Getting Back to Grateful
By Annie Neugebauer | November 15, 2017 |
photo by Cindi Albright
If there’s one universal truth about all types of writing and all types of writers, it’s probably that this is hard. Writing is difficult. If you pursue it with any persistence and passion, you’re certain to come up against obstacle after obstacle, even if they’re of your own making. And if you’re pursuing publication, many (too many) of them aren’t of your own making—and aren’t under your control. I’ll say it again:
This is hard.
It’s also wonderful. If we didn’t think so, we wouldn’t have chosen it, would we? Writing is wonderful. Not always, no. If we want it to be more than a casual hobby, we do indeed have to push through some harder and less-fun stuff. Even fun things have not-fun parts. But from the broad-view, writing is wonderful. It’s fun, it’s enlightening, it’s satisfying and important and good.
So how do we get back to that feeling of wonderful in those times when everything feels like heavy sludge?
The answer is easier than you might think. You don’t have to buy things or fix things or rearrange. You don’t have to take a hiatus. You don’t have to go to switch genres or go back to school. You don’t have to change a single thing you’re doing; you only have to change the way you look at them. How? Gratitude.
Don’t get eye-roll-y on me. Science backs this one 100%. SCIENCE! Taking the time to be grateful for what’s already here changes your mindset, your sense of contentment, your mental and physical health. And perhaps the best part is that it’s really freaking easy. It literally requires nothing but thought. No effort, no striving. Just stop and think about what you do have, what is already good.
Actually practicing is the key here. To most of you, this concept is not news. To many of you, it’s old hat. That doesn’t matter if you’re not actively practicing it in regard to your writing life right now. Knowing about gratitude is not enough. Neither is intellectually being aware of all you have. You have to take the time to actually sit and soak in it with intention and specificity. Not just know it but feel it.
A couple years ago I started a sort of gratitude depository (ah, poetry) where I placed sticky notes highlighting things I’m happy about, grateful for, proud of, etc. I call it my Joy Jar, and I’ve kept one each year since. (You can read about the beginnings of my annual Joy Jar here.) It’s become a tradition for me to go through all of the notes and read them on New Year’s Day, appreciating all the good the past year held before moving into the next. It’s been invaluable, and I highly recommend it to everyone for every facet of your life.
But more pointedly, writers, this is your ticket back to the happy train. This is (probably, maybe) not going to cure your writer’s block or change your editor’s feedback or get your book reviewed. But if practiced regularly and with real effort, it will change how you feel about those things—and how deeply they end up affecting the rest of your writing life (and life-life.)
It is possible to be thrilled to sit down and draft right after your agent dumps you. It is possible to be overwhelmed with gratitude that you get to stare at a blank screen battling writer’s block for an hour every night for two weeks on end. It is possible to look forward to writing your next manuscript when you just had to trunk your current one. It is possible to love what you do even when your heart is breaking.
Your gratitude doesn’t have to be public. It doesn’t have to be vocalized or written down, although that may help you focus it into concrete thoughts. All it has to be is… be. Be grateful.
Many of us forget what a privilege it is to be able to write at all. The very choice involves education, freedom, energy, ideas, passion, supplies, time, more. You could be grateful that you have energy. That your spouse, mom, roommate, or friends encourage you. That you have a functioning computer accessible to you (even if it’s at the public library). That you have an office, or a corner, or a favorite coffee house. That you can go back and edit your work without retyping entire pages. (I’m not kidding; typewriters really weren’t that long ago.) That you have enough good health to sit for a while, to vocalize voice to text, to think coherently. You don’t have to have all of these things to be grateful for some of them, or others. (You also don’t have to stop striving for what you still want in order to be grateful for what you already have.)
You can be grateful that a cat or dog sits on your lap every day, even if she gets fur in your keyboard. You can be grateful for protein shakes. You can be grateful for sunlight and a window it can shine through. You can be grateful for the squirrels who give you something to watch while you think. You can be grateful for your off period, your early morning hour, your lunch break where you can sneak away and get half an hour in. You can be grateful for a support system that helps you make NaNoWriMo happen. You can be grateful for an expert who takes the time to answer your research questions. You can be grateful for writer friends who know how hard this is, for an agent or mentor who sees your talent, for authors to read who show you it has been done before and therefore can be done again—maybe even by you.
These are easy things to say but harder things to stop and really, deeply absorb, but when we do, gratitude follows. Even in the hardest times, gratitude changes our view. How can we not feel fully, deeply grateful for the privilege of writing? And when we do that—when we remember to do that—how can we not shift our view of it from something on the to-do list or even a dreaded task that’s mired in angst to a special, thankful type of wonderful?
Do you struggle to keep perspective on writing? Do you have a gratitude routine? How do you get back to grateful?
[coffee]
Annie Neugebauer is a two-time Bram Stoker Award-nominated author with work appearing and forthcoming in more than a hundred publications, including magazines such as Cemetery Dance, Apex, and Black Static, as well as anthologies such as Year’s Best Hardcore Horror Volumes 3 & 4 and #1 Amazon bestsellers Killing It Softly & Fire. She’s a member of the Horror Writers Association and a columnist for Writer Unboxed and LitReactor. She’s represented by Alec Shane of Writers House. She lives in Texas with two crazy cute cats and a husband who’s exceptionally well-prepared for the zombie apocalypse. You can visit her at www.AnnieNeugebauer.com for news, poems, organizational tools for writers, and more.
I am a writer. I am free to write express myself. Here. Not everywhere. In some places in the world, I could be under house arrest, or in prison.
Grateful? Yes. This is more than a priviledge, though. It’s a responsibility. My writing must count.
Exactly, Benjamin–it’s too easy to forget how lucky we are to be able to choose to write at all. I’m glad you work to make yours count.
I love the timing of this. The other day I was going over the final draft of my novel when my editor told me to stop. You wrote a damn book, she said. Actually she kind of screamed it. That’s when I took a step back and saw the big picture.
A few years ago I took a walk down a writing path and along the way I have met some amazing people. Many of them are my closest friends and without that path I never would have met them. Yes, I wrote a novel and the movie will be out next week…..let me dream, damnit!…..but it’s the friends I have made that makes it all worth while. They have made my life so much fun.
To you and my editor I say thanks. Every now and than we need to stop and remind ourselves how far we have come.
Cheers!!!!!
Yes–all the friends! Most of my closest friends are writers. I actually have a similar big-picture incident that I go back to sometimes; it’s become a joke between me and my husband. We’ll say, “You WROTE a BOOK?” It always reminds me how much I’ve put into this and how great a feat that is, even if I’m not fully satisfied yet. It’s always good to get those outside reminders, isn’t it? :)
What perfect timing this is for me – the morning that I wake to the news that my poetry, which made it on the long-list of a major Canadian prize (33 chosen out of 2400!) did not end up on the short-list. Disappointment, yes, but you’re right – I got on the long-list (!!!) and, more importantly, I get to live this writing life (privilege, yes!) and help others find their way to it and within it as a coach and instructor as well… Thanks so much for the oh-so-important reminder that “it is possible to love what you do even when your heart is breaking.” Very, very valuable.
Oof! I’ve had that type of heartbreak. One year I placed second in a state poetry manuscript contest where first would’ve included publication–what a twist of pride and disappointment. 33 of 2400 is a huge accomplishment! I’m glad you’ve paused to appreciate what you did; I hope you’re proud! :) Congratulations, Lauren, and thanks for the comment.
A good reminder, Annie. I have so very much to be thankful for, so much good in my life. I love your Jar of Joy. I’m going to borrow your habit and make it my own. Thank you!
That makes me very, very happy to hear. <3
Gratitude is my first emotion upon waking each morning and retiring for the night and throughout the day. So many blessings. I love this writing life I have with my family. I am thankful too, for the strife, because it makes me grow in so many ways. And as Joyce Kilmer said, “Thank God for God!” Thanks for this lovely essay.
It sounds like you’ve already made thankfulness a valuable part of your life; good for you. The strife–yes! Me too. It’s harder to appreciate it, but it really is so valuable.
Thank you, Annie, for reminding how important gratitude is. I used to practice gratitude and somehow it just slipped away amidst the craziness of life. You have inspired me to bring this up at the family dinner table tonight and to practice it with the family every day. Practicing gratitude can change your thinking — and it’s way cheaper than a therapist!
Cheaper than a therapist indeed. :)~ It’s an easy practice to let slip! Even thankfulness can become stale if we do it the same way too often–that slip from really feeling it into making a laundry list. So changing up tactics can help us stay focused on the real point. A family table share sounds just beautiful!
Annie, I just wanted to say thank you for this awesome reminder about the power of gratitude. Your joy jar is a marvel!! Long ago, someone told me to count my blessings first thing every day. When I do, the inevitable punches are easier to take. And I have to say how thankful I am for this community of writers. Wonderful wonderful post!
Aw, thank you Susan! I’m so grateful for Writer Unboxed as well!
Annie, thank you for the reminder. Last year, for several months, I began each morning with a reflection on things to be grateful for. Indeed some of them might seem too common—the purring of my cat—to contemplate, but any moment of “that’s good!” does bring sparkle, no matter how small. Those moments are cookies.
Then I stopped doing that. Instead, I have begun most recent mornings with reading the news.
Let’s look at that: gratitude, or the news? Cookies or squalid horror? Hmm.
I’m going back to cookies, thanks.
This made me laugh and say ‘ugh’ at the same time. Cookies, yes. Aaaaaaalways choose cookies! (And the purring of my cats is honestly way towards the top of my list of things to be grateful for. Seriously.)
Great advice, Annie.
As a matter of fact, because I was in the grip of a pity party and needed a mental reset, I just finished writing my near-daily, ten-item-long gratitude list. As usual, I’m struck by how much it helps and how much I take for granted.
Thank you, Jan! Simply out of my own curiosity, if you don’t mind my asking, do you try to list a different ten items every day? Or are there some ‘staples’ that show up almost every time?
Sorry for the slow response, Annie. One of my frequently employed gratitude items is the internet blocker, which in recent days has been employed to good effect. ;-)
The list varies, but it’s often filled with mundanities that I feel need to be celebrated. For example, “laundry machines” and “eyeglasses” made the list on the day I left you the above comment.
On certain days, it’s easy to come up with ten biggish items. On others, I struggle; so yes, some items regularly round out my list.
That’s really cool. That’s kind of how my joy jar ends up, too. Some days are huge things (signed with an agent, sold a story, nailed something I’ve been working on) and other days are tiny (clean sheets, open windows, fuzzy socks). And many, many days are the same things, because I can’t be thankful enough for some things (people, usually).
I probably should look into an internet blocker myself! ;)
Thanks for the reminder! I’ve been practicing gratitude every night when I go to bed for years now, but I think it would be a very good thing if I started practicing it during the day, too. I have SO much to be thankful for!
Thank you, Vijaya, for quoting Joyce Kilmer. I’d never heard of that poem before. It is short but magnificent! Words I dearly need to hear and heed.
Thank you, Annie!
I need to find/make a Joy Jar. It is something I’ve lost in my life and it sounds like this is a really good way to find it again. And not just for the sake of my writing but for my entire life! 😊 ❤️
It really is! I hope yours brings you as much contentment as mine has brought me. <3