Flog a Pro: Would You Pay to Turn the First Page of this Bestseller?
By Ray Rhamey | March 18, 2021 |
Trained by reading hundreds of submissions, editors and agents often make their read/not-read decision on the first page. In a customarily formatted book manuscript with chapters starting about 1/3 of the way down the page (double-spaced, 1-inch margins, 12-point type), there are 16 or 17 lines on the first page.
Here’s the question:
Would you pay good money to read the rest of the chapter? With 50 chapters in a book that costs $15, each chapter would be “worth” 30 cents.
So, before you read the excerpt, take 30 cents from your pocket or purse. When you’re done, decide what to do with those three dimes or the quarter and a nickel. It’s not much, but think of paying 30 cents for the rest of the chapter every time you sample a book’s first page. In a sense, time is money for a literary agent working her way through a raft of submissions, and she is spending that resource whenever she turns a page.
Please judge by storytelling quality, not by genre or content—some reject an opening page immediately because of genre, but that’s not a good enough reason when the point is to analyze for storytelling strength.
This novel was number one on the New York Times trade paperback fiction bestseller list for March 21, 2021. How strong is the opening page—would it, all on its own, hook an agent if it came in from an unpublished writer?
I don’t like to start with an apology—there’s probably even a rule against it, like never ending a sentence with a preposition —but after reading over the thirty pages I’ve written so far, I feel like I have to. It’s about a certain word I keep using. I learned a lot of four-letter words from my mother and used them from an early age (as you will find out), but this is one with five letters. The word is later, as in “Later on” and “Later I found out” and “It was only later that I realized.” I know it’s repetitive, but I had no choice, because my story starts when I still believed in Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy (although even at six I had my doubts). I’m twenty-two now, which makes this later, right? I suppose when I’m in my forties—always assuming I make it that far—I’ll look back on what I thought I understood at twenty-two and realize there was a lot I didn’t get at all. There’s always a later, I know that now. At least until we die. Then I guess it’s all before that.
My name is Jamie Conklin, and once upon a time I drew a Thanksgiving turkey that I thought was the absolute cat’s ass. Later—and not much later—I found out it was more like the stuff that comes out of the cat’s ass. Sometimes the truth really sucks.
I think this is a horror story. Check it out.
You can turn the page and read more here. Were the opening pages of the prologue of Later by Stephen King compelling?
My vote: No.
This book received 4.5 out of 5 stars on Amazon. I’m a big fan of Stephen King’s books, so I was eager to see how this one opened up. On the credit side, there is that amiable King voice of a character. Solid writing, of course. On the debit side, well, nothing’s going on here. The character isn’t really dealing with anything—and how could he, with no problem, no conflict, no nothing. I think Mr. King is indulging his automatic sell-in here with this leisurely, meandering musing for an opening. And it didn’t work for me.
To be fair, I used the Look inside feature to read on, and it looks like a good an interesting story. But, on the other hand, if he were unpublished and unknown, do you think a literary agent would ask for a full with this as the first page? Your thoughts?
You’re invited to a flogging—your own You see here the insights fresh eyes bring to the performance of bestseller first pages, so why not do the same with the opening of your WIP? Submit your prologue/first chapter to my blog, Flogging the Quill, and I’ll give you my thoughts and even a little line editing if I see a need. And the readers of FtQ are good at offering constructive notes, too. Hope to see you there.
To submit, email your first chapter or prologue (or both) as an attachment to me, and let me know if it’s okay to use your first page and to post the complete chapter.
[coffee]
Ray Rhamey is the author of five novels and one writing craft book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling. He’s also an editor of book-length fiction and designs book covers and interiors for Indie authors and small presses. His website, crrreative.com, offers an a la carte menu of creative services for writers and publishers. Learn more about Ray’s books at rayrhamey.com.
While the meandering chat created a little irritation, the character’s voice was charming enough, and the observations interesting enough, that I kept reading the snippet. The line about this maybe being a horror story made me wonder how that was going to tie in to this upbeat, light-hearted character and so I voted to give it a bit more of a chance and turn the page.
Hard pass on this one. Even an endearing voice has to work really hard to overcome talk of what comes out of a cat’s ass on the first page when there is zero story there. I tend to like character-focused slow openings, but this one’s not for me.
I was drawn in by the the narrator’s self-confidence and his sense of humor. I liked him immediately, always a plus. He was evasive enough to promise an interesting story with plenty of twists and turns. so, yes, I would read on. But the question was ‘would this excerpt, all on its own, hook an agent if it came in from an unpublished writer’. That seemed unlikely, so I voted, no.
Although it has nothing to do with the writing, I have to say, the cover art is a definite turn-off. If that makes me a graphic design snob then so be it. Compelling cover art is a big deal.
Within the first few lines I thought that only the most tiresome grammar-and-usage-haunted pedant could possibly put up with this stuff. I had to force myself to continue, only because I always enjoy this Flogging column so much. Even the big reveal—the author is Stephen King!—turned me off. He hasn’t been a starving artist for many years. We down here in the trenches would never get away with such a lazy self-indulgent passage. Please don’t flaunt your privilege, Mr. King. It isn’t attractive.
I knew right away this was Stephen King. That narrative voice is unmistakable: easy, slangy, taking his time, lulling us with its ordinariness and beer-can naturalism because what is coming is unnatural and terrifying.
The problem is that I knew right away this was Stephen King. Granted, this one of his pulp homage novels, which I have loved, but I’m pretty familiar with his style and story tricks. I will read this one and voted yes, but I’m sensing that he isn’t stretching this time. That’s okay. There’s no law.
I just hope there are some surprises ahead because, like the retro cover, this already feels vintage.
I couldn’t be bothered finishing the quote. That’s what guided my vote.
OK, so we get a little info about this character that isn’t strictly exposition. He/she–I totally missed the gender of the narrator; thought it was a woman the whole time– is a writer or engaged in writing something longer than a letter and still young. Jamie’s reflections on childhood twanged a small cord of recognition in me, but it wasn’t enough to make me want to turn the page.
I voted yes because the quirkiness appealed to me. The character of the narrator was instantly sympathetic. The departure from typical beginnings with story and action gave me hope that there might be other surprises to come.
Nope.
I love Stephen King, but to me this was a waste of a page. All throat-clearing, and only the last two sentences had any value or meaning.
After the first sentence or so, I got the feeling this was a psychopath (or similar) talking. Why would someone obsess over a word like “later?” He learned four-letter words from his mother—backstory alert, probably something to do with his mother (was she abusive or…). He “had no choice” and his need for reassurance (“right?”): see above psychopath mention.
So I voted yes, I’d keep reading. I didn’t guess it was Stephen King since I’ve only read a few of his books and it was years ago. But that makes me think maybe I’m right about the psychopath (?).
Interesting exercise!
Leisurely and meandering doesn’t begin to describe this passage. I found it boring and pointless. I wasn’t charmed by the narrator’s voice, self-confidence, quirkiness, or humor. Maybe the story picks up “later,” but based on this opening, I wouldn’t stick around to find out.
Faux intimacy, self-important, (a promise of) profanity…
My instant sense of the snippet: “a narcissistic narrator, so, it’s either New Adult, or Women’s Fiction.”
Yuck. No, I wouldn’t pay to read more. Not even if it’s Stephen King and with the promise of horror to come. :-)
I think you put your finger on it. The narrator is clearly self-involved, and although it’s possible that it has something important to do with the story, I’m not gripped. Also, the writer breaks the fourth wall in an off-hand way (“Check it out.”) that doesn’t feel professional.
I guessed this was Stephen King before it was revealed. His easy conversational style is hard to miss. I love that about his books. But…this felt like a warm up; an orchestra tuning their or instruments or an engine making a mumhumda mumhumda noise before turning over and starting up. I believe, maybe because it’s King, that better things are coming. The start, though, did nothing to pull me into the story in any substantial way. And because of that, I passed.
I did like the voice but there was nothing going on and so I voted no. I was quite surprised to find that this was Stephen King. I have this book on hold at the library. I will read it because I love his books.
This will be placed much, much later on my reading list. If I ever run out of all the great novels on my list, it just might be fun to pick up when I am at the end of a hard day and extremely sleepy. On second thought it might be a more pleasant use of time to clean the cat litter box. My cat will love me for it.
It’s a longwinded way to frame the story, and I was losing interest until the bit about the cat’s ass. I do enjoy a snarky voice. I would turn but suspect I wouldn’t go much further.
I’m not a Stephen King fan, but based on my reaction to this initial segment of this novel, maybe I ought to try him again.
If you want me to read your book, somewhere on the first page you have to engage me; there are a lot of alternatives available to me for the use of my time. You might be able to engage me by starting with conflict and action, and I’m certainly going to expect those if I am to read much more, but what I anticipate as my constant companion through this read is, first, the voice, especially if it’s written in first person POV, and then the character/hero-heroine/protagonist, someone to root for. This voice appeals to me, and I’m willing to read further to learn more about this character. I’m also teased by this five letter word; I want to know what it is and why it’s significant.
That said, I cheat. Before I pay, I’m going to Amazon to read at least a little more. But having read this initial segment, Amazon LATER, Look Inside is where I’m headed now. Thank you for introducing me to this novel, and for challenging me to examine and articulate my reaction.
I vote no. The character is irritatingly chatty and relentlessly boring, and that’s two big black marks right there. Instead of being eager to turn the page, I was eager to close the book and escape.
Probably just as well (ha), since I don’t like horror fiction.