Expose Your Mess
By Yuvi Zalkow | March 1, 2021 |
So the last time I posted a video on Writer Unboxed, I talked up bathing in the unknown. And it got me thinking, even if the unknown is a powerful place, what’s next? For me, after some bathing, I like to figure out what I’ve got on my hands. (Yeah, I know, the bathing metaphor just fell apart…) And the most effective way I know to make it more known… is by seeing how it affects other people. These people need to be trusted people, especially at this early phase, because the material is raw and messy and I’m probably feeling vulnerable. Even so, seeing (or more like: feeling) another person’s response is critical for me to take the story to the next phase.
Look, I know plenty of writers who don’t require others to create something powerful. But not me, I need to listen for when the reader (or listener) laughs or sighs or gasps or holds their breath. And then, I can better understand what the hell I’m writing. That’s when I find out that my story I thought was about all the crazy bus routes in Portland is really about one lonely man’s longing to connect with another person. Or how my Darth Vader story is really a story about the challenges of step parenting. Or how there are already enough think pieces about Bojack Horseman. (OK, just kidding about that last one. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a sucker for think pieces about Bojack, but I haven’t actually written one myself yet… The other examples are actually true.)
My whole process is really just a back and forth between time alone with my writing and time learning how others respond to the writing. But this first step from the unknown to the… slightly-more-known is my favorite phase (even if it’s also the scariest).
Here’s the video I made about this subject:
What about you? Do you have trusted readers who help you along the writing journey? Are you comfortable exposing your mess?
Yuvi Zalkow is the author of the novel I Only Cry with Emoticons (Red Hen, 2022) as well as A Brilliant Novel in the Works. His stories and essays have been published in Catapult, Narrative Magazine, Carve Magazine, Rosebud, The Los Angeles Review, and others. Yuvi received an MFA from Antioch University. He uses his poor drawing skills to make YouTube videos and mobile apps that ooze with his worries and anxiety.
I can identify, Yuvi! For me there are two sorts of exposure that are helpful. The first is simply finding readers that can get through the damn thing. From them I confess, I mostly want a pat on the back, an attaboy.
And then there’s deeper critique. Which can be so helpful and revealing. Or it can be crippling, even debilitating. I guess I’ve gotten much more cautious over the years. I do indeed have a couple of trusted readers who’ve really helped me to understand what I’m trying to do, even exposing and aiding me in developing themes that I had no idea I was exploring. Themes that have great meaning and significance to me. These few are precious resources. I never want to overburden them, but you can’t avoid exposure, either. I find if I wait too long, I fall deeper into stubbornness and inflexibility. So, as Run DMC famously put it, “it’s tricky, (tricky), tricky.”
Lots of laughs that led to lots of insight, as usual. Thanks for being willing to take a fairly severe wound on that hill that overlooks that other hill, my stalwart writing comrade.
Hi Vaughn,
This line: “I never want to overburden them, but you can’t avoid exposure, either.”
Yes! You send a new piece to a reader, he/she responds with feedback, you revise. At which point, who are you most inclined to send it to? Obviously that same reader. Who then responds with feedback, and you revise, etc.
A friend and I have exchanged work for a decade. I always feel so self-conscious sending him subsequent drafts of something he’s already commented extensively on, but he’s really my best reader.
Not long ago he sent me a revised version of the first eight pages of his novel, pages I’d already read over and over again. He clearly felt self-conscious about it too, which made me feel better. He wrote:
“Would you please read it for me soon? I’ll never ask you to read these opening pages again, I promise. I don’t know how I dare burden you with them again.”
When you dare burden each other again and again and again, that’s how you know you’ve got a good relationship.
Hi Vaughn! I love that you’re breaking it down into two types. I agree that those are both different types of exposure and both really important. Sometimes I mix them up, and I regret it… When I need a pat on the back, it’s really rough when instead I get, “Have you considered that you’re using this mixed metaphor ineffectively?” OK. maybe that’s an exaggeration, but it still can be crushing to get critical critique in the wrong phase… Anyway, thanks again for all the great support and feedback. Take care!
Hi Yuvi,
I never feel *comfortable* sharing my post-bath mess, and probably never will, but I do it anyway, mainly for the reasons you provide above. I have a writer friend with whom I’ve exchanged work for a decade; often we’ll send each other a new thing (sometimes it can be described only as a thing) and say, “Can you tell me what the hell this is about?”
Often the answer is no, but not always. Over the years we’ve read enough of each other’s work to easily be able to tell whether a new piece is worth pursuing or if it’s just a brain misfire.
With his help I’m usually able to clean my mess and drain that fetid bathwater.
Only then do I send it to my six-person writing group.
Not that I’m any more comfortable with that…
Hi David! Thanks for the feedback. Yes!… Having a buddy who you can share writing with is so valuable! And thanks for keeping my bath metaphor alive… 🌊 😜
Hi Yuvi, interesting post today! I don’t let anyone read my work early on until I feel satisfied the story is complete and I can’t do any more at the moment. I fear misdirection from a reader if the story is not fully communicated. And there seems no point to have a reader for a work still developing. Writing is so delicate in the early stages! I like just me and “it” until it’s cooked and juicy. Then the reader can explore what I’ve missed or gaps I have overlooked. I use beta readers or maybe an editor, depending on how difficult the story was for me.
Hi Paula! Yeah, I definitely have writer friends who follow your model. I kinda wish I did too!… But even though I totally agree with your take about the delicate-ness of the early stage work, I still try to cautiously get a response from some writer friends who understand how to respond, because it can help me massage the story into place. Yeah, you’re right that it is risky and can throw the whole thing off… Anyway, thanks for chiming in with your perspective!…
Hello Yuvi. My thing is cleaning up my mess as best I can, then paying a professional editor to provide color commentary. To me, the idea of asking anyone else to read or listen to me read my work is a mistake in two ways. The person I ask to respond is being put on the spot, and the response is likely to be skewed for that reason. In some sense, I am also consciously or otherwise shifting responsibility for my “mess” to that person. If he or she praises what I’ve written, but then it goes nowhere, that person misled me into thinking I’d gotten it right. If that person sees lots of flaws, and I act on the advice and make changes, but my efforts still come to nothing….See what I mean?
Hi Barry! Good points. Yeah, I agree with you about the downsides of asking someone else for feedback… Even so, I still stubbornly look for feedback earlier on, partly because I have stumbled upon some writer friends who understand those very risks and can help nudge me in finding my own way… There are definitely risks, as you’ve pointed out though!
Mess? No, no. My manuscript–in my mind–perfectly enacts my intention. It’s purpose is clear. It’s message is unmissable. The characters are sharp. Each scene has a point. It all adds up.
Until the next day. I don’t need to expose my manuscript to others to see a mess. I can see it for myself, generally the next morning after what felt like an excellent writing session.
But mess is only a miss. The intention is there, it’s just obscured. I’ve been led astray by words which felt good to set down but didn’t quite nail it. Or maybe it was something emotional which I wanted to avoid so much that I didn’t even know what it was.
I don’t need the reactions of others to help me know what I’m doing. I know what I’m trying to do. What I need is a therapist to talk me through my resistance. The truths that I’m trying to get down are painful. Personal. Others can’t tell me what those truths are, only I can.
Anyway, readers react personally to stories too. Every reader reads a given story differently. Just look at Amazon reviews. While I do choose beta readers whose perspective I understand and want, what I look for in their comments is whether they got engaged at all. If comments are nitpicks, then my writing was a total miss/mess.
If, on the other hand, comments are arguments or what-ifs or helpful suggestions, then it may be that the story has at least partly clicked for that reader.
So, I guess my response to your hilarious video is agreement: Whether we know what we’re doing or not, we need to bounce our writing off readers. In my case, I don’t need them to tell me what I mean. I need to know whether what they’re reading means anything to them at all.
Yeah, I like your take… I also think you’re making a good point that I didn’t mention… That specific feedback isn’t something that you should necessarily follow word-for-word. Nitpicks are usually a sign of something else going on… etc. Anyway, thanks for reading, watching, and chiming in….
Yuvi, gosh, I love that turtle–Bob? I feel like him sometimes :)
I have a couple of trusted readers who give me excellent feedback when I’m at a vulnerable stage. They’re willing to look at the mess and help me sort a few strands so that at least I can extricate myself, look more objectively at each spaghetti strand. When I’m ready to submit, I take it in to a larger critique group to gauge reactions. I’ll tweak based on what I’m hearing, what resonates, but the real work happens with the trusted writing partners. It’s not easy but to make that connection with even just one person is such a blessing.
Yeah, I’m with you about making a connection with even one person being a blessing. And also about the value of a trusted writing partner!… Take care, Vijaya.
Yuvi, you gave me much confidence in your observations when I saw that you believe in the “toilet paper is dispensed over the roll rather than under the roll.” Great minds.
And comic timing and heartbreak are forever and rightfully intertwined, star-crossed lovers (with toe-tips in a black hole).
I don’t send my stuff to folks until it’s teen-aged rather than still in diapers, because I edit a fair amount on my own to get to a deeper stage of blah first.
Love the videos!
Thanks for the feedback, Tom. Yeah, the toilet paper roll direction was really my main agenda for this video… 😜 I like the way you talk about the writing at different stages. It’s so important for each writer to know at what stage feedback would be valuable or harmful. Getting it out too soon to the wrong readers can really mess up the process… Also, “Deeper stage of blah” should be a memoir title. … Thanks for watching!