs, a non-profit. She also offers college essay coaching (https://thenobleapp.com), because she believes that life is stressful enough and telling stories of any kind should be exciting and fun. When she’s not writing or coaching writing, she looks for any excuse to get out into the woods or mountains or onto a lake. She lives in northern Virginia with her husband and two daughters and Jinx the cat.
[coffee]
Kathleen, congratulations on finishing a book of your heart. I hope it will reach the people who need to read it. I have had the good pleasure of writing the stories God placed upon my heart and when one such book wouldn’t get picked up by trade publishers–I tried for 5 yrs–I published it myself. Of the 70+ books of mine that have been published, it is this novel I am most proud of. It’s funny, I wish I hadn’t waited 5 yrs…but the truth is, I wasn’t ready. There’s so much wisdom in your essay. Thank you.
Hi, Vijaya. I love that you made sure that the book of your heart made its way out into the world. It sounds as though the book had its own timing in mind, and that’s what happened. I’m glad you had the experience of writing a book that resonated for YOU. Congratulations! And thanks for your lovely comment.
As an agent, I’ve seen it so many times. For the writer, the debut novel is everything, the ONLY novel. The sophomore novel is a struggle, the middle child overlooked.
It is only after three or four books that the writer relaxes and realizes that the true art is not getting published but writing with skill, control and confidence, writing the books that matter not to the ego but to the heart.
Solid post, Kathleen, thanks.
Don, thanks for this insightful comment. I love the idea of “writing the books that matter not to the ego but to the heart.” And your many years of experience as an agent give added weight to your insights. Many thanks. My writing journey has been almost EXACTLY as you describe, from the high hopes debut to the agonizing struggle over the second to the overlooked third. But they were all part of the process. Cheers.
Kathleen, I have read ALL of your novels…and loved them all. I remember standing in a book store and seeing the second one, eager to purchase it, read it. Now you are my friend. That’s a cool thing for me…and I will be eager to read this book that has quietly made it way into your life. Congrats, Beth
Hello, Beth, and thanks as always for your support! I appreciate the time you’ve taken to read my earlier work, and can’t wait to share this one with you. Hope your writing is going well!
I want to give this post an appreciative hug. Love the message of defining your success by intrinsic metrics–the secret to a happy and satisfying writing career, in my opinion. Also a big fan of balancing structure/focus with giving your creativity some play in the line. That balance is often where you get the most effective, authentic stories. Great post, Kathleen. Good luck with the new ms (sounds like you’ve already had it!), and I’ll be sharing this post.
Thank you, Tiffany. I’d like to give your comment an appreciative hug right back. It took me a long time to come around to the idea of balancing structure with creative play, and it’s made all the difference. I so appreciate your comment, and your willingness to share this post.
My second stand-alone, Blind Faith (written as Alicia Beckman), was very definitely the novel of my heart, the only one written without a contract, and it did come very close to my vision — maybe more, in some ways, because the vision became more clear as I wrote. I credit writing from passion, and taking my time — 4+ years, between other projects. I knew it was different from anything else I’d written, so I hadn’t tried to get a contract first. That time and the lack of external pressure made all the difference.
As for “no surprise in the writer, no surprise in the reader,” there’s no reason the writer’s surprise has to come entirely in the composition phase. It can come in the planning and imagining as well.
Congratulations on finishing your novel. May it continue to bring you much joy!
Good to hear about your experience, Leslie, and I’m so glad you did write the book you envisioned. It’s so true about the vision becoming more clear as you write–I had that experience, too. And I love your point about the fact that surprises for the writer can come during the planning phase. Good luck with your writing, and thanks for taking the time to comment.
Kathleen, a big YES to plotting a novel. I used Snyder’s Beat Sheet for my debut book, and the sequel, The MS in my editor’s hands now. I wrote my life (historical fiction, third person) as I wanted it to go. A lot of it is from the heart. Especially the main character’s dealing with life and the world around her in the 1960s. I know all about loss, I’m 85. People died, disappeared and left me. Years ago, I co-authored two books and both authors died before we completed their stories. I could bring the sequel story into a third book as Donald Maass stated in his comment. You write better & better the more you write. A third book?. No, I’m happy with where I left the main character as a nurse and superstar. The best of both worlds. Next, I’m going into co-authoring Sci-fi with a friend who writes well, but is stuck at 10,000 words. I’ll help him get to the finish line. He’s younger than me. Let’s hope we both make it to the end! Congratulations on your successful writing career. You have stayed true to your heart. 📚🎶 Christine
Excellent post, Kathleen. I think everyone suffers from delusion of the ideal to some degree. The perfect home, the perfect night out, the perfect chocolate cake roll with mint ice cream filling and chocolate ganache frosting … Artists are particularly afflicted because every aspect of the production should be in our control — right?
BTW, the cake roll was a disaster, but a darn good story. Maybe that’s the consolation. Maybe that’s even better.
Have you ever written the book you wanted to write?
In the beginning, I was planning to write mysteries – like Sue Grafton’s – with an interesting young Mexican-American middle class immigrant as its detective. And I would start doing it when I retired from my professional life as a physicist at Princeton’s Plasma Physics Lab, my dream job.
Life intervened ten years and three kids later, as well as disability, chronic illness, and using all that training and no energy to homeschool our children (rather than spend the same amount of energy getting them to the bus stop with a lunch, school papers, and backpacks – and deal with schools).
So, when I could manage, I took a quick course (Writing the Mystery – thank you, Mary Elizabeth Allen, instructor) a few Monday evenings at my local community college – and started learning to write. The mystery series didn’t sell, in spite of nice rejection personal notes.
So, sitting there one day in the year 2000, triggered by a bunch of things that coalesced in my mind, I was vouchsafed the idea, complete from beginning to end, of what has become the mainstream novel of the heart, Pride’s Children. Had no choice. Published PC: PURGATORY after 15 years, PC: NETHERWORLD after another 7, and am working on the end of the single story which has somehow ended up aiming for GWTW-length, PC: LIMBO.
That’s a long time, and ALL a disabled physicist’s available energy, into a single project I still very much love.
How did you do it?
One step at a time. Decide that submitting wasn’t my thing. Learn writing to the standards of all those early books in my life. LEARN TO PLOT (I’m an avowed extreme plotter – possibly that was what was missing for the mystery series). Learn to self-edit, again, to those pesky standards. Figure out how to self-publish. Learn graphics (always wanted to do that) – and cover design. Start to learn marketing (still struggling with that one) and how to get reviewers to read and then write something (a necessary skill).
Figure out how to help someone do all that writing afterwork for the second novel, when health took a bad side-step. Keep figuring out the minutiae of plotting, as the only way someone like me can handle a project like this is by working on a small piece of it, sequentially, until a piece is perfected, stick it into the matrix, TRUST the PLANNING, and repeat with the next one.
How often does your WIP come close to your vision for it?
Oddly enough, every page, every scene, every chapter. Or I’m not finished with it. Proof of the pudding (to me, anyway): every time I reread the first two books I make no changes – except for noting a few small typos to be removed at the next update.
It’s been a real trip.
This account of your “novel of the heart” resonates with me because I did much the same thing: trying to control not only the text but the typefaces and cover designs for a series. Learning all those things takes so much time, but unless you’re tight with a sympatico publisher, what choice do you have? Looking forward to hearing that you’ve finished “Limbo.”
Boy does this resonate with me. My mum died last spring and it was after that I decided to write the book I was afraid to write, because it was too dark, too sad. A tragedy as opposed to a comedy, which I’d never written before. But after losing my mum, and my kitty a few months later, it was a tragedy I needed to write. I hope your book gets published. I want to read it.
Have you ever written the book you wanted to write? A writer friend I told an idea to said it was a novel idea, so I did. Seven novels later, never published because that is not why I write.
How did you do it? I got a laptop, it is only for writing, carry it where ever I go.
How often does your WIP come close to your vision for it? Hard to say, I do not start with a vision, I start with a person in a place. I am huge proponent of the surprises on the path, if I plan them they will not be surprises to me or the reader. Dead ends are what every cliffhanger hangs on to. The raw draft is my vision. Novels eight and nine are my current spare time hobbies. Write on.