Flog a Pro: Would You Turn the First Page of this Bestseller?
By Ray Rhamey | September 19, 2024 |
Trained by reading hundreds of submissions, editors and agents often make their read/not-read decision on the first page. In a customarily formatted book manuscript with chapters starting about 1/3 of the way down the page (double-spaced, 1-inch margins, 12-point type), there are 16 or 17 lines on the first page.
Here’s the question:
Would you pay good money to read the rest of the chapter? With 50 chapters in a book that costs $15, each chapter would be “worth” 30 cents.
So, before you read the excerpt, take 30 cents from your pocket or purse. When you’re done, decide what to do with those three dimes or the quarter and a nickel. It’s not much, but think of paying 30 cents for the rest of the chapter every time you sample a book’s first page. In a sense, time is money for a literary agent working her way through a raft of submissions, and she is spending that resource whenever she turns a page.
Please judge by storytelling quality, not by genre or content—some reject an opening page immediately because of genre, but that’s not a good-enough reason when the point is to analyze for storytelling strength.
How strong is the opening page of this novel—would it, all on its own, hook an agent if it was submitted by an unpublished writer?
A sizzling zap of electricity snaps directly over Zeus’ temple, and I flinch while the crowd oohs and ahhs. People from all walks of life, cultures, and pantheons live in San Francisco, but there’s no denying this is Zeus’ patron city.
I don’t need to spare the shrine a glance to know what it looks like—pristine white stone with classic, fluted columns aglow in purplish-white flashes and sparks cast by the never-ending arcs of lightning captured above the roof.
I shake my head. He is very proud of the lightning thing—this being the only god-powered city in the world. Although if Zeus is in a pissy mood…well, it tends to affect the lights. I can only imagine how much time those who enjoy uninterrupted power must spend on their knees in that temple.
I’d rather live in the dark.
“We shouldn’t be here,” I mutter under my breath as I tick a checkbox on my tablet, then glance around the bustling crowd to try to spot one of our pickpockets moving in and out of the unsuspecting masses.
My only job tonight is to observe, which is really all I’m ever asked to do. Observe and record. But of all the piss-poor schemes my boss, Felix, has come up with over the years, this one ranks right up there with attempting to capture a pegasus to sell on the black market. That put (snip)
Loading ...You can turn the page and read more here. Kindle users can request a sample sent to their devices, and I’ve found this to be a great way to evaluate a narrative that is borderline on the first page and see if it’s worth my coin.
This novel was number one on the New York Times hardcover fiction bestseller list for September 22, 2024. Was the opening of The Games Gods Play by Abigail Owen compelling?
My vote: Yes.
This book received 4.6 out of 5 stars on Amazon. Since I am a fantasy fan, this opening brewed up interest immediately. And I liked how that, immediately, in one short paragraph, Abigail plunged me into a fantastic new world. Blending Zeus with San Francisco? Fun.
I like the voice and writing, too. There wasn’t an obvious story question raised, nor does there seem to be jeopardy ahead for the narrator. But readers of fiction know that when a character is sailing along with no worries that a worry is just about to happen. So I would read on to see what that is.
What about you? Your thoughts?
[coffee]
Ray Rhamey is the author of five novels and one writing craft book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling. He’s also an editor of book-length fiction and designs book covers and interiors for Indie authors and small presses. His website, crrreative.com, offers an a la carte menu of creative services for writers and publishers. Learn more about Ray’s books at rayrhamey.com.
Hello Ray. My initial interest was soon replaced by a sense of confusing, congested detail. But to be honest, my No begins with something not much related to the opening page: You tell us that “since I am a fantasy fan, this opening brewed up interest immediately.” I’m not a fantasy fan, so the brewing process was over pretty soon.
I am a fantasy fan but this didn’t grab me. I though, oh no, not more Greek gods. And the voice felt forced. Picky, I know, but with a huge TBR pile, I pick. already.
I dislike fantasy, but that’s not why I said NO here. There’s a disconnect between this person just being an observer, and the whole pickpocket thing that doesn’t make sense. Especially with the “we shouldn’t be here” but then, duh… it is their JOB to be there. That just had me saying HUH?
It seems fun to me! I voted yes.
What fun! I could pick at saying you don’t need to spare a glance to describe the scene — it’s wild and crazy, so glance and tell us. I’m not likely to read this — too much in my genre in my TBR — but I think the setup is a hoot.
I said yes even though I don’t care for fantasy much, but the questions this beginning set up in my mind were interesting: electricity captured in this way? God powered? pickpockets? and why the observation? I’d read on.
My Yes vote was shaped by the energy and the immediate establishment of a potential conflict as well as a strong character voice coupled with what looks like strong worldbuilding. Additionally, I’m a sucker for non-medieval, non-European, most likely NOT standard paranormal romance or shapeshifter romance urban fantasy. MUCH better than the draggy, dull, self-involved openings I’ve been seeing in this column of late.
I voted yes. I find the setup intriguing, so I’m in for at least a few more pages. The writing isn’t slaying me, but it’s not turning me off, either, and I like the casual, everyday attitude the narrator is conveying about the setting.
I thought this was a good opening page in terms of setting a scene, setting up a complex potential conflict, giving the reader a good idea of what kind of story it is, and establishing a voice and an attitude. If I were an agent I would continue for at least a couple more pages to see how this develops. But truthfully, it’s not the kind of story I would read for pleasure. The subject doesn’t interest me at all. The joky tone doesn’t match the potential threat: I guess it’s supposed to remind us of one of those sardonic hard-boiled actors — a cop, a reporter, a gangster, all of which have been done so many times that it takes a real master to make another one stand out. So, as a reader I wouldn’t spend any more time with it. Is this a yes or a no?
I’m a no. The cliche “people from all walks of life” in the second sentence meant the writing needed to be stronger after that. It wasn’t. I needed to care more about the main character, to at least know what the character wanted. His observation job (a passive action) didn’t cut it.
Right now it’s hard to get in the mood for a fantasy romp, but that’s what I would hope for from this beginning. As a former denizen of the city by the bay, I’d like to see what Zeus has to do with it. Also, pickpockets!
The character narrating this is uninvolved and bored; therefore, so am I. The writing is pedestrian at best. I love a good fantasy novel. However, nothing about this said “compelling, well-written fantasy,” but rather the opposite.
I was torn between enjoying the voice and being confused, not knowing the genre. Confusion won out. I passed.