Flog a Pro: Would You Turn the First Page of this Bestseller?
By Ray Rhamey | September 21, 2023 |
Trained by reading hundreds of submissions, editors and agents often<em? make their read/not-read decision on the first page. In a customarily formatted book manuscript with chapters starting about 1/3 of the way down the page (double-spaced, 1-inch margins, 12-point type), there are 16 or 17 lines on the first page.
Here’s the question:
Would you pay good money to read the rest of the chapter? With 50 chapters in a book that costs $15, each chapter would be “worth” 30 cents.
So, before you read the excerpt, take 30 cents from your pocket or purse. When you’re done, decide what to do with those three dimes or the quarter and a nickel. It’s not much, but think of paying 30 cents for the rest of the chapter every time you sample a book’s first page. In a sense, time is money for a literary agent working her way through a raft of submissions, and she is spending that resource whenever she turns a page.
Please judge by storytelling quality, not by genre or content—some reject an opening page immediately because of genre, but that’s not a good-enough reason when the point is to analyze for storytelling strength.
How strong is the opening page of this novel—would it, all on its own, hook an agent if it was submitted by an unpublished writer?
It’s an old city, and no longer in very good shape, nor is the lake beside which it has been built, but there are parts of it that are still pretty nice. Longtime residents would probably agree that the nicest section is Sugar Heights, and the nicest street running through it is Ridge Road, which makes a gentle downhill curve from Bell College of Arts and Sciences to Deerfield Park, two miles below. On its way, Ridge Road passes many fine houses, some of which belong to college faculty and some to the city’s more successful businesspeople—doctors, lawyers, bankers, and top-of-the-pyramid business executives. Most of these homes are Victorians, with impeccable paintjobs, bow windows, and lots of gingerbread trim.
The park where Ridge Road terminates isn’t as big as the one that sits splat in the middle of Manhattan, but close. Deerfield is the city’s pride, and a platoon of gardeners keep it looking fabulous. Oh, there’s the unkempt west side near Red Bank Avenue, known as the Thickets, where those seeking or selling drugs can sometimes be found after dark, and where there’s the occasional mugging, but the Thickets is only three acres of 740. The rest are grassy, flowery, and threaded with paths where lovers stroll and benches where old men read newspapers (more and more often on electronic devices these days) and women chat, sometimes while rocking their babies back and forth in expensive prams. There are two ponds, and sometimes you’ll see men or boys sailing remote-controlled boats on one of them. In the other, swans and ducks glide back (snip)
Loading ...You can turn the page and read more here. Kindle users can request a sample sent to their devices, and I’ve found this to be a great way to evaluate a narrative that is borderline on the first page and see if it’s worth my coin.
This novel was number one on the New York Times hardcover fiction bestseller list for September 24, 2023. Were the opening pages of the first chapter of Holly by Stephen King compelling?
My vote: No.
This book received 4.4 out of 5 stars on Amazon. Okay. I’m a big fan of Stephen King’s novels. Despite the nonstory “qualities” of this opening page, I would expect a terrific story ahead.
But that’s if I knew going in that this was by Stephen King. Would a literary agent pass on this submission if it were sent by Joe Bloe or Stephanie Queen? I suspect so, and would appreciate enlightenment on why this would evoke a page turn from an agent or, for that matter, anyone who read it without knowledge of its famous author. Oh, there are faint, very faint, hints of dark shadows, but it is otherwise a nicely done idyllic scene with swans and ducks gliding on a pond.
Who cares? Not I.
Your thoughts?
You’re invited to a flogging—your own You see here the insights fresh eyes bring to the performance of bestseller first pages, so why not do the same with the opening of your WIP? Submit your prologue/first chapter to my blog, Flogging the Quill, and I’ll give you my thoughts and even a little line editing if I see a need. And the readers of FtQ are good at offering constructive notes, too. Hope to see you there.
To submit, email your first chapter or prologue (or both) as an attachment to me, and let me know if it’s okay to use your first page and to post the complete chapter.
[coffee]
Ray Rhamey is the author of five novels and one writing craft book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling. He’s also an editor of book-length fiction and designs book covers and interiors for Indie authors and small presses. His website, crrreative.com, offers an a la carte menu of creative services for writers and publishers. Learn more about Ray’s books at rayrhamey.com.
That lovely peaceful scene, such a well-written assemblage of small-to-middle town tropes, was a resounding success at being generic and easily recognizable. We’ve all been there. I’ve been there. I need a better reason to visit it again. Voted no. Stephen King? I waited for that reveal until after reading the excerpt. Now I’m shocked. Still no.
He’s setting us up, lol. Everything is so peaceful, but what, I wonder, lurks in the Thickets?
I voted yes, feeling everything was too perfect except for the Thickets. I also love a well written description of setting in the opening, despite what most writing advice says.
Agreed, this is clearly setup — the constant description of peace, beauty, and privilege, all waiting for something to break it. It’s just that giving a whole page to that slow part of the suspense arc isn’t good practice, unless the real opening words are “By Stephen King.”
Ken, brilliantly expressed re: “the real opening words.”
Heck no. I can’t believe Stephen King wrote this. It’s not idyllic to me; it doesn’t even feel like good writing. I’m sure the book is good, but if this was an unknown I’d stop reading.
I was able to separately vote no, but as I intuited ahead of time that it was Stephen King, though I’ve not read on this new book, I would read it because I like who he is and I will always retain my curiosity about his work.
It brought me to clear acceptance—because I will always admire him—that established writers can do this because publishers can take the risk.
I’m happy personally to strive for a compelling first page. I’m also ok if others who got there first publishingwise have more freedom.
Thanks again for the great post, Ray!
What made me pass wasn’t that this book opened with description. Instead it was the generic, blandly ‘telling’ quality of the description, as if the author was just going through the motions, that made me give up on it.
The self-aware mockery in the description drew me in. The narrator is telegraphing that it’s only nice on the surface.
The writing is definitely competent and smooth, and you can feel that things just won’t stay this placid and peaceful, but I agree that it wouldn’t do for an impatient reader. Apparently I’m one of their number as I voted no.
I was undecided, but leaning toward no. The writing was smooth and flowing, but the voice so neutral, so bland. I would have given it another page or two to ramp up the action or introduce a character.
The writing is clear, precise, and elegant in a downscale way. In other words, professional and practiced. And because books rarely begin this way these days, the foreboding was palpable to me. I have every expectation that we’re being set up for a major go-wrong, a situation that belies the pastoral (but it really isn’t) opening paragraphs. That said, I did suspect this was Stephen King. His style is surprisingly identifiable and much harder to duplicate than it looks.
“Parts are still nice … nicest section ….nicest street …” – is this repeated use of “nice” ironical? Or sloppy?
“Threaded with paths … and benches” … huh? How can benches “thread”?
Old men read newspapers, men and boys sail remote controlled boats.
Women chat and rock babies.
Hmmmm – how many more gender stereotypes are there to follow?
There’s a very clear sense of place, not clear what the date is, no characters yet, and only the hint of foreboding, no story yet, though I’ll wager my 30 cents that the first victim of whatever lurks in The Thickets is young, blonde and female, probably with high cheekbones and/or green eyes!
No.
This a valid critique, especially if we don’t know it’s Stephen King, but I think the Walt Disney description of this upper-middle-class enclave is intentional. Of course old women also read the news. Of course girls and women could be sailing the boats, and of course men are quite often shepherding children, but describing that community would interfere with the signal the writer is sending.
I voted No. By the end of the first paragraph, I was skimming. By the end of the second paragraph I was skimming AND bored. Give me a character with an intriguing problem and a whiff of impending conflict. And good writing!
I haven’t really paid close attention to your posts before, Ray (sorry about that), but you certainly do at least get a tone and atmosphere feeling once you start looking at them all together. I would assume you’ve grown a lot personally doing all of these yourself.
This one I voted YES because something was immediately familiar about it, though I couldn’t place it.
When I found out it was King, I realized why.
Really grateful for these.
Wouldn’t it be interesting if first pages of bestselling novelists/novels were indeed submitted to agents anonymously and we were privy to their reactions? I might have read more of this if I didn’t know it was from a Stephen King novel.
Following up to say I’ve now read it, and it’s among Stephen King’s best (or I’m simply informed enough on craft now that I see clearly how he layered all the pieces together for a strong tension-driven pace). Also here to say it’s fun to reread Holly’s first page and enjoy why he may have chosen it. I wonder now if he wrote it almost describing a film sequence, as if a camera was panning these places. Foreshadowing indeed!