Writing In the Chaos
By Allison Winn Scotch | July 30, 2019 |
Please welcome back today’s guest: former regular contributor Allison Winn Scotch!
I’m going to get to this straight away: I have had a really difficult time writing for the past year or so. Probably longer if I’m being truthful. Two years, maybe more. This hasn’t been a case of your typical writer’s block – the “I can’t write because I’m out of ideas or I don’t know how to put figurative pen to page.” This was writer’s agony borne from the chaos of our country, the endless news cycle, the anxiety that it bred in me. Since mid-2016, I’ve been tied to Twitter; I flip on CNN every night; I’ve walked through my days with a foreboding sense of both outrage and despair. And my writing has paid the price.
I don’t mean to sound melodramatic. And I don’t mean to be political – I know we get enough of that everywhere these days, and no one logs onto Writer Unboxed to hear more of the same. And truly, it’s not about politics. It’s about writing and creativity and the toll that our unrelenting news cycle has taken out of me. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to write – though maybe I didn’t – it’s that I couldn’t focus on anything inspiring, anything that felt more important than the reality of our lives. Who cared about fiction when true life was draining enough? My brain was a sieve, nothing could be retained. Not to mention that my last book, BETWEEN ME AND YOU, was so arduous to write that I was depleted when I finally finished it. Emptied, tapped dry. In the whirlwind of everything, I couldn’t even imagine opening up Word and staring at a blank page again.
I tried. I really did.
I started one manuscript, then set it aside. I started another and wrote 100 pages, then rewrote them three times, and set that one aside. In between, I kept busy with other side projects, but I found myself saying things like, “Who says I have to write novels forever,” and “I don’t know if I have another one in me.” In an atmosphere marked with so much pessimism, I felt myself succumbing to its weight.
However, for my mental health, not even specifically for my writing, I started some new practices. I had to. What I was doing simply wasn’t sustainable. So:
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- I limited my time on Twitter. I found (and find) it to be so triggering that checking in around the clock would occupy my mental energy for the rest of the day. And guess what? My phone alerts me to breaking news. I didn’t need to log on every second to see if the world was imploding. All of those tweets and all of that noise was still there when I did opt to plug back in (a few times a day rather than constantly).
- I started taking long walks. And I stopped listening to podcasts about the state of the world. In the past, running and walking while listening to music had always been my safe place for my creativity – no one talking to me, no one bothering me, just me and my thoughts and my characters and my story. I’d lost track of that during the past few years of chaos. I’d plug into Pod Save America or The Daily or any other podcast that would continue the cycle of my racing thoughts. How could I write well when my mind was always distracted with something else?
- I allowed myself to look around the world and absorb it and consider how this could shape a story I wanted to tell. I had to put myself at a distance from the turmoil to quiet my mind, yes, but also, by putting the chaos at a distance, I could look at it more objectively and allow it to spark my imagination.
With these tools in place, I awoke with a germ of an idea – one that was infused by today’s world – the MeToo movement and the Women’s March and the fight for equality and the anarchy and corruption and faith and hope that imbues our country – and I wasted not a minute in opening up Word and getting it down on the page. I refused to excuse myself – to screw around on the web while I drank my morning coffee, to skip my writing for a day. That was the pattern of my past year, but it couldn’t be the pattern of my future, if this book had any shot. No web surfing or Twitter or anything until I hit 1000 words. From there, I gave myself permission to walk away. I rarely did.
In fact, after a two-year writing drought, armed with the tools and limits I’d set and implemented, I found that I couldn’t stop writing.
I wrote two thousand words a day, then three thousand, then more. I’ve never written like that in my life. I was charged, imbued, almost — honestly – possessed. It turns out that I wasn’t actually blocked, only that I had to find the subject and the story that mattered to me in this moment, the one that I felt rose to the occasion in our current climate, the one that stood for something.
If you’re struggling right now, please know that so many of us are. Creativity rarely happens in a void, and I think it’s fair to say that many, many of us have tumbled down this black hole. What I would say is to do whatever you must to protect your quiet time, your reflective hours. It’s precious, and it’s more valuable than wasting your morning reading a politician’s Twitter rant. It just is. Then find the story that you want to tell now – maybe it’s one that you hope will empower your readers, maybe it’s one that you hope will comfort them, maybe it’s one that will provide a safe haven, an escape from the noise. God knows I’m reading more than ever now, and I’m grateful to all the authors who did put pen to page and provided me with a welcome, welcome distraction.
That germ of an idea, the one that was manna for my creative famine, sold a few weeks ago and will be published next summer. (News I haven’t shared yet! And hope to share more widely and with specifics soon!) It was the hardest book of my life, but only because it took so long to find the story. Once I found it – and mustered the tools I needed to both dig deeper and then get it on the page – it was the easiest. That process is ok. Your writing will get there too. Some things are worth the wait.
So, tell me: have you had a harder time writing as of late? And if so (or if not!), what are your strategies to get past it?
Allison Winn Scotch is the bestselling author of six novels, including IN TWENTY YEARS, THE THEORY OF OPPOSITES, and TIME OF MY LIFE. Her seventh novel, BETWEEN ME AND YOU, will be released on January 9th, 2018. In addition to fiction, she pens celebrity profiles for a variety of magazines, which justifies her pop culture obsession and occasionally lends to awesome Facebook status updates. She lives in Los Angeles with her family. For more about her and her books, go to allisonwinn.com or follow her on Twitter at @aswinn.
Love this. I too have made changes. Don’t listen to the news except for local (and that’s bad enough) and weather. The body can take just so many hits before it starts toward illness – and I think the same is true for the mind.
Good for you.
Great news that a drought turned into a deluge (and a sale!). I too have learned to shut off the news, especially while walking/running. Stories matter, and we are the “only” ones who can tell them.
It’s good to know I’m not alone. I’ve started the same story four times. I’ve never had this much trouble putting words to paper as I have the last year or so. Congratulations on conquering the beast. I’m still working at it.
I’m writing more. It isn’t that I’m insensitive, but the opposite. I struggle with depression at the best of times, but watching what I thought was noble and strong become diseased and infirm is almost too much. I’ve severely limited my news intake. Meanwhile, to help escape it, I’m writing. In a case of “strange, but true,” the fantasy series I’ve been working for the past four years is about a woman who rebuilds a nation a man overthrew and drove to ruin. I’m serious, I started it in 2015 and its roots go back more than a decade.
Who run the world? GIRLS. Write your series, please. We need more stories like this. <3
Thank you for this. I thought it was just me- these 2 years and the horror show of the last release are a mirror of your struggle. I have given myself the summer to refill my well, meditate, read novels that have been on my TBR list waaay too long and slowly- without pressure, research what I’ll need for the next book.
I try my hardest to avoid national news and Twitter because both are triggers for fury, anguish and deep seeded hopelessness. My FB memes are only meant for a daily smile, because I think the world is so lacking in such a simple human response now.
VERRY helpful and provocative. I’ve been in a similar place after finishing my second novel Fiddler’s Lament
I need to find my way back to the computer screen. Thanks for sharing.
I am in she same boat. Finished the 2nd novel, and now can’t seem to move forward. It really helps to know I am not alone. Thank you.
Congratulations on your upcoming novel, Allison! I am intrigued…
I know exactly what you mean about allowing our current moment to suck up all the energy. I don’t do Twitter or breaking news alerts–yet I still feel compelled to check the news sites constantly. It’s much more difficult to build the healthy creative habits I need. Spending time in the garden and listening to lots of audiobooks both make a difference for me. Also the walks you suggested.
Wow, I SO hear you on this, Allison.
The past few years have made it MUCH harder for me to even think of fiction writing as being a worthwhile use of my time. Not that I’m accomplishing anything amazing to combat the negative forces that I see gaining traction, but I just find it hard to find sufficient reason to try to tell one of my little stories. And I know that’s both a cop-out and yet another win for the EFTOKAMSOP – Evil Forces That Oppose Keith (and maybe some other people).
To address all this, I’ve been studying ancient Chinese philosophy and taking long walks. Some days it helps. Some days, not so much. But damn, I clearly picked the wrong time to quit drinking. Not kidding.
Good luck to you – and to us all – and thanks for an empathetic and helpful post!
I have heard the same struggle from many authors. When truth and freedom are under siege, it’s hard to be anything but angry.
Fighting back is courageous, and necessary, but honestly is Twitter really going to change anything? Ask me, it traps us in an echo chamber of hopelessness.
Stories move hearts as tweets never will. They are the cement of our civilization. They build a wall out of compassion.
I thank you for writing again, Allison. It is not an escape from oppression, it is the cure. Never doubt that it matters.
Wow. What he said.
When I hit a wall trying to put words onto a page, I find it helpful to plunge myself into another art or hobby for a time. For me it’s music and my instruments, but it could be anything for anyone else. (I’ve also gotten serious about working out, weight training, hiking, and Buddhist study as a diversion.) I believe the creative brain needs a major break every now and then, but can quickly get frustrated and panicky (I’ll never pen another word again!) if it doesn’t have something to work with. Immersing oneself in a new world gives the writer both a needed distraction and another set of experiences to draw from when they return to the page.
Thanks! Good to know I am not alone in this. I mute my phone, stash it away, and set a kitchen timer for one hour. If I’m cruising when the timer goes off I set it for more time. When it goes off again, I take a break- go for a walk, play piano, fold laundry, then start in again.
For times like these, I keep this quote from Natalie Goldberg close at hand: “Take out another notebook, pick up another pen. And just write, just write, just write. In the middle of the world, make one positive step. In the middle of chaos, make one definite act. Just write, say yes, be awake. Just write, just write, just write.” Because sometimes writing, like life, comes down to taking that one step, then the next, then the one after that. It truly has the power to save lives.
Thank you.
Now that I’ve read the words that reflect what’s been happening to me, I can find my way back.
It’s time.
Really enjoyed your post, reminds me of something Seth Godin said recently on his blog:
‘It’s their job to amp up the reality show that is our culture.
But it’s not our job to buy into it. More than anything, profit-driven media needs our active participation in order to pay their bills.
The first step is to stop taking the bait. The second step is to say, “follow me.”’
https://seths.blog/2019/07/where-will-the-media-take-us-next/
Thanks so much for all of your kind words, guys! It’s nice knowing that we aren’t alone in this. One thing I forgot to include in the article, in case it’s helpful for others: another way of protecting my peace of mind is telling my husband, who is equally beside himself, that he can’t keep walking into the room and saying, “did you see…” “have you read…” etc. That puts me right back into the spiraling mindset, so I remind him that unless we’re watching the news together or in the middle of a discussion, to stop using me as a backboard for his own rage. :) I mean, I share it, and I’m happy to participate but only when the time is right!
I’m a Canadian, but I have quite a few relatives, including a sister, who live in the United States. I went through the same thing as many of you did, wasting countless hours on Twitter, hoping I would witness the end of the horror story so I could get back to my normal life.
I guess it’s no coincidence that less than three months after I quit political Twitter I was able to release the novel I’d started writing in 2015. (Reviews are pretty good so far!)
We can’t afford to ignore what’s going on. “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.” We have to be prepared to speak up or to lend support when appropriate, but “tending our own garden” is vitally important as well.
Thanks for posting this. Good to know others have had the same struggle.
When I was a kid, I lived in Hawaii for four years. This was during the Vietnam War, and every now and again we would spend a weekend at Bellows AFB, on the east side of Oahu. IIRC, it was primarily an R&R base, a place airmen and officers could go to take a break from the war. I also have a vague recollection of my mother meeting my father there in the middle of his tour in Vietnam. There’s also a phrase in my head, “Coming off the line,” which refers to soldiers coming off the front line of battle, just for respite, so they could continue to fight.
I mention these things because I believe stories are a way to come off the line in daily life. Stories take me somewhere else, somewhere not here with all its don’t-know-how-it-will-turn-out problems. I can take a vacation from my own life, and then return to that life restored, with the energy and strength I need to deal with things.
I remind myself of this every time I wonder why I bother. I remind myself of all the times I got through something because books gave me breaks, books made it possible for me to fight another day.
What we do may seem small, but it isn’t. It isn’t.
Thank you for bringing this challenge into the light, Allison. I’ve been feeling it, too. Add dealing with some serious publisher chaos, and some days, I just stare at the same words. How fab that you found just the write — er, right — story and it pulled you through!
Not all of us are so lucky, right at the moment, but we have books under contract and other pieces to write. A few tools that are helping me regain focus: Yes to those walks and to turning off the news and social media (bye-bye, daily NPR habit!). Set different goals — instead of my usual 10 pages, maybe it’s time at the keyboard, or one scene. Use a timer. Make no Monday appts, so I can dive in and establish a routine for the week. Take “think and weed” breaks. :)
And now I have a new tool to add to the list, thanks to you and Don Maass: Remember that story matters, more than ever. It IS the way through, not just for writers, but for readers, too.
First of all, I am a huge fan and love your work! Secondly, I too, felt distracted and numbed by what is going on in politics and the world at large. My husband and I, recent empty nesters cancelled our tv subscription. I mean all of it. Unplugged. It has been a month free from the droning background voices of negativity and anger and noise. We turn on music in the morning and have great sources online for news and weather. I can think more clearly and creatively. I have no desire to return, especially with the elections approaching.
I too have been strugling to write lately, and for the same reasons (+ the depression episodes that come with it). These are some great tips for getting your groove back! Between my current projects, there’s one I think connects better to these feelings of fighting the intense hate & chaos the world is going through, so I’ll try to channel it into writing. Thanks a bunch!
I completed my second novel well over a year ago. I started the third but have not been able to concentrate, given the horrid things that are going on in my country too (Australia). I feel that I may never write again, but I need to.
I have stepped back from the news, from Facebook & from anything else that makes me depressed. I am spending much more time in the garden and that has been a positive. We also went for a touring holiday and that kept me away from the news as well. I am hoping that I can have another go at my story, or at least do more of the research for it.