You’re Amazing and You Can Do This
By Annie Neugebauer | May 17, 2017 |
I recently got back from a writers conference (the Dallas-Fort Worth Writers Conference, to be precise), and as is the norm for me after a full weekend of peopleing, I was in a happy haze of reflection and exhaustion. The conference was absolutely wonderful. I taught two classes, sat on a problem-solving workshop panel, and took several one-on-one consultation sessions for writers seeking feedback. It all went better than I could’ve hoped for.
But more than how my own events went, I was left feeling all warm and fuzzy by the people I met and listened to, plus the friends I went with. The new writers being brave and putting themselves out there. The veterans being kind and sharing what they knew. Rachel Caine’s keynote speech that moved me to tears. The friends who supported me and the strangers who reached out to say my lessons taught them something. Fellow Author-in-Progress contributor Jane Friedman, who was so gracious when I did the whole awkward introduction over the coffee stand thing. (I only got to catch one of her classes because of my own schedule, but it was amazing.) The volunteers who poured out their time and energy to make the whole thing happen. The friends who played wingman for each other, stepping out of their comfort zones to pitch to agents and introduce themselves to authors. The love, man, the love. (That last part was in a hippie voice, just FYI.)
I’m not a very mushy person, honest, but right around midnight before I went to bed I tweeted exactly what was on my mind:
Starting to believe that behind every great writer is another great writer saying, “You’re amazing and you can do this.”
— Annie Neugebauer (@AnnieNeugebauer) May 8, 2017
I wasn’t expecting the response it got. Hundreds of writers have liked and/or retweeted it, many adding their own agreement or — even better — tagging their own writer support systems as a thank you. For days, I’ve been seeing notifications on Twitter: strangers tagging strangers because they all felt that this sentiment rings true, and are living it. Every one of us needs someone to tell us that we’re valuable and that we can do the hard things, and every one of us needs to remind others of it.
In the midst of the rather epic lovefest I accidentally prompted, I did hear a few small cries of distress. One facet that surprised me was the handful of writers who agreed with the sentiment but added the disclaimer, “Not that I’m saying I’m great, but…”
Hello, self? It’s yourself from a shadow dimension calling and she’s saying exactly what you would’ve said, so maybe you should kick her in the pants.
This is something I’ve been fighting with myself over for a while now. Self doubt. Imposter syndrome. Modesty that borders on self-deprecation. That’s probably a whole post in and of itself, but I’ll give you the quick and dirty version: You guys, this has got to stop. We have to stop talking down about ourselves just because we’re afraid that others might beat us to it. We have to start celebrating our successes and strengths even though we still have failures and flaws. We have to be unabashedly awesome in all the ways that we are. We don’t owe anyone a disclaimer for believing in ourselves.
That said, no one can be 100% confident all the time. I get it. That’s why, truly, I believe we all need someone (preferably several someones) on our team, rooting for us. Championing our talent and our dreams. We need writing buddies and mentors and critique partners and agents and besties. We need someone to remind us that we’re on the right track whenever our endurance begins to wane.
I did hear from a few writers reacting to my tweet who didn’t have someone to say that to them — writers who hadn’t felt they’ve found their tribe. 
If you’re one of those, I can’t encourage you enough to be your own advocate. Seek out your own support group. Join the Writer Unboxed Facebook group and make online friends. Find or found your own critique group, whether in person or online. Write to writers you admire. Join organizations that have mentorship programs. Go to conferences like DFWcon or the Unconference where you can meet other writers at your stage (and every stage) of the process.
Don’t give up. I’m not saying anyone owes you anything, and I’m certainly not saying it will be easy to find these types of friends and colleagues. I am saying it’s worth it. It took me years to find a mentor. It took my critique group years to really take off and stabilize with a healthy, steady group of driven writers. It took me years to find an agent who believed in me and my work. It took me years to build the friendships and relationships I treasure so deeply. It might take you years too. That’s okay. Keeping looking.
And more importantly, give as good as you get. Better. Be supportive to others. Be charitable with your time and skills. Give with love, dudes and dudettes, and love will come back to lift you up. Righteous. (But seriously.) Don’t give up. You deserve to be here and you deserve to not be alone. Keep going until you find your own tribe. I believe you can do it. I hope you will.
Because you are amazing, and you can do this.
Writers, do you feel you’ve found your tribe(s)? Or are you still looking? Who are the people who raise you up?
[coffee]
Annie Neugebauer is a two-time Bram Stoker Award-nominated author with work appearing and forthcoming in more than a hundred publications, including magazines such as Cemetery Dance, Apex, and Black Static, as well as anthologies such as Year’s Best Hardcore Horror Volumes 3 & 4 and #1 Amazon bestsellers Killing It Softly & Fire. She’s a member of the Horror Writers Association and a columnist for Writer Unboxed and LitReactor. She’s represented by Alec Shane of Writers House. She lives in Texas with two crazy cute cats and a husband who’s exceptionally well-prepared for the zombie apocalypse. You can visit her at www.AnnieNeugebauer.com for news, poems, organizational tools for writers, and more.
Annie, how I wish I could teleport myself to give you a big hug. I needed to read your words this morning, esp. because what’s in my head isn’t coming out right on paper. Where’s the poetry? I’m mangling it. That kitten picture is perfect too. Such a small creature and yet so fierce! Thankful for your amazing self.
Aw, thank you, Vijaya. We all have those days! I’m happy that my words did something for you today. Big teleportation hug right back!
Thank you for this Annie. I just moved from Nevada to Texas and had to leave my wonderful fun loving tribe of ten years behind–it’s been rough, but we still keep in touch. It’s just hard not seeing their beautiful faces and hearing their spun words over coffee once a week. But your words have encouraged me this morning. THANK YOU for your amazing self :)
I can only imagine how hard that must be; I don’t even want to think about losing my own special group. I’m so sorry you have that struggle right now, Naomi. But the good news is that Texas is chock full of amazing writing communities. Really truly! Of course I hope you’ll keep in touch with your old tribe, but I bet in time you’ll find one here too. If you happen to be in the north Texas area, feel free to PM me and I might be able to help get you started with a group!
“Not that I’m saying I’m great, but…”
You can do this. True. However, there is something more. Something many fiction writers are afraid to accept. Something beyond finishing a novel, finding an agent and getting published.
Your story can be powerful. Your novel can transform. Your writing can capture our times and endure beyond your lifetime because of its eternal themes.
Why are writers unwilling to accept their greatness? It’s not for lack of support, for as you’ve pointed out, Annie, that support exists. It’s not because of the odds. People beat those every day.
I think it’s modesty, a suppression of ego. A cultural belief that fiction is ephemeral, small, of little impact. I hear this modesty in comments like the one above, but I also read it in manuscripts.
I see it in stories that play it safe. Easy tales that barely test genre boundaries. Timid premises and protagonists whose primary action is to suffer. Novels which ask us to think about things no more profound than we’d read about in magazines.
I am with my tribe at writers’ conferences. I’ve been to DFW and many others. It’s where I charge up, connect and gather energy. I am honored to contribute. I remember why I work in this industry.
Conferences and connections are good and essential. We need that support. But when the conference is over, the last keynote is delivered, and the plane ride home has landed, it is back to the keyboard. What will you do there? Feel the love and play it safe?
I say the strongest place is the page. We need support, but to lead. We laugh and tear up at keynotes, but what we get from that is not simply that we are all in this together but that each of us is unique, empowered, full-throated and important. We have egos for a reason.
We tell stories to change the world. We tell stories to make us human, humble and alive.
I think that’s a wonderful point, Don, that our society doesn’t always place full value on creators — and that we don’t always fully value ourselves. Absolutely, the page is the most important thing. Always. It has to be. But I also think that finding and embracing our tribe can help us embrace our value as storytellers too. Having a tribe can give us the space to be brave and bold. Or as you say, the support to lead. It can give us the confidence to challenge and take risks. To be true to our purest artistic vision and ambition. And if we have really good people, they support us and challenge us in equal measure, even simultaneously. Lucky lucky for us that they’re aren’t mutually exclusive. <3
It makes a huge difference when someone else, preferably someone you respect, and who has a lot more experience, tells you exactly that: that something in your writing amazed them.
It is a great kindness on their part to tell you, and if it’s in writing, it can warm you any day when the self-confidence has cold feet, the marketing isn’t, and it is hard to get started.
My tribe is tiny as yet, but there are a few Elders in place, and it makes all the difference.
I can’t do the more active forms of supporting other writers, but I find my ways.
It really does make a difference, doesn’t it? It doesn’t have to be a “This is perfect” — just a “This one thing is good, has value” or even a “Keep at it.” I actually keep my happy comments in one place so I can look over them in my darkest moments of despair. I haven’t turned to them often, but there have been a couple of times when they were invaluable. I’m glad you’re finding your tribe, Alicia.
I SO have your back. Annie. If we don’t have faith in ourselves, who will?
Wonderful, to-the-heart post.
Hugs,
Dee
Dee Willson
Author of A Keeper’s Truth and GOT (Gift of Travel)
Thanks so much, Dee! <3
I have been writing/blogging 15 years and one of the greatest experiences of my life was attending the 2013 Blog Paws Conference…it led to my first paid writing….
Regretfully I have not been able to attend since…hell, if a writing conference happened here in Houston I probably would not be able to afford attending.
Life has been difficult the past 4 years, but I keep writing. I finally had some extra funds and just bought the 2017 Writer’s Market and Poet’s Market and I have a long dormant Createspace account…
What prompted the book purchases? I was recently interviewed for and featured in a video by the Houston Metro Transit, a fascinating 90 min. experience that result in a 1 min, video seen by more than 1000 people so far.
That’s great, Kiril! I really hope you keep at it. We do what we can when we can. Good for you.
Annie, wait wait—all this positive “up with people” stuff: it’s some kind of trick, right? Are you setting us up for some kind of gut-punch punch line?
Sorry, so unaccustomed to see unvarnished sincerity and communal warmth on the screen these days, I didn’t recognize it.
Thank you. The simplest, direct expressions of camaraderie and generosity never lose their shine, and can make up for all the rot. And maybe even push us, as Don says, to tell stories to change the world.
Hahaha! Oh, this actually made me laugh. No punchline, I promise. I’m not always so mushy, but I do always try to be genuine. :) And your comment has brought me a big smile, now, too. Yes. Let’s tell the stories to change the world. Absolutely.
Having a writing community/tribe is awesome. Another “tribe” that’s given me huge support, kicks in the pants when needed, and scraped me off the floor is a group of other artists. My painter and actor friends and I marvel over how similar our journeys are.
Thanks for an uplifting post and a reminder of how much those other artists have helped me over the years.
That’s so cool! Yes, I’ve marveled with some musician friends over our similar journeys too. How special that you count some in your tribe, though. I love that. Makes me want to go hug the dancers in my life. :) Thanks, Cathryn!
Lucky to have three tribes who stretch and support me in different ways: the Women’s Fiction Writers Association, the Capital City Writers Association, and Writer Unboxed. I love interacting with all of you!
Wonderful! <3
I like mushy Annie, but she’s still a bit of a work horse. *looking up tribes in which to awkwardly insert myself* *planning to stop being so introverted and ‘give as good as I get’, despite that ominous undertone*
Haha! That’s too funny. I am *always* a bit of a work horse. No ominous tone intended though — just generosity. XD And no awkward insertion needed, either. When you find the places that are a good fit for you, I think you’ll find that you’re welcomed and feel like you belong. :)
Thank you, Annie–just what I needed to hear today/this week! In particular, I appreciated the reminder that it may take a while…and to give as good as I get. Honestly, that very thought has been lurking in my head: I’ve stuck my nose into my MS again and then I look up and think “oh right…*interaction* would be good!” So your post is like the universe saying YES, now go do it!
I’m very, very grateful for my online tribes, I suspect I just need to do more speaking up and less lurking…that and take another stab at a local/in person group.
I’m so glad, Alisha! I find it hard to speak up in online groups too sometimes. It’s easy to just listen/read and learn and forget to actually be a presence. And I personally find in-person groups invaluable. It’s simply different. No matter how wonderful online groups are, they aren’t the same thing as eye contact, handshakes, and ink on your written page. :)
Anne, loved your words. I am lucky to have a network that remind me often ‘that I can do it and will get there’ There are times when you feel it’s time to give up and do something else, then after you’ve told yourself off, and your writing friends do likewise, you get over yourself and carry on because you know there is nothing else that will satisfy your creative side like writing does. Thank you to my network that keep me on track and thanks again Anne for highlighting how important it is to surround yourself with other writers.
Thanks, Suzie!
Oh Annie, what a marvelous, marvelous article! I have published five novels with major presses and never would have done it without my team behind me…and I have tried always as time allows to be part of other people’s cheering teams. And now midway in my career I have written a novel which because of its subject is having a hard time finding a publishing home (it is a passionate Edwardian love story between two men) and I am once more expanding and gathering a support system around me to help me go forward and advise me. So this need continues all our writing lives, to have others with candles to light the way. Thank you!
How lovely to hear. Thank you, Stephanie. And best of luck to you with your current challenge!