Flog a Pro: Would You Turn the First Page of this Bestseller?
By Ray Rhamey | January 19, 2023 |
Trained by reading hundreds of submissions, editors and agents often make their read/not-read decision on the first page. In a customarily formatted book manuscript with chapters starting about 1/3 of the way down the page (double-spaced, 1-inch margins, 12-point type), there are 16 or 17 lines on the first page.
Here’s the question:
Would you pay good money to read the rest of the chapter? With 50 chapters in a book that costs $15, each chapter would be “worth” 30 cents.
So, before you read the excerpt, take 30 cents from your pocket or purse. When you’re done, decide what to do with those three dimes or the quarter and a nickel. It’s not much, but think of paying 30 cents for the rest of the chapter every time you sample a book’s first page. In a sense, time is money for a literary agent working her way through a raft of submissions, and she is spending that resource whenever she turns a page.
Please judge by storytelling quality, not by genre or content—some reject an opening page immediately because of genre, but that’s not a good-enough reason when the point is to analyze for storytelling strength.
How strong is the opening page of this novel—would it, all on its own, hook an agent if it was submitted by an unpublished writer?
Back in 1961, when women wore shirtwaist dresses and joined garden clubs and drove legions of children around in seatbeltless cars without giving it a second thought; back before anyone knew there’d even be a sixties movement, much less one that its participants would spend the next sixty years chronicling; back when the big wars were over and the secret wars had just begun and people were starting to think fresh and believe everything was possible, the thirty-year-old mother of Madeline Zott rose before dawn every morning and felt certain of just one thing: her life was over.
Despite that certainty, she made her way to the lab to pack her daughter’s lunch.
Fuel for learning, Elizabeth Zott wrote on a small slip of paper before tucking it into her daughter’s lunch box. Then she paused, her pencil in midair, as if reconsidering. Play sports at recess but do not automatically let the boys win, she wrote on another slip. Then she paused again, tapping her pencil against the table. It is not your imagination, she wrote on a third. Most people are awful. She placed the last two on top.
Most young children can’t read, and if they can, it’s mostly words like “dog” and “go.” But Madeline had been reading since age three and, now, at age five, was already through most of Dickens.
Madeline was that kind of child—the kind who could hum a Bach concerto but couldn’t (snip)
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You can turn the page and read more here. Kindle users can request a sample sent to their devices, and I’ve found this to be a great way to evaluate a narrative that is borderline on the first page and see if it’s worth my coin.
This novel was number one on the New York Times hardcover fiction bestseller list for January 22, 2023. Were the opening pages of the first chapter of Lessons in Chemistry by Bonnie Garmus compelling?
My vote: Yes-ish.
This book received 4.6 out of 5 stars on Amazon. Once again, an inviting voice lured me into turning the page. This character reads like an interesting person, and she does have a trouble—feeling that her life was over. But she takes good care, as far as we can see, of an exceptional child, her daughter. Much to admire in this character, and plenty of interest for me. I wanted to learn more about how she would handle her emotional distress. And, having been a child who read early much like Madeline does, in finding out more about her, too.
Your thoughts?
You’re invited to a flogging—your own You see here the insights fresh eyes bring to the performance of bestseller first pages, so why not do the same with the opening of your WIP? Submit your prologue/first chapter to my blog, Flogging the Quill, and I’ll give you my thoughts and even a little line editing if I see a need. And the readers of FtQ are good at offering constructive notes, too. Hope to see you there.
To submit, email your first chapter or prologue (or both) as an attachment to me, and let me know if it’s okay to use your first page and to post the complete chapter.
[coffee]
Ray Rhamey is the author of five novels and one writing craft book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling. He’s also an editor of book-length fiction and designs book covers and interiors for Indie authors and small presses. His website, crrreative.com, offers an a la carte menu of creative services for writers and publishers. Learn more about Ray’s books at rayrhamey.com.
What timing! I just finished this book last night. While it was a fun read, it didn’t grab my heart for quite a while. The most popular books are not often the best. However, it sucked me in at some point. I was eager for the immersion. I’m super happy for this older author that she had this success. Well earned.
I found it interesting despite the inaccuracies about the big wars and the small wars. The US was already sponsoring the Saigon corruption, and the Cuban Missile Crisis was just ahead in October of 1962.
The author is British so she may not be “up” on US history as much.
It’s the secret wars, not the small wars. In 1961 American meddling in SE Asia was maybe not all that secret but was way under the radar for most everyone.
A yes-ISH for me too. It got in some interesting points early, but I always think it’s indulgent to start with a six-line paragraph of wordplay and mood-setting. For every would-be-Dickens who tries it there are too many that never realize how risky it is, and it makes me suspicious.
I’m with you, Ken.
I tired q
Ha! A wayward finger cut…
I’m with you, Ken. I tired q
I quit.
It did get her a gig with Doubleday. So whatever the theoretical deficiencies of the first paragraph (I thought the first graph was hooky enough, Dickens notwithstanding) it seems to have worked for her.
Besides the two interesting characters (and — bias — that I was an early reader raised in the fifties and sixties, so I’m interested in stories about those times), I liked this opening page exactly because of the long first sentence with wordplay and mood setting.
My daughter is raising three children, two dogs, running a household and a business…so when she has time to read, the book has to grab her. When we last talked, she recommended this novel…the opening does provide interesting details about a mother and her child. I voted yes.
Still caught (in not a good way) about the mother making the lunch in a lab. I’d rather have understood the lab versus the long intro. to continue reading. I loved the slips of paper. A great device.
Curious to know more about this woman.
Intrigued by mom making lunch in a lab. Why does she think her life is over? Are these slips of paper a daily ritual? We’ve been so well trained to expect more information and more obvious conflict and more grabbers in the opening lines of a novel that we could easily dismiss this opening because it doesn’t conform to our expectations. Maybe our expectations have become too narrow?
Agree 100%!
It’s a little unfair for me to vote because, months ago, I read and thoroughly enjoyed this story. Zott is a unique character whose journey leads to interesting and sad places. The story also addresses the patriarchy in a way that resonated with me (a reformed lawyer whose first firm had only one female partner–and that was 1990, not 1960). I love a quirky opening and character. I don’t need a huge story question or conflict on page one, although “[my] life is over” is a pretty nice hook.
I voted yes. The long-winded intro is confident and well-written (if not a completely accurate assessment of that time), and I’m intrigued by both the mother’s parenting approach and her daughter’s apparent intellect.
The “most people are awful” bit provides a nice and impactful “button” to end this first page, so I’d definitely read some more pages.
That first sentence / paragraph if for me worth the price of admission, on the assumption that these kinds of sharp and fun examinations of life will continue apace.
As a sometimes-conflicted mom myself, I wanted to connect with this character and thought that I would/should… but instead, the “we’re not like other girls” vibe made me roll my eyes. This opening pushed me away instead of
drawing me in. Of course other readers may feel differently (and obviously have!).
Don’t know why that formatted funky… Regardless, I wanted to add that I would probably not have stopped reading here — the hint of humor, and the clear “fight the patriarchy” theme, would draw me on a bit further, to see if perhaps that connection I desired could still come.
I was intrigued from the very beginning, which was the cover, and I enjoyed the opening sentences. Curiously, the supposed hook, life being over, didn’t win points for me. It’s the lunchbox notes that cinched it for me. I saw this book in the library and will be picking it up. Thanks Ray.
I just finished this book a week or so ago, so I was doing my best to assess the sample objectively despite that. Totally agree on the “yes-ish”…for me, the lunch box notes sold the sample page. I’m often very forgiving of a scene-setting first paragraph, but that one seemed to be working awfully hard. The lunch box notes really got to Elizabeth Zott’s voice/personality, and her rebellious streak, which I did love.
This was a fun book. It didn’t blow me away the way it did for some readers, but there was a lot to enjoy.
Well, that was a surprise! I have been avoiding this novel because I thought it was YA. But it sounds more sophisticated than that. I would read more!
I listened to this on audiobook. It was engaging and worthwhile but the thing that made me roll my eyes in this opening—a five year old wanting to read Dickens (my children were great readers very early, but they had the sensibilities of five years olds, so … Dickens not a first choice)—was the same thing that had me rolling my eyes throughout. Everyone is super special, even the dog. He’s a POV character who knows something like 500 or 600 words and is pretty much a mind reader. All that ‘we’re more than special’ stuff put me off.
I voted yes. The confident tone and the quick sketch of ’60s America, the hint at terrible sadness, and the clever use of the notes in the lunchbox all pushed me to turn the page. I seldom feel this way about one of Ray’s floggings.
An unreserved yes. i was immediately engaged by this ahead-of-her-time protagonist and her, shall we say, unusual notes to her children, as well as the slightly cynical humor.
My sister insists that this is a fabulous read! We are so different.
Voted Yes.
I don’t know that I’d have picked this up on my own, but I have to admire the overall craft, even the indulgent first paragraph. I loved how so many questions were raised in just a single page. That’s a great way to begin a story.
Why is she making lunch in a lab?
Why is her life over?
Why does her daughter have to be told to not let the boys win automatically?
Is she physically gifted and needs to hide it?
Is the lab linked to her enhanced intellect and possible physical gifts?
What is not her imagination?
Why does a five year old need to be told/reminded that most people are awful?
Who is the narrator that talks about something clearly in the past, yet isn’t the mother? Is it the daughter?
That first page does a LOT of work that I admire, even if I’d turn the first paragraph into a date/location marker that would do much of the heavy lifting to convey that setting. That in turn would have let us hear more about how the little girl is so advanced. :)