How to Write an Effective Hook (Plus: PITCH SHARE w/ agent Mark Gottlieb)
By Guest | February 12, 2018 |
Please welcome literary agent with Trident Media Group Mark Gottlieb to WU today, speaking about something most writers need to understand: How to write (and even verbally deliver) an effective hook.
More about Mark from his bio:
Mark attended Emerson College and was President of its Publishing Club, establishing the Wilde Press. After graduating with a degree in writing, literature & publishing, he began his career with Penguin’s VP. Mark’s first position at Publishers Marketplace’s #1-ranked literary agency, Trident Media Group, was in foreign rights. Mark was EA to Trident’s Chairman and ran the Audio Department. Mark is currently working with his own client list, helping to manage and grow author careers with the unique resources available to Trident. He has ranked #1 among Literary Agents on publishersmarketplace.com in Overall Deals and other categories.
Learn more about Mark on the Trident Media website HERE.
How to Write an Effective Hook
I offer up this article on hook writing, also known as the elevator pitch, to lend the reader a feel for comfortable writing and public speaking in the fashion of selling a book idea to an agent, editor or publisher.
First I would like to share some real hook examples I’ve worked on with clients that have recently sold to publishers to lend a sense of what goes into a knock-out hook.
LILY & KOSMO, pitched in the tradition of A TALE DARK & GRIMM, FLORA & ULYSSES, and ALL THE WRONG QUESTIONS, in which to join Kosmo’s “Spacetronauts,” an all-boy crew of child space cadets, aboard their floating tree house in the stars, a girl from Brooklyn must prove that she can hold her own among the galaxy’s unruliest rascals…along the way, she and another will evade the clutches of merciless minions, find themselves marooned in The Murky Way nebula, and ultimately face the vilest villain of all, “His Meanness” The Mean-Man of Morgo.
THE REMAINDERS, pitched as DARK PLACES meets GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO, in which the daughter of a famed serial killer is compelled to meet the husband of one of her imprisoned mother’s victims, only to find he was murdered—she is made the prime suspect and is forced to flee, knowing she has very little time to find the truth before the police—or the real murderer—gets to her first.
Social media @XplodingUnicorn leader James Breakwell’s ONLY DEAD ON THE INSIDE: A PARENT’S GUIDE FOR SURVIVING ZOMBIES, styled in the tradition of Max Brooks’s THE ZOMBIE SURVIVAL GUIDE and THE WORST-CASE SCENARIO SURVIVAL HANDBOOK, providing practical advice on how to raise happy, healthy children in the midst of the zombie apocalypse, by joining the genres of parenting advice books and undead survival manuals in an unholy union that is both ill-advised and long overdue—the narrator, an inept father of four young daughters, uses twisted logic, graphs with dubious data, and web comics that look like they were drawn by a toddler to teach families how to survive undead hordes.
The nuts and bolts of what makes for a great hook
Let’s dissect what goes into a knock-out hook. The above examples (children’s book, adult fiction and nonfiction) demonstrate the construction of good pitches for presenting book ideas to industry professionals. Here’s what can be easily seen in each of the pitches:
Short sentence descriptions. One of the reasons they call it an elevator pitch is not just so that the pitch can successfully help you go “up” in life, but also because it fits within the span of a short elevator ride. When reading one’s own elevator pitch, it should be thirty to forty-five seconds at most. Otherwise you might just get folks rolling their eyes.
Two to three comparative/competitive titles. Literary agents, and particularly editors, are trying to figure out where a given book goes on their list, where it would sit in a bookstore, and how well a book might perform. One of the first questions a publisher will get from their bookstore distributors is what are two to three comps that were bestsellers and/or award-winners, published in the last three to five years? Why not older than five years? Book publishing was different back then and books were written in a different sort of way. Besides, comparing oneself to one of the masters might also yield eye rolls. The comps should be of the genre/age range and I would encourage the writer to actually sample the comps to see if they’re an accurate comparison.
A sense of the plot/central conflict/theme(s). A good hook you can really hang your hat on lends a sense of what the book is about in its plot, conflict and theme in a very small space. Without this we might not get a good enough sense of what the book is actually about, since simply saying, “It’s this meets that” might not do the trick.
A small window into the author’s writing abilities. There’s much to be said about a well-written hook in that it can entice the listener/reader to actually want to request a query letter or to read the manuscript!
Platform. Somewhat different from fiction, nonfiction often requires that an author have a built-in audience in the way of a huge platform. Sometimes that can be as simple as an individual with over a million social media followers, or a website with similar numbers in terms of visitors or subscribers. Maybe the individual even gave a TED Talk where there were over a million views. In the hook for a nonfiction book, lend a sense of how big the platform is, since a publisher will typically only want to hear it if it’s from a Broadway stage, as opposed to a soapbox.
Note: Platform for novelists tends to be awards, prizes, grants and other accolades. Relevant writing experience is great. An author with an MFA will be in good standing, or an author that has attended prestigious writing conferences is also what I would consider to be a great platform for an aspiring author.
Have a pitch you’d like to share? Mark will be in and out today, providing feedback here at WU, so take advantage. The floor is yours!
Many thanks to today’s guest.
You can read more WU guest posts by visiting this link.
Thank You for the post today.
Please excuse the comparative titles which are not books.
THE WOMAN WITH THE GOLDEN SCARS, pitched as DUEL meets MY DINNER WITH ANDRE, in which a man tries to escape from a one-woman town, and is hunted down by her horrific past made to come alive with holograms and a robot.
Hi James,
Thank you very much for stopping by and I am glad that this post was helpful to you. Focusing in on the cops actually help you quite a bit but otherwise I would recommend doing away with non-biok-related comps.
All the best,
Mark
Mark Gottlieb
Literary Agent
Trident Media Group, LLC
41 Madison Avenue, Floor 36
New York, NY 10010
(212) 333-1506
tridentmediagroup.com
THESE DEEDS OF BLOOD is a YA re-imagining of the early history of the first female surgeon in Britain, a well connected but poor orphan who posed as a man to achieve her dreams, meets a gender swapped Macbeth. In which, when the bodies of her fellow students start turning up murdered, a young medical student must grapple with to what ends–and what deeds–her fellow classmates are willing to go to achieve their goals and how far she’s prepared to go to protect her own.
Hi E,
Thanks very much for this and I appreciate you stopping by. This sounds like an interesting premise. Since historical YA and MG is tough at the moment, I would suggest avoiding the word “history.” As to the Macbeth character is that an archetype or literally Macbeth with a different gender? You might even say it’s a Lady Macbeth type of character since she practically became the female version of her husband.
All the best,
Mark
Mark Gottlieb
Literary Agent
Trident Media Group, LLC
41 Madison Avenue, Floor 36
New York, NY 10010
(212) 333-1506
tridentmediagroup.com
This is truly an eye-opening, even mind-blowing post, Mark. I’m assuming this tweet-speak is primarily for the trade, right? Like doctors or nurses create chart notes in medical terms… Do you also translate it for speaking to readers?
Hi Mia,
Thank you and I am glad to hear that you enjoyed this post. While some of this might read as industry speak, of course there is a way to rephrase this such that it might fit better within a letter or even as the jacket copy on the back of a book. Good practice for nailing all of this language is simply reading the back covers on books or the product descriptions on Amazon.
All the best,
Mark
Mark Gottlieb
Literary Agent
Trident Media Group, LLC
41 Madison Avenue, Floor 36
New York, NY 10010
(212) 333-1506
tridentmediagroup.com
Thank you for this informative, inspiring post!
SWEAR TO ME, pitched as TELL THE WOLVES I’M HOME meets MY ABSOLUTE DARLING, in which a plucky nine-year-old girl with an unusual hobby and a terrifying secret seeks vengeance on her abusive uncle and fights for her identity, her safety and her sanity in the only way she knows how, using the skills she learned from her eccentric Chicago neighbor, the local rat killer.
Hi Mary,
Thanks for this and I hope the post was helpful. While the comps might explain this, I think it’s worth mentioning that you are proposing a coming of age novel in your pitch, since the age of then protagonist could confuse readers into thinking it is a MG book.
All the best,
Mark
Mark Gottlieb
Literary Agent
Trident Media Group, LLC
41 Madison Avenue, Floor 36
New York, NY 10010
(212) 333-1506
tridentmediagroup.com
Good morning, Mark —
Thanks for this thought-provoking (and slightly intimidating) post; elevator pitches are the stuff of nightmares for many of us, I’d bet. So thanks too for the offer which accompanies it!
I’ll give it a try…
Hi John,
Thanks for stopping by. Practice makes perfect when it comes to pitches and I also think that can make folks feel less nervous. What will help you is shortening this such that the pitch begins with “During a multi” and then continue from there.
All the best,
Mark
Mark Gottlieb
Literary Agent
Trident Media Group, LLC
41 Madison Avenue, Floor 36
New York, NY 10010
(212) 333-1506
tridentmediagroup.com
Hey, that’s a great suggestion. Thanks so much!
Tabitha Jones and the Sunshine Committee: Roots is the first of a trilogy that is part Fried Green Tomatoes, part The Liberal Redneck Manifesto and part She’s Come Undone. Tabby, a Nashville piano teacher and housewife, keeps everybody secrets, even those she should be telling. With each secret she shoves into that dark place inside her, she also shoves food. Copious amounts of food. When she returns to her roots, the hills of West Virginia, she realizes that neither has done her any good.
Hi Tina,
Thanks for stopping by. I enjoyed the movie Fried Green Tomatoes but I think you need to revisit the comps to think of more current books that were bestsellers, published in the last five years.
All the best,
Mark
Mark Gottlieb
Literary Agent
Trident Media Group, LLC
41 Madison Avenue, Floor 36
New York, NY 10010
(212) 333-1506
tridentmediagroup.com
KATIE GOOD, pitched as HARRY POTTER meets the HUNGER GAMES, in which Katie, 15, must try to stop the dark forces threatening to destroy the outer realm all the while trying to navigate adolescent life and figure out whether she has magical powers or is just an ordinary girl, tells the story of Katie navigating love, love, and betrayal as she comes to terms with her mother’s darkest secret.
Hi Lori,
Thanks, I think you want to use more natural phraseology, avoiding, “pitches as” since that was a phrase taken from a deal posting on Publishers Marketplace. It’s also worth thinking of colpsnthat are more modern. Also Harry Potter is more MG while Hunger Games is more YA so try to stick to an age group.
All the best,
Mark
Mark Gottlieb
Literary Agent
Trident Media Group, LLC
41 Madison Avenue, Floor 36
New York, NY 10010
(212) 333-1506
tridentmediagroup.com
Interview with the Vampire meets The Sirens of Titan: Lily Linez a young misfit artist of Mexican American descent has a death obsession and an unquenchable desire to freeze frame time into eternal moments with her camera lens. She stumbles down a rabbit hole and into a one-hundred-year preternatural war between a secret army of Vatican funded vampire hunters, The Legion of Cerberus, and their blood sucking nemesis. Part historical, part fantastical, and all about the possibilities the abyss has to offer when you dare to peek out from under your covers and stare into it.
Hi Bernadette,
Thanks for this and for reading the blog post. I think you need fresher comps. Or do without the comps.
All the best,
Mark
Mark Gottlieb
Literary Agent
Trident Media Group, LLC
41 Madison Avenue, Floor 36
New York, NY 10010
(212) 333-1506
tridentmediagroup.com
SMILING AT GRIEF, styled in the tradition of Maeve Binchy, set in America with an LGBT flavor, in which a successful stage actress finds her carefully constructed world in jeopardy at the hands of a graduate student whose unguarded love threatens the actress’s career and relationships, and forces her to choose between the safety of her past choices and the demands of the life she wants to live.
Hi Carol,
Thanks for this. I think it actually reads pretty well. I had to do without the comp or think of a fresher comparison. I like the title, too.
All the best,
Mark
Mark Gottlieb
Literary Agent
Trident Media Group, LLC
41 Madison Avenue, Floor 36
New York, NY 10010
(212) 333-1506
tridentmediagroup.com
Thanks Mark! I figured Maeve was borderline – she’s been dead more than 5 years, but her books keep coming out. I will look for some other comps.
Glad you like the title – comes from Shakespeare’s TWELFTH NIGHT, which is the play the actress is rehearsing/performing during the majority of the book.
Thanks so much for taking the time to give the feedback. It’s helpful in terms of seeing if I understood your post and could make practical use of it. Much appreciated…
:“Entanglement,” pitched as Guardians of the Galaxy meets Stranger Things, in which mixed-up tween Kimmie Golden, who has lived on space station Xentar since her birth 12 years ago en route to Mars, discovers she has a twin back on earth when the two girls audition for InterGalactic Idol. While the Idol rocketship orbits the Sun, it is knocked off course by some passing space junk, and the sisters and their friends must find a way to get the ship back on track, before it’s too late and they spin off into endless space.
Hi Nancy,
Thank you for this. Titles should either be in all caps or underlined but not really in quotes and I think you need to focus on book comparisons. The opening sentence is also very wordy so maybe make that into two sentences or shorten overall.
All the best,
Mark
Mark Gottlieb
Literary Agent
Trident Media Group, LLC
41 Madison Avenue, Floor 36
New York, NY 10010
(212) 333-1506
tridentmediagroup.com
Twenty years ago, Captain Alexandria Harding became host to the constellation Orion, marking her as Star-Touched. Since then, she has done well to hide the secret. She leads her merchant crew under the ever-watchful gaze of CISS, the security state that rules the solar system. But, when a coded email comes to her, Alexandria is thrust into the political quagmire her young-self created. All to save a boy and keep the armistice of the solar system. RIPPLE is LEVIATHAN WAKES meets the prose of Kim Stanley Robinson.
Hi KA,
Thanks for stopping by. There have been rumors in the science-fiction community from book retailers that space opera might be making a comeback. I think you also propose to very good comps.
All the best,
Mark
Mark Gottlieb
Literary Agent
Trident Media Group, LLC
41 Madison Avenue, Floor 36
New York, NY 10010
(212) 333-1506
tridentmediagroup.com
SINCE I LOST MY BABY is my 1960s/70s coming-of-age memoir in the tradition of JUST KIDS, BRAVING THE WILDERNESS and A LONG WAY HOME about my Motown-addicted journey to find love—and ultimately the newborn taken away from me when I was seventeen years old. A Bildungsroman, my story is also the narrative of a rebellious generation fed up with the lies we’d been told by our parents and willing to overturn society for the truth.
Hi Selimah,
Thank you for this and I am sorry to hear that you had to live through a harrowing experience. What might make this pitch more interesting is that you reveal to us at the end of the pitch that it is true to life as your memoir.
All the best,
Mark
Mark Gottlieb
Literary Agent
Trident Media Group, LLC
41 Madison Avenue, Floor 36
New York, NY 10010
(212) 333-1506
tridentmediagroup.com
Thank you very much, Mark. Submitting this today was a wonderful opportunity, and I appreciate the feedback and your kindness. PS I’m good now, LOL. Will definitely rework this as you’ve suggested!
As if I weren’t depressed enough. The “elevator pitch” is based on the Hollywood movie industry. Let’s just think for a moment about the state of the movie industry. Now let’s just take a walk down the aisles of (one of the few remaining) Barnes and Noble bookstores.
And by the way, FIVE YEARS? “Books were written in a different sort of way”? I’m not buying it.
I know it’s a business, and I know it’s YOUR business, Mark, but I think the focus of the business is misplaced. I’m not complaining from the point of view of a disappointed author; I’m complaining from the point of view of a reader. There’s a reason Amazon is eating everybody’s lunch.
Nicely put. I agree.
NTJ: note how many agree with your comment. And note the pitches/books Mr. Gottlieb has chosen to use as illustrations. Those of us who seek grownup readers will need to take the stairs. It’s more work, but better for the soul.
Hi Johnson,
I am sure that speaking about books in this way existed long before Hollywood since book publishing is an older industry. Hollywood might have coined that term, though. The state of Hollywood and book publishing probably have very little to do with the way in which books are spoken about and more so to do with the conditions of those markets brought on by pressures from retailers like Amazon, in how publishers and movie companies have failed to meet those challenges.
I am certain that books were written differently five years ago. Here’s an article from The Millions:
1st-person storytelling may be overtaking 3rd-person in popularity and status. 6 of last 10 National Book Award winners had 1st person narratives; in the 50 years before that, more than 2/3 were 3rd person bit.ly/2BRpgDW
In a perfect world, literary agents and editors would sit an read every synopsis and manuscript ever written, but life is short.
It is unfortunate to hear that you have been disheartened by the process of pitching one’s novel in an elevator pitch type of fashion. Of course there are other ways, but I happen to think that one seldom gets a good result by bucking the system. Also, you might notice in a later comment below that one writer delivered what read like a strong hook to me so I requested she send me a query letter. Maybe that’s testament enough that this is a good way to get an agent’s attention.
All the best,
Mark
Mark Gottlieb
Literary Agent
Trident Media Group, LLC
41 Madison Avenue, Floor 36
New York, NY 10010
(212) 333-1506
tridentmediagroup.com
AN EMBER IN THE ASHES meets the magic of FROZEN in this YA fantasy, A GOLDEN STORM. Determined to locate her sister, sixteen-year-old Quila swallows the power of a blizzard and finds her heart turning to ice as she uses its magic to survive while hunting her sister’s captors―until she realizes her sister cannot be saved unless she lets the magic that has kept her alive go.
Hi Ksimon,
Thanks for this. Good pitch but maybe find a replacement comp for Frozen?
All the best,
Mark
Mark Gottlieb
Literary Agent
Trident Media Group, LLC
41 Madison Avenue, Floor 36
New York, NY 10010
(212) 333-1506
tridentmediagroup.com
Eep. This is my first attempt with pitch writing. I’m interested in seeing what you have to say! Thanks!
{Title redacted} tells the story of a novelist whose best-selling years are behind him. After finding inspiration in current events, he discovers his dystopian depiction of society is not as absurd as he imagined. Once the details are leaked, he becomes involved in an extremist plot that forces him to question his own motives.
Thank you!
Hi Jennifer,
Thanks for this. Not sure why you chose to remove the title but normally I would suggest including it in the pitch. Interesting premise for a book.
All the best,
Mark
Mark Gottlieb
Literary Agent
Trident Media Group, LLC
41 Madison Avenue, Floor 36
New York, NY 10010
(212) 333-1506
tridentmediagroup.com
I’m sorry, I realize now I should have. I will indeed include it in the future; I was nervous about doing so in a forum. Thank you for the feedback and the article.
EATING THE OX, pitched as THE UNDERGROUND RAILROAD meets THIEVING FOREST, in which a young Black woman teaching at the first Native American Reservation Boarding school in the post-Reconstruction South tries to shield her students from abuses before realizing that her own life is imperiled. She flees into the Great Dismal Swamp and returns with reinforcement from the swamp-dwelling Maroons.
Hi Joanne,
This sounds great, I would actually be interested in seeing a query letter for it. Please email the query letter to the email address in my signature line, thanks!
All the best,
Mark
Mark Gottlieb
Literary Agent
Trident Media Group, LLC
41 Madison Avenue, Floor 36
New York, NY 10010
(212) 333-1506
tridentmediagroup.com
DRINK ME, pitched as MILES VORKOSIGAN meets THE DRESDEN FILES, in a world where humanity reached for the stars and found magic an ex-soldier with extreme trust issues meets a wizard with the survival instincts of a pineapple moments before someone tries to kill them both. Five minutes later Gray and Jamie are on the run. In the next four hours they’ll evade hunters and hitmen, hot-wire a spaceship, accidentally set fire to a space station, and just possibly become friends. If trust is a dance, this is a tango performed to the beat of explosions, lit by a raging fire, and executed by two guys in combat boots.
Hi Kandace,
I like the last line of your pitch and think it could make for a strong opening to the pitch!
All the best,
Mark
Mark Gottlieb
Literary Agent
Trident Media Group, LLC
41 Madison Avenue, Floor 36
New York, NY 10010
(212) 333-1506
tridentmediagroup.com
Thanks for your post and feedback, Mark. Here’s my pitch:
My adult speculative novel, THE WORKING, evokes V.E. Schwab’s DARKER SHADE OF MAGIC series meeting Sarah Addison Allen’s FIRST FROST. Betsy, who looks down more than up, clings to her coven of five modern day women as her family even though her skills are lacking. She’s a pretend witch. When they strive to solve the gigantic problem that has landed with them—seeking the yet-unknown Working to thwart the force ripping apart Earth’s life-sustaining web–Betsy learns ancient energy-shaping skills that might be just what they need. But her bravado creates a rift in the coven that might be a fatal blow to them, if not the world.
I think you are off to a good start! Keep up the good work. Just make sure the comps are both for the right age range and genre.
All the best,
Mark
Mark Gottlieb
Literary Agent
Trident Media Group, LLC
41 Madison Avenue, Floor 36
New York, NY 10010
(212) 333-1506
tridentmediagroup.com
Thank you for this very helpful post, Mark. Here goes my elevator pitch:
My fantasy novel, THE EQUILATH, is the first of a trilogy for adults. With royal blood in his veins, Angus, a monk, was born right into Qeldora’s tempestuous politics but hopes for a life removed from all intrigue. Yet, when he arrives in Boas Abbey on a scholarly visit, he discovers a young woman hiding in a secret chamber who might just be an Equilath—a powerful being the likes of which the church is trying to persecute our of existence. My novel will be enjoyed by fans of Naomi Novik’s UPROOTED, N. K. Jamisin’s THE HUNDRED THOUSAND KINGDOMS, and Anthony Ryan’s BLOOD SONG.
Mark, this post is phenomenal. Pitches were a scary, black hole to me, but this really explains how to assemble one very clearly. Not sure if it’s too late to try, but here goes.
ODD BOY, pitched as DISAPPEARANCE AT DEVIL’S ROCK meets THE FORCE, in which the troubled and troublesome teenage son of an ex NYPD undercover detective disappears from a small upstate New York hamlet. While the police, the school, and even the mother’s friends believe he ran away, she begins to dig into his private, hidden life and discovers his disappearance may be related to the racketeering case she worked as an undercover before her professional and personal life collapsed. Using old contacts and skills she never thought she’d need again, she must find her son before something unthinkable happens.