How Writer Friendships Improve Our Craft
By Virginia Pye | October 8, 2024 |
My last Writer Unboxed essay discussed the impact of reading on the process of writing. Now, I’d like to celebrate the importance of the creators of the books we love, that is, fellow writers. They are, I believe, in part responsible for the words on my page. They aren’t seated beside me at my desk when I write, but they are in my mind, cheering me on, challenging me, and making my books better through their friendship.
In each of the five cities where I’ve lived since graduating from college, I’ve sought out writers. While getting my MFA at Sarah Lawerence, I lived in New York City and made friends through the writing program, as well as after graduation when I worked at a literary agency, and then as an adjunct writing instructor at New York University. Being around other writers who were striving to pen and place their first books made it easier for me to take myself seriously and write my own first novel and find an agent.
In Philadelphia, where my husband and I moved for his career, I taught at the University of Pennsylvania and found fellow writers who also taught writing, as well as neighbors who were poets and novelists. Those friendships kept my writing alive after I gave birth to our two children. I no longer had time to write novels but could work with other women writers to create a journal called Mother Tongue that captured our experience as new mothers.
In Richmond, Virginia, where we moved when our children were two and five years old, I found fellow authors through a fledgling literary non-profit called James River Writers. After attending one or two meetings, I was coaxed into becoming Secretary of the Board and before I knew it, I was chairing the organization. For the following ten years, I helped establish the reputation of the annual James River Writers Conference and substantially grow the membership. Working with other writers to build a strong, vibrant organization that encourages all writers was hugely important to how I saw myself as a writer. My role as a champion for other writers meant I necessarily had to champion myself.
The effort it takes to organize and support other writers takes time away from one’s desk. There are tradeoffs between making art and building a life that supports that art. But I’ve found that putting in the volunteer hours to connect with other writers, interview published authors, publicize other people’s books, all helped me in my career. Each time my books have come out, fellow writers who I’ve helped were happy to spread the word. But I didn’t do my volunteering for that end. The reward was in the conversations about writing that took place along the way: how to make the words sing on the page, how to deal with rejection, how to find time in our busy lives to create, and every other conceivable angle on the best ways to make a writing life.
Most recently, my husband and I moved as empty nesters to the Boston area, where I grew up. We live in Cambridge, the most bookish city I’ve ever known. People here read on the subway, while walking down the sidewalk, and when stopped in cars at intersections before the light turns green. The density of writers here, in particular women writers, far out numbers any other city where I’ve lived. There seems to be an unwritten rule in Cambridge that every block must have at least one woman novelist. I feel incredibly lucky to have gotten to know many of them.
I didn’t know hardly any when we first arrived, so went about deliberately seeking them out. If a local writer was having a book launch at one of the wonderful indie bookstores, such as Porter Square Books or Harvard Bookstore, I attended, bought their book, and introduced myself when they signed it, sometimes asking if they might have time for coffee or a drink. I attended hundreds of events in my first years here, and before long I was invited to post-launch gatherings or other parties where I met more local writers. All this socializing might make you think I wasn’t doing any writing, but I’ve written two books since moving to Cambridge and am well into the next one.
I feel fully a part of the literary scene in my hometown now. I frequently attend book events or take part as a featured speaker or as an interviewer of other authors. It seems obvious that having fellow writers as friends and colleagues helps with the business of writing. Many of my new writing friends have connected me to their agents or publicists or other publishing contacts and I’ve connected other writers to mine. I’m immensely grateful to those who’ve written blurbs for my most recent novel as I’ve now written blurbs for new writer friends when asked.
Knowing that fellow writers are at their desks every day, moving forward with their process, creating books, landing deals, seeking representation, speaking at literary events—all the ways we build an author’s life—inspires me to do the same. They provide brilliant examples and encouragement that I can do this, too. We may not together put words on the page, but we are together as we share our work in the world. Having fellow writers as friends makes writing less lonely. And less loneliness makes for better work and, of course, a better life.
Do you agree that having writing friends enriches your life and makes your work better? How do these precious relationships get reflected on the page?
Virginia Pye’s next novel, Marriage and Other Monuments, is forthcoming in February 2026. She’s the author of four books of fiction, essays, and short stories. Her most recent historical novel, The Literary Undoing of Victoria Swann, was published in October 2023. Her collection, Shelf Life of Happiness won the 2019 IPPY Gold Medal for Short Fiction and one of its stories was nominated for a Pushcart Prize. Her debut novel, River of Dust was an Indie Next Pick and a 2013 Finalist for the Virginia Literary Award. Her second novel, Dreams of the Red Phoenix was named a Best Book of 2015.
Virginia’s essays have appeared in Literary Hub, The New York Times, Publisher’s Weekly, Writer’s Digest, The Rumpus, Huffington Post, Cleveland Plain-Dealer, Brain Child, and numerous literary magazines. She is Co-Fiction Editor of the literary journal Pangyrus, and a board member of the Women’s National Book Association, Boston Chapter. Virginia holds an MFA from Sarah Lawrence College and a BA with Highest Honors from Wesleyan University.
A Tin House Summer Workshop Scholar, Fellow at the Virginia Quarterly Review Conference, and a repeat Fellow at the Virginia Center for the Creative Arts, Virginia has taught writing at New York University and the University of Pennsylvania, and, most recently, at Grub Street Writing Center’s Muse and Marketplace Conference in Boston. Please visit her at: virginia@virginiapye.com
Virginia, I couldn’t agree with you more. My first set of writing friends came from the classes I took and it was so lovely growing in our craft together. They remain very dear to me. When we moved across the country where I didn’t know a soul, I started mentoring new writers and now they are some of my closest friends. And I happen to be very fond of friendship stories–the love between two friends can be so pure.
Thanks so much for reading. I’m so glad you’ve had such good experiences holding onto writing friendships. They are the best!
Lovely post, Virginia. I also have moved a lot, though my time in the suburbs of Chicago, when I was raising my children, were the most beneficial for writing friendships. Early on, I found a group of fellow writers. We met frequently, shared our work, and yes accepted the ups and downs of being sent back to the page. Good critics will do that. Now back in Chicago, the internet will always allow me to be part of a group of writers…to meet and share. The Women’s Fiction Writers Association provides many benefits, so many life-long friendships being number one. Thanks for your post.
That’s terrific to hear how you’ve built such strong writing friendships. And many thanks for recommending the Women’s Fiction Writers Association. I’m not familiar with them/you, but am curious!
I can personally attest to Virginia ‘s contributions to the vibrant writing community in Cambridge and environs.
When I retired from my career in technical writing, I knew it would be crucial to my well being as both a writer and a human being to replace my global work community, and set about finding a new writing community. I’ve taken many writing classes and workshops, volunteered at conferences, attended readings, making writer friends along the way. It evolves over time, as classmates and friends move on to other groups, but I can always find someone to share work and ideas and frustrations with. I’m so thankful for this community.
Thanks for saying so, Judy! It’s wonderful working with you on Pangyrus and I’m so glad you’ve found so many friends via Grub Street.
I completely agree. Not only have the writer friends I’ve made along the way enriched my writing, they’ve enriched my life. I’ve got different “groups” of friends with whom I travel, plot, critique, and laugh. I feel entirely blessed by this facet of my experience in this profession, and I know I could not continue to publish without them.
So true! The laughter is key. And really important to emphasize that we couldn’t be published without these friendships. They do make our work better in so many ways. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and for reading and commenting on my essay.
So true. It can be hard to reach out sometimes, but making friends with other writers is so important and helpful for everyone. I find the children’s book community that I am a part of particularly generous with helping each other out. And yes, Cambridge is the most bookish place I know, too. I live next door and just got back home from Harvard Square on the bus, reading a book, of course!
How nice to know you’re nearby and aren’t we lucky to live in/near such a bookish town!
One valuable thing with writer friends is that they understand writing, submitting, rejection, perseverance. Other friends (non-writers) don’t always understand/aren’t always interested to know that you can’t just send your book to Penguin or … and they publish it. Non writing friends don’t understand why having a book published takes so long, or why your publicity person hasn’t booked you on Oprah (yet). We put together a writer’s group after taking a creative writing class at York University (Toronto) and we’re still meeting monthly 20+ years later.
So true! The process of publishing is so complex, and can be so emotional, it’s really wonderful to have friends who understand it. And how wonderful that you have that long-standing group.
I’ve had ONE real-life writer friend, my first and only writing partner, S. Lee Manning – in New Jersey when we were both getting started (and was an early member of Sisters in Crime, Central Jersey), already chronically ill. She’s now in Vt., and I am in California. It’s been a slog to do anything.
I’ve been to parts of ONE con: Bouchercon in Philadelphia, 1998, with my writing partner and I rushing back to NJ to be there for the school bus.
And everyone else – a lovely assortment of writers of all genres – is online. Without online writer friends, I would be completely isolated. I don’t have much energy for it, but it is what I have, and ALL I have, and I treasure every one. Many have come from my long-time blog or theirs.
That’s so true that many of very real friendships are from virtual connections. I’m glad that’s been rewarding for you. As you say, such a treasure!
My writing friends are my strongest connection with my community. Without them, I’d be almost an isolate. We support, commiserate, celebrate, laugh, and and learn together. This is true of those I see and meet with and those I interact with online. Those friendships are irreplaceable.
Agreed! So glad we have them. Enjoy!
I have moved countries and really, although I have met some wonderful women, it wasn’t until I found fellow writers that I really started to feel like I’d found my place here. Writers are the best!
So true that when moving to a new place, the writers make us feel at home. I bet that’s especially true overseas. So glad you’ve found them/us!