A Letter to My Past Selves in the Days Before the Second Novel Publishes
By Natalia Sylvester | March 2, 2018 |
First, a confession: I’m writing today’s post at 11:36 p.m. because for months now I’ve known that I’d be posting this on March 2, eleven days until my next novel, Everyone Knows You Go Home, is published on March 13th, and partly out of procrastination, and partly out of wanting to share something as close to the “eve” of pub day as possible, I left it for the last minute.
It’s hard to know what to write in moments like these because for me, being on the verge of publishing a book is overwhelming. It’s a period full of every possible emotion you can think of, and since you’re feeling them all at once, it’s difficult to pick any specific one with any semblance of clarity or perspective.
Tonight I sat at my desk and logged into my WU account, hoping something, anything, would spring forward. And I remembered one of the first posts I ever wrote here, back when I was invited to guest blog just before my first novel, Chasing the Sun, came out. In June of 2014 I shared a letter to Aspiring-Writer-Me from Debut-Novelist-Me, and tonight I thought: Of course. Write another.
Hey, you (dear me?). Let’s go with hey, you.
There are going to be so many moments you remember most about this, and none will be the ones you expect.
The first is a simple drive home from the gym, one afternoon in 2014. That morning you’ll wake up really early and you’ll write a new scene in this book that makes you believe there’s a story here. You’ll go about your day, do some work, go to the gym, and on the way home you’ll take the highway, lower the windows, turn up the music, and feel the purest, most unbelievable joy, just from having written that one scene. You’ll hold onto that for a while. You’ll remind yourself that’s really what this is all about.
The second will be the sound of your mother’s voice on the phone when she tells you she didn’t know until she held the book in her hands that you’d dedicated it to her. She’ll cry, and you’ll cry, and you’ll wish you could write her a whole other one just to say thank you, for everything.
To answer the questions you asked yourself when your first book came out: Will this ever get old? Will I ever become jaded?
Absolutely not and no, but that doesn’t mean it won’t be different. You’ll know what to expect but not how it’ll feel. You’ll have different dreams for this story than you did for the first one. You’ll still be so incredibly grateful but you’ll also have gained confidence and perspective. It’ll make the experience richer, like the difference between a first love and a love strengthened by time and trust.
You’ll know things you didn’t know for the first book. Use them to stand up for your work in ways your younger self might’ve been too intimidated to do. You’ll also learn a lot of new things: how to ask permission to use another writer’s words in your epigraph. That a book jacket can have art on it, too, not just the cover! That writing the final scene halfway through a novel can be a powerful tool in helping you finish. That having your agent tell you to cut 12,000 words from the manuscript before it goes on submission can be the greatest blessing in disguise.
Writing the next book will be nothing like writing the previous ones. It is not a lather, rinse, repeat situation. This will be your first time writing this story. It’s not exactly like starting over, but it still starts with a blank page. The blank page doesn’t care that you published another book. The blank page has different plans, different structure, even a different writing routine. The most valuable thing you’ll pull from previous experience is the simple trust that you’ve done it before. You’ll recognize all the usual players: the self-doubt, the inner editor that won’t quit, the days when you just can’t imagine writing a single word. At least you’ll be able to say, You again…I remember you. You’re terrible but you’re not the end of me.
You still won’t be great at titles. The title you first come up with, the one attached to your book’s Publisher’s Weekly listing when it sells, won’t be the one that makes it through production (again) and you’ll be glad (again) it didn’t. Thank goodness for editors who see your book, see its heart, and suggest a perfect title.
This will all, once again, seem to take forever and then take no time at all.
You’ll want to do everything for this book and will have to realize you can’t do it all.
The very best thing about all of this will be the friends and community you’ll gain along the way. You’ll find mentors and become one. You’ll try very hard (and fail) to keep your cool when you run into authors you’ve idolized at events. The writers whose first books published the same time yours did—the ones you shared first panels, first book festivals, first everythings with—will forever be your kin.
Through all of it, there will be moments, no matter how many times you do this, when you feel like you have no idea what you’re doing. All you’ll know is that you’re meant to do it.
What would you say to your past self if you had the chance?
[coffee]
Born in Lima, Peru, Natalia Sylvester came to the U.S. at age four. A former magazine editor, Natalia now works as a freelance writer in Austin, Texas and is a faculty member of the low-res MFA program at Regis University. Her articles have appeared in Latina Magazine, Writer’s Digest, The Writer, and NBCLatino.com. She is the author of Chasing the Sun, named the Best Debut Book of 2014 by Latinidad and chosen as a Book of the Month by the National Latino Book Club. Her second novel, Everyone Knows You Go Home, is forthcoming from Little A in 2018.
Congratulations on book #2, Natalia, and enjoy your pub day!
Thank you so much!!
Congratulations Natalia!!! I teared up thinking about your mother holding your book in her hands and seeing the dedication. She must be so proud of you!
I’d tell my younger self that you won’t know how much you’ll miss your mother after she’s gone, so don’t give her so much grief. More kisses.
Very wise advice, Vijaya. Thanks for sharing!
What a fantastic post. My debut book comes out in June and this resonated with me so much. Thank you for sharing
Congratulations on your debut, Samantha! That’s wonderful; enjoy every moment.
Congratulations and the best of wishes for your second book. And what a lovely letter to share with us.
Thank you, Erin!
I would tell my younger self to start earlier and maintain momentum and never give up.
Oh, I love this. Maintaining momentum can be so hard, but it’s so important to keep at it.
So beautiful, Natalia. I teared up reading it. Such truth about the writer’s rollercoaster journey. How wondrous the moment with your mother. Congratulations. Enjoy every precious moment. You’ve earned it!
Thanks so much, Neroli!
Love this and love the title of your book. Working with similar themes. Best of everything.
Thank you, Beth! Best of luck to you as well.
So excited for your second book, Natalia. Like your dad, I preordered my copy!
Looking forward to someday writing the FIRST letter to me about my debut, in which I would say to my past self, “It was worth the time you took to write it. The two before it were worth it, too!” :-)
You’ve got this, Melissa. I just know it. And each story will be absolutely worth it.
Congrats, Natalia! I’m so excited about reading your book.
And in answer to what you asked at the end of your post-if I could write my past self advice it would be this: You’re stronger than you believe you are, worry less, and go forward with this moment in your heart and memory, for it will never be, again.
I’m so excited for you and your voice, because your voice can change the world. Too many in this country have been too long pushed aside. Shine that light. Their stories matter.
Blessed be your journey.
“go forward with this moment in your heart and memory.”
That’s so beautiful, Bernadette.
Thanks so much for your kind words of support!
Natalia, cheers for the book! You touched me talking about your mother. I dedicated a book of short stories to my mother years ago when she could still see enough to read, and she would show that to her friends. I’m going to self-pub a novel soon, and she’s in that dedication too, but my sister will have to read that one to her.
Hope your book makes your mother proud.
Thank you, Tom. A mother’s pride is a truly humbling thing.
These are words of inspiration, Natalia. Enjoy your triumphs, they are well deserved.
What would I say to my past self? I’m having a poor-me day, so today I might say “This is too hard, too much work, for little reward. Save your sanity and find something else to be passionate about.”
That said, most days I am a positive person and my advice to my old self would be, “You will someday look death in the face and cringe. You will tell death to get lost. You’ve got work to do; the book won’t write itself.”
Of course, I am a much bigger fan of positive-me. LOL.
Thanks for a great post, Natalia!
Dee Willson
Author of A Keeper’s Truth and GOT (Gift of Travel)
I love that you captured what is true of so many of us: we are not just one thing, every day. Some days we are positive and hopeful, and others, the exact opposite. And it’s really okay to let ourselves feel all of it. A wise friend once told me, “without either, we know neither.”