Flog a Pro: Would You Pay to Turn the First Page of this Bestseller?
By Ray Rhamey | April 15, 2021 |
Trained by reading hundreds of submissions, editors and agents often make their read/not-read decision on the first page. In a customarily formatted book manuscript with chapters starting about 1/3 of the way down the page (double-spaced, 1-inch margins, 12-point type), there are 16 or 17 lines on the first page.
Here’s the question:
Would you pay good money to read the rest of the chapter? With 50 chapters in a book that costs $15, each chapter would be “worth” 30 cents.
So, before you read the excerpt, take 30 cents from your pocket or purse. When you’re done, decide what to do with those three dimes or the quarter and a nickel. It’s not much, but think of paying 30 cents for the rest of the chapter every time you sample a book’s first page. In a sense, time is money for a literary agent working her way through a raft of submissions, and she is spending that resource whenever she turns a page.
Please judge by storytelling quality, not by genre or content—some reject an opening page immediately because of genre, but that’s not a good enough reason when the point is to analyze for storytelling strength.
This novel was number two on the New York Times hardcover fiction bestseller list for April 18, 2021. How strong are the opening pagse—would it, all on its own, hook an agent if it came in from an unpublished writer?
Because the use of prologues is a constant issue, I’m including the first page of the prologue (all of it) and that of chapter One. There’s a poll for each.
Prologue
Hope is a coin I carry: an American penny, given to me by a man I came to love. There were times in my journey when it felt as if that penny and the hope it represented were the only things that kept me going.
I came west in search of a better life, but my American dream was turned into a nightmare by poverty and hardship and greed. These past few years have been a time of things lost: Jobs. Homes. Food.
The land we loved turned on us, broke us all, even the stubborn old men who used to talk about the weather and congratulate each other on the season’s bumper wheat crop. A man’s got to fight out here to make a living, they’d say to each other.
A man.
It was always about the men. They seemed to think it meant nothing to cook and clean and bear children and tend gardens. But we women of the Great Plains worked from sunup to sundown, too, toiled on wheat farms until we were as dry and baked as the land we loved.
Sometimes, when I close my eyes, I swear I can still taste the dust …
One (1921)
Elsa Wolcott had spent years in enforced solitude, reading fictional adventures and imagining other lives. In her lonely bedroom, surrounded by the novels that had become her friends, she sometimes dared to dream of an adventure of her own, but not often. Her family repeatedly told her that it was the illness she’d survived in childhood that had transformed her life and left it fragile and solitary, and on good days, she believed it.
On bad days, like today, she knew that she had always been an outsider in her own family. They had sensed the lack in her early on, seen that she didn’t fit in.
There was a pain that came with constant disapproval; a sense of having lost something unnamed, unknown. Elsa had survived it by being quiet, by not demanding or seeking attention, by accepting that she was loved, but unliked. The hurt had become so commonplace, she rarely noticed it. She knew it had nothing to do with the illness to which her rejection was usually ascribed.
But now, as she sat in the parlor, in her favorite chair, she closed the book in her lap and thought about it. The Age of Innocence had awakened something in her, reminded her keenly of the passage of time.
Tomorrow was her birthday.
Twenty-five.
You can turn the page and read more here. Were the opening pages of the prologue and first chapter of The Four Winds by Kristin Hannah compelling?
My vote: No and Yes.
This book received 4.6 out of 5 stars on Amazon. While there was plenty of interesting stuff in the prologue, the telling turned me off. It seemed like much of the story ahead was being summed up here, and we’re being told what it means. While the voice and writing were fine, I didn’t want to read a novel’s worth of narrative put this way.
The first chapter almost fails to raise a story question. And it irritatingly refuses to reveal the illness Elsa had suffered—I see no gain for the author in withholding it, and a loss of comprehension for the reader. The tone is solemn and serious, not exactly promising drama ahead. Yet . . .
The narrative gives the reader a feeling that the curtain ahead will part and this young woman’s life will be dramatically changed. And she is a sympathetic character, so we’re ready to root for her. Story question: how will she break out? And then, how will she deal with being free? What problems will come because of what she does to break free ? So, along with the writing and voice, there was enough anticipatory tension in the first page of chapter one to encourage more reading by me. Your thoughts?
You’re invited to a flogging—your own You see here the insights fresh eyes bring to the performance of bestseller first pages, so why not do the same with the opening of your WIP? Submit your prologue/first chapter to my blog, Flogging the Quill, and I’ll give you my thoughts and even a little line editing if I see a need. And the readers of FtQ are good at offering constructive notes, too. Hope to see you there.
To submit, email your first chapter or prologue (or both) as an attachment to me, and let me know if it’s okay to use your first page and to post the complete chapter.
[coffee]
Ray Rhamey is the author of five novels and one writing craft book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling. He’s also an editor of book-length fiction and designs book covers and interiors for Indie authors and small presses. His website, crrreative.com, offers an a la carte menu of creative services for writers and publishers. Learn more about Ray’s books at rayrhamey.com.
The prologue interested me, but after the first paragraph I skimmed the rest. That first sentence and the tone of the narrative told me this won’t draw in at all. It’s a no for me.
Oddly enough, I found the prologue more compelling than the chapter opening, although both are competently written.
The prologue has more life in it: “American penny” suggests an MC who has immigrated, and “man I came to love” implies that love was a late arrival. These are slight but definite story hints.
The chapter opening is just plain dreary. Nothing happens.
Like Anna, I was more drawn in by the prologue. But what intrigued me in Chapter One was the unnamed illness. I also like reading about the time-period. And I’m admittedly a sucker for characters who yearn for something lost and unknown.
My vote was no and no. The first paragraph of the prologue grabbed my attention, but it was quickly lost. To be honest, I felt the prologue was just a way for the narrator to complain about the injustices in their world, and didn’t really give any hints that this would change. (That could be because I was skimming after the first paragraph…) Then in the first chapter it was more of the same and I think I’m having some compassion fatigue, because I just went went “Nope.”
Kristin Hannah doesn’t disappoint, and this one is selling well.
But that opening! It is so much a sample of the Literature of Complaint. I hope it gets more lively from here. We’ll see. At least the complaint is about life in general and not parents or husband, which is already plentiful on the shelves.
Sorry, that dour tone has made me grumpy!
Unfortunately because of its rave reviews I purchased the book a few weeks ago, but I hadn’t started it when I read these samples. First, eliminate the needless prologue! Second, show, don’t tell. I must go now and see if it’s too late to return the book to Amazon.
The prologue provoked some interest in me, but the first page was another one of these “I’ve been rejected, but I will get through it” books. Enough, please.
I do not understand how a real child could grow up “accepting that she was loved, but unliked.”
I voted yes and yes. Although the actual first page was a little tedious, the prologue was strong and flowed so well, it drew me in enough to temporarily read beyond the tedium. Had it continued, I would have put down the book. That being said, it was all well written.
I bought the book! It’s a third person historical themed book instead of the many first person. I’m writing historical fiction in the third person. I read the beginning of the book on Amazon and wanted to read more. I wasn’t disappointed. There’s a hint of her illness on page 7. For my money it’s worth reading. I like her writing style. 📚🎶 Christine
Neither of the pages hooked me, but the writing is competent. So my next move would be to read the back cover and/or bookjacket blurb, to see what the damn thing is ABOUT.
If it’s just a story of hard rural/old-timey life, I’ll pass. But if there’s something really interesting about the plot, I’d give this some more pages. But I can kind of tell, no matter what the story is about, it’s not going to be a barrel of laughs. If it gets too Grapes of Wrathy on me, I’m out.
I usually skip prologues and then come back to them if the first chapter draws me in. The first paragraph was interesting, but the rest was too much artifice. I ended up scanning the bulk of it. Too much surface, not enough substance
Both the prologue and the opening scene felt very familiar to me, as if I had seen that book or that movie several times, beginning a long time ago.
I suppose it’s possible that Ms. Hannah could come up with something so unexpected that I would be amazed and delighted. But I’ll never know.
Too much exposition for me. If I’m reading that it has to deliver a promise that would make my investment of time worthwhile. That goes for the prologue. I probably wouldn’t have got to chapter one. This is not bad writing but it’s not good because it doesn’t offer enough quickly enough. It’s a good illustration of why agents reject on the first page. Congrats to those who would keep reading. I think all authors would love you and your patience.
I’m starting to ask myself if I’m too much of a softie, or if I read too much promise into first pages.
I would have turned in both cases, though the prologue helped further my interest in the first chapter by giving it extra significance. As an experiment, I have not looked at any further marketing materials, but this is what I’m expecting to read: a story about a mail-order bride, probably one with deformities due to polio or smallpox, who uses marriage as a way to escape her family of origin. While her appearance and sensibilities initially disappoint her groom, despite the sexism and ableism inherent to the American West, she ultimately earns herself an outsized love and the respect of larger society.
Did I get close?
It’s the promise of a love story that pulls me through, by the way. That’s what I needed from the admittedly grumpy and self-righteous prologue.
Whelp, had a look inside the book and apparently I’m waaay off the mark in terms of storyline. So much for my powers of prognostication. ;-)
But your story line sounded entertaining.
I didn’t mind that there was a prologue. Sometimes it’s a good way to set up a story. The first paragraphs interested me, but then my eyes glazed over when I read about hardships and working sun up and sun down. Nothing to do with Hannah’s writing ability (which is always amazing), it’s just not a subject that grabs me.
The prologue was almost intriguing, but the opening turned me off altogether. I just thought “Show, don’t Tell!!!!” as I read it, and even with that small bit, I started to skim the text. Not for me at all!
I was disappointed.
She is my favorite author. The story was too long, too much the same. Would like to have seen more show than tell. Maybe it’s time she gets back to the Kristin Hannah I so love.
No and no. The writing is competent but not beautiful, and absolutely nothing happens here … and I see no hint of anything about to happen. Not for me.