The Science Behind the Meet-Cute
By Anne Brown | April 22, 2020 |
At the WU Unconference last fall, I gave a presentation on the “meet-cute.” If you’re unfamiliar with the term, it’s that moment when your characters meet for the first time. Sometimes they click immediately (Titanic; 50 First Dates), other times they don’t (Pride & Prejudice; When Harry Met Sally). Regardless, some kind of chemistry is established between them that makes the reader want to root for the characters as a couple. It’s a typical element of every romance novel, but it can manifest in other ways in other genres. The typical meet-cute goes a little something like this:
Sarah walked onto campus as a new freshman. While she wrestled one-handed with the campus map, her Human Anatomy textbook slipped from her hands and fell open on the sidewalk to a page her mother would have censored. Embarrassed, Sarah quickly crouched to retrieve the book before anyone saw, just as someone knelt to help her. She looked up and locked eyes with the most handsome man she’d ever seen. Sarah’s heart raced.
When I say this example reflects the typical meet-cute, I mean really, really typical. Too many meet-cutes I read are all about racing hearts, or some other obvious go-to like stammering, sweaty palms, or stumbling over words and/or feet. These common crutches got me thinking. How can we better delve into our own personal experiences to come up with more unique and inspired ways to demonstrate the interior landscape of a scene? How can we show our characters’ feelings through more unique physical reactions to those feelings?
According to a team of scientists at Rutgers University, romantic love can be broken down into three categories: lust, attraction, and attachment. Each of these categories is characterized by its own set of chemicals (or hormones) that manifest in physical ways.
With lust, the hypothalamus stimulates the production of the sex hormones, which shut off the prefrontal cortex, the origin of rational behavior. Sexual arousal also appears to turn off parts of the brain that regulate critical thinking, self-awareness, and rational behavior. The younger and more outrageously hormonal you are, the more irrational you may act. (Romeo & Juliet, anyone?).
With attraction, the hypothalamus stimulates the production of dopamine. Dopamine is released when we do things that feel good to us, and it controls “reward” behavior, which partly explains why the beginning of a new relationship can be so exciting. When dopamine gets released at high levels, it triggers physical reactions such as giddiness, increased energy, euphoria, stress, and even an increased fight or flight response. (e.g., Hugh Grant in Four Weddings and a Funeral, or Love Actually or Notting Hill).
Finally, attachment is the predominant factor in long-term relationships. The hypothalamus stimulates the production of oxytocin—a bonding hormone—which has also been nicknamed the “cuddle hormone.” Oxytocin reinforces the positive feelings we already have for the people we love most in our lives.
Okay, you say. Thanks for the science lesson. Now what?
Well, one way to write more creative meet-cutes is to step away from the actual meet-cute scene itself and instead look at other types of scenes that trigger the same chemical reactions as lust, attraction, and/or attachment. What I’m suggesting is that we write about those other things, then use those writing exercises to enrich the meet-cute scenes when we’re ready to return to them.
For example, while lust triggers the production of testosterone, so does the need to protect one’s territory (e.g., playing in a football game, witnessing someone bully your child; or confronting a colleague who stole your idea during a business meeting). A surge of estrogen can make one experience quick and totally inexplicable changes in emotion. Imagine another setting where you might have that same experience, for example laughing at a funeral. What happened? How did others around you react? How did that make you feel?
While attraction triggers a release of dopamine, so does lying in the sun on vacation, going on a long run, experiencing a drug high, listening to your favorite music, or eating chocolate.
Oxytocin can be triggered by attachment, but also by giving someone 100% of your listening attention, watching someone open a gift you’ve put a lot of thought into, riding a roller coaster, or petting your dog/cat.
So here’s the writing experiment you’ve been waiting for: Write a scene about one of the alternative prompts above (e.g., sunbathing on vacation), then incorporate the details of that scene to enrich your meet-cute scene. For example:
Write a Short Scene About Lying on the Beach (Dopamine/Attraction): Waves pulsed against the shoreline, the rushing sound filling my ears. The sun beat down on me, warming my skin and washing away all the stress of the day. All thoughts of work, and deadlines disappeared. Beside me, the melting ice in my margarita glass shifted with a clink. My head felt swimmy and light from too much tequila. Or maybe it was exactly enough.
Then Return to that Original Meet-Cute Scene, but Use the Beach Details to Enhance it: Sarah walked onto campus as a new freshman. While she wrestled one-handed with the campus map, her Human Anatomy textbook slipped from her hands and fell open on the sidewalk to a page her mother would have censored. Embarrassed, Sarah quickly crouched to retrieve the book before anyone saw, just as someone knelt to help her. She looked up and locked eyes with the most handsome man she’d ever seen. A rushing sound filled her ears, and her skin warmed. All anxiety about making it to class on time washed away. There was a shift inside her, like ice cubes melting in a glass, and her head felt swimmy and light from too much male beauty. Or maybe, just maybe, it was exactly enough.
So, what do you think? You might even find that writing unrelated scenes triggers new and exciting metaphors, or unique ideas about where the meet-cute can take place (e.g., on a football field, or at a funeral). If you give it a shot, I’d love to see some short examples in the comments.
Happy writing!
Anne Greenwood Brown got her start as a traditionally published author of young adult paranormal and contemporary romance. Currently, she is a USA Today bestselling author of adult paranormal and contemporary romance (both traditional and indie) under the pen name AS Green . For more information see the Contributor tab. You can also follow her on Facebook , Instagram , and TikTok .
Hi Anne, I was lucky enough to be at your session at UnCon and while I knew it would be interesting, I was surprised by how darn useful it is to turn the science of it on its ear. You provide an advantage and an unboxed approach for far more than just meet cute situations. I’m delighted to be reminded of it.
Thanks much for the timely reminder. Hope you and yours are well.
Oh, I like this! Excellent strategy. And love the science! Thanks.
Thanks, Susan. I’m not a science person by nature, but it has helped me a lot.
that’s a novel way of looking at it – thanks.
Very interesting article. I think my hypothalamus was producing dopamine as I was reading because your article relates directly to my current WIP: After a romantic encounter with a man whom she considered just a friend, one of my co-protagonists tells her sister she has to break it off because “attraction is not relationship.” (Although her definitions are correct, her understanding is flawed, which leads to some interesting character development.
I’m going to take your advice to write scenes using the alternative prompts and maybe do some revisions based on what I learn. Thank you.
I’d be interested in seeing what you come up with!
Here goes:
The beach held me in its heated embrace until every muscle sighed and my toes scrunched their silliness into the wet sand. Three more days of this and my rabid ambition would be drowned forever in the briny tide of apathy.
Too much?
Now just replace “the beach” with “John,” a few tweaks, and you’re in business. : ) I like the toes curling!
Sarah walked onto campus as a new freshman. While she wrestled one-handed with the campus map, her Human Anatomy textbook slipped from her hands and fell open on the sidewalk to a page her mother would have never censored. Embarrassed, Sarah quickly crouched to retrieve the book before anyone saw that even chance had a twisted view. She looked up and pretended he wasn’t there. From the smallest glimpse she figured he was too handsome anyway. A rushing noise filled her ears, and her skin crawled. All anxiety about making it to class on time gave way to the fear of a handsome stranger. There was a shift inside her, like ice cubes melting in a glass, and her head felt swimmy and light from too much chance. Maybe, just maybe this time, she would take it.
…
I am going for attachment (difficulties that is) :-)
Thanks, Anne! Great exercise!
From the WIP, the female protagonist upon first meeting the male protagonist:
Whatever animal magnetism is, this guy has it. Woof. I’ve never felt it before, don’t even really know what it means, but this is like standing next to a crackling fire in a fireplace on a winter night. Woof.
It launches a romantic subtext in a vampire mystery story. For what it’s worth.
Woof indeed.
Great exercise! I’m going to try it for my next meet-cute! Thanks.
What about a romance written from a guy’s point of view?
John, the mechanic, comes to the garage one day to find the manager showing a woman in coveralls how to use the diagnostic devices to test an alternator.
Manager: “John, say hi to Sarah. She’s our new auto tech.”
John (to himself): A chick mechanic? Since when? I hope she doesn’t mind the Miss White Walls calendar in the break room.
Actually, ANY stimulus that causes your heart to beat faster – danger, anger, physical exertion – will often be confused with love. I read that early in my youth, and exploited it by picking a small fight with men I was interested in – not in a disagreeable way, just enough to get them viscerally involved, and get their heart racing.
I thought of it as a science experiment, and played fair – not doing it for the fun of it, just when I had an interest in a man who seemed not to notice me.
Did it work? I had multiple boyfriends, four proposals, and a whole lot of fun before I decided on the man I married – and, recently celebrated our 46th anniversary.
Never meant to discredit the racing heart : ) just looking for alternatives! Happy anniversary!
This is a great article. I just wrote a cute meet scene in an isolated parking lot where the heroine falls into a fight or flight reaction to the hero. She’s really attracted to him but he is a scary, mysterious stranger. I think your technique might help me ramp it up even a bit more!
Glad to hear it!
I always knew pretty women made me stupid. Now I know why.
Saved the whole thing – the three kinds of love, and the associated hormones, are an excellent way to add conflict – if his side and hers are different.
Dear Anne,
Thank you ever so much. I’ve been writing now for approximately six years. In that time I have studied and read voraciously on the art, and I’ve found it a real struggle.
My dyslexia probably had a lot to do with it. You see when I am learning something new, I require an example for it to make sense.
With most studies, I work my way through slowly, writing what I believe the author is attempting to teach me until it clicks.
With how you have written everything here, I have only had to read through it once and my comprehension was immediate. It doesn’t mean that I won’t be sitting at my desk latter today, cracking open my notes and writing it out – I will.
I simply wanted to thank you for making it succinct (unlike this comment, lol) and comprehensible. Beautifully so.
I cannot wait to read more of your blog.
Thank you a million times.
This makes me very, very happy! (I learn by example, too.)
Just after reading your post I came across this in P G Wodehouse’s Damsel in Distress…
“He was conscious, as was his custom in her presence, of a warm, prickly sensation in the small of the back. Some kind of elephantiasis seemed to have attacked his hands and feet, swelling them to enormous proportions. He wished profoundly that he could get rid of his habit of yelping with nervous laughter whenever he encountered the girl of his dreams. “
He was standing in the best corner, all approaches as protected as they could get at this damned conference’s party, keeping an eye on the exits and wishing he could be anywhere else when she walked in. Redhead, thick glasses, the kind that reminded him of BCG’s and said the fashionable clothes weren’t her normal gear. Not that he was complaining; they showed off well-muscled legs that ran all the way up to heaven and past Babylon. His brain got that joyous floating feeling like lying on the tarp making thousand-yard shots on an uncomplicated one-way range: target acquired.
Yes! This is exactly what I was hoping for!