Flog a Pro

Flog a Pro: 50 Shades of Grey by E L James

By Ray Rhamey / April 18, 2013 /

Trained by reading hundreds of submissions, editors and literary agents often make their read/not-read decision on the first page. A customarily formatted book manuscript with chapters starting about 1/3 of the way down the page (double-spaced, 1-inch margins, 12-point type) has 16 or 17 lines on the first page.

The challenge: does this narrative compel you to turn the page?

[pullquote]Storytelling Checklist

Evaluate this opening page for how well it executes the following 6 vital storytelling elements. While it’s not a requirement that all of them must be on the first page, I think writers have the best chance of hooking a reader if they are. The one vital ingredient not listed is professional-caliber writing, a given for every page.

  • Story questions
  • Tension (in the reader, not just the characters)
  • Voice
  • Clarity
  • Scene-setting
  • Character
  • [/pullquote]

    Let’s Flog 50 Shades of Grey by E L James

    Following is what would be the first manuscript page (17 lines) of 50 Shades of Grey, a global bestseller.

    I scowl with frustration at myself in the mirror. Damn my hair—it just won’t behave, and damn Katherine Kavanagh for being ill and subjecting me to this ordeal. I should be studying for my final exams, which are next week, yet here I am trying to brush my hair into submission. I must not sleep with it wet. I must not sleep with it wet. Reciting this mantra several times, I attempt, once more, to bring it under control with the brush. I roll my eyes in exasperation and gaze at the pale, brown-haired girl with blue eyes too big for her face staring back at me, and give up. My only option is to restrain my wayward hair in a ponytail and hope that I look semi-presentable.

    Kate is my roommate, and she has chosen today of all days to succumb to the flu. Therefore, she cannot attend the interview she’d arranged to do, with some mega-industrialist tycoon I’ve never hear of, for the student newspaper. So I have volunteered. I have final exams to cram for and one essay to finish, and I’m supposed to be working this afternoon, but no—today I have to drive 165 miles to downtown Seattle in order to meet the enigmatic CEO of Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc. As an exceptional entrepreneur and major benefactor of our university, his time is extraordinarily precious—much more precious than mine—but he has granted Kate an interview. A real coup, she tells me. Damn her extracurricular activities.

    Kate is huddled on the couch in the living room.

     

    Would you turn this pro’s first page?
    My vote and editorial notes after the fold.

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    Flog a Pro: The DaVinci Code by Dan Brown

    By Ray Rhamey / March 19, 2013 /

    On my blog, Flogging the Quill, I critique (“flog”) the opening pages of novels submitted by wannabe novelists. I think it’s equally instructive to flog the pros. Fifty Shades of Grey was suggested, but I can’t find an ebook sample to download to extract the first page. So we turn to the second novel suggested.

    The challenge: does the first page compel you to turn the page?

    [pullquote]Storytelling Checklist

    When you critique this opening page, consider these 6 vital storytelling elements. While it’s not a requirement that all of them must be on the first page, they can be, and I think writers have the best chance of hooking a reader if they are.

    Evaluate the opening narrative in terms of how well it executes the elements. The one vital ingredient not listed is professional-caliber writing because that is a given for every page.

  • Story questions
  • Tension (in the reader, not just the characters)
  • Voice
  • Clarity
  • Scene-setting
  • Character
  • [/pullquote]

    Editors and literary agents see so many submissions from “new” writers that they often make their read/not-read decision on the first page. In a customarily formatted book manuscript with chapters starting about 1/3 of the way down the page (double-spaced, 1-inch margins, 12-point type), there are 16 or 17 lines on the first page.

    Let’s Flog The DaVinci Code by Dan Brown

    Following is what would be the first manuscript page of The DaVinci Code I don’t have to tell you what a gigantic seller it was.

    Louvre Museum, Paris

    10:46 P.M.

    Renowned curator Jacques Saunière staggered through the vaulted archway of the museum’s Grand Gallery. He lunged for the nearest painting he could see, a Caravaggio. Grabbing the gilded frame, the seventy-six-year-old man heaved the masterpiece toward himself until it tore from the wall and Saunière collapsed backward in a heap beneath the canvas.

    As he had anticipated, a thundering iron gate fell nearby, barricading the entrance to the suite. The parquet floor shook. Far off, an alarm began to ring.

    The curator lay a moment, gasping for breath, taking stock. I am still alive. He crawled out from under the canvas and scanned the cavernous space for someplace to hide.

    A voice spoke, chillingly close. “Do not move.”

    On his hands and knees, the curator froze, turning his head slowly.

    Only fifteen feet away, outside the sealed gate, the mountainous silhouette of his attacker stared through the iron bars. He was broad and tall, with ghost-pale skin and thinning white hair. His irises were pink with dark red pupils. The albino drew a pistol from his coat and aimed the barrel through the bars, directly at the curator. “You should not have run.” His accent was not easy to place. “Now tell me where it is.”

    “I told you already,” the curator stammered, kneeling defenseless on the floor of the (snip)

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    Flog a Pro: Safe Haven by Nicholas Sparks

    By Ray Rhamey / February 21, 2013 /

    On my blog I critique (“flog”) the opening pages of novels submitted by wannabe novelists. So far I’ve flogged 650+ submissions. Now I’m adding a twist: flogging the first pages of published novels—the pros. This episode is exclusive to Writer Unboxed.

    The challenge: does the first page compel me to turn the page?

    [pullquote]Storytelling Checklist

    When you critique this opening page, consider these 6 vital storytelling elements. While it’s not a requirement that all of them must be on the first page, they can be, and I think you have the best chance of hooking a reader if they are.

    Evaluate the opening narrative in terms of how well it executes the elements. The one vital ingredient not listed is professional-caliber writing because that is a given for every page.

  • Story questions
  • Tension (in the reader, not just the characters)
  • Voice
  • Clarity
  • Scene-setting
  • Character
  • [/pullquote]

    What’s the big deal about the first page? Editors and literary agents see so many submissions that they often make their read/not-read decision on the first page. To quote Chuck Adams, Executive Editor, Algonquin Books:

    “You can usually tell after a paragraph—a page, certainly—whether or not you’re going to get hooked.”

    Literary agent Dan Conaway, Writers House, says:

    “I know most of what I need to know about a writer’s chops in about a line and a half.”

    And editor/publisher Sol Stein reports that browsers in bookstores make decisions within a page or so.

    What’s a first page? In a customarily formatted novel manuscript (double-spaced, 1-inch margins, 12-point type, etc.) with chapters starting about 1/3 of the way down the page, there should be about 16 or 17 lines on the first page.

    Let’s Flog Safe Haven by Nicholas Sparks

    I typed up the opening of Safe Haven by Nicholas Sparks to see what the first manuscript page would consist of. Safe Haven is the number 1 combined print and e-book fiction book on the New York Times February 10 bestseller list. Here’s what the first page of the manuscript would consist of:

    As Katie wound her way among the tables, a breeze from the Atlantic rippled through her hair. Carrying three plates in her left hand and another in her right, she wore jeans and a T-shirt that read Ivan’s: try Our Fish Just for the Halibut. She brought the plates to four men wearing polo shirts; the one closest to her caught her eye and smiled. Though he tried to act as though he was just a friendly guy, she knew he was watching her as she walked away. Melody had mentioned the men had come from Wilmington and were scouting locations for a movie.

    After retrieving a pitcher of sweet tea, she refilled their glasses before returning to the waitress station. She stole a glance at the view. It was late April, the temperature hovering just around perfect, and blue skies stretched to the horizon. Beyond her, the Intracoastal was calm despite the breeze and seemed to mirror the color of the sky. A dozen seagulls perched on the railing, waiting to dart beneath the tables if someone dropped a scrap of food.

    Ivan Smith, the owner, hated them. He called them rats-with-wings, and he’d already patrolled the railing twice wielding a wooden plunger, trying to scare them off. Melody had leaned toward Katie and confessed that she was more worried […]

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    Take Five: Ann Aguirre and Hellfire

    By Writer Unboxed / April 13, 2010 /

    WU contributor Ann Aguirre has a new book–the second in her Corine Solomon series, Hellfire. We know you have inquiring minds; we know you want to know. So we asked Ann five questions about her new book to learn more.

    Q: What’s the premise of your new book?

    AA: I’m still a redhead. Before we left Texas, I touched up the roots, and then I had some tawny apricot highlights put in. I guessed that meant I intended to keep this color for a while. Symbolic—I’d made a commitment, at least to my hair.

    As a handler, Corine Solomon can touch any object and know its history. It’s too bad she can’t seem to forget her own. With her ex-boyfriend Chance in tow—lending his particularly supernatural brand of luck—Corine journeys back home to Kilmer, Georgia, in order to discover the truth behind her mother’s death and the origins of her “gift.”

    But while trying to uncover the secrets in her past, Corine and Chance find that something is rotten in the state of Georgia. Just a few miles away, no one seems to know Kilmer exists. And inside the town borders there are signs of a dark curse affecting the town and all its residents—and it can only be satisfied with death…

    Q: What would you like people to know about the story itself?

    AA: It’s very creepy and atmospheric. Also, I think they’ll be surprised at the true evil.

    Q: What do your characters have to overcome in this story? What challenge do
    you set before them?

    AA: A whole town that wants to kill them. They have to survive.

    Q: What unique challenges did this book pose for you, if any?

    AA: It was harder to make the Southern setting come alive since I’m not surrounded by it every day.

    Q: What has been the most rewarding aspect of having written this book?

    AA: Hearing that people enjoyed it.

    Learn more about the book on Ann’s site, HERE.

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