How to Respond to Criticism
By Jim Dempsey | June 11, 2019 |
Last time, I looked at how to deal with your own inner critic, and this month it seems appropriate and timely to look at external criticism. Any kind of feedback on your writing—whether good or bad—can be useful, but the negative stuff can hit hard, causing a burst of emotions within you. What’s the best way to deal with that and respond to those who criticize your writing?
Since the latest and final series of Game of Thrones aired, more than a 1.5 million have signed a petition to have it remade. The petition calls the main writers, David Benioff and D.B. Weiss, “woefully incompetent.” Benioff and Weiss, and the show’s network, HBO, have not yet responded. They probably know that it rarely helps to react impulsively to criticism when you’re full of those initial emotions.
‘Writers are like prize fighters,’ said Norman Mailer. ‘You wake up, sit down at your desk, put yourself through your paces—and wait for the critical blows to fall.’
And Mailer knew what he was talking about. Gore Vidal once likened his book The Prisoner of Sex to ‘three days of menstrual flow.’ Some years later, Mailer saw Vidal at a party, threw a drink over him and punched him. As Vidal got up from the floor, he is said to have replied, ‘As usual, words fail him.’
Ouch!
Authors, a typically solitary pursuit, can feel particularly vulnerable to those harsh critical blows. That’s especially so these days as they can appear not only in the established media but on book forums or even on your own social network pages. Or maybe from that one—you know the one—in your writing group who can’t resist getting in that little dig.
And what do you do? You can get angry, consider hitting back, worry about your writing, start thinking about changing your new book to suit the critics, or worse, consider giving up writing altogether.
So what can you do when confronted by a bad book review or harsh criticism? Change your whole writing style because of some negative feedback, or persist in believing you know better?
The answer is a bit of both.
You should always be open to feedback (providing it’s constructive), accepting that the novel you worked so hard on might have some flaws, but you can still write the kinds of novels you really care about.
Easily said, but how do you go about it?
When writers respond
Whenever you get caught up in those thoughts of revenge, working out witty or angry retorts, or dwelling on the negative aspects of all the criticism, you use up a lot of time and energy that you could be putting into other things, such as your writing.
By going over and over the issue in your mind, you start to give the criticism more attention than it deserves, which leads to further anger and resentment.
These emotions and thoughts can start to cloud your mind. You can think of little else. You then disconnect from the people around you, the people you care about, and you can become reactive. You start acting impulsively, and that’s rarely a good idea.
The internet is full of reports of authors who have hit back at critics, usually on twitter these days (and often involving Brett Easton Ellis). Very few are successful in bringing public opinion back on their side, as Alice Hoffman found out, for example. These articles bring even more publicity and the risk of even more harsh comments, and it’s easy to see how a vicious spiral can start.
Also, that takedown you so carefully constructed might not be as perfect as you think. Few people write well when angry. ‘Rage impairs style,’ said Zoë Heller of such matters.
Don’t give the critics a chance to think they were right. Instead, and admittedly this can be difficult, you could try to see this as a learning opportunity. Maybe you could improve some aspects of your writing from the feedback you’ve had.
Take a moment to reflect and ask yourself if you will really benefit in the long run if you react impulsively. Do you want to let this criticism dictate your behavior? Will it help if you allow all those thoughts and emotions to consume you? Or would it be better to see it for what it is—someone else’s opinion—and get on with your writing, the one thing you really want to do?
It certainly won’t help to criticize someone who has criticized you. Don’t get defensive or demeaning. Don’t start arguing or disagreeing.
Feel the pain
You might think that sending off an angry reply will relieve you of those uncomfortable feelings, but that relief is often temporary. You’ll more than likely start checking for a reply to your reply, looking for that apology, or some sign you’ve been vindicated, taking up even more of your precious time.
That’s not to say you should ignore those painful emotions. It’s very natural to be upset or even angry when you feel harshly judged. Acknowledge those feelings and your suffering. You’ve worked hard, put in a lot of time and effort, and a book is often a very personal work. You had expectations and it might look like those will never materialize now. It’s natural to feel the way you do.
But don’t give up. You can still use your talents to write about those feelings. What thoughts and emotions are you struggling with? Anger, frustration, resentment, sadness, fear, and rejection? Try to dig deep and work out why you feel that way. Why is this causing so much pain and anger? And write about it.
For once, don’t try to make it perfect prose, write what comes to mind, stream-of-consciousness style. Remember, this is not for publication. It’s for yourself, and you never know, you might find some inspiration or a few lines you can use in your next book. And then, you could take the opportunity to get even.
Tom Wolfe, for example, hit back at not one but three critics, and big names too. After receiving poor reviews of his novel, A Man in Full, from John Updike, John Irving, and Norman Mailer (who really should’ve known better), Wolfe took his time and two years later published an essay in reply. It’s title pretty much says it all: My Three Stooges.
How do you deal with harsh criticism? How do you use feedback—good or bad—to improve your writing? If you have a specific concern with your novel, send an email to jim [at] thefictiontherapist.com and I’ll do my best to help.
Jim Dempsey (he/him) is a book editor who specializes in detailed analysis and editing of novel manuscripts through his company, Novel Gazing. He has worked as an editor for more than 20 years. He has a master’s degree in creative writing and is a professional member of the Chartered Institute of Editing and Proofreading and is a trustee of the Arkbound Foundation. Jim is fascinated by the similarities between fiction and psychotherapy, since both investigate the human condition, the things that make us uniquely human. He explores this at The Fiction Therapist website. If you have a specific concern with your novel, send an email to jim [at] thefictiontherapist.com, or visit the website to ask for a free sample edit. You can follow Jim on Instagram @the_fiction_therapist.
As a weekly columnist, I used to receive lots of feedback – good and bad. For both I decided to be flattered that people took the time to read what I wrote and to offer an opinion – good or bad. I believe that it’s worse to be ignored.
An excellent attitude, Kathy. Oscar Wilde would’ve agreed, I’m sure: “There is only one thing in life worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.”
Thanks for taking the time to read and comment on my article.
Jim
Good post, Jim. For me, it depends on who the criticism is from. An editor or beta reader I respect will get my full attention and consideration as constructive. But for general readers, I’ve learned to not pay much attention to good or bad reviews. This takes some practice and persistent mental work to push criticism and praise away so it fades into the distance. In the end, it’s just one reader’s opinion. What one reader loved or admired one day while another reader disliked or scorned on another day can cancel out both praise and criticism. I think we have to look at the big picture of all reviews and not got stuck on an individual comment. But it does require an author to discipline the emotions and let it go.
You’re spot on, Paula. I think I read somewhere that even the greatest books, unarguable classics, eventually end with 3.5 star reviews on Amazon, exactly because of that balance between some readers liking the work and others hating it. The trick, among other things, is getting that amount of reviews.
The other trick is that discipline you mentioned that the author needs. It’s so easy to spend more time worrying about the bad reviews than enjoying the good ones.
Thanks for your input, Paula. Always appreciated.
Jim
Fascinating thread about Alice Hoffman. The person behind the name! Keeping our cool is even more needed on the stage of life. And there will always be critics and negative criticism.
I agree, Beth. It’s not only authors who are open to criticism, it’s everyone. And we all need to find our ways to keep our cool.
Thanks.
Jim
Hello Jim.
First, thanks for the quotes from famous writers. What your post mostly does is offer up conventional wisdom related to criticism and negative reviews. Don’t let anger lead you to hit back, don’t invest too much meaning in criticism, treat a negative comment as a “learning moment,” etc.
But you seem to omit something obvious: consider the source.
Is the negative comment or review made by someone who gives evidence of knowing what s/he’s talking about? Is the language being used reflective of a thoughtful person? If so, the writer would do well to pay attention. If not, whatever’s been said isn’t worth worrying about or replying to.
You’re right, Barry, I could have said more about the source of criticism. Paula (above) mentioned this too. If the criticism comes from someone you respect, someone who knows what they’re talking about, then, even if it’s largely negative about your work, it can be easier to take. And you probably respect that person because of how they would give that criticism – thoughtfully and precisely. Anything else, as you say, can be ignored. And that can be the tricky bit.
Thank you for your considerate and thoughtful feedback on my article, Barry. I really appreciate it.
Jim
As an emerging writer who uses a writers group and beta readers for feedback, I struggle to separate the criticism I receive into two categories: the points and suggestions that will further my writing in the direction it needs to go in order to improve and the comments and ideas that will steer it in a completely different direction. I find that the second set comes mostly from readers that don’t find my style of writing or genre or the content of the story appealing, and they want to change it to their liking. A friend of mine was very frustrated (angry) after responding to criticism with story changes that made her work into something far removed from what she intended it to be. I suppose like anything else it takes practice to figure out what feedback is helpful and what is harmful to the direction of your work.
I’ve worked a lot with a technique in writing classes called the booth method, so called because the author receiving the feedback from each member of the rest of the group cannot reply – as if in a closed booth – until everyone has said all they want to say. It can be an incredibly frustrating experience the first time you’re on the receiving end of this. It’s so difficult not to interrupt with “No, but, what I was trying to do…” or “Well, what I meant by that was…” Throughout, you experience those bursts of fury followed quickly by thrills of joy as you take on board all the good and bad from around the room. At the end, you realize you’ve missed something when everyone has the same criticism about the same point and you realize you hit it right on the nose when everyone got that other point.
It comes back to that balance Paula (above) was talking about, and hopefully some of the techniques and ideas in my article can help authors to take on board the useful criticism, whether good or bad, and not react impulsively or make drastic changes that turns the work into something you never intended it to be.
Thanks for taking the time to share your experience, Ali. And all the best with your writing.
Jim
Twice a month I review books on my blog. Occasionally I come across a book that I believe could be improved. What would you advice me to do, Jim? Should I comment on how I think the book could be improved or say nothing.
I write reviews too, Leanne, and I find honesty is always the best policy. In my editing work, I offer suggestions on how the author could improve the work, but I think that’s beyond the remit of reviews. They’re useful for pointing out the places where the book could be improved, those moments when the authors didn’t quite achieve what they set out to do. But I admit it can be difficult to hold back at times.
Good luck with it.
Jim
All art is subjective. Most authors say never read the reviews. For me personally, I wrote a long (could have been shorter) psychological dramatic fiction, The Sleeping Serpent, that is a dark read because it deals with abuse. I wrote it for myself, as my personal creative expression without any expectation of making money. It is a character driven book not a fast-paced plot driven summer beach read. I didn’t expect good reviews, but honestly was delighted to read many good ones. But a few are scathing because of the abuse theme. I can’t guess why they would have bought the book since blurb and reviews state what it is about. My humble opinion is write for yourself. Art is subjective. It is a great journey to express oneself creatively. If you are looking for approval and validation, then you will get hurt by some haters. Maybe that idiom “If you can’t take the heat get out of the kitchen” applies?
Writing for yourself is excellent advice, Luna. And sorry to hear you got some scathing reviews. I don’t think it’s about staying out of the kitchen, I just wonder why there has to be so much heat. Maybe my next article should be about how to give criticism.
All the best with your book and your writing, and thanks for your contribution.
Jim
When it comes to criticism, I try to remember that authors and readers put themselves in a relationship. Each expects certain things from the other. The reader wants to be entertained or enlightened; the author wants to be understood and appreciated. Ideally, each person puts some work and effort to meet the other halfway. As a writer, I take criticism most seriously when I believe the reader has honestly tried to understand my story, but just doesn’t get it. Then I need to take another look and see whether, and where, I’ve dropped the ball.
Yes, Christine, this is similar to Leanne’s comment (above). In reviews, and therefore criticism, of any art the most important question for the critic is: did the author achieve what they set out to do? Looked at this way, you can (personally) absolutely hate a book but still give a good review.
As for the relationship between the author and the reader – yes! This is exactly where fiction and psychology overlap (and heads into fiction therapy territory). Even Shakespeare knew it, asking the theater audience to, as Samuel Taylor Coleridge put it, suspend disbelief. There has to be, as you say, some effort from both sides. And I’ll stop there before I get completely carried away on this.
Thanks for making the effort with my article and entering into this fascinating relationship on this page.
Jim
A very useful topic, if a perennial.
I think progress can be noted: I have a NetGalley promotion going, and have just received my first review (my average was 4.3 with 43 reviews before today). Mainstream literary novel, first of trilogy.
The review was a short 2* one, the reviewer stating: “…I could not get into this book and did not particularly enjoy it. Too much seemed to be going on and I was having difficulty following the plot…”
And I felt absolutely nothing. Nada. Zip. Zilch.
People have their opinions, and choose books the way they want to, and there is nothing you can or should do.
It has taken a while to get to this state, and I must say I prefer it. Never thought I’d get there, and I will just continue work on Book 2, which is going quite well.