How to Give a Literary Reading
By Bill Ferris | July 15, 2017 |
Warning: Hacks for Hacks tips may have harmful side effects on your writing career, and should not be used by minors, adults, writers, poets, scribes, scriveners, journalists, or anybody.
Wow, you’ve been asked to read a piece of your writing! In PUBLIC! This is a great opportunity to connect with new readers and your fellow authors, to say nothing of stroking your fragile ego and emotional neediness. Here’s how you can wow your audience and win new readers and maybe even get laid.
Before the Reading
- Eat a healthy and delicious breakfast that morning. Choose wisely, as this is what you’ll be throwing up later due to your crippling stage fright.
- Set the stage. Arrive at the venue early and get a lay of the land. Check if there will be a microphone or lectern or what-have-you. Look for opportunities for cool visuals, such as a blown-up picture of your book cover, or a big poster of your face like in Citizen Kane. Queue up some entrance music. Walking up to the mic through misty clouds from your smoke machine to the tune of “Rock You Like a Hurricane” will let your audience know that a serious author is taking the stage.
- Choose the right piece to read. You’ll want something people can follow without you having to explain a bunch of backstory beforehand. The beginning of your book is a good choice. An exception to this rule is if you’re reading the first chapter of a sequel–to make sure people know what’s going on, be sure to read the climax of your previous book first.
Take the Stage
- Own the room. This is your time. Remind people to turn off the ringers on their phones. Block the exits–nobody gets out of here until you say so.
- Remember to breathe. Big, deep breaths will keep you calm. Think of your lungs like a set of bagpipes–just a big ol’ sack of air that you need to keep inflated in order to make a droning, atonal cacophony.
- Slow down. Adrenaline can make you rush through a reading like a TV voiceover listing the side effects of a new weight-loss drug. Count to one-Mississippi at the end of each sentence. Count to two-Mississippi at the end of each paragraph. Three-Mississippi is for scene changes. Four-Mississippi is an experimental count that authors have not yet perfected. This is a lot of Mississippis to keep track of, so no one will judge you if you say them out loud.
- Remember to project. Speak with your diaphragm. Maintain good posture. Attribute your own flaws and insecurities to members of the audience. Can you believe you were intimidated by these anxious, conceited nimrods?
- Eye contact. The eyes are the windows to the soul. Basically, by making eye contact with your audience, you’re peeking into their house like a creep, so avoid doing so at all costs.
- Name drop the city/bookstore/establishment you’re reading in.
photo by Pip R. Lagenta
This will cause an instant pop from the crowd, according to arena-rock bands and pro wrestlers. You know what I’m talking about, don’t you Writer Unboxed?
- Pause for thunderous applause from the aforementioned name drop.
- Leave pauses for all audience reactions. Laughter is the most common. Gasps are also great. Be ready to give the audience cues by arching your eyebrows or having one of those APPLAUSE signs that old-time TV shows used. Consider a laugh track, like on a sitcom. Don’t tell me it’s out of place; The Flintstones had a laugh track, and it was a damn cartoon.
- Enjoy yourself. Remember, the audience is there to have FUN. Encourage them to do The Wave. Bring a beach ball for them to bat around. During a scene break, lead the audience in a chorus of “Sweet Caroline,” bum bum BAAAAH!
Exit
- Give the signal. This is to let your friend in the audience know if they should call you with an “emergency” to get you out of there after things start to go south.
- Leave them wanting more. Stop reading in the middle of the last paragraph. Don’t even finish your sentence. It’s better to deci
What tips do you have for giving a literary reading? Share your ideas in the comments!
[coffee]
After college, Bill Ferris (he/him) left Nebraska for Florida to become a rich and famous rock star. Failing that, he picked up the pen to become a rich and famous novelist. He now lives in Chapel Hill, North Carolina, and looks forward to a life of poverty and ridicule.
Finally, useful advice for aspiring authors. Every tip is spot on, down to the breakfast menu. My tip is to be selective about your clothing, For women, choose style over function so that you project the proper image to your audience. Shoes must totter and pinch to allow for the proper gait as you enter the room. Clothing must be snug and satiny for the right reflective properties in photos and so that you can slide down in your seat with ease if things do not go well.
Dang, this info would have come in SO handy if I’d seen this BEFORE the last UnCon!
How could I have not thought of bringing a smoke machine?!? Oh, well – live and learn.
Thanks for the hilariously inspirational post. It’s definitely one of th
This came at the appropriate time. I am currently at an artist retreat. From the moment I was notified I had won, one of five spots and read the requirements I’ve been sweating. I must do a reading this coming Monday for major contributors to the retreat and then at the end of the three-week retreat I must read from what I have been working on. I’ve never done a reading of my own work and it has truly affected my writing this week. This was just fun and quirky enough to take away my fear. Thank you so much.
Another great piece, Bill. Easily one of the top 100 you have written for Writer Unboxed.
One item I’d like to add to the “Before the Reading” section: CHECK FOR ASTIGMATISM. A hip local indie bookstore recently invited me to read from my latest novel, and I spent so much time in front of screens tweeting/Facebooking about the event, I damaged my vision without realizing it. Luckily I discovered the deterioration in time (while reading about how to give a reading) and bought a pair of reading glasses. It’s never good to look illiterate at your own book event.
As far as getting laid afterward, I did not. My wife wasn’t thrilled with the piece I chose to read. And she was the only person who showed up.
Keep bringing the wit, Mr. Ferris.
-GL
“It’s good to be back at the Trident Bookstore and Cafe again! Yeah!” *shaka hand wave*
I’m using that gold nugget from hereon. Start them off already cheering for you. And yes, always leave your audience wanti
Great article!!!
Additionally, don’t kiss the microphone. I go to a lot of readings where the authors sound like they have their heads shoved inside down-filled pillows because their mouths are pressed against the mic. Blech. Germs.
Conversely, make sure the mic isn’t so far away that your audience has to cock their heads to heeeeeear youuuuuuu.
I love the idea of music. LIVE music can be a nice touch as well, if you know someone who plays an instrument. Though playing your own guitar or violin or accordion for the first time in front of strangers is probably not a good idea.
Finally, when I speak, I bring two copies from which to read. One is in book form, in case the group is small and I want to sit with them, sort of like an intimate book club; the other is in large typed font in a notebook, for easy reading and page turning while standing in front of a large crowd at a tall podium.
No matter what, if one has a sense of humor as great as yours, Bill, the guest speak will be a success!
Excellent advice. I have always been an extrovert and was an Officer in the USN for twenty years, briefed big wigs, no stage fright. My first reading of my writing, “OMG, I agreed to read this drivel I wrote to people I don’t know, but many who know who I am. I shivered through it and the advertised speaker approached me afterwards and congratulated me on how smooth my presentation was…
I’m sure it was because I had read advice similar to this shortly before. Excellent advice. They can laugh at you, but, so what!