How to Take Care of Yourself During the Writing Journey

I’ve launched several books into the world.

The first time I did it I remember feeling such a large and heady excitement I could hardly contain myself in the days leading up to the release date. I’d spent years on the journey already: writing and rewriting and querying agents, getting rejected, finding an agent, revising again, going out on submission, getting rejected again, selling the book and revising again. The launch of my book out into the world was the culmination of all that hard work and proof (if only to myself) that I hadn’t done it all for nothing.

Who wouldn’t be excited about that?

The day came and went. I’d prepared for weeks, unfolding a marketing campaign that didn’t feel like marketing so much as sharing what I loved about my book and the topics and themes it explored. I spent a few weeks traveling around Texas, visiting various bookstores for signings, making appearances at schools and conferences…

And then it was over. And I was completely and utterly burned out.

Depression set in fast.

Writers are sensitive people. Our books mean a lot to most of us. We spend so much time and energy trying to make them perfect so someone else can enjoy them. We spread ourselves thin to make sure we’re giving our books every shot they have to make their mark on the world. And the work of it all demands just about everything from us.

Every part of the writing journey is a challenge emotionally, physically, and mentally. Writing something from start to finish. Trying to find it a home. The waiting game we play perpetually forever. All the rejection. Reviews once we offer it to the world.

Balance feels very difficult to find. I’m an author who’s also a mom (of six boys), and sometimes those two things can feel like they demand everything from me—and more. It’s exhausting.

All that takes a toll. And sure, we bury our heads and get started on the next thing, but our thoughts and emotions and physical exhaustion from the mental and emotional overload don’t just go away because we ignore them. They needle. They slink through shadows and jump-scare us when we least expect them, when we’ve let our guard down. One thing goes wrong and we find ourselves uncharacteristically crumbling.

No one can burn a candle at both ends forever. We’ll burn right out. And if we burn out, the world doesn’t get the privilege of reading our stories.

It’s important for us to take care of ourselves in every stage of the writing adventure. Here are some of my favorite suggestions for how to do that.

The Writing Stage

The writing stage can be a very exciting time. But it can also overtake everything. We’re tempted to work all the time because we’re so excited to write down what’s been trapped in our head. And burnout can set in pretty quickly if we’re not careful. So…

Nurture your mind. Our minds are arguably our most important assets, the home of our creativity. And they can get overwhelmed and exhausted during the creation process. We need to make sure they’re in good shape—which means stretching them and resting them.

Carve out time to just be—be present. Connect your mind to your body. Take a walk while listening to a good podcast or a favorite book. Color with a kid. Take a nap. Do some yoga. Meditate. Try to find ways to let your mind concentrate on the present moment instead of constantly focusing on the future.

As a person who lives with an anxiety disorder, this is also one of the best ways to keep me grounded and feeling less anxious about my works in progress and all the little snags that come up in the writing of them.

End the day. At the end of my work sessions every day, I close my laptop and say out loud, “My work is done. Now I can rest.” And I try not to open up my laptop again—or check my email on my phone or answer any incoming business calls—until the next day’s work session.

This was something I started way back in the beginning, because it’s important to me to be home and available to my family when the work day is done. Ending my day with this ritual means I’m not constantly working, which helps protect against burnout. Find your own end-of-day ritual (or use mine; I don’t mind).

No one wants to work day and night. It’s not healthy to do so, anyway. Delineate your day so your brain knows when it’s time to play and rest.

Remember we all have room to improve. Be merciful to yourself when you come up against one of your weaknesses, and accept that we don’t know everything at any given time. We all have room to grow. I know it can feel overwhelming when we’re faced with all we don’t know and need to learn to write a book or compose a poem or just try out a short story. But none of us started out experts. We all started out at the beginning.

Time teaches. So when we put in the time, we learn. Even advanced writers have room to improve. When we think we’re finished learning, we stop growing. It’s best to keep ourselves open and receptive to new ways of writing, living, and being.

The Submission Stage

The submission stage comes with so much waiting it can feel like nothing at all is happening. And that can be both discouraging and maddening. Some writers are really good at waiting. I’m not. All that nervous energy needs a place to go, or I start to get stuck in rumination. So…

Play. Sometimes we forget how crucial play is to our lives. I’m grateful that my kids often remind me of this. When I’m stuck in my head, my theater kid will say, “Want to play an improv game?” The answer is always, emphatically, “Yes!”

It’s important for us to find moments of play in our everyday lives—kickball’s a favorite of mine, with my kids in the cul-de-sac where we live—and also in our writing lives. It can take our minds off all the waiting we have to do.

My favorite way to play as a writer is to write something that has no expectation for publication. It’s just for fun. For me. It can be as weird as I want to make it. It can break every rule in the book, because it’s not for anyone else. (Yet.)

I’ve been astonished and delighted at the quality of stories that spill out of me when I remove all expectation for publication.

Do something you enjoy that’s completely unrelated to writing. Want to take your mind off the endless waiting? Play around with a hobby. Sew something. Bake some pies. Sign up for an ice hockey league. Or learn something new, like how to make balloon animals or how to play the ukulele or how to do basic home repairs (it might come in handy).

You never know when you might use it in a book.

Move your body. Since all that nervous energy needs a place to go, why not send it out through exercise? Take a walk out in nature, which has been scientifically proven to reduce stress and anxiety. Kick off your shoes and walk around in your backyard and feel the earth humming underneath you. Share a walking meeting with a friend.

The Rejection Stage

Oh, the rejection stage. Could be the hardest stage of all for some of us (definitely for me). We can really question ourselves and our purpose during this stage, especially if the rejections start to feel endless and hope starts to wear thin. So…

Journal. For as long as I can remember I’ve kept journals. They’re a valuable place to record events, yes, but also emotions. Science has proven many benefits of journaling, including reducing anxiety and depression.

Journaling helps me make sense of the world, so I keep multiple journals. I write in my daily journal every day. And when I’m going through an after-the-book-publishes depression, I can always look for the journal titled “September 2018” and find that I’ve been here before, and I’ve climbed out.

That’s another large benefit of journaling: Looking back on them, you can find patterns that might carry you through dry spells and seemingly hopeless patches.

Unplug. Sometimes the negative voices writers deal with get a whole lot louder when we surround ourselves with social media. There are awards seasons and reports of bestsellers and reviews people share…and it’s not that we aren’t happy for our fellow writers, it’s just…

Well, we’re sensitive people. And sometimes it feels very much like we’re creating into a void. Who really cares but us?

We all know social media only tells one side of a story most of the time. Give yourself permission to take a social media break. Better yet, put the phone down completely, close the computer, put away devices and pick up a book. Or bake a yummy dessert you can share with friends. Play a board game with your partner. Let the hours crawl instead of fly (although if you actually figure out how to make them crawl, let me know. I’ve been searching for a way to slow down time for a while).

Remember how far you’ve come. Rejections remind you that you’re putting yourself out there. You’re doing the work. You’ve come a long way. So take some time to reflect on just how far you’ve come.

I’m a believer in celebrating every step of the journey. Did you write a few pages today? Celebrate by reading a few pages of a book. Did you send out a query? Celebrate with a favorite meal. Did you get a rejection or two? Have a couple pieces of leftover Halloween candy.

All the Above Stages…and Everything in Between

There are more stages in the writing life, including publishing and what happens after. All together, the journey can sometimes get the best of us, too. We don’t always end up where we want to be. Discouragement waits around every corner. So…

Take some time away. I know it’s difficult to step away from the computer and notebooks when you’re right in the middle of a story or you’re traveling around to promote a book, but time away can be rejuvenating. Take a vacation with family. Or a few days to explore your city and do something you’ve never done before.

After my most recent book published at the end of May, I spent a few months promoting it. And then I took a weeklong 20-year anniversary trip to Disney World with my husband. By the time we finished our vacation, I was ready to get back to work—so burnout/total exhaustion/existential crisis avoided.

Burnout is a very real danger when it comes to writers. We work for ourselves. If we’re not writing we’re not making money. Time is money. We can’t waste a minute—go go go!

No one wins when we’re burned out.

Find your people. It’s crucial for us to surround ourselves with supportive people—people we love who believe in us but also people who are going through the same things and dealing with the same emotions we are. Other writers.

In the middle of the pandemic, a writer friend and I began a zoom group of fellow writers who’d debuted the same year we did. We get together every weekday morning to write for an hour and a half and then talk for another half hour or more. About our lives. Publishing. How hard writing can be. How troublesome our latest work in progress is. How what we’re imagining in our heads just isn’t coming out on the page. Or how it is.

We commiserate, seek and give advice, empathize and encourage. These writers have become some of my closest friends—and some of us have never even met in person.

All of us need people who know us, who understand what we’re going through, who, on their deepest level, wants to see us succeed and flourish—because, as President John F. Kennedy said, “rising tide(s) lift all boats.”

Find your people. And never let them go.

The writing business can demand so much from us. Taking time for ourselves to replenish our creativity and rest our minds is critical for making sure we produce our best work—and continue producing for many years.

What would the world be without stories—without our stories? I don’t think I want to find out. Do you?

What are some ways you protect against burnout in your writing life? Which stage of the writing journey do you consider the most challenging? What kinds of protections can you put in place for yourself so you don’t give up? What other suggestions do you have for taking care of yourself along the writing journey?

Rachel Toalson

Rachel Toalson writes lots of books. For lots of people–kids, teens, adults, fiction lovers, poetry lovers, essay lovers. People who adore realistic stories or magical realism or fantasy or tales that keep them up at night or make them laugh out loud. She writes the books she most wants to read, which is the best way to entertain herself and her kids and get a little peace and quiet in her excessively loud home. She’s the author of the middle grade books, The Colors of the Rain, which won the Arnold Adoff Poetry Honor Award in 2018, The Woods, and The First Magnificent Summer, among many others. She lives in San Antonio, Texas, with her husband and six children.

www.racheltoalson.com/