Flog a Pro: would you pay to turn the first page of this bestseller?
By Ray Rhamey | March 16, 2017 |
4 years of Flog a Pro votes
It’s hard to believe that we’ve been doing this for this long—49 floggings until today, to be precise. I thought you’d enjoy seeing the results. Below are a few highlights, but the complete list of books and the voting outcomes are on a summary page here. I’ll be updating that in the future.
Summary
- Majority No votes: 78%
- Majority Yes votes: 22%
- Ray Yes votes: 31%
- Majority & Ray agreed 74% of the time
See how particular books fared and what made the bestseller lists over those 4 years—the complete list of books and results is here. Care to guess which author made the list the most times? Check it out. And now on to today’s flogging.
Trained by reading hundreds of submissions, editors and agents often make their read/not-read decision on the first page. In a customarily formatted book manuscript with chapters starting about 1/3 of the way down the page (double-spaced, 1-inch margins, 12-point type), there are 16 or 17 lines on the first page.
Here’s the question:
Would you pay good money to read the rest of the chapter? With 50 chapters in a book that costs $15, each chapter would be “worth” 30 cents.
So, before you read the excerpt, take 30 cents from your pocket or purse. When you’re done, decide what to do with those three dimes or the quarter and a nickel. It’s not much, but think of paying 30 cents for the rest of the chapter every time you sample a book’s first page.
Please judge by storytelling quality, not by genre or content—some reject an opening page immediately because of genre, but that’s not a good enough reason when the point is to analyze for storytelling strength.
This novel was number one on the New York Times hardcover fiction bestseller list for March 19, 2017. How strong is the opening page—would this narrative, all on its own, have hooked an agent if it came in from an unpublished writer? It has an unusual structure for fiction; it begins with a Foreword and then Chapter 1 follows. Let’s vote on both of them. Following are what would be the first 17 manuscript lines of the foreword.
Who wouldn’t be skeptical when a man claims to have spent an entire weekend with God, in a shack no less? And this was the shack.
I have known Mack for a bit more than twenty years, since the day we both showed up at a neighbor’s house to help him bale a field of hay to put up for his couple of cows. Since then he and I have been, as the kids say these days, hangin’ out, sharing a coffee—or for me a chai tea, extra hot with soy. Our conversations bring a deep sort of pleasure, always sprinkled with lots of laughs and once in a while a tear or two. Frankly, the older we get, the more we hang out, if you know what I mean.
His full name is Mackenzie Allen Phillips, although most people call him Allen. It’s a family tradition: the men all have the same first name but are commonly known by their middle names, presumably to avoid the ostentation of I, II, and III or Junior and Senior. It works well for identifying telemarketers too, especially the ones who call as if they were your best friend. So he and his grandfather, father, and now his oldest son all have the given name of Mackenzie but are commonly referred to by their middle names. Only Nan, his wife, and close friends call him Mack (although I have heard a few total strangers yell, “Hey Mack, where’d you learn to drive?”).
Mack was born somewhere in the Midwest, a farm boy in an Irish-American family (snip)
And now for the first 17 lines of chapter 1.
March unleashed a torrent of rainfall after an abnormally dry winter. A cold front out of Canada then descended and was held in place by a swirling wind that roared down the Gorge from eastern Oregon. Although spring was surely just around the corner, the god of winter was not about to relinquish its hard-won dominion without a tussle. There was a blanket of new snow in the Cascades, and rain was now freezing on impact with the frigid ground outside the house; enough reason for Mack to snuggle up with a book and a hot cider and wrap up in the warmth of a crackling fire.
But instead, he spent the better part of the morning telecommuting into his downtown desktop. Sitting comfortably in his home office wearing pajama pants and a T-shirt, he made his sales calls, mostly to the East Coast. He paused frequently, listening to the sound of crystalline rain tinging off his window and watching the slow but steady accumulation of frozen ice thickening on everything outside. He was becoming inexorably trapped as an ice-prisoner in his own home—much to his delight.
There is something joyful about storms that interrupt routine. Snow or freezing rain suddenly releases you from expectations, performance demands, and the tyranny of appointments and schedules. And unlike illness, it is largely a corporate rather than individual experience. One can almost hear a unified sigh rise from the nearby city and surrounding (snip)
Were these opening pages compelling to you? If they were, you can turn the page here. My votes and notes after the fold.
This is The Shack by William P. Young. This novel received a strong average review rating of 4.7 stars out of 5 on Amazon, so there must be more to please beyond these first pages. The summary/blurb on the Amazon page definitely engaged my interest immediately . . . but there’s little hint of this story in either the opening pages of the foreword or the chapter. Here’s the blurb:
Mackenzie Allen Phillips’s youngest daughter, Missy, has been abducted during a family vacation, and evidence that she may have been brutally murdered is found in an abandoned shack deep in the Oregon wilderness. Four years later, in this midst of his great sadness, Mack receives a suspicious note, apparently from God, inviting him back to that shack for a weekend. Against his better judgment he arrives at the shack on wintry afternoon and walks back into his darkest nightmare. What he finds there will change his life forever.
My vote on the foreword: no.
The Foreword does open with a great teaser, but then it dives into backstory and what looks like a huge info dump to come (it does, for pages). Other than the opening paragraph, there was zero tension in this page for me. And no clue as to what the story was about.
My vote on the chapter: no.
The first chapter opens with weather—how many times have we been advised to not do that—and that will be okay if it immediately affects the story, but it doesn’t. And then the opening heads off into musing about this and that, which is a big roadblock for this particular reader. Why doesn’t something happen on this page? Once again, no tension and no hint of what the story is about.
Your thoughts?
[coffee]
Ray Rhamey is the author of five novels and one writing craft book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling. He’s also an editor of book-length fiction and designs book covers and interiors for Indie authors and small presses. His website, crrreative.com, offers an a la carte menu of creative services for writers and publishers. Learn more about Ray’s books at rayrhamey.com.
Congratulations on your 4th anniversary Ray!
I almost always agree with you, but today I’ve voted yes twice.
In the foreword, the teaser at the beginning is good enough for me to want to keep reading further, even though the rest of the page is dull.
In the chapter, my interest was piqued because I too have just gone through a harsh Oregon winter, so there’s a personal connection to the text that would keep me going. Had the writer not set the story in Oregon, I would’ve voted no on the chapter.
Ray,
Congrats on four years of flogging! You must have quite a forearm on you.
From the seventeen lines given each “opening,” I voted yes on the foreword, no on Chapter One.
And I voted this way knowing the book. I’ve read The Shack and enjoyed it throughout. The opening line of the foreword was intriguing enough to outweigh the “oh my god, he’s opening with the weather” in the following chapter.
Had he started with Chapter One, I might have passed on the book — or maybe not. I read it on the strong recommendation of a friend. The writing is average, but the plot and characters are compelling.
It’s a good book.
The summary results of four years of flogging are revealing. Clearly, this community is *not* the audience for most commercial hits. Or not for their first pages, anyway. The “no’s” have it by a wide margin.
Some surprises: Of John Grisham’s works, Sycamore Row is the most inviting. Patterson & Ellis’s Invisible squeaks by. Our agency client Jim Butcher also edges over into positive territory with Skin Game, thank goodness, though I think my one vote may have been the deciding factor.
Jeffrey Archer wins a surprise nod for the first page of Mightier Than the Sword but Danielle Steel’s first pages are dismal, a fact unnoticed by her fans. Gone Girl, Ender’s Game and The Fault in Our Stars rock their first pages. Why those and not other top hits? Still, overall, we see massively negative results for #1 NY Times best sellers.
Hold on…#1 NY Times Best Sellers? What is the WU community missing? Or what are so many book consumers overlooking? Are we here at WU to be congratulated on our good taste or are we literary snobs?
Maybe we should be voting on second pages, not first pages? Or could it be that first pages are not as important as floggers might wish?
Or…could it be that the list of flogged titles represents the work of a relatively small number of brand name authors; authors who have won their following over a number of novels, telling stories that enthrall their readers even without the benefit of sparkling, deeply engaging first pages.
Could it be that the essence of compelling storytelling is in its heart, not in its handshake? Could it be that loyal friends are not won in a moment but over years?
Could it be that a great first page matters when you’re being read for the first time, as with submissions, but it’s the body of a novel, indeed of a body of work, that wins those #1 slots at NYTBR?
Could it also be that being #1 on the NYTBR is an achievement but not the be all and end all of a writing career?
Hmm. Food for thought. Thanks for the metrics, Ray, most interesting.
Oh, and BTW…I voted yes on The Shack, though I’ve previously read it and know there’s a moving story, should one read farther.
Good to know I’m not the only one voting Yes today. That makes 3 so far in this thread.
Make that 4. I always vote with the losing side. That way, when things go to hell, I can get one of those “Dont’ blame me, I voted for _____” bumper stickers. I have a lot of bumper stickers.
I don’t think the WU community is missing anything other than seeing strong writing. I see no reason why the first page of any novel cannot be gripping and immerse a reader into a story or character. Is that too much to ask of a bestselling author? Don’t you think they could have written a compelling opening if they set their minds to it, if that were a goal? And why should that not be their goal?
Yes, the WU community knows strong writing. Readers, meanwhile, remain something of a mystery. (That’s a joke.)
I think both sides of this debate have a point. I know that may sound wishy-washy (as does my decision to abstain from the vote — see below).
It’s clear that many of us wouldn’t look twice at many books that sell like those hotcakes that always sell like hotcakes. (What, exactly, is a hotcake?)
But it’s also clear that thousands if not, at times, millions of readers LOVE the books we wouldn’t bother with.
Is it my job to write a book millions of readers would love? Or to write the best book I know how, given my talents, my purpose, and my understanding of my readership, as limited as it may be currently?
I think the point of this blog is to give writers the skills they need to expand their readership. I think this exercise sometimes serves this purpose admirably.
But we also can see quite clearly that some authors, after having already established a readership, get away with some things others cannot.
Maybe that’s the takeaway?
Your last three grafs have the nut of it. This is a worthwhile exercise.
Hot cakes are just pancakes.
Yes, I know. I was just, you know… riffing.
Oh certainly, Ray, no reason to write sloppy first pages…until you’re a #1 NYTBSL brand name author, anyway, in which case then what the hey.
So, yeah, I agree with you. And David too, I’m pretty sure. Let’s write gud.
I didn’t bother to read these after the first few words. I was given a copy of this book when it first came out by a “friend” who just knew I’d love it. I knew she’d want some feedback so I slogged painfully through the entire thing. I worked hard to find something of value in it, but on both literary and theological planes it was a dud. No, thank you. I’ll keep my 30 cents.
I have loved every minute of your Flog A Pro blogs. I find them stimulating and am always interested in other people’s opinions. We agree more often than not, which makes me feel like I’m an adequate editor as well as a discerning reader.
Congrats on four years of flogging! I have enjoyed reading your posts although when I read as a struggling unpublished author, I wasn’t sure if I should be encouraged or discouraged by the results. And as a soon-to-be traditionally published author, I’m still not sure. Oh well…
Foreword:
“but are commonly known by their middle names” / “but are commonly referred to by their middle names” separated by only a couple of lines. I want an author with more word sense and imagination.
Chapter One:
Pretty, but tedious as narrative.
The writing line by line is strong enough that if I’d been given this book with a friend’s recommendation, I’d stay with it, expecting things to pick up. However, were I browsing in a bookstore (remember bookstores?), I’d have moved on.
I played by the rules and voted yes and yes, even though I abandoned reading ‘The Shack’ after a few chapters.
I bought this book for the writing which hooked me, but the story… not so much. A perfect example how story matters more than the skill of the author.
Congratulations Ray! I eagerly await your Flog a Pro emails and always send them on via Twitter and personal email. I recognized this story and voted no, even though I had read it when it came out at the urging of my sister the nun. Of course, I had an idea of the plot, so I plowed through. Somewhat of a yawn opening with the history of the protagonist’s name, but I found the author’s writing engaging and skillful, and I think many readers identify enough with the culture that comes through to keep going.
Yawns all around. No story questions beyond the first line of the foreword. I don’t mind the weather so much–I like to have a tone set for me by the setting and time of year/day. But the business about the names? It just felt immature. And the happy tone really does not match the cover copy blurb, does it?
I think Don’s questions are revealing. I’d like to see the very first books by some of these NYT bestsellers and see if perhaps they worked harder on those first pages in order to gain what has obviously become a loyal audience for them. And I know that I, myself, am not a commercial fiction reader. It’s rare, anyway.
“Never start with the weather.” –Elmore Leonard
Couldn’t agree with you more, Ray.
I’m asserting my God-given right not to vote. (That right was delivered in a note I found in my tool shed out back this morning. For the record, God has lousy handwriting, and can’t spell worth a lick.)
I loved Don’s contrast between heart and a handshake, and could barely resist thinking of another form of … expression … involving a hand that provides an all too apt description of far too many books.
But I digress…
Here, the strength of the writing is clear, and I agree that this is a book you sink into. It’s not a first-page grabber. The cover copy serves a distinct purpose, obviously.
The tone of the first page makes it sound like one of those sappy “I spoke with an angel” stories that Hallmark traipses out from time to time, and I think that serves the story poorly. Clearly, given the content of the note, the narrator might have felt just a wee bit more stirred, I believe, rather than immediately retreating into an explication of names. It feels as though nothing is urgent, nothing is at stake, which we know (given the cover copy) is not the case.
And given the slow start of Chapter I, I think it would have been all the more wise to set a more indicative tone in the prologue, which the author chose to call a Forward, for reasons which escape me. (Prologues are currently out of favor. Let’s call it a Forward! Problem solved.)
On the merit of its opening alone, no, I probably wouldn’t read on. My TBR pile is already of alpine dimension. Too many books, too little time. But I think this author deserves credit for developing this story in his own manner. I may disagree with his initial approach, but there’s clearly much to be liked here.
So I abstain. God told me I could. Look, see? Here, this note … wait. That’s a grocery list. I know I put that damn thing somewhere here. Can’t find anything on this desk — oh, wow, I was wondering where I put that … I really need to tidy up a bit. By the way — would like to hear how I came by my name?
I’m afraid I agree with Erin. Total yawn. Though, having grown up in eastern Oregon, on a ranch that is less than five miles from the gateway to the Eagle Cap wilderness, I must point out, there IS a story question in the opening pages. Where did the narrator get his chai soy latte that was still warm by the time he reached ‘the shack’? Seriously? This is much more interesting to ponder than how the MacKenzie brothers got their names. The nearest Starbucks would be at least forty miles away if the shack is situated anywhere near the wilderness.
I voted yes, because of the voice. And the snippet from Chapter 1 leads me to believe this character is going to be trapped in a snowstorm, so that’s tension enough for me. Which makes the weather opening crucial to the plot. The fact that he delights in the possibility of being cut off from civilization makes it appealing, because I’ve certainly felt that way.
I haven’t read this author before, so I’m not basing my decision on his body of work.
Instead of calling it a foreward, he could have left off the title and kept the text, followed by Chapter 1.
Rules are important to learn, but wise, at times, to break. I’ve seen many a great writer get away with breaking the rules. And yes, the curse of knowledge can make us a bit snobbish. I’ll be the first to admit it.
I would have kept reading, just to see how the author delivers on the premise stated in the first line.
However, Chapter One is a snoozer. If that’s where the book started, I’d vote no.
Occasionally, I’ll go to the library, blindly pull books from the shelves and read the first few paragraphs to see if the openings grab me. If I see the covers first, I immediately make a judgment. If there are any blurbs on the cover, those factor into my judgment as well. I’ve learned that what I relish is either strong writing, a great premise, an intriguing character, unanswered questions, or, sometimes, compelling action to grab me and keep me reading. All of them together? I’ll run out and buy the book.
I voted yes on the Foreword, based on the first paragraph (and based on paragraph I guessed the book was The Shack, although I’ve not read it), and no on Chapter 1.
The bit with names didn’t bother me, as I will let an author lay some groundwork for something that becomes significant later (in this case, guessing that one of the plot elements might be confusion because of the same first and last names, or a clue/revelation when someone calls him Mack, since that name is only used by his wife and close friends).
I didn’t really mind the weather description either, except that’s all there was. I think beginning this chapter/book with the third paragraph would have made it stronger, as it at least suggests some significance to the weather for the character (why is he relishing a snow day like a kid? is he a workaholic?), but as is, not enough there to keep me reading.
Well, I read the whole book so something must have captivated me. Maybe because I knew what it was about, so it’s hard to be unbiased. But I’ll try.
I’ll say yes. There’s something about the author’s tone that draws me in. We’ve been teased in the intro, so we want to know more about this shack. In chapter 1, the anticipation already exists, so we’re patient and don’t mind getting cozy with the main character. And I wish I could hide from the storm myself sometimes (a little foreshadowing?).