Self-Soothing is Really All about Micro-Tension
By Heather Webb | January 26, 2023 |
It’s been a while since I’ve shared thoughts here, my dear Unboxers. I took a sabbatical last year for a chance to catch up on a deadline that I was horribly behind on after covid and a major family emergency. Ironically, the time off allowed me to enjoy so many more of your posts. You really are a brilliant bunch of writers. There are as many thought-provoking comments as there are posts. This community is so special and I feel lucky to be among you. But I digress. All is well here now. It’s well…except for January.
January.
It was all things. And it was one thing, like a solid door. Its cold sealed the city in a gray capsule. January was moments, and January was a year.
-Patricia Highsmith, The Price of Salt
As I stare out at yet another gray day, I’m wishing for a snowy winter day with bright skies rather than the gloomy rain that has plagued New England this year. The dreariness, in fact, has me popping vitamin D and looking for ways to put a little more pep in my step. To self-soothe. So I started thinking about ways I self-soothe and there were a few immediate obvious answers. I bake. I read poetry. I rewatch historical flicks and romcoms. I exercise. (Shortly after writing this article, I’m going to make oatmeal cookies. If the aroma of cinnamon and sugar can’t make you feel better, nothing can.) But I also pace and doom scroll and have a glass of wine, preferably with friends, and suffer anxiety dreams.
This got me thinking more deeply about those habits and my subsequent needs, and most importantly, what they’re connected to. I didn’t have to look far. If you opened my calendar, you’d see this:
- 7 weeks left of teaching my Editing Intensive MFA class (planning, grading, instruction time)
- 7 weeks to my book launch of Strangers in the Night and yet I’m watching the picket lines outside of HarperCollins continue…
- 10 weeks until I have to turn in revisions for my book coming next winter
- A running deadline of a collaboration I’m working on with my sometimes-writing wife, Hazel Gaynor
There’s a lot of good stuff here for sure, but it’s still quite a lot to manage in a short period of time. Ultimately, my self-soothing underscores what my calendar tells me: I’m stressed and I’m stewing over a few things. 1.) I really want more time to put in on another full draft of the WIP before I submit the “completed” revisions, but it’ll be really tight and I’m worried it’ll make the book too thin; 2.) I’m hoping my students feel like they’re getting something out of the class and that I’m giving them enough material to challenge themselves; and 3.) the largest among them, a struggle related to being a midlist author at mid-career with a publisher on strike. Numbers are everything and if sales on the book are mediocre, this affects the possibility of another book contract which in turn affects whether or not I’m picking up more jobs to pay the bills which in turn affects how much I can be around for my kids who are extremely needy at the moment for various reasons.
And now we’re at the heart of the matter. What was seemingly about weather is about a whole lot more. Beneath the self-soothing, there is “stewing,” or a struggle of sorts. A struggle related to our emotional selves.
It never takes us fiction writers long to jump from ourselves to our characters. I began to think of my current protagonist and wondered, how does she self-soothe? More importantly, why? As it turns out, putting the character in the situation of needing to self-soothe is actually a great tool to create or heighten micro-tension.
We can use our protagonist’s self-soothing habits to underscore something essential about who they are. These habits can reveal something about a character’s backstory, give a window into what has formed them and how it influences their means of coping with the curve balls thrown at them on the page in the story. After the second instance this self-soothing habit appears on the page, the reader gets the signal that all is not well, and in comes the tension.
A few ways to show this struggle can be done through:
- personality traits or coping mechanims like humorous quips, lashing out to make themselves feel better, or becoming reckless with their jobs/health/lives to avoid the inevitable
- repetitive habits or tics like picking at scabs, rubbing a lucky stone, counting backwards in their head, singing a particular song under their breath over and over, nail biting, etc.
For other examples, in my current WIP, my protagonist soothes herself by feeling for the knife that she keeps tucked under the waistband of her skirt. It’s the kind of thing that makes the reader wonder WHY? What happened to her in the past? In my second novel, my sculptress protagonist is one who experiences the world through her hands so when stressed or anxious, she rubs her pointer finger and thumb together to ground herself in a sense of reality.
These very subtle aspects of layering can really enrich the narrative and make a character feel more authentic, more alive.
Do you feel the same way? What does your MC do to self-soothe? Why? What does it say about them and their past? Is there some example you can think of from your own work or others, where the author created micro-tension during moments when a character is seemingly practicing self-care or self-soothing?
Heather Webb is the USA Today bestselling and award-winning author of historical fiction. As a freelance editor and an adjunct in a MFA in Creative Writing program, Heather has helped many writers sign with agents and go on to sell at market. When not writing, she feeds her cookbook addiction, geeks out on history and pop culture, and looks for excuses to head to the other side of the world. To date, her books have been translated to seventeen languages.
Hey Heather! It’s great to have you back! Boy, you nailed it–for me, self-soothing always brings my characters to mind, because thinking of the story ahead of my progress is Method #1 for self-soothing for me. Such a great insight about using self-soothing to create micro-tension, too. I’ve incorporated some character self-soothing into my storytelling, but I don’t think I’ve leveraged it to the extent I could have. Thanks for the very useful tip!
Wishing you the very best through all of winter’s obstacles. Here’s to the brighter skies sure to come!
Great to see you here as always, Vaughn! Thanks for the well wishes. I’m so glad to be back!
In the first book of her series, my MC resorts to defiance in the face of any and all threats, which are at first aimed at her strange family history and her unconventional looks. Further in, she comes against ridicule from her entire town. In response, she becomes more recklessly defiant, thinking that this keeps her safe, makes her point, ‘shows them’,when it only drives wedges between her and everyone else. Thanks for the opportunity to look at this more closely, especially in regard to micro-tension. I’m in mid-revision, which is a good time to keep this top of mind. Although any time is good. : ) Wonderful post. I love the Highsmith quote!!
Hi Susan, thanks for stopping by to comment. I love when a post hits home right when I’m in the middle of something. I’m so glad you find this helpful. I really like the direction you’re going with your MC becoming recklessly defiant. That’s precisely what I was talking about in terms of leaning on character traits and the way they comfort themselves, or avoid truths in this case, to “take care of themselves” when in fact, she’s making things harder. Sounds awesome! Good luck with your revisions.
First, WELCOME BACK, HEATHER!! I’ve missed you around these unboxed halls.
I love this post, and you already have me pondering ideas for my wip. Reflecting back, three characters in my second novel self-soothed by writing haikus in their head, drawing on their skin, and staring at the sun. (Do not recommend the latter.)
Thank you for planting today’s character seed. And again, welcome back, friend.
Hi T!! Glad to be here! I love this idea of her writing haikus. That’s quirky and tells us so much about your character immediately. The same for drawing on her skin. I can picture both of these MCs instantly. Brilliant. I can’t wait to see what you cook up next.
Welcome back, and thank you for this post! I’m going to share it with a developmental editing client who needs some ideas for subtly working in essential elements of backstory on her main characters. Fingers crossed that all works out for the best over the next seven weeks!
Thanks, Kate! I hope it helps your client. And lovely to see your smiling avatar, as always. Perhaps I’ll get to see you again this fall. :)
Great idea: self-soothing unsettles the reader. Why? Because there is a tension-producing condition that needs soothing in the first place.
I am finishing my morning coffee, slowly. The kids are getting their shoes and backpacks on, it will soon be time to drive them to school. I run my finger around the rim of my coffee mug. “Dad, we’re ready.” “In a minute,” I say. I jiggle the car keys in my pocket, it’s a Jag and when I step on the gas pedal my blood pressure drops and my mind stops racing. I’m not thinking about the drive to school but where I have to drive after that.
That kind of passage? Good to see you back on the WU screen, Heather Webb, you sound busy!
Good example, Benjamin, illustrating how a self-soothing habit can also promise an important plot development, as well as reveal something about the character. (A Jag, huh? Not an ’09 Toyota?)
I love this, Ben! Great example. Always nice to see your comments here.
Self-soothing can not be generally defined… it depends on the distractions of the day, the pace of life that forces me or my characters to forget hurts, move ahead. I shoveled our front walk and driveway this morning. I feel better accomplishing something. And when my characters dive into their “work” they can try to push aside pain. Fiction is always about the human condition. And the human condition is always about darkness before the light. Wishing you the best, Heather.
This is absolutely true, Elizabeth. It’s hard to define because we’re all soothed differently and that can even change from day to day, as you said. Darkness before light. Yes, yes, yes.
Thanks, Elizabeth. I will get there!
A wonderful post. Thank you. What a great idea, to insert self-soothing into our characters!
Thanks, Liza, and thanks for stopping by to comment today.
Thank you Heather. Wonderful personal and story examples. Today as I write I’ll be seasoning with self-soothing to discover what micro-tensions simmer in the word stew. 🫧
Lovely alliteration! Thanks, Torrie, and thanks for stopping by to comment today.
That was a great post. I’d never made the connection between self-soothing behaviors and tension before. .
Thanks, Bill! Glad to chat about a new angle with you. Thanks for stopping by today.
This hit home – both for my WIP, and for my personal life (We’re clearing out our home of 16 years – we have an offer, and are just dithering about finalizing it. One way we put the decision off is to have the house not ready to sell).
I’m going to get back to work on the house, with some paper and a pencil with me. I can alternate the two tasks for now.
You may have gotten me off the procrastination path – thank you.
I don’t know if this fits your thinking, exactly, but I can think of several people (who could become characters at any moment) who are constantly self-soothing, and the methods are very familiar. Alcohol abuse (or just “use”) is everywhere we look. Overeating. Dieting. Exercise. Shopping. And–although it’s usually played for laughs–obsessive-compulsive behavior. OCD is a self-soothing mechanism. Every one of these things can be a response to fear. Sort of like tucking a knife into your waistband. I never thought about this before. Thanks!
Thank you, Heather! You’ve helped me see a way forward. I’m in the revision phase and have been trying to work out how to deepen two related aspects of my MC: her solitary nature and her resistance to attempts at control by others (parent, boyfriend). You’ve sparked some promising ideas. And I’m looking forward to reading Strangers in the Night–fingers crossed all goes well with the launch.