Most People Don’t Give a Sh*t About Your Thing
By Yuvi Zalkow | July 4, 2022 |
Wait! Before you get offended and stop reading, let me explain! 😜 As you’ll see in the video, I don’t mean this message as depressingly as it initially sounds. And I’m not necessarily even talk to YOU about the message. It’s more that I want to share the mindset I’ve been using as I’ve gone out there with my latest novel.
First, let me back up. When my first novel came out (10 years ago!), I got really bummed about all kinds of big and small things related to the (lack of) attention the book got. Also, my attempts to market the book did not go particularly well. It didn’t help that there were some issues with the publisher and other things going on outside of my control, but still, I was disappointed by a lot of things around that timeframe. It honestly took a few years for my creative life to recover from these feelings.
This time, I decided to think about the book (and everything I share or create or present in the same timeframe) as something that I’m doing without any expectation of people caring. If people care, that’s totally fabulous, and I’ll savor those moments. But when I create a video or publish an essay or even share a dumb tweet about the writing process — I make sure that it is something that nourishes me to create, and is something that I’m happy to share, even if nobody is on the other end saying, YES! 👍! LIKE! ❤️️! GO YUVI!….
It’s a mindset shift. It doesn’t mean I try any less hard. And it’s not a statement about people’s apathy. Think of it like a second-rate, neurotic version of some Buddhist ideas related to unmet expectations and the problems with a “wanting mind”…
After the credits roll for the video, I do add a short little epilogue about the importance of a community (like WU! ❤️), because I didn’t want my message to diminish how I value a community. But enough of my caveats, let’s get to the video!…
Do you fall victim to unmet expectations and disappointment in your creative life? How do you manage these feelings?
Yuvi Zalkow is the author of the novel I Only Cry with Emoticons (Red Hen, 2022) as well as A Brilliant Novel in the Works. His stories and essays have been published in Catapult, Narrative Magazine, Carve Magazine, Rosebud, The Los Angeles Review, and others. Yuvi received an MFA from Antioch University. He uses his poor drawing skills to make YouTube videos and mobile apps that ooze with his worries and anxiety.
I like this mindshift. I think it would let creativity flow better.
Thanks, Priscilla. Yes! At least for me, the creativity flows better because I’m not thinking too hard about the success or failure of what I’m doing…
I get to start Chapter Four of IOCWE (pronounced Eye-auk-wee) tonight, and I can’t wait. I love My Boy and dear, neurotic Saul and this odd, light & mess-filled person named Kitty. I especially love that My Boy is the only one who’s not an utter shitshow.
Here’s a question: If Saul were a piñata, with what would he be filled?
The message of this video and your post is brilliant. Thanks, Wise Yuvi.
Thanks for the kind words, Sarah! First of all, I love your pronunciation of my book acronym!… And you’re right that the boy is the only one with their head on straight… 😜 And I love your piñata question! It seems like a great question about the key characters for any story someone is writing… hmm… Can the piñata ingredients change over time??? 😜 For most of the book the piñata is filled with a neurotic tornado, but it changes by the end… 😜 Sorry for all the winky face emojis. I have a problem. 😫🌪
I’ve dug a giant pit in my backyard (which is fenced and very private) into which I have pitched and buried all of my expectations. My dog likes to pee on top of the turned soil there, as if in solidarity. She’s very supportive that way.
The part I didn’t really grab ahold of is doing stuff that I will still feel good about, in relation to my book release, even if no one gives a shit. That’s a critical addition, which makes me care all the more about you. Which means I guess you can count me in your “bonus – actually gives a shit” category.
Actually, I always love your videos, this one included, and I loved your new book, to boot. So a notch up from giving a shit. Thanks, Yuvi!
Thanks so much, Vaughn! Yeah, I felt a little funny being so harsh in this video because of the fabulous supportive people like you, but I really wanted to tap into the part of me that needs to hear this message as I’m creating anything. I’m sure you get this seemingly conflicting message — that these fabulous people do give a shit, but I can’t think about that while I’m creating things 😜 Anyway, thanks again for all the support. Wish you the best with your writing and everything else!
Yuri, I love your videos and I just realized why. It always comes across that you are having fun making them. Whether anyone is watching or not, you are out there enjoying your creating. That is powerful and enticing. It makes me want to look.
I have learned this lesson of others not giving a s##t. I have no expectations anymore. But yeah, it doesn’t stop me from, for example, making a graphic in Canva with a quote from my book, to post on Instagram. I do it because I enjoy making the graphics more than I expect anyone will buy the book because of it.
Thank you for the reminder to follow my own bliss.
Good luck with your new novel!
I love that example, Ada! I bet your graphics are awesome, and hopefully they spark someone’s attention, but I love the notion that you also enjoy doing it! Thanks for sharing!
I’m sorry Yuvi, not Yuri! Do you know spell check wants to make it Tutu? Anyway, P.S. I read the preview of your novel and omg you had me at hello_world! My husband and I met years ago in software development. He’s still in tech and your description of the workplace is exactly what he describes. Lol. #Buying. Will @ you soon.
No worries at all, Ada!… Spell check really doesn’t like “Yuvi” so I always just assume the spellcheckers are not on my side about my name… As for software dev, oh! cool! Yeah, you may appreciate (or may be horrified by) the tech lingo jokes in the book… 😜 Thanks so much of the support, even though your purchase of my book discredits my “don’t give a shit” claim! 😜 Just kidding, I meant it just as a mindset anyhow… Take care!
I think I really needed this today. Thanks! :)
Thanks so much, Angélique! …And now, because of your blog that I just stumbled upon, I’m singing Only Happy When It Rains… 😜 which actually a pretty nice earworm. Take care!
So glad I could help out with that! ;)
When I finally internalized that “nobody cares,” I was free to do whatever I wanted in my writing. FREE! I can write and do whatever *I* want to entertain myself. If other people enjoy it, fine, but I’m not going to worry about it because I’m already having fun with the next project. It’s such a great way to create.
That is TOTALLY the mindset I’m trying to achieve. I don’t always land there (sometimes I still fall victim to too many expectations), but I really try to just have fun with it, or at least to be engaged with it. Take care, Grace.
Such a great reminder this morning! In Positive Intelligence, Shirzad Chamine reminds us to ask who knows what is good and what is bad? It comes from the stallion story, which largely encapsulates what you are talking about. In that story, a boy‘s broken leg saves him from going off to war, for example. Life is always a bit better when what we experience is a mix of both—or when it’s many good things at once. It is harder to persist and remember this value when what appear to be many challenging things come your way—hence such a good mindset to have. I love the way you put your experience to this situation. Thank you for sharing it and for the video.
Thanks so much, Susan! Oh, wow, I hadn’t heard the stallion story before. That sounds really interesting. Also, Positive Intelligence sounds compelling. Thanks!
Exactly how I feel about marketing – I enjoy talking about my debut novel and interacting with other writers and readers but I do it with little to no expectations about the “payoff” – it’s all out of my control anyway – all I can control is what I put into the world, not how the world (and the busy individuals in it) will respond. Thanks for sharing this – good to know I’m not alone.
Yes! That sounds like a great approach. Thanks for sharing, Maggie!
Yuri, I cared about this video. I liked it! It is so much NOT the poop emoji.
I am trying my hardest not to give a shit, but as you can tell from my punctuation, I am needy. But watching this today, I resolve to start by only giving a shi, not a shit. Progress, eh? Thanks for the fun.
And by calling you “Yuri,” I have destroyed all credibility. But I still liked the video
Ha! No worries… I typically assume that “Yuri” is just the autocorrect system not giving a shit about who I am. 😜 I am needy as well… This video is partly aspirational in the sense that I have to keep reminding myself to embody this state. Sometimes I forget and I have to re-teach it to myself, if that make sense. Anyway, take care, Tom!
This is great. Many new writers who wear their desperation on their shirtsleeves should take heed of this message. And I do love your shit Yuvi.
Thanks, Maryann! “I do love your shit Yuvi” is about the best compliment I could ask for… 😜 Yeah, I wish I could reach out to my younger self and teach this lesson. When I work with other, newer writers, I always try to (as gracefully as possible) explain this concept, just to help them focus on the craft and less on the dreams of fame… Anyway, take care!
Wow! So I’m now okay with turning my expectations down from USA Today Best Seller for my upcoming novel to no stars on Amazon. Whew. What a relief! Thanks! Love, love your videos!
Thanks for the comment, Barb!…. OK, well, I think you can lean on some good folks at Writer Unboxed to boost your stars on Amazon so that it’s well above 0!!! 😜 And then we’ll build up to USA Today Best Seller from there… Wish you the best with the writing!
Love this! Thanks, Yuvi. Independence Day on Independence Day!
Oh! Good point, Bernadette. I didn’t think about this post’s relationship to “independence”! I mean: Yes, of course, I TOTALLY meant to do that! 😜 Take care!
I care. I get you. I think I need to create a sign above my desk.
Oh, yeah, that’s kind of wonderful, Ina… I think we all need an “I care. I get you.” sign above our desks. Thanks! 😜
Yuvi, Thanks for this. I’m late responding, but I did want to say: I DO GIVE A SHIT, because like you, I’m writing every day, and sometimes wonder who will ever read what I am writing. I do blog once a week. I have readers there. It helps. They give a shit! See, it does have a way of catching on! Thanks, Beth
Thanks for sharing, Elizabeth! Yeah, I think you’re tapping into a critical other part of the creative process… which is… find the people who DO GIVE A SHIT!… Oh, wow, your blog looks great, BTW, and you cover some really important topics! Take care!…
Yuvi, I’m a new first book published author. I was more interested in knowing how you wrote then getting into who gives a shit about my writing. So, you really are a good writer. The psychology cones through front and center. What’s behind and deep underneath what you write. I liked that in I Only Cry With Emotions. Even though my first book is getting 5 stars from readers, it’s slow to sell though. Marketing all on me and I’m learning how. Because readers have said, they want to know what happens next, and they didn’t want to stop reading, that pushed me to the crazy point of starting a sequel. Phew…I guess I have enough readers that give a shit for me to power through the grueling, unpredictable process. You have given me a bit more Moxy to do it. Thanks 📚Christine
Wow, that’s lovely to hear, Christine. Yeah, learning how to market is tough stuff — I’m really not great in that realm. But so great that you have excited and attentive readers and that they want more. That’s a fabulous push to create more! Wish you the best, Christine!
Yuvi, developing detachment is HARD. But I’m trying to practice it daily by doing what I’d do anyway for its own sake. I have a long way to go (because thoughts of the future creep in) so your video really helped me to remember to always take joy in what I do. Thank you. Let freedom ring! Echoing Bernadette…
Thanks for the kind words, Vijaya. Yeah, I also have a way to go with this mindset because it’s so easy for me to brood about the future, or the past… but it’s helped a bit to think this way… Take care, Vijaya!
Hi Yuvi-
I am reading this post a day late, so you may not see my reply, but I LOVE this perspective. I find it liberating, down-to-earth and accurate! I have also read a bunch of your blogs and you always make me laugh, so I appreciate that too. : ) thank you for your wisdom and humor.
Thanks so much for all the kind words, Aviva! Glad you like the perspective… I was worried that it might come off too pessimistic-sounding, even though I didn’t mean it that way of course… 😜 Take care!
An especially empowering perspective. And I imagine it helps you write your best stuff!
I actually liked your title and it didn’t make me want to stop reading but to read on. Likely partly because very early on in my writing “career” I learned that people really do not want to hear about it. And certainly do not want to hear the plot of a novel or writing process or blah blah diddly do dee blah! I quit telling people I was a writer unless they asked “what do you do?” and if at the time I was writing a book, I’d answer “novelist” but I wouldn’t elaborate. If they wanted to hear more, they would ask pointed questions to which I’d give pointed answers. Etc etc
Your post is timely for me, by the way. So thank you for writing it! 🤩😎☺😄