Living With Unpublished Characters
By Vaughn Roycroft | August 16, 2021 |
Have you read the recent essay here on WU titled Don’t Finish Your Book, by Allison Larkin? The excellent piece led me to download and devour Larkin’s wonderful new book, The People We Keep. You absolutely should read the essay right away, but if the book has yet to appear on your radar, I’d be honored to be the blip that sends you on your way toward making this story a part of your writing journey. There’s so much to say about the book, but for today’s purpose, suffice to say it’s one of those stories that accomplishes so much, and seems to do it effortlessly. I promise, as a writer, it’ll leave you thinking and as a reader, it’ll leave you feeling. I tweeted after finishing that I needed one of those long German words to describe the complex way in which TPWK moved me.
In her essay Larkin relays how her main character, April Sawicki, has been a part of her life for over a decade. Reading the essay and the book got me thinking not just about my own long-unfinished story, but about its primary protagonists, and what a vital part of my life they’ve become. In doing so, I realized that living with them has taught me a lot—not just about writing and story, but about life.
Armchair Historian Writer
Vahldan of the Amalus Clan first popped into my consciousness before I wrote a single word of prose for my first trilogy, sixteen years ago. I was so clueless about writing fiction that I didn’t even realize that what I was doing was pre-writing. My jottings were mostly along the lines of world-building, but I was also constructing a backstory for my main characters. I already knew I had two brothers, one raised in the Gothic world and one raised in the Roman world. The scenario begged the questions: How did this happen? Who were their parents?
The broad strokes of Vahldan’s life came quickly to me, as if I were an armchair historian and I’d stumbled upon a figure who’d had a profound impact on my area of study. It sort of felt like my brain was doing a Google search of this guy, scanning the files of my subconscious. My initial search of the brothers’ father revealed that he’d been a tribal clan chieftain who became a conquering king on the fringes of the imperial world. I also swiftly ascertained that Vahldan’s two sons had different mothers. As soon as I gleaned that he’d died when his sons were too young to remember him, I instantly knew that Vahldan had been killed in battle, targeted by the Romans. Had it been a glorious death? Good riddance to a troublemaker?
Either way, I came away from our first meeting suffused in the man’s legendary status. I instantly recognized that Vahldan was both revered and reviled, depending on who was recalling him.
Vahldan’s guardian Elan—an elite warrior of the Skolani tribe, assigned to his protection when they were both still teens—came to this armchair historian writer in much the same way. I first wrote Elan’s name in the context of a tale relayed to her niece, shortly after the niece is assigned to Vahldan’s son’s protection. I swiftly gleaned that Vahldan and Elan had been romantically entwined, and that Elan was not the mother of either of Vahldan’s sons. Which made for an intriguing knot of drama, yet to be untangled. The cautionary tale of Elan is told to the niece by the Skolani queen, in preparation for her upcoming assignment—a duty that mirrors Elan’s. The thing that stayed with me was the raw emotion of the normally taciturn Skolani queen as she spoke of Elan.
I knew that something about Elan and Vahldan—something haunting, even tragic—was being left unsaid. I was as curious as I made my characters out to be.
For several years, my body of knowledge regarding these two remained like a pair of metaphoric Wiki pages—repositories that the armchair historian writer could add to or alter as new facts came to light. I saw Vahldan as a memory, perceived and passed along by characters who’d known him. Just as I saw Elan though the memories of those who’d known her. It was all a bit vague and detached.
Life With the Barbarians Upstairs
It wasn’t until three years after I’d finished a draft of my first trilogy that I began to write Vahldan and Elan’s story. I steadily worked my way from a pair of résumés of deeds and personality trait checklists to a flesh and blood couple. Through exploring quirks—hidden desires, surprising reactions, ungrounded fears, lingering shames, self-soothing habits—these characters gained what feels to me like the vibrancy of real lives.
What began as an excavation seeking clues became the animation of truth. Along with their vibrancy came no small amount of agency. Time and again, these two have stubbornly shown me that they have their own way of doing things.
Seems like ten years would be time enough to get to know a couple pretty well, doesn’t it? Still, no matter how long or how well I thought I knew them, I kept finding there was more to learn about the barbarians who’d taken up residency in my cranium. Although it happens less often, to this day Vahldan and Elan can still surprise me. Not in regard to the particulars of what’s occurred. More along the lines of how they feel and react. Sometimes the work has been like sifting sand, seeking gems of revelation. Other times it’s felt like trying different things on to see what fits. But V & E are always clear about what fits and what doesn’t, what’s true and what isn’t. Paying heed to them has been vital to staying true to their deepest intentions, often veiled, even from themselves.
It isn’t always easy living with a pair of volatile Gothic warriors upstairs. They tend to act up at inconvenient times. They can be quarrelsome, noisy, restless, and moody. They often drive me to distraction, and have a habit of interrupting my sleep routine. Then of course there have been times when I came knocking and there was nobody home. Occasionally it’s felt like they’ve purposely misled me. There have even been stretches when I’ve felt as though they abandoned me—split without paying their tab and left me with the mess.
Luckily, the effort and its accumulating result has led to an examination of lives that feel all the more authentic to me.
All in all, in spite of their fickleness, I consider having Vahldan and Elan in my life to be a blessing.
The Benefits and Lessons of Tarrying Characters
I believe there’s much to be said for finishing projects and moving on to new ones. I’m sure that there will be new lessons and additional benefits that will arise from this project, even after its publication. But I also think there are unique gifts that I’ve gained through working on these characters and this story over such a long haul. Gifts that I sincerely hope to pass along. Such as:
*The benefit of enhanced clarity—In a recent interview, Larkin describes how she sees April Sawicki, whom she’s known for over a decade, versus some of her newer characters as the difference between technicolor film and videotape. I totally get that. I experience these original characters so vividly—not just visualizing them physically, but intuiting them psychologically. I hold dear the moments that define their lives, their cherished memories, their biggest regrets and deepest sorrows. I hold them dear because they spring from or reflect, in various ways, my deepest truths.
Because it is truth to me, I can only hope it may provide clarity to another.
*The lesson of seeking to change others—After years of trying various tactics and options out on V & E, I’ve come to better recognize that although you might be able to change the way someone behaves, you can never change who they are. I’ve learned that staying true to them only enhances the authenticity I describe above.
Hopefully who they are will be apparent to others, as well.
*The lesson of judging the person and not merely their deeds—As I say, trying to change these two has proved all but impossible. Vahldan can be stubborn and rash, and is prone to rage. Elan can be prickly and standoffish, and even vindictive. Both of them have done some pretty shitty things (one moreso than the other–I’ll let you guess which). Both of them have been broken, in ways that can seem beyond repair. But I know their hearts. I see the roots of intention beyond their bad behavior. In spite of their bouts of blindness to it, I always see that their souls are irrevocably entwined.
After a decade of study of these two lives, I continue to relearn the basic lesson that behavior is not necessarily identity, that we are all human, and the reasons behind the things we do are always complex, often veiled, and occasionally self-denied.
*The lesson of the power of redemption—After a decade with these two, I am more convinced than ever that a redeeming act, earnestly offered in the name of love, can overcome a virtual mountain of mistakes and poor decisions. The redeeming act may not be able to reverse the harm done, but it can restore hope for those who’ve lost it, provide healing to those who’ve been wounded.
Because of my decade with these two, I better understand that it’s the love shared—freely offered, gratefully accepted, and humbly passed along to those who follow—that makes for a worthy life. In the end it’s all that matters. The rest is just noise and distraction from that vital core of our humanity.
Epic Send Off
For better or worse, the time has nearly arrived for Vahldan and Elan to venture out into the world. I have no idea how they’ll be received. I don’t know whether they’ll be lauded or reviled. I can’t be certain whether or not their lessons will be apparent to others. Or whether they might offer new perspectives and lessons, unperceived by me. Those things are beyond my control. I only know that I strived to honor their authenticity.
I believe that the authenticity I sought was better revealed to me by knowing Vahldan and Elan as I learned to know myself.
I was in my mid-forties when these two first took up residency in my cranium, and I’m sixty now. Of course, the lessons and benefits that accrued on the page apply to the life of the writer himself. Because I have lived for such a significant chunk of my life with these characters, I have come to grasp that it’s not what we create that makes us who we are. How we strive will not be the sole measure of our worth.
It’s through our gifts—born of love, made authentic through our striving; freely offered, gratefully accepted, and humbly passed along—that our worthiness will be judged and remembered. And for that, Vahldan and Elan, I thank you both.
How about you, WU? Ever had a character holed up in your cranium? Did they drive you a little nuts? What benefits and lessons did they impart?
Vaughn Roycroft’s (he/him) teacher gave him a copy of The Hobbit in the 6th grade, sparking a lifelong passion for reading and history. After college, life intervened, and Vaughn spent twenty years building a successful business. During those years, he and his wife built a getaway cottage near their favorite shoreline, in a fashion that would make the elves of Rivendell proud. After many milestone achievements, and with the mantra ‘life’s too short,’ they left their hectic lives in the business world, moved to their little cottage, and Vaughn finally returned to writing. Now he spends his days striving to finish his epic fantasy series.
Vaughn, this is such an interesting post. Our characters can really get into our heads and stay there until we fully flesh them out. And, that’s when we know we have the right stuff to tell their stories. The sweet spot is when you get to that point in writing the novel where the scene just seems to write itself–because you know the characters so well and you know exactly what they will say and do in a given set of circumstances. As you point out, it can take a LONG time to get to that point. Thanks for sharing these insights. Good luck, my friend, with the trilogy, and I hope your summer is going well.
Hey Chris–Don’t you just love that feeling, where the scenes seem to be revealed to you, the creator, even as they play out. There’s certainly been a feeling of deep truth that accompanies that for me. There may be details that need rearranging in revision, but the core of scenes that come like that, from characters we know so well, is usually beyond reproach. Even if it’s only to inform us (and not necessarily as a part of the story to be shared).
The part of summer I love best is beginning (the part where the tourists begin to leave, and fall is in the air). Hope your summer lingers in a delightful way, as well. Thanks much for the insight and the well-wishes, my friend!
Vaughan !!! How are you, old buddy?!? Hope all is well with you. I do love your characters and world building. I also have two characters – Richard and Verbena – who have been living in the castle in my brain for years since coming to visit in a dream. They have something to say and I believe that’s why they have staying power. Now they are like old friends and I admit to self soothing before sleep by plotting their scenarios. Glad I found your essay this morn. Take care and blessings to you! xo t
Hi Thea! Wow, it’s been too long. Great to hear from you!
You make an excellent observation. I mention the sleep disruption, but there have certainly been sleep benefits and enhancements born of sleep/dreaming that I’ve enjoyed, as well. I do the same, self-soothe as I drift with plot scenarios. The whole journey has been a blessing, hasn’t it. So glad to hear that R & V are still in residence.
Miss you, my friend! Thanks much for offering your always-wise insight. Stay safe and enjoy the rest of summer.
I still remember Richard and Verbena, too, Thea, I’d love for you to get that story out into the world — so much fun!
Vaughn, it’s inspiring how you’ve carried Vahldan and Elan in your imagination for so long, and how you’ve put them through their paces as they’ve put you through yours. They’ve become clearer to you through their complexities, and in turn they’ve clarified who you are as a writer. Huzzah!
I also want to second how fantastic Allison Larkin’s THE PEOPLE WE KEEP is for anyone on the fence. Such a great book.
Hey T! Gosh, having one of my primary storytelling inspirations use the word inspiring has already made my week!
I do think you’re right–that V&E have helped me to find myself as a writer. It’s so critical to know aspects of our own storytelling as well as I know them. It helps us to cut what’s superfluous by way of external input (which we very much need, but which can also be misdirecting or even harmful).
I can’t thank you enough, for your kind encouragement and support. Not to mention the very helpful, enlightening, and kind guidance you have provided to Vahldan and Elan–and me!–over the years.
For me, this is an exceptionally well-timed post, Vaughan, as I’d already intended today to tackle a character who simply refuses to tell me what makes him tick, why is marriage his faltering, and how his arc should be resolved. You’re right, though, that giving our characters time to grow can make them richer on the page. Even giving ourselves time to grow (or age) can enrich our writing.
Best wishes to you and V & E!
Hey Mary–I feel for you, and I’m delighted that the post is well-timed for you. I’ve found that when characters are hiding from me, it’s usually for a reason. Normally one that’s my fault, like some pre-judgement I’ve made. I’ve spent a lot of time during my journey hammering square pegs into round holes. I’m certain you’re not being as obstinate as I’ve routinely been, but maybe look around outside any box you may have tried to put this character into.
Thanks for sharing! Wishing you the best!
Characters who live upstairs for that long should certainly not be kicked out.
But why do they linger in our minds and hearts? I think it is because they carry a fundamental conflict. They are unresolved even when draft seventeen is done. And that in turn suggests that an unresolved conflict lingers in our own minds and hearts. They are, after all, projections.
Personally, I am not bothered by being bothered. It’s the gasoline that makes the storytelling impulse run. Plus, figuring those upstairs guests out is fascinating. As with our partners in life, we’re never fully done. What I hope is that we get to the point where enough is known for their stories to feel satisfying. Then readers get to meet the guests too and feel, I hope, the same fascination.
When the guests grip the minds and hearts of readers then our job is done well. The guests reflect the human condition of us all.
Hey Benjamin–Well, I’ve certainly never been bored by V & E. Nor by the world that spins with them at its vortex. You’re right as well that it’s seeking that point of satisfaction, but I also feel that these two will continue to rent cranial space for the rest of my days, even if they someday become intermittent visitors to the space they’ve made their own.
Thanks much for your enhancement of the concept. You always add a bit of storytelling Zen to every conversation you participate in, and it’s much appreciated by me.
Vaughn, your post put me in mind of how some close characters are like family members, whether parents, siblings or cousins: expressing their affections, annoyances and surprises, both in word and deed. Often unasked.
Good of you to have given V & E food and shelter in your head, even if they don’t always clean up after themselves. I suspect they will reward your patience on a bigger stage to come. (Not that the center of your skull isn’t a vast, seething territory, with nice sunsets.)
Hey Tom! Yeah, in this case, I even get the warm-fuzzies for the family of these familial characters. I think part of it is starting with the progeny and working backward. I still get all excited when I get to each of their births as I revise V & E’s tale. It also makes a very detailed timeline crucial, as you can imagine.
I try not to imagine how my tenants have trashed the space upstairs. Worst part is, I didn’t even require a security deposit. But you’re right, the sunsets make it all the more worthwhile.
Thanks for offering such an encouraging outlook, my friend. Hope your summer is swimming along serenely. And safely!
I’ve been living with the characters in my mainstream trilogy since 2000 – and have been trying to understand them that long.
The story came in one piece at the confluence of their three rivers, but the details have come painstakingly as I put them into the story’s situations, and have learned how they respond.
It is one of the great pleasures of being a writer, to be able to say, with conviction, ‘he would never do that.’ Or, in the kids’ vernacular, ‘she would totally do this.’
When you know they are imaginary.
Oh, Alicia, what a lovely metaphor for them–the confluence of three rivers. It not only provides the map for exploring each upstream branch, but it says so much about them once they come together. Beautifully done!
You reminded me of my goddaughter, who has always been one of my primary readers. The way she describes the characters and circumstances always makes me smile, and “she would totally say something like that.” :)
Thanks much for weighing in. Wishing you a smooth downstream ride!
You always write such insightful posts/essays, Vaughn. And it’s always a pleasure reading your words.
Oh, the things and people and places that are holed up in my head. There’s one that haunts me and has for the 7 or more years since my last book. We’ll see.
Hi Kat! Don’t tease me with phrases like “we’ll see.” We need more Kat Magendie fiction and we need it now! :)
Can’t thank you enough for your kind and generous support–today and over the years. Know that I’m thinking of you and remain hopeful for more of your storytelling. Always.
Hi Vaughn, I’m late writing back, John had a procedure this morning, but he’s fine.
I’ve mentioned before that I have one of your notes taped to my wall, and I when I need to, I look up at it and know, that pursuing Ella’s story is GOOD WORK, WORTHY WORK. That I can stay on this pathway as long as I need, create her life and the way I portray her struggles to a conclusion that is worthy of her sorrow, her gains and losses. So, I write on, Beth
Aw shucks, Beth–I hope you know how huge that is for me; how much it fills my heart and provides me with so much writerly fuel. Really, it means the world to me.
Here’s to those long-dwelling characters, and the authenticity we honor in them. Here we go, writing on, side-by-side. I can’t think of a better way forward. Thank you!
Great post, Vaughn – lots of food for thought. Having got to know them a little at one point of their journey, I will be thrilled to see Vahldan and Elan step out into the spotlight.
For me, it’s the ”what next” for characters that teases my brain. I have a few who needed another book, or maybe two, but didn’t get it because a publisher lost interest in a series. Those characters continue to be present in my mind, telling parts of their story.
Hi Juliet! It feels like those that linger in our thoughts, that won’t let us go, have something important to tell us about ourselves. I’m excited for V & E, and terrified, too, of course. But I feel like there are gifts that I will continue to receive from them, and you’re alluding to that probability.
Thanks so much, for your valuable insight, and for the inspiration you’ve always provided for me. Hope all’s well with you and the dogs!
What a beautiful, heartfelt post, Vaughn. Your love for your characters shines through with every word. What a wonderful connection to have with your characters. This is especially nice when writing series as you do.
I’ll have to share!
Hugs
Dee
Thanks, Dee! This story means so much to me, and I often feel lucky that these characters chose me.
Thanks much for sharing, as well! Hope you guys are having a lovely summer.
So much great juice here, Vaughn. I love how you describe these characters coming to life for you, and leaning into who they reveal themselves to be rather than trying to force what you as author think they should be–as well as embracing their complexity and gray areas. I’ll be sharing this one.
Hey Tiffany–It took me SO long to learn to lean into who they were rather than try to force it. I’m a bit slow, but maybe that’s part of the benefit of this long haul. It helps that they were a stubborn pair, I guess.
Thanks much, for your kind praise, and for the share!
Not like you haven’t heard this before, but . . . cannot wait till you loose your story on the world!
Aw shucks, Moryn–certainly can’t hear it enough. You’ve absolutely made my day. As a side-benefit, you’ve provided the fuel to keep me striving toward getting it out there.
Thank you!
I’ve always been a slow writer, and never more so than now, as the mother of two young children. So yes, inherently my characters and stories live with me for a long time. It’s nice to hear about the benefits of that, to try to embrace it, rather than always lamenting my pace and wishing I could “just be done already!” Thank you for the reminder/perspective.