Flog a Pro: Would You Turn the First Page of this Bestseller?
By Ray Rhamey | December 15, 2022 |
Trained by reading hundreds of submissions, editors and agents often make their read/not-read decision on the first page. In a customarily formatted book manuscript with chapters starting about 1/3 of the way down the page (double-spaced, 1-inch margins, 12-point type), there are 16 or 17 lines on the first page.
Here’s the question:
Would you pay good money to read the rest of the chapter? With 50 chapters in a book that costs $15, each chapter would be “worth” 30 cents.
So, before you read the excerpt, take 30 cents from your pocket or purse. When you’re done, decide what to do with those three dimes or the quarter and a nickel. It’s not much, but think of paying 30 cents for the rest of the chapter every time you sample a book’s first page. In a sense, time is money for a literary agent working her way through a raft of submissions, and she is spending that resource whenever she turns a page.
Please judge by storytelling quality, not by genre or content—some reject an opening page immediately because of genre, but that’s not a good-enough reason when the point is to analyze for storytelling strength.
How strong is the opening page of this novel—would it, all on its own, hook an agent if it was submitted by an unpublished writer?
“Oh, merde.”
Harriet looked in the mirror, her toothbrush hanging out of her mouth. It was the first of June and she’d forgotten to say, rabbit, rabbit, rabbit.
She said it now, toothpaste foaming on her lips, but had the sinking feeling it was too late. The magic wouldn’t work. And if there was any day when she needed magic, it was today.
“Merde.”
“It’ll bring you good luck, little one,” Auntie Myrna had assured her niece when she’d taught her the incantation. “It’ll protect you.”
That had been years ago, but the rabbit habit hadn’t wholly taken. Most months Harriet remembered, but of course this month, when she needed it most, she’d forgotten. Though she knew it was probably because she had so much else on her mind.
“Shit.”
Did she really believe repeating rabbit, rabbit, rabbit made a difference? No. Of course not. How could she? It was a silly superstition. There was nothing actually magical about those words. Where did it even come from anyway? And why “rabbit”?
It was ridiculous.
She was an engineer, she told herself as she prepared for her morning run. A rational (snip)
Loading ...You can turn the page and read more here. Kindle users can request a sample sent to their devices, and I’ve found this to be a great way to evaluate a narrative that is borderline on the first page and see if it’s worth my coin.
This novel was number one on the New York Times hardcover fiction bestseller list for December 18, 2022. Were the opening pages of the first chapter of A World of Curiosities by Louise Penny compelling?
My vote: Yes.
This book received 4.7 out of 5 stars on Amazon. While there’s no perilous, dramatic story question here, there is an engaging voice and good, clear writing. And, even though not much more than thoughts are happening, there is a clear sense of trouble ahead that we can anticipate if there was any day she needed magic—raised story questions for me.
This is the 18th in a series by this author, and I was curious to see whether or not the first page had story on its mind rather than the coasting we often see from bestselling authors carried along by past momentum. It was nice to learn that this author, despite her success, is good at launching a story.
Your thoughts?
You’re invited to a flogging—your own You see here the insights fresh eyes bring to the performance of bestseller first pages, so why not do the same with the opening of your WIP? Submit your prologue/first chapter to my blog, Flogging the Quill, and I’ll give you my thoughts and even a little line editing if I see a need. And the readers of FtQ are good at offering constructive notes, too. Hope to see you there.
To submit, email your first chapter or prologue (or both) as an attachment to me, and let me know if it’s okay to use your first page and to post the complete chapter.
[coffee]
Ray Rhamey is the author of five novels and one writing craft book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling. He’s also an editor of book-length fiction and designs book covers and interiors for Indie authors and small presses. His website, crrreative.com, offers an a la carte menu of creative services for writers and publishers. Learn more about Ray’s books at rayrhamey.com.
Past perfect tense. Morning routine. Routine story ahead? I was not encouraged.
The plus is that the opening is about superstition and luck. Having neglected the charm, no doubt the POV subject’s luck will turn bad? It’s a story promise but a thin one, and for me a bit cute.
I voted no but perked up to see that this is a Louise Penny mystery. For that I’d give it another page.
I totally agree! A bit cute. And I feel manipulated, like I should care because it’s offbeat (“rabbit rabbit rabbit”) and there’s a hook (magic and bad luck).
I’ve tried to read Louise Penny several times and just can’t get into her books. She’s no Harlan Coben.
I voted yes, but it wasn’t a wow. A bit repetitious. Still, I was intrigued with a superstitious engineer who considers rabbit incantations, and hasn’t put magic totally out of her mind.
I voted yes because I small magic. So, I was intrigued, then not, then intrigued, then not. Again. I small a story, but this felt repetitive. Merde, merde,merde, then rabbit rabbit rabbit, both two times. It halted when I wanted it to move forward.
Something doesn’t small quite right….
I was on the fence but ultimately said yes, I’d keep reading, for many of the same reasons that Ray listed. There was just—just!—enough to pique my curiosity in spite of the mundane nature of the scene. I’d turn the page—but things had better pick up during that morning run.
In his masterful The First One Hundred Words, Stephen Parrish says, “Give us something to care about.” “Rabbit, rabbit, rabbit” and what it means to her, her concern about the events of the day, and her need for magic now would carry me past the cute to at least page two. I haven’t gotten far with Louise Penny, but she’s very popular, so maybe page three…
I voted yes. I liked the voice, and you gotta love bilingual cussing. I also liked that it introduced magic in an informal, matter-of-fact way, rather than with lots of pomp and drama.
I also couldn’t help but notice that you changed the question, from “would you turn the page/buy the book?” to “would it, all on its own, hook an agent if it was submitted by an unpublished writer?” I’d vote yes by either criteria.
I too was taught the “rabbit rabbit rabbit” superstition, and I too often forget. I voted yes because this heroine could be me! (Minus the detail about being an engineer 🤣)
I voted ‘yes’ because I love deep POV and it was done well.
I voted yes on the strength of the hints of trouble to come, the existence of a woman engineer, and the general competence of the writing (no coasting there), and I was gratified to see that the author was Louise Penny. I’ve enjoyed all her books except for the one that is based on a total misunderstanding of the social group where the crime occurs, and having read this sample on Amazon, I believe it will live up to her standards.
I am often accused of being unnecessarily crude, but I would never start a book with a “swear word,” especially in French, which is so déclassé. Almost a cliché, wouldn’t you say? The writing was solid, but the set-up seemed artificial, almost rom-com. I should have known it was Louise Penny. In spite of missionary efforts by my own family members, I don’t find her stories rewarding and I don’t find her characters memorable, except for their Quebecois quirks. Maybe I’ll watch *Three Pines* and see what Alfred Molina can do with the inspector.
I was on the border about this one, but ultimately wasn’t sold. I wasn’t engaged by the character or moved by the writing. I would hold out for something that scores on both.
I took the POV’s POV and, like her, didn’t believe what she was uttering or that it mattered. If I’m going to devote hours to a book, the author and the characters better be engaged in the story.
If I’d picked this up as a YA read, I’d have given it a chance, but that opening felt too juvenile and amateurish for an adult novel.
This sounded so familiar to me, as if I’d read it before. Then, when I saw the author was Louise Penny, I realized that a good friend had just recommended Penny’s work to me, and so I’d read a few pages of the preview. I do not like detective stories, no matter how clever — but in trying to ignore my genre bias, I gave this points for skillful writing (so much better than the James Patterson page from previous flogging) and the character of a superstitious engineer. Also, why “today of all days”? Something is at stake here — what could it be? So I voted yes, although I did not, however, read the preview further because of the aforementioned genre bias.
It did not snag me. Not by a Hare.
“I was with you in the first half…” as they say. But then it just repeated itself? So I dunno. In reality I’d probably read on a tiny bit more, because I did find the voice quite charming at first.
My editor’s pen hand got very twitchy. I thought it was a bit overdone. Fewer repetitions of the rabbit and the merde/shit would have moved it along more and we could have got to something more active. The writing was clear and kind of engaging but …
I voted no, for the same reasons Don did. Also, without knowing title and author, I thought this was going to be a fantasy novel. The voice seemed young and the incantation juvenile, so the vulgarity was a bit jarring. None of it worked for me, and knowing in advance it was a mystery novel would not have helped. The “rabbit, rabbit, rabbit” was just too childish to believe, and I was afraid there was going to be more ruminating in the pages to follow.
My first thought was this must be a YA fantasy or paranormal novel and NOT my thing. And I was confused why she’s day “merde” and not “damn” or “crap” or whatever. Is this supposed to tell me it takes place in France? Or French Canada? If so, why rabbit and not lapin/lapine – the word for rabbit in French? Sorry, but this was a NO for me because it sounded very YA – as others have said it sounded “too cute” – and very confusing.