Non-Verbal Communication in Writing
By Jeanne Kisacky | June 11, 2018 |
The last time I edited some of my work, I was dismayed to discover how many times my characters smiled, sighed, or scowled and how infrequently they used any other gestures. What, I thought, if my characters didn’t just smile, sigh, and scowl? What if they clapped hands and skipped around the room beaming? Or thumped down with a huge outrush of air, to settle in for the long tedious wait? Or leaned threateningly in towards the bully, elbows out, legs stiffened, features frozen? What if my characters could gain a much more nuanced, much more expressive range of gestures and emotions?
As I contemplated fancying up my emotional descriptions, I remembered Keith Cronin’s sage advice about pretentious words and had a reality check. Was I just getting carried away with word-love again?
Then I adopted a former stray dog, and my eyes were opened. She entered the house fully formed, with her own expectations, habits, and history. All I had to go on to figure out what she wanted or needed were her facial expressions, subvocalizations, and posture. I learned the subtle nuances of one dog ear raised, a short whine, a long whine, a big sigh. Figuring out what she was trying to ‘tell’ me had a big payoff (no messes, less chewing of items, a happy dog). This close observation became a habit, and I started watching people in everyday conversations.
Just how much of what is ‘said’ does not occur through words is astonishing. Researchers have estimated that more than half of communication (estimates range from 65% to 90% by various investigators) is non-verbal. The same words will mean different things depending on tone of voice, accompanying facial expression, posture and position of the speaker, even clothing and appearance. First impressions happen within 1/10th of a second. Or less. And they are mostly based on non-verbal communication.
There has been a lot written on non-verbal communication–even Charles Darwin wrote a book about it. (Links to a few more recent studies can be found at the end of this blog.) A lot of current research appears in psychology studies, an equally large amount appears in guides to business success, since non-verbal communication is a crucial part of making presentations and deals. I found surprisingly little written on the glorious possibilities it offers for writers of fiction. A simple summary of the characteristics of non-verbal communication reads like a checklist of strategies for improving flat scenes:
Non-verbal communication:
- Can use all of the senses, not just hearing.
- Increases in importance in situations where meaning is uncertain or untrusted or when actions conflict with verbal messages.
- Increases in importance and in nuance in emotional situations.
- Is more involuntary than speech, meaning it can be a giveaway to the underlying ‘truth’ of a person’s thoughts. This makes it seem more trustworthy, a more true expression of a person’s thoughts than speech, especially in stressful situations.
- Can reinforce or contradict a verbal communication.
- Can be practiced regardless of shared language or ability to talk (babies, toddlers, animals all communicate without words)
- Is quiet and can avoid detection in some circumstances.
- Can be predetermined and used as a secret language.
- Is cross-cultural. A head nod means yes or assent in nearly all cultures; a head shake means no or refusal.
In this age of non-stop dialogue, non-verbal communication makes irony possible; sarcasm understandable, and honesty believable. It is strongest during moments of tension, adding layers of meaning to highly-charged scenes. It also makes communication physical and spatial. Thoughts and dialogue are immaterial, abstract. Non-verbal communication happens physically, often actively, in a specific setting, and the clues used to describe it can make not only the character’s emotions, but the entire scene more immediate.
But non-verbal communication is also subtle, and complex. Easy to overdo in writing. It is always one step away from cliché, even caricature. Oft-repeated descriptions of non-verbal communication become lazy writer cues, providing code words for basic emotions. “Bedroom eyes” and “clenched fists” don’t pack the punch they once did.
How can you fit non-verbal communication into your writing in a believable manner? Become a good observer. Notice the details of people’s physicality while they talk. Use those observations and those details to give expression to your characters. This list of the basic types of non-verbal communication (compiled from a variety of sources) will give you an idea of the variety of things to look for:
- Gestures – a raised middle finger, the ‘OK’ sign, or the thumbs up are gestures with specific (often culturally contingent) meanings. Gestures with less specific meanings–a gentle touch on the shoulder, rubbing a soft fabric between the fingers, holding a hand out in entreaty—can also be powerful but risk being interpreted multiple ways.
- Paralinguistics – are vocal communications that are separate from actual language. This includes factors such as tone of voice, loudness, inflection, and pitch. It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it. Take the sentence: “Yes, I’m sure you can do it.” If said with a sneer, or in exasperation, it means something far different than with a smile.
- Body language (kinesics) and posture are often basic, almost instinctive (or animalistic) reactions. Putting hands on hips can indicate opposition, a refusal to back down, or even a readiness for quick response. Leaning back while standing or sitting can indicate a lack of interest; leaning forward can indicate engagement. Turning away from someone while talking can indicate disinterest.
- Proxemics (distance or personal space) –Standing too close can be aggressive. Standing too far can be a sign of fear.
- Eye gaze – the directness, duration, and focus of a glance speaks volumes. There are social norms about how people look at each other and breaking the norms can communicate—for example a stare so direct that no one would meet its challenge or a prolonged downcast glance as a means of avoiding being chosen for something. A gaze can express desire–toddlers often express what they want by looking purposely at an object and reaching for it. Adults gaze longingly at what they most want.
- Haptics (communicating through touch). How a person touches something or someone can be tender, demanding, desperate, soothing.
- Physiological changes (sweating, reddening of the skin, blinking, pupil dilation). These bodily reactions are instinctive, not often controlled. Often they are giveaways–revealing emotions against a person’s wish, or will.
- Appearance what a person looks like reveals social status, how much care they take of themselves, whether they value appearance or not, even healthiness.
- Artifacts what a person wears is directly communicative—of wealth or poverty, style or pragmatism, blending in or standing out.
What do you think? Do you already use nuanced non-verbal communication in your scenes? Or do you find yourself using the basic code words? Did you find yourself thinking about specific scenes as you read through the lists above?
With my next blog, I hope to try to give a better idea of what makes a good use of non-verbal communication in writing and what makes it into just fancy words for basic emotions. I’m especially interested in how it might facilitate backstory and increase tension.
Illustration Credits: Rottweiler By George Hodan Wikimedia Commons, CC0 1.0. Public Domain
Some Further Reading:
Chapter 4 of Communication in the Real World: An Introduction to Communication Studies, 2016–an open-source communications course textbook offers a good start.
The website verywellmind.com has a summary of non-verbal communication and a post on how to understand body language and facial expressions.
a good overview can be found in Professor Charles Tidwell’s teaching notes for a course on Intercultural Business Relations.
This helpguide post focuses on relationships, but it provides some useful tips for reading body language.
The article, Nonverbal Communication and Your Characters, by Carolyn Kaufman, at psychologytoday.com provided a good intro on non-verbal communication for writers.
As suggested by Donald Maass–The Emotion Thesaurus.
[coffee]
Jeanne Kisacky trained to be an architect before going back to her first love–writing. She studied the history of architecture, has written and published nonfiction, and has taught college courses. She is the author of Rise of the Modern Hospital: An Architectural History of Health and Healing, 1870-1940.
It’s a very good topic – pointing out something writers should do automatically.
There is a division in my mind: if there is a lot of other stuff going on in a scene, I will use ‘said’ as a dialogue tag (instead of using the space for an action or a bit of description), because the reader needs to know what is important. And the same happens if I use ‘smiled’ instead of a more nuanced description of a gesture or bit of behavior. I don’t want to overload the reader’s input processing.
But some scenes need the nuance, because that’s where the ‘action’ – what is really going on – is being described. The care someone takes with helping someone else get her chair is the important part, and it’s better expressed non-verbally.
If every scene has everything, the story is slowed down too much, and it is hard to see where the desired emphasis is. Pace, balance, variety… some movements use up half the dance floor, others are intricate in-place step combinations or a tiny head tilt.
Alicia – thanks for your comment, it clarifies and expands on the possibilities and the dangers of describing physical communications. I agree many writers do it automatically. But it also never hurts to shine a light on something that can be so powerful, and yet is often done instinctively rather than intentionally. I think using it both sparingly and tellingly is a huge part of getting the balance in writing. It doesn’t take many words to make the difference between a smile and something far more telling.
Those resources you include are terrific, thanks. Angela Ackerman and Becca Puglisi’s book The Emotional Thesaurus is also a vast encyclopedia of physical clues to inner feelings.
Donald –Thanks for adding the suggestion of the Ackerman and Puglisi book. It is comprehensive, and perfect for writers.
Hey Jeanne – “She’s certainly chosen a rich topic,” I thought to myself with a smile and a nod.
Er, sorry. When I get to the editing stage, I find that cutting most of my non-verbal communication is the best solution. Not just because of my tendency to repetition (especially for smiles and nods). I have only to think of other writers’ (even admired favorites) non-verbal tics to remind me of what I don’t want to do. For example, anyone who’s read more than a couple of Robert Jordan’s Wheel of Time books knows that when his female characters are angry or annoyed, they “cross their arms under their breasts” (why the breasts always had to be mentioned is beyond me, but it’s the reason it’s so memorable, and even oft discussed in the fan chat rooms).
I recently noticed my characters are overly prone to “huff a laugh.” I suppose I like the thought of the only sound being a breath. Plus, for certain instances, I like the idea of giving a single laughing sound. And I dislike the terms: chuckle, guffaw, chorle, snicker, etc. But I understand that I can’t have a half-dozen instances of huffed laughs in a manuscript.
In spite of the fact that so much communication *is* non-verbal, I like to think of letting the words carry the weight as a challenge (especially when it comes to dialog). Our medium has its limitations, for sure. And since I tend toward visual thinking during composing, I always overcompensate for those limitations. I understand it’ll be different for every writer. But for me, the cleaner I can make character interaction, the better. Though I very much appreciate the reminder to use nuance to change it up. Thanks!
Vaughn–thanks for the thoughtful response. The Robert Jordan example makes me laugh, although perhaps in this era there is also an element of cringing as well. You make the case for less is more, and I think that it is easy to overdo non-verbal cues. And that is when the tics show up. The crossing the arms under the breast is just a lengthy lazy writer cue–a code word that’s a little longer than ‘frown’ but which certainly isn’t making the scene stronger. I think the trick is finding the times to use it–when more nuance would help the scene–and the times to let the ‘smile’ just be a smile.
I teach about non-verbal communication when training leaders, so the information was familiar. However, I realized as I was reading that I don’t employ non-verbal cues enough in my writing. Thanks for the reminder – I need to practice what I preach!
Anne–you are well-situated for translating the research into usable guidelines for writers! If you come up with anything valuable in practicing what you preach, drop a note or comment to update us.
Jeanne–IMO, your post today should be added to the file of must-reads from Writer Unboxed contributors. The human face has something like a thousand muscles, all of them selected in the process of evolution to better equip our species to compete and succeed. Everything else you speak of is part of that process of natural selection. I think that if a writer figures out how to establish characters–how they look, sound, move, etc–it becomes easier for readers to see/hear/smell what the characters are, and what they mean when they speak. It’s a great mistake to forget all this. Thanks for a great post.
Barry–you made me blush. I think that one of the things about non-verbal communication is that it is instinctive. We do it without thinking. We write it without thinking. And as you say, each character has individualized expressions–“how they look, sound, move”–when a writer gets it right, then the character truly comes alive.
Great post. I love the examples of your dog’s nuanced communication and your comprehensive list of non-verbal cues. It is a rich resource for anyone who writes, although I was struck with how conversant you are with all this when you write non-fiction.
Deborah-Thanks! The dog has changed my life, and not just in terms of watching for non-verbal cues. Believe it or not, I think writing non-fiction is easier than fiction.
It’s almost as if you’ve known what I’ve been struggling with recently! Thanks for the post and resources.
You’re welcome! Happy non-verbal communicating.
How timely your post is for this writer. I’m aware that in my current WIP I face a rewrite challenge because, for just one little example, I have characters shake their heads a lot to communicate a negative reaction to something said or done. It’s a natural and common gesture, and I suspect I’ll be hard-pressed to come up with alternatives. On the other hand, you’ve given me fresh ideas and new resources. Many thanks.
Ray — glad it was helpful! You know it was the repetition that got to me too. It’s not so much that every expression in every scene needs to be fully nuanced and individualized, it’s that it’s way too easy to just turn emotions into code, and not do the work necessary to make it real.
Exactly! It’s the repetition. In editing client novels, I have a mental counter in my head for every time I see a less-than-ordinary word used. When it reaches a point of being noticeable, I do a search for the word and then tell my client about the frequency. Sometimes I suggest an alternative, but it’s really up to the author.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts and insights on non-verbal communication in writing, Jeanne. In my editing work I continually encounter material that strives to use this important tool, but usually winds up projecting ‘stick figure’ reactions. The character reacts to something and that reaction reads like a frozen moment in time.
In reality, we are all in constant conflict about our reactions. We fight to maintain and regain control over emotions that cannot be denied, so they slip out in odd little physical actions — that are then noticed by the person experiencing them and more actions are taken to hide or laugh off those ‘tells’.
Non-verbal communications often cascade. Again, control is the ultimate concern — and my little theory on that is that our ancient survival code says: don’t draw attention to yourself! Predators eat you if you grieve too loudly, celebrate excessively, especially if we do so solo. One person, lost in excessive emotion, is vulnerable. Entire tribes grieving a loss, preparing for war, or celebrating births and weddings have safety in numbers.
So, I urge my authors to consider what the situation is and what kind of vulnerability will be created by outward reactions, and what is demanded of the character to maintain/retain control, and keep vulnerability at bay.
Thanks again for your post — I look forward to the next one!
Maria–thank you for adding your insights, most definitely the communication of emotions is complicated by vulnerability. You describe the push/pull well, and the over-riding need for control. What you wrote made me realize that what was missing for me in my ‘stick figure’ reactions was a sense of all of this hope for connection/fear of pain or loss of control that are just below the surface of gestures. I think one of the tricks to getting non-verbal cues ‘right’ in fiction is knowing when to highlight this vulnerability, and when to highlight the cover-up–or as you put it trying to “laugh off those ‘tells.’ “
Great post, Jeanne. For me, the challenge is describing nonverbal cues in a fresh way that doesn’t distract the reader by drawing attention to itself (what one of my old creative writing teachers called “the body absurd” — “she threw her eyes across the room” instead of “she looked away.”) I admire writers who can describe actions almost poetically, with a few well-chosen words or subtle comparisons that heighten their emotional significance.
Christine–I love the phrase ‘the body absurd.’ It is the danger lurking in trying to make every moment precious. I was worried that this post was going to create a lot of eyes bouncing around rooms. I agree, all it takes is a few well-chosen words, at moments that need just that little more information to make them resonate. The difficulty is in choosing which scenes need it, and then letting all the others be. Kind of like the dilemma of whether or not to use any dialogue tags other than ‘said.’
Great post and important topic, Jeanne! I spend a lot of time (at my day job—in a memory care community for seniors) learning how to “read” and connect with people who are in the later stages of dementia. These folks are prone to retreating inward and often have little movement or vocalization, so I’ve had to really pay attention to nonverbal body language to help me understand what they are trying to communicate. And I find it amazing—just how much can be conveyed between two people without words. It feels like sacred space, actually.
That said, I appreciate the information you’ve provided here, and the compilation of sources explaining more, as well as the Further Reading links. While I am very aware of nonverbal communication, it is another thing entirely to try and incorporate the description of it into storytelling without using cliche phrases. So I’m very much looking forward to reading the links, as well as awaiting your next post. I echo others who’ve said this is a keeper (and a printer-outer). ;)
Barb — your job really must have honed your observational skills to a fine point. Glad you think this post is a keeper, and I agree shifting from observation to description is a far more difficult task. I’m still working on it, as the tendency is to shift from repeating code words to going over board with specific plot-stopping descriptions.
Great summary with good examples. Passing this one along.
This is so timely for me because my characters tend to stare, glance, gaze, squint, and they also sit, shrug, walk, sigh, and roll their eyes.
Thank you.
I loved your description of learning your dog’s expressions. Animals are enormously expressive, aren’t they?
Since I’m allergic to furry pets, I can’t observe my dog or cat (darn it), but I do need to be more observant of people’s non-verbal communications. One thing I have learned it that one’s eyes can literally turn red when a person is enraged–especially if drunk.
I find in my early drafts, my characters do a lot of head shaking, eye rolling, shrugging, and nodding. In the rewrite, it helps to search for those common gestures and look for a way to better capture the emotion.
Excellent information. Love the dog!! I bought a copy of The Emotion Thesaurus by Angela Ackerman and Becca Puglisi which has helped me a lot in writing non verbal communication.
Hi, an interesting post you left here. I followed the way from the story reading ape’s re-blog.
Myself and a few challenge seeking persons are undertaking a workshop teaching improvisation. The class or exchange of ideas, is held in a local theatre in Bury St Edmunds Suffolk (impromptu name drop) The actual site of some recent filming of the New Pickwick Papers, starring among others Hugh Laurie. Name and venue dropping bypassed nicely; move back on point. Anyway the last few weeks we have been undertaking masked performance. At first it was very difficult, getting my head around the concept of no words or facial gestures, I think the journey has helped me visualise some of my writing, allowing the smallest of gestures to convey the action, describe the scene. I thought it tied well into your post and hoped you would be interested. Many of your points made reflect in a slightly different but transferable way, from performance to story telling and story making. thank you.
Perhaps if you are in the south of France, I could buy you a café or some excellent wine. Alas, my budget doesn’t go very far these days… Great post!
Thank you for an interesting post I read much of the above reactions and found them fascinating. In a way it’s all about balance, isn’t it. Too much talk of the moon and not enough of the shadows…Too much description regarding the flora and fauna not enough dialogue…Too much telling and not enough showing…
Sorry to bring Trump’ into this, but – as I enjoy ‘reading’ faces – his is a classic.. Anyone familiar with the face of Mussolini (World War 11) can’t fail to recognise the similarity. The pouting lips, and slight thrust of the head; the overt ‘awareness’ look of BEING THERE! I’ll say no more. All intriguing!