How to Be a Conference Extrovert
By Jael McHenry | May 2, 2011 |
So many writers are introverts. You’d think that a roomful of writers at conferences would devolve into mass silence, a staring contest several hundred people strong. But that’s not what happens. I spent this past weekend at the Muse and the Marketplace conference, and at breakfast tables, cocktail hours, and in the hallways between sessions, there was a positively overwhelming sound of chattering voices.
Many of us (myself included) are everyday introverts who manage to become extroverts just at writing conferences. And that’s a good thing. Conferences are a great way to learn things and meet other writers, and if you leave without speaking to anyone, you’ve definitely missed out. So if you’re an introvert who wants to attend writing conferences but fears you won’t be able to break through your shyness, you probably will. Here’s how:
- Opening lines. When I’m in a roomful of people I don’t know, I find it very hard to approach people. I’m afraid that I’ll be intruding, even if the person isn’t talking to anyone, just standing alone with his or her thoughts. But the beautiful thing about a conference is that you always have something to talk about. Chances are very, very good that the stranger sitting next to you at that breakfast table is a writer. If it’s mid-morning, they’ve been to at least one panel. You have something to ask them about, and they’ll probably have an answer. What panel are you headed to next? What do you write? Are you local, or did you travel to get here? Are you going to that open mic thing later? The questions are logical and easy, and they can be the jumping-off point to a whole great conversation.
- Nametags. Never underestimate the power of a good nametag. “Hi, I’m Jael,” that simplest of introductions, is a heck of a lot easier when I can point to my nametag and the stranger can see the spelling of my name, so I don’t have to explain it. Plus, it makes it a lot easier for me to remember the other person’s name too. (I’m bad at names.) There’s something about being able to see someone’s name right there in front of you that helps forge a connection.
- Shared goals. A conference isn’t a singles mixer, but it’s similar in one way: everyone knows what they’re there for. That person wants to meet you, she just doesn’t know it yet. Or that group of people, that circle, will open up to include you if you just sidle over with your drink. When you’re at a different kind of party it can feel weird to walk up to a group since you might be interrupting a chummy group of friends; at a conference, those people probably just met each other five minutes ago. So sidle right on in. These are fellow writers who also want to pursue their craft, hone their sense of the business, and meet other writers—like you.
So if you’re headed to your first writers’ conference or you’re considering it, but you’re not naturally outgoing, take the leap. You may be going to this conference with a bunch of strangers, but they won’t be strangers for long.
(Image via Flickr’s Creative Commons, by Alan O’Rourke)
Jael McHenry is the debut author of The Kitchen Daughter (Simon & Schuster/Gallery Books, April 12, 2011). Her work has appeared in publications such as the North American Review, Indiana Review, and the Graduate Review at American University, where she earned her MFA in Creative Writing. You can read more about Jael and her book at jaelmchenry.com or follow her on Twitter at @jaelmchenry.
Excellent Advice, Jael! I wish I could have been there.
Good points Jael – and I would add that self-awareness & self care are important, especially for introverts in a big noisy extroverted world. I manage conference by taking quiet ‘introversion breaks’ – stepping outside to stretch my legs, retreating to a quiet room with a book – whatever it takes so that the buzz of humanity doesn’t totally drain my energy. Then I’m ready to jump in again.
Great tips, Jael. Conference season is heating up, and this is a timely post. Thanks!
Great advice. I’m outgoing with people I know, but in a room full of strangers it’s always much harder.
I’m basically introverted as well when it comes to face-to-face meetings with people I don’t know. But at a writer’s conference, the openings are endless. “What do you write?” is the perfect opener. I actually sold a book when I was chatting with someone I didn’t realize was an editor (well, he asked me to submit, but then they bought it). You’ve given great tips here. And don’t feel obligated to ‘buddy up’, especially at meals. “Is this seat taken?” is a perfect way to meet new people.
Great tips! Like this opening questions.
I’m a big believer in giving myself down time at conferences. I identify the panels and events that are important for me, consider everything else negotiable, and try to have breakfast and lunch by myself.
Great advice. And you know, whenever I get nervous about people, I remind myself that they’re just like me: human beings with dreams and fears and everything in between.
Hi Jael!
I’m headed to RWA in June–my very first time–and I’m going alone. Though I don’t consider myself a shy person, I admit I have a case of the pre-conference jitters for Nationals.
What’s helped me is asking around on my various writers’ loops–I’m taking names in the hopes to connect with them in New York.
Thanks for the good advice.
Good to hear about Muse and the Marketplace! I’d love to get to a conference one of these days, and I am going to have to work at extending myself. But that certainly is the whole point, and everyone is trying to do the same thing.
BTW, I just started reading The Kitchen Daughter and am madly in love with it!
Thanks for the advice. I am introverted and I will go to my first conference this summer. I needed to pep talk. ; )
I’m an extrovert, but being in a room full of intelligent, skilled, and successful people can be intimidating. Luckily, there’s something fabulous that happens at conferences. People tend to step outside of their comfort zones to talk about their passion. Since we all share this common thread, we are united instantly, even if it’s in a broad sense. As writers, we spend much of our time alone in our pursuit, so it’s very fun to connect in person to share in the excitement about our projects.
Great post and wonderful starting questions, Jael. By the way, I can’t wait to read your book!
Lorne and Pamela, great point you both made — don’t be afraid to take a little down time for yourself! It’s great to meet some people, but you don’t have to meet EVERYONE, and if it keeps you from overloading, it’s time well spent. Really, really great point to add to a conference-attending strategy.
Thanks to everyone for the comments! I’m on a total floating post-conference high and already looking forward to Backspace in a few weeks. Hope to see some of you there. (The other thing about conferences is that the more of them you do, the easier it gets, so now I really look forward to them!)
Jael! Loved meeting you in person. Muse was my first conference. I feel like nobody will believe me, but I’m an introvert at heart. I love/need my alone time. I’m not shy though…so that made the first conference experience easier. Great post!
I like the idea of a “conference extrovert” very much. Thinking about it this way makes it a role that I can adopt for a limited period of time.
I am also struck by this sentence:
“That person wants to meet you, she just doesn’t know it yet. ” It’s a good state of mind to be in. My usual way of thinking, and one reason I hesitate to approach people, is that they would rather meet someone different: someone who is more successful, wittier, who writes in the same genres, someone more powerful.
Thanks for the ideas!
This is great! I’m a seasoned conference-goer from my “day job,” and have learned to put my introversion aside while doing the work thing. But sometimes, it is even harder when it is for something you’re passionate about (like writing!). One of my goals this year is to attend a writer’s conference, and I’ll definitely keep this post in mind!
Thanks for the tips, Jael. I’m attending my first local Writing Conference in June – nervous, but excited. Now, I know how to handle my introverted self. :)
This seems to be true at any conference! I can be pretty shy, but it’s a lot easier to talk to people when you know you all share an interest and are there for the same reason, and it gets easier every time you do it. Cheesy, but true.
Thanks for the sound tips, Jael. When you said that it gets easier after you first dip your foot into the water of going to a conference, that resounded for me. I don’t really feel comfortable attending huge gatherings of people I don’t know, so I went to a small post-conference talk by Donald Maass held the day after the San Francisco Writers Conference and it was small (22 or so people) and fun. It helped get me over that “hump” of “what are those conferences like that everyone’s talking about?”
So true! All of a sudden, I am ON FIRE at a writing conference. Very strange, but I love it :)
It’s worth keeping in mind that you are every bit as interesting and worthwhile to talk to as anyone else at the conference. So be bold, stand tall. You’re a writer at a conference for writers. You’re at home.
You might also notice that not all good writers are good conversationalists. The two skill-sets do not necessarily go hand-in-hand. That works both ways – which is good for you. It’s possible that you will meet a writer whose work impresses you – only to find that they are tongue tied and have a hard time making a point, or holding an audience verbally.
You may also find that your inability to come up with pithy comments at the drop of a hat (whether due to nerves or nature) are not the most debilitating issues that you’ll ever face. In fact, they may not detract from the interest others have in your work, at all.
You’re a writer for goodness sake. Be mysterious and quiet if you want to. You just might establish an aura that others find compelling and magnetic – even if you barely utter a word.
Hi Jael:
Great timing with this article…was just deciding on going to my first writer’s conference and didn’t know whether or not to push the “send” button or not on the registration form. I am definately not an extrovert, but networking is such a must in this business. Writing is such a lonely business, so getting in touch with some fellow people of the craft makes for a great way of getting some feedback on a project or just an email that says, “Thinking of you!” And they will be!
Thanks for sharing and for being so positive…wish me luck!