A Writer’s Faith
By Sarah Callender | March 8, 2017 |
I don’t know how many Christians live in Seattle, but most days it feels like there are roughly fourteen of us. On Christmas and Easter, that number can surge to maybe thirty-seven … thirty-eight max.
I’m not a very impressive Christian. I find some people hard to love. I drop f-bombs under duress. I can beat anyone, with the exception of my friend, Robin, in a Mike’s Hard Lemonade chugging contest. Once, when my daughter was two years old and she wouldn’t get in the car and we were late for summer camp at our church (where I was teaching her class), I yelled, “Get in the f-word-ing car NOW!” #ShiningJesus’Love
My faith is the most important part of who I am, but that doesn’t mean it’s always so strong. Because many close friends and relatives don’t share my faith, I frequently find myself questioning and wondering. Doubting too.
There’s quite a lot to question and doubt. Jonah inside the big fish. The virgin birth. The empty tomb. The Garden of Eden. If the Bible didn’t contain so many outrageous stories (and if Christians loved more often than they judged), church pews everywhere might be a little fuller.
But faith requires a big leap. Faith wouldn’t be faith if there were proof.
Paul, in the New Testament, says faith is being sure of what we hope for and assured by what we cannot see. In spite of the hard-to-believe Bible stories, I am sure of what I hope for and oddly assured by what I can’t see. I don’t know why, but I am.
I have that same, proofless faith in my writing life. I don’t know why, but I do.
We writers need a Writer’s Faith. We must be certain of what we hope for and assured by what we cannot see, especially in the rocky times all writers face. All writers.
A recent rocky time for me? Last week I sent this SOS text to my two writing partners, Bonnie and Janna.
Me: I just lost 4500 words on Scrivener.
Bonnie: Wait, what? I’m coming over.
Janna: Nooooooo. Still in Canada but this is dire. How about backup drive?
Bonnie: Hang on, hang on, I’m sure they’re still there. I’m calling you.
Then my phone rang, and I enlisted Bonnie’s document recovery knowledge and empathy, and, when my husband came home, I asked for his help. It turns out that the computer science degree he earned in 1994 doesn’t much help with a Scrivener bug.
Yes, I use Carbonite as my backup program. Yes, I save as I go. Yes, I poured over the internet trying to find someone who had experienced a similar fiasco (WU’s Rebeca Schiller did a bang-up job trying to help me via a lovely “DON’T PANIC!” Scrivener tutorial post).
No luck. The words were gone. All was lost.
The day before, my daughter had baked a batch of Nutella brownies so I ate two of those, and I reminded myself what I know:
I have a roof over my head, food in my fridge, chocolate in my stomach, a good man in my marriage, and I am knitting a sweater.
All will be OK.
Sure, I had lost three precious days of work, but I could recreate it. The scenes were still fresh in my memory.
All will be OK.
But when I sat down to rewrite, I realized the writing I had lost was Stenographer Writing, the kind of writing where you don’t know where the words and the scenes are coming from, where you don’t feel like they are coming from you at all, but you write them down anyway, probably resembling a cranky, bored-looking stenographer on day eighty of a trial about very dull things.
Stenographers don’t create and they don’t edit. They don’t modify, react or respond emotionally. They don’t pay attention to the content of what they write; they only type what they hear. And apparently, they recall very little of what they transcribe.
The 4500 words I had lost were words I had been transcribing on behalf of whatever magical thing inside us generates Story. Or perhaps on behalf of Story itself. I could recall no more than 287 words.
Three days of work. Poof!
I ate another Nutella brownie then I went on LinkedIn and looked for other jobs. When I found none, I got back to work.
Here’s some proof that we all possess a writer’s faith: We don’t like rejection. We write anyway. We know how terribly rare it is to make a living on our fiction. We write anyway. We don’t yet have tangible evidence of roaring success (a published novel to display on the mantle, a fat check to deposit in our bank accounts, a book touted by Oprah). We write anyway.
We choose writing over sleep, over free time, over social opportunities. We keep writing through rejection or losing an agent or being orphaned at a publisher after the unexpected departure of our editor. We keep working on that next book, honing our skills even when the previous books haven’t sold. We persevere even when our first published book tanks, and we can’t seem to get another book deal.
And yes, we are willing to experience all of this for very little (if any) income.
There are no guarantees that the thousands of hours we spend and the billions of words we write will result in a particular goal. We write anyway. Even when we can’t see the next step of the staircase, each of us here is certain of what we hope for.
Does that make us crazy? Yes. As crazy as those who have faith in a supposedly non-fiction book that contains a vignette about a very large ark loaded with pairs of animal? Even crazier. We writers find assurance even in the intangible.
One of the most important aspects of maintaining one’s faith? Community. It is easier to remain faithful when we are in community with others. It’s good, then, that you are here, certainly more than fourteen of you faithful souls, at the Church of WU, where all are welcome.
Will you share? In what situation has your writer’s faith been challenged or sharpened? From where does your writer’s faith come from? What do you do when you feel closer to despair than hope?
Thank you for being here.
A Middle Grade novelist (and Middle School English teacher), Sarah Callender lives in Seattle with her family. Because Sarah dislikes cleaning anything that will just get messy again, she tidies the house and weeds the yard only when absolutely necessary. This allows her time to focus on her true–and somewhat fraught–passions: writing, Abe Lincoln, and Tony’s Chocolonely chocolate bars. Equally passionate about mental health advocacy, Sarah is a member of The Stability Network. Sarah’s first novel, LUCY IN BETWEEN, will be published by Margaret Ferguson Books/Holiday House in 2026.
Thank you so much, Sarah. I needed to hear this (read this) today.
I stepped away from my story, due to a parent’s health issues, for 2 months. I am, again, doing macro-edits, which I had thought done. This week, I’m stymied as I try to focus on theme and conflict. (Yes, I pantsed this story and I love the huge extended four-generation family plus a few millennial friends and love partners.)
When I despair, I turn to blogs, such as Writer Unboxed, where I find out it is good to be crazy and faithful!
Hi Lisa! It IS good to be crazy and faithful. Thanks so much for your note … I am sorry about your parent’s health troubles. It’s amazing how consuming that can be. You are a good daughter.
Have you found that the time away has given you any helpful perspective (i.e. seeing characters or scenes with fresh eyes)? One of my kids has a chronic health thing that pulls me away from my writing more often than I’d like … it’s also VERY distracting and emotionally draining. I try to remind myself that time away can be helpful if only to gain some perspective. Still, I hate time away.
But I love that you love your story and that you are back in the saddle! Keep it up, my faithful friend.
Sarah-
Believe it, there are plenty of Christians who aren’t in pews on Sunday, sitting out the Judgement Day which other Christians feel they’ve been appointed to administer. Nevertheless, they have faith.
Writers also have a faith and a community, as you say. We’re in that community right this minute. It may not have a building called a church but it’s a gathering of the faithful who believe–who know–the uniting truth and invisible power of story.
That faith assures us that story will come, words will flow. No computer crash or document loss can erase the truth: the story you are telling existed before you set it down. It will never be finished either. Why? Because even after it is printed and bound, every reader will rewrite that story for themselves in their own hearts.
I believe that writing is a profound act of faith: faith in story, readers, our common purpose and the eternal truths that bind us and the new discoveries that grow us. Stories connect us to each other and to the greater good that some call God and that all of us sense is real.
It’s not just about having the faith to keep going when the goal is distant, it’s about knowing that the goal is already achieved. Your fingers are on the keyboard. You are writing your prayer. What saves us is not publication but the act of writing itself. That is all that is required.
So, let us all venerate Saint Therese and give thanks for this day and this place where we can gather with the faithful and gain strength from our common belief. Write on. May I hear an Amen?
Amen!
Thanks for this, Benjamin. I do love your point (because it’s true) that the goal is already achieved. That deserves an extra-loud AMEN!
I’m so glad you brought that up (along with your other beautiful points) because it reminds us that the simple fact of showing up is the goal. That is a goal we can achieve because it’s not dependent on the publishing industry, agents, editors, good reviews … there’s so much that’s beyond our control that it’s good to remember what we are able to do: show up.
I’m so glad you shared. Thank you! (And yes, too many Christians like to believe THEY are in control of judgement. It’s very frustrating.)
Sarah, thank you for the really lovely inspiring piece. It’s hard to dredge up that faith on days when bad things happen, but that’s when our writer selves are put to the test. Those who have faith in their abilities soldier on (maybe with a little help from f-bombs and a grown-up beverage).
Hi Lorraine,
Yes. Grown up beverages. I like those. I also like your word choice, “dredge.” That really is how it feels on the hard days!
Thank you for sharing your empathy with all of us. It’s an invaluable gift.
Happy dredging, Lorraine!
Thank you, Sarah! I love this post. I feel less alone right now.
I actually laughed out loud when you described trying to get your daughter in the car. In my life I’ve learned that being a Christian, and being fluent in truck-driver-talk are not mutually exclusive.
I confess (pun intended) that I spend many Sunday mornings at my keyboard rather than in a pew.
Thank you again for sharing!
Yes, Teresa. Truck-driver talk. I’m afraid I have become too fluent in that
One of the worst things my church started doing was “live streaming” the service so the ailing and unable-bodied can experience it from the comfort of home.
I’ll let you imagine who does that even when she is not ailing.
Happy writing to you. Thanks for being here.
Sarah, I know only too well that sinking desperation that comes with losing hours or days of work to the ethers. But I think my biggest crisis came years ago when a fellow writer’s group member informed me that after four years of work, my novel had no plot. When everyone in the group nodded sympathetically, I knew it was an intervention. That day I was ready to give up. A week later, I had a new understanding of plot. I’ve since come to see setbacks as camouflaged gifts. And for me, faith is in the waiting. Because I think somewhere in that big nonfiction book you mentioned, it says something like “this, too, shall pass.” I have no religious affiliation, but I do believe that the universe is a place of enormous synchronicity. In the end, that’s what I write about, so for me, good and bad, is bound together in one giant, yucky, astonishing, glorious mess. Even the hard things have beauty tucked away in them, and as writers, I think those are the nuggets we are meant to mine. I am grateful for this community, and for you. Thanks for such a beautiful post!
I love every word you share, Susan. Thank YOU. I’m so glad you mentioned the waiting. That is a major component of this gig too, isn’t it!
“Waiting” should be an emotion (I think one of the characters in one of my stories says that) and it is not one that an impatient person like me is comfy with.
This place (i.e. the world) really is a “giant, yucky, astonishing, glorious mess.” I’m so glad you are on the planet at the same time I am. :)
Sarah, Thanks for a great post. I needed this today too. It seems like when I try the hardest, i fail the most on living up to my expectation of how i should respond to life’s annoyances. And, every time i try to make time to write, something else comes up that needs fixing or help. Your post is very reassuring that others are going through the same trials.
Thank you!
Timothy,
Thanks for sharing the challenges we all face. It is so hard to protect our precious writing time, especially since most (nearly everyone here, I suspect) has at least one other full-time job.
Because I work from home–freelance writing, editing, tutoring and yes, fiction writing when I can make that happen–I often have people expecting that I can meet for lunch or pick up the carpool because they have a work meeting. I think it would be so much easier for us to make time to write (and justify that writing time to others) if we got paid by the hour.
If only, right?
Happy writing to you. May you find many pockets of time this week!
Hi Sarah, thank you for the mention. The work is really gone? If you’re on a Mac, it could be hidden within the library. I had a nasty malware issue from a download, which took days to uncover and delete because Mac has decided that it’s best to hide certain files within another hidden library folder. I finally found it and deleted it.
As for faith, we need it. As you mentioned this is a hard path we’ve chosen to walk on–not only for fiction, but also non-fiction. There are days when I wish I might have pursued another vocation like painting, acting, dancing, but anything in the arts requires faith. However, given our current state of affairs EVERYTHING requires faith. The best we can do is keep at it, and throw in a strong dash of hope that we’ll keep moving forward.
Hi dear Rebeca! I really did love your Don’t Panic post. Thank you for that. Alas, I don’t have a Mac.
My dear friend, Barack Obama, told me (and millions of others) that it’s not the end of the world until it’s the end of the world. I am holding tight to that bit of wisdom … it could certainly be filed under the heading of Don’t Panic.
It’s hard not to panic though. Don’t you think?
Man, do I ever miss Mr. Obama. A class act and a true wordsmith. But yes, we keep on hoping and holding on to the stair rail as we take those uncertain steps.
Thanks, Rebeca!
Sarah
I was a child in Seattle during the II World war, scary days–air raids, black outs–and later, away at an art retreat in Mendocino, I lost a half of my 3rd book–gone and I was unable to get it back. I started over and after the second writing, I produced a much better book. I recall it as my “biggest” rewrite ever. So many words, so little time? Ann
Wow, Ann. Thank you! I love (and don’t love) imagining what Seattle was like back then. How terribly scary. I have never heard anyone report on life in Seattle during WWII. Do you write about those times?
I cringed when I read about the massive amount of work you lost. And in a beautiful place like Mendocino! That is terribly terrible. But look at you now–a thriver and a survivor in so many ways!
Thank you for these encouraging words.
Sarah, this was an absolutely beautiful post. So much so, I don’t know where to start….
I am not a religious soul, but you give me faith. I am not strong, but you give me strength. I am one, but you make me one important piece of a larger puzzle.
I used to consider myself a solid form, steady, self aware. I don’t know if it is old(er) age or just sheer time, but I feel those aspects of myself slipping away. The smallest disappointment can bring me down, the slightest encouragement can make me giddy.
It’s nice to know there is a community of writers who feel the same, and are willing to hold hands through the rough spots.
Thank you, Sarah.
Dee Willson
Author of A Keeper’s Truth and GOT (Gift of Travel)
Hi sweet Dee,
You exude love and kindness. Thank you!
I love what you said about losing some of your steadiness. I feel that too. Maybe that’s what happens as we realize we are, in fact, immortal and invincible? It’s a hard truth, but what you say about letting yourself experience the low-lows and the giddy highs, that’s beautiful.
We are lucky, no? Thanks for your words today. Makes me happy.
Sarah:
Thank you for sharing your imperfect faith and writing life with huge side of laughter. Full disclosure: I’m stealing your Jesus hashtag in flagrant violation of the 8th Commandment.
Ack! I wrote a reply this morning, but it must not have loaded. I’ll try to recreate … I wasn’t doing stenographer writing so I should be OK.
I laughed out loud at this, Kimberly. Steal away … if you’re going to be a Commandment-breaker, #8 isn’t a bad one. Well, it’s bad, but not bad-bad like #6.
Thank you for your sense of humor. Do you write funny stuff? If you don’t, then you should.
Sarah, I love this post. Yes, it takes both faith and audacity to write. I’ve always been on the audacious side (after all, my name means victory and I often get what I set my sights upon). But I came to faith (I’m a Catholic convert) through writing and family life, so they are inextricably linked. It is who I am — wife, mother, writer, and beloved child of God. The fact that I know that I am loved makes me even more bold and fearless because if God is with me, who can be against me. And so I continue to write. It strengthens my faith. And vice versa.
Perhaps I am in a honeymoon period … but then again, I don’t expect it to end because marriage and writing and faith are all such a *love* affair.
By the way, there are always doubts. But it is in questioning and striving to seek answers that I find the truth. So each round gets deeper and deeper.
God bless you Sarah. I used to live in WA and used to wonder about the number of believers there as well. The move to SC was a leap of faith and it’s been better than my imagination.
ETA: funny how we can be thinking of the same things. You might enjoy this and the links within: https://vijayabodach.blogspot.com/2017/03/writing-and-spiritual-life.html
Thank you, Vijaya! You know I always love your comments, my sister.
Yes, between you and me (as I know this isn’t a Christian chat room) I get through the myriad rejection of agent searches and editors’ “no thank you’s” by asking myself this question: Do I care what so-and-so publisher thinks of me and my book?
The answer is yes … of course it is! But I don’t take it personally because there’s only One opinion of me that really matters.
What a relief, no? What true freedom! I will head over to your blog. I’m so glad you shared. Happy day to you, Vijaya.
Great post Sarah. I have been righting a novel about a young girl’s faith journey for about 6 years now. It is my first and therefore is my learning platform. As my writing community picks away at it, I have begun to feel despair thinking that the story will never be good enough. But your post reminded me that this journey is more about my walk of faith than of the characters in my book. Thank you for that! This couldn’t be more timely. Devine intervention? I hope so.
Allison! Don’t give up. I remember when I was a very new writer–I cringe thinking about it–and the writing group I was part of clearly was not enjoying my work. It was disheartening and confidence-shaking.
And they were right now to like my work. It was crummy! I am still cringing, just remembering it. ALL writers start out as new writers, and at least in my case, “new” equally pretty terrible.
Keep going, Allison. Keep going. Keep going.
Thank you for sharing. (And keep going.)
#wewriteanyway
A hashtag whose day has come.
Yes, funny woman!
Also: She was warned; she was given an explanation; nevertheless, she persisted.
Nevertheless we persist.
Sarah,
Thanks for your reminder about faith–both kinds. Words I needed to hear.
Thanks, Taylor. With this post (as with many others) I found that I was writing what *I* needed to hear too. Writing helps us know what we need to know. You know?
I truly appreciate you taking the time to comment.
Happy hump day!
Sarah,
I found myself laughing, relating, and misting up a time or two with your post and I’m not sure I even believe in God.
Recently, I’ve been questioning the commercial viability of my faith in my stories. It’s a scary doubt that I’ll get published in this lifetime. I’ve put away my keyboard, except for the one on my phone, and I haven’t come to any enlightening conclusions except for the fact I’ve become quite good at typing with my right thumb. Which is a little mind-blowing when you consider I’m conservatively left handed. But that’s a tangent…
Thank you for being you with your beautiful flawed faith, and stenographer’s missing words. It’s true our church of faith in the made up possibilities of our stories takes deep hits, but we have a life line in our fellow congregationists-is that even a bonafide word? Whatever. Thank you for being here with your heartfelt words today.
Blessed be.
Thank you, dear Bee. Congregationists. I believe a word is a word if communicates the speaker’s intentions. So yes! It’s a word.
I felt a little bit of despair as I read your comment because I don’t want you to only write with your undominant (is that a word?) finger.
You are a beautiful writer. None of us unpublished souls knows whether we will see one of our own books published. We write anyway. And so must you. Take a break, sure. And then get back to it, woman!
xoxo!
I think I got you beat in the badly behaving Christian category. But it is all about faith, right? All have fallen short and all that. If you hang out with the ACFW gang, the common theme is that it’s “all in God’s timing.” Okay, I can go with that. After all, what’s 70 or 80 years on Earth when we have infinity to look forward to? But still…
While I do believe in God’s timing, I also believe in free will. Otherwise, the world would be perfect. And it’s that free will that we engage when striving to be the best. The best anything. Engineer, teacher, writer, play-dough artist, etc.
And remember the red-letter quote: I brought you life that you may live it more abundantly (I didn’t look it up, so I’ll say it’s from the New Re-revised Modern Michigander Version).
I love that line, though. Living life more abundantly isn’t about getting more stuff. It’s about working our asses off at what we love. Even if we fail, we have much smaller asses. Seriously, the mere act of trying again and again adds enormous abundance to this life (can you have enormous abundance?) So yeah, losing 4000 words or getting another rejection or waiting for a CERTAIN TOR EDITOR TO CALL ME BACK feels like lost time. But the time isn’t really lost. Any time we spend reaching for our fullest potential, I think, makes Jesus smile. And maybe laugh a little.
So keep the faith, sister. You’re doing exactly what you were created to do. Even f-bombs should be done splendidly.
Thank you, Ron! Are you waiting for a certain editor??!?!?! How exciting and terrible!
I am going to order what I think is probably a fantastic Bible translation: The NRMMV. And I’ll read it aloud, with my best Michigander accent.
Yes, abundant life. I do love that. And in order to get the full spectrum, this one works too: Romans 5:4 (perseverance–> character, character–>hope.
Good words. Thank you, good Ron.
Fingers crossed (and yeah, a prayer) for the possible phone call. :)
Hi Sarah,
What a lovely post. It’s all about faith. Faith the words will come. Faith we’ll get to the end. Faith that someone somewhere will be touched by the stories we need to write.
I’m so sorry about your 4,500 words. Ugh. Your description of how those words came to you is much more beautiful than how I think of mine. I just throw the words on the page and see what sticks. Most of the time I can’t say where they come from, I just got lucky that day. Write them over? Sigh.
I lost church in my move across town, so I’m not sitting in a pew on Sunday mornings, but I trust my faith and belief in God directing my life. When things like this happen, I have faith a redirection was ordered — even the most tragic. Maybe a redirection was ordered. Maybe.
Sending you lots of love,
Janna (the other Janna)
Hi Other Janna (and favorite airline pal). Thanks for sharing. Yes, the discomfort of redirection. I know you know all about that.
Yes, you need to please keep writing your story. There’s no doubt it will help many–thousands and millions–of people. I so admire you!
Thanks for weighing in today. I am grateful to and for you.
Sarah. I laughed so hard at your example of instructing the kids to get in the car. What mom hasnt been there? I think this may be my most fave post on WU like ever. :)! I can sooo relate. From the f bomb loving Christian who is both faith and writing challenged, to sticking with re-writing my MS for the third time. I didn’t lose thousands of words physically, like you, but I might as well have. I’m sticking with this not because I have pie in the sky fantasies about best seller status (though it’d be nice), but because i know this is God’s plan for me. And you are so right, one of the keys is community. We are in this world together. Thank you for this timely, honest, heartfelt post. Wishing you a blessed Lenten season.
Dear Ellen,
Thanks for these kind words. I’m so glad you have faith in The Plan too. What a comfort, no?
Did you see Benjamin’s comment way above? He mentioned that it’s not publication that saves us; it’s sitting down to write. So true. I am glad you know that too … of course it would be fabulous to have a best seller. And a pony and an Oompa Loompa.
I hope your season of Lent is also filled with peace and joy!
Thank you, Sarah! I too am “that sort of Christian”. The f-bomb under duress (followed by a muttered “Sorry, God”) and enjoying adult beverages sort. Who would have guessed there were so many of us!
Yet my Christian faith is waaaaaaay stronger than my writer’s faith. Current wobbles- health issues making me wonder if I can meet all the deadlines I’m committed to. And lousy sales making me wonder if it matters if I don’t. The only thing that keeps me going is God’s gentle whisper that I do it for that one reader somewhere who needs to read and be uplifted and encouraged by what I have to write.
And when doubt sniggers that nasty little snigger in my ear and suggests that one person is an illusion, at least reviews give me proof he or she does exist. Somewhere.
Keep writing Sarah, despite the crappiness of never being able to recover lost words and all the frustrations of the writing life. You blessed a lot of us with your post today!
Autumn,
Doubt is a total jerkwad, and you are right about the snigger. I love the “one person” reminder.
Seattle’s issue regarding homelessness has gotten exponentially worse in the past two-three years. Driving down I-5, I see all of the tents and rubbish, and I am appalled that Americans have no choice but living in a tent under sections of freeways. I want to do something! Solve the problem!
But it’s such an overwhelming one, too vast, obviously, for me to solve.
That’s where your “one person” focus comes in handy. I always want more–to reach more than one person, to be kind to more than one person …–but one person is just what we are supposed to focus on.
Thank you for this reminder. Thank you for your authenticity.
Every word in this post, Sarah, cheered me, made me want to rush over to your house and ask for one of those brownies. I would share how I have so many doubts about Bible stories, yet pray and have faith. I would tell you that I can move from depression over a rejection to joy in what is coming onto the page in record time. I feel your frustration in losing your pages, but using some of that hope that we both have–I believe your rewrite will be more powerful. I actually keep a file in Evernote: Why some people don’t get writers. This wonderful piece will be saved in there. Oh and yes, sometimes truck driver language is all we’ve got!
Dear Beth,
I ate all of the brownies. But I have another jar of Nutella! Come over for tea and Nutella. We can eat it right out of the jar.
I love your Evernote file … the necessity of that shows the importance of a community like WU. We really are a weird bunch. The other day, a dad of one of my daughter’s friends asked me what I do for work. I told him about my freelance writing and editing and then I told him about the fiction. He said, “You mean, you just come up with a story and write it down?”
Uh yeah. Pretty much. Usually in my pajamas.
I always look forward to your comments, Beth. Thank you!
Great, great post, Sarah. But the sugary-sweet responses here have caused me to respond. We writers are the best at rah-rah blog posts and speeches. But very few of us are able to face the realities of this business. What does that have to do with faith, you ask? Read on.
Christians, I find, can be the cruelest of the bunch. When one thinks they have God on their side, they’re capable of saying and doing anything with noble justification. They are the first to throw a book under the bus if it doesn’t meet with their expectations. Many Christian readers I know would not call you a Christian for allowing that F-bomb to slip out of your mouth. I love what you said, “… if Christians loved more often than they judged, church pews everywhere might be a little fuller.” I laughed out loud, in fact. But sadly, that has not been my experience.
There comes a time in every writer’s life we make the big decision. Keep going, or hang it up. In my second novel, traditionally published, the unconditional love of God is the central theme. But Christians were the first to throw it under the bus. I published my third novel several months ago. This time, it was with a traditional Christian publisher who strongly advised I rewrite many parts of the book to appeal to the broader Christian audience. So I did. The book is beautiful, and I’m very proud of it. And yet, because the southern coming-of-age novel contains elements of Native American beliefs, some religious zealots have chastised it. As for my writing career, I’ll never publish another book to appeal to only the Christian audience again. A writer must be true to herself first. Otherwise, what’s the point?
In my 20+ years of writing full time, I’ve heard the following more times than I can count:
“Oh, writing is the very air I breathe.”
“I’d die if I didn’t write.”
“It doesn’t matter if I ever make a dime, I’ll write for free because it’s my calling …”
Can I say “bullshit” and not get thrown off this blog post? If somebody tells you they’re not writing to make money, they are lying to you. We all want paid for our work. If a painter gets paid for his masterpieces, if a landscaper pockets cash for the curb appeal he adds to his client’s homes, and if a caterer makes a living on the weddings and parties she slaves over, then a writer should get paid for her books that took years to complete and publish. So let’s be honest here.
There’s also much to be said for “hanging it up”. Sometimes a writer comes to the conclusion that in all reality, if they’re going to publish, they’re going to have to do it on their own or get out of the business. Many quit at that point. And let’s be honest, they should quit. Am I the only writer who’s ever going to say this? You can only be rejected so many times before you realize you suck as a writer.
Yes, thank God for self-publishing. But it’s also opened the door for anyone to quickly throw a book together and sell their junk to unsuspecting readers. It’s unjust and unfair, and yet there’s nothing you or I as a writer can do about it. We lament that we may spend up to ten years producing one book, pour our hearts into characters and plots, languish over one paragraph for days, while in the meantime “Joni Balony” has published five books of pure crap on Amazon and her rankings are off the charts! (Insert 50 Shades of Gray here, if you dare.)
I watch writers younger than myself bang their heads against the wall over and over to gain the attention of just the right agent. Just the right publisher. They attend every writer’s conference, join every local writer’s club, and maybe even acquire their MBA.
Is it divine stupidity or reckless faith?
The industry is in turmoil. So much of it languishes in the golden days of the 1950s and 60s. The competition is cutthroat for our reader’s book-buying dollar. The age-old tradition of retail stores able to return your unsold books to your publisher is ludicrous—the most ridiculous part of this business. Total nonsense. If the Gap can’t return its unsold blue jeans to the Levi Company, why should Barnes & Noble be allowed to return its unsold books to the publisher? This is an antiquated process that needs to stop. Now.
The list is long and I’m not sure I’ll see much of it change in my lifetime. The length of time it takes from finishing the novel to publication is painfully long. Some hip, cool publisher needs to find a way to shorten that time period and pass it on to a few of the old goats in the business. The industry has set itself up as a God to the writer. Twenty-three year old New York City editors should not be allowed to judge a writer’s work.
Why bring all this up, you say? All this negativity. Because we writers walk around with our heads in the clouds. This is a business, and we need to see the writing world for what it truly is. If after you’ve done that, and you still want to write and publish … then do it with your eyes wide open to one final realization. It takes no less than ten years of writing, rewriting, and learning your craft before you are actually ready to publish. Talk about wandering in the wilderness! Talk about a test of faith!
Now, with all that said … there is no greater sense of accomplishment than leaving a legacy of a hard-earned published book. Nothing greater than that, and here is where true faith is tested, honed, sharpened. Can you face all of this and still write?
Faith steps in and keeps us going, despite it all. (What I think this blog post is about.)
Faith? Yeah. You bet. It’s either faith or lunacy that keeps us writing. It has nothing to do with the air in my lungs.
Pam,
There is so much powerful, true stuff in your comment. Thank you for taking the time to share it with us all.
It is a brutal, frustrating, demoralizing business. When I first started writing seriously (taking a class here and there, attending conferences when I could afford it, writing in the wee hours of the morning) I had no idea how messy publishing is. No idea. I had no idea how hard it would be to get an agent; once I did, I had no idea how hard it would be to get a publisher to take a risk on me.
Had I known, I would never have proceeded.
No wait. That’s not true. Had I known, I would have decided that it would be different for me. I would have decided any frustration and helplessness would be worth it. And then I would have kept going. Nothing like a healthy dose of blind optimism!
I am so sorry (and it makes me feel very crabby) that your book was so judged. 75% of the time, when someone “speaks the truth in love,” she is overstepping her bounds and judging that which she has no right to judge. It breaks my heart that we can get it so wrong!
I really do appreciate hearing about your experiences–even the difficult ones. I wish they weren’t so common. I wonder if, in twenty or thirty years, writers will still be expressing such frustration. Goodness, I hope not.
Thank you, Pam.
That knowledge wouldn’t have stopped me, I’m afraid.
OH MY GOSH! I love this. Do you know how often I look on Craig’s List for alternative sanity?? I even keep a folder of all the really bizarro jobs as a reminder.
I am called to write. It’s my ministry. That doesn’t mean it’s easy.
Thank you for this post.
Tina! We should start a group called Alternative Sanity, in which we share the weird jobs we discover when we are trying to pretend that we aren’t writers.
I bet there are many of us. The other day, while I was knitting something for a friend, I had this idea: WHAT IF I PURSUED KNITTING INSTEAD OF WRITING?!?!
And then I had to unravel a bunch of rows because I have not knit a thing since I knit my high school boyfriend a sweater. He never got the sweater because I decided, in the very final stitches, that he was not good enough for something so pretty.
Anyway, I’ll let you know how my new knitting biz goes.
Sarah, I love this post and your transparency! Beautifully said. I keep writing even when my query letters go wherever query letters go to die. When I wonder what other 101 things I could be doing with my time but don’t leave my computer long enough to find out. Writing absolutely takes faith. And hope. And a little insanity. I’m so glad I’m not alone in this journey. Blessings to you!
Thank you, sweet Sharee.
Gadzooks, the querying adventure is so brutal. Not-writers just don’t understand what that process feels like. And as Pam mentioned above, it’s so easy to forget that in the agent search, we are looking for someone WE can work with. We are looking for someone who will do great work for US. It’s so easy to forget that we are keeping them in business.
What a humbling job this is. I’m so glad I’m not alone in it!
Thank you for taking the time to share today. :)
Thank you, Sarah! I am a woman of faith, a writer who runs on faith, and a church lady activist. Let’s reclaim these words, I say, because God belongs to everybody, not to just one political persuasion. I write about LGBTIQA+ kids, about race relations, about love, and about sexual assault. I write about kids who want to be journalists and kids who want to be chefs. I write hoping someone wants/cares to read what I have to say, but I can’t stop writing no matter what happens in my life. Good luck with getting your novels out there!
Thank you, Lyn.
I love hearing about the topics you cover in your work. I have had other Christians ask me whether I write Christian fiction, and when I say, “No,” I can feel a bit of their disapproval. It’s weird.
I also don’t read fiction that would be categorized as Christian fiction. I don’t know why exactly … maybe it doesn’t seem very interesting to me? As I am typing this, however, I realize I don’t even know what Christian fiction is … maybe I assume (and judge without any information whatsoever) that it would feel a little sweet and fluffy.
But I would certainly read your fiction! YOU don’t shy away from the fun stuff.
I’m so happy to have you here today, Lyn!
I’m less than two weeks away from a proposal deadline for my next book…a story I couldn’t see except for a tiny glimmer of info. I asked God to give me another story if this wasn’t the one he wanted me to write. Thankfully light appeared in the darkness…not bright, maybe 30 watts, but enough to lead me to where I needed to go. Today the characters are talking to me and I’m writing. Just in time.
Lovely post. Thank you!
Dear Debby,
What a huge relief. I love this story … 30 watts is a huge improvement over the darkness. ;)
I am impressed that you are working on a proposal and that you have already succeeded in getting your work published. Big congratulations to you, faithful woman. Happy writing … and listening. The voice of a character is a beautiful thing indeed.
:)
Thanks Sarah. My fiction writing (and my psyche) has been in a hole lately, but there is a lemon slice of light leaking in. I’ll move toward that—and most likely put the slice in a cocktail.
Keep the faith, but keep doing the dishes.
Hi buddy. I am sorry about the sour hole you have been in, but I’m so glad there are glimmers of lemonade and cocktails. I am partial to a lemon drop, so maybe share a slice for me?
Are you spying on my kitchen? I was, about a hour ago, just thinking that if someone came over to visit me right now, they would assume my house had been ransacked by robbers. The dishes, among many other messy areas, need my attention.
Here’s a high five to go with your cocktail.
I read this post before I saw who had written it and I should have known it was Sarah! Your posts are always so real, so honest – you “had another Nutella brownie” when things got rough. I love it (except I can’t eat chocolate because of migraines, but I was right there with ya). Thank you once again for writing what you live. It makes me feel more normal. And braver.
Hi Elizabeth,
Migraines. I am so sorry … I have never had one, and I cannot imagine the “ugh!” when one hits. I hope that the chocolate-free diet helps.
You should also know that Nutella contains only hazelnuts and kale–no chocolate at all–so it’s probably fine for you to eat some small spoon fulls.
Thank you for your words. YOU make me feel normal and brave. That’s what it’s all about, right? Finding people who make us feel normal and brave (because God knows I am not very normal).
Thanks for your comment, Elizabeth.
:)
Thank you for sharing this, Sarah – – I needed this and I know others did too. I’ll admit I have a strong Christian faith, but sometimes my writers faith is ho-hum. But, I keep writing, because I cannot stop. I genuinely love writing (okay, most of the time) and know this is what I need to be doing in this season of my life. And the friends I’ve made along this journey have been the *best* part of my writing adventure. (I love what you said about community – – Yes!). Thank you again. :)
Hi Patti Jo,
I really love what you said about “the season” of your life. A previous comment shared the facts about being a writer: it is hard and strenuous work. And it’s not for wimps.
In my first season of writing–a complete novice–I was blissfully unaware of just how hard it would be and just how many hours it would take to become even slightly skilled. I wrote because I loved it and believed I could persevere.
In my current season, I see how hard it is, and I write because I love it and believe I can persevere.
It’s that love of writing–you have it too–that’s most important. And the fact that you have community you adore? Lucky woman! That can be so hard to find.
I hope (and this is what I hope for myself) that you love writing always.
Hello Sarah and Pam! Thank you both for your blunt honesty about writing, faith, and why we do what we do. So refreshing to hear there’s another mom out there who sometimes drops the F-bomb even while she tries SO hard to keep it all together, as well as another author who knows that this is a business as well as a calling. The first time I went to a writer’s conference back in 2003 I was *shocked* to discover that the editor I’d been corresponding with had just graduated from college and this was her first job. And every editor on the afternoon panel was under the age of 25, yet they had the power of life and death over us re buying our books and publishing them. It honestly was a shocker to me. Like a kind of cognitive dissonance! A friend asked me this afternoon what my “ultimate goal is with this writing thing…” Well, a) it’s to finish this current book, and b) it’s to get published and I don’t apologize to anyone for that goal. Maybe it’ll be traditionally (I hope!) and maybe it’ll be self-pubbed but that’s still my ultimate goal. I have stories to tell, from my experiences, my pain, and my joy. As Tina said, it’s a ministry. If it’s in us, we need to get it out there. I may not be the faster writer on the block, but as long as I have something to share, something to say, then I’m going to write. Thank you Sarah for this wonderful post! We all need to be human with each other, it’s healthy. :) May your writing be blessed!
Thank you, Laurie! I know what you mean about the youth of agents and editors. It’s often–but not always–the young’uns who come to conferences. With the changes in publishing, they need writers even more than we need them!
I do notice that the older I get, the younger everyone else gets … college students look like they are thirteen years old. My dentist can’t be older than thirty-five. My kids’ teachers look like students. I understand why agents and editors have to appear confident, and of course youth doesn’t make them crummy at their job. It’s the ones who appear haughty that irk me.
The love of writing–and the need to write–is a powerful thing. And don’t you feel lucky that you get to do it? I sure do.
Hi Sarah,
Thanks for sharing your faith, although, I think I already knew from your other posts. :-)
I think the biggest faith-shaker in my writing was when my dear friend and writing buddy got a two book contract the same day that I got a rejection for my novel. I was crying as I wrote her a congratulatory e-mail which included our whole critique group. She didn’t buy it and thought I was mad at her so I had to tell her the truth. I really wanted to be happy with her, but I also wanted someone to cry with ME. So, I wrote up an invitation to my own pity party and invited our group. And they were very supportive, which reinforces the idea of community.
I got through that time and kept writing, but then a few years later I had a book out to pasture and got another rejection the same day that my same friend got a three-book contract. I had a hard time believing that this was a sign from God not to write, but I knew I needed to do something different.
As part of my initial hissy-fit, I wrote a new ending for my book in which I showed up in my own story and bombed my fictional town. Everyone died… except my main character, found among the rubble with broken bones, but yes, still alive. (The woman was in her 70s!) She then confronted me in the psych ward of the hospital and we argued at length about why she was still living. (!!)
Also, this craziness led me in other directions – I got my MFA in writing, I continued to dance and make dances, and more recently I’ve been doing ESL tutoring. But my novel writing and my old stories have always come back one way or another. I’m still not sure if I’m supposed to do the publishing game, but by God, and only by Him, I will keep doing this thing that I do.
Thx.
Oh Carol. Thanks so much for sharing … my first thought? You need a new writing group. One that has fewer people who are getting big book contracts! :)
It can be so hard to be patient with one’s own progress (and rejection) when it seems like everyone else is having massive success. I love how you have handled it. You keep writing, dancing, serving. That’s success right there.
Thank you.
Sarah, thank you for the lovely, honest post!
I can’t remember who said, “I don’t like to write. I like to have written.” That’s me. Not that I don’t have wonderful days when the words flow, but every novel I write has me questioning myself. Knitting sounds really good about now. LOL
The hardest time for me as a writer was the second time I was a finalist in the Golden Heart contest, a Romance Writers of America contest for unpublished writers. Yet editors weren’t beating down my door. We must prepare for the reality that the valleys follow the pinnacles. And just hang in.
Blessings, Janet
Dear Janet,
Yes, so true about the valleys and pinnacles. Congratulations on being a finalist in a contest that must have had thousands of entries. While there was not the line of knocking editors at your door, did you find that validation was enough to keep at it? It’s such a good reminder to notice each success.
And you have had success!
Thank you for sharing with us all. Where there is light, there is hope.
Sarah, you hit the exact word for strengthening both faith and writing…it’s the COMMUNITY! I believe many writers and Christians have questions at times. But Paul instructs us, “Therefore encourage one another and build each other up.” (1 Thessaloniaans 5:11 NIV) We’ve got this….striving together and helping each other. I’m thankful for fellowship at church and for the many writers who lift me up when I’m faltering. I pray I do the same for others. Thanks for your post!
Sherida! I can tell, just from your comment, that you build people up.
I am forever grateful that Therese Walsh and Kathleen Bolton decided to build this WU community. Writing is such a solitary endeavor (just like religious faith, I suppose) that can be quite lonely-making even for introverts.
Thanks for being a part of the tribe.
Sarah, Thank you for writing this. The story about you and your children and the car struck home. I was at a gas station and my four kids were in the car and I was talking to them and a woman came over to me and asked if I would accept a pamphlet about Christianity.
As far as my writing, I was at the end of my critique for my critique partner and then I could never find the file. I had to start over. This is a long way from 4500 new words for a WIP, but I still had to start over and redo the whole critique from scratch.
And thank you for an honest perspective about faith and writing.
Dear Tanya.
Thanks so much for your comment. Were you yelling at your kids with the Christian pamphlet lady came over? If so, that sounds very judge-y of her. :)
Oh my gosh … losing a critique or anything else that requires thought and care is so brutal. Most days I am grateful for technology that allows us to edit with such ease. Until I lose a big document. Ugh. There are certainly one or two worse things in the world, but that’s gotta be top ten.
Thanks for commenting … in doing so, you make us all feel heard and known.
Love it.
Reminds me of the time a bestie co-worker asked me to edit one of her feature stories and it was brilliant, and I accidently saved a press release from the local fire brigade over the file and all the words were lost – It was a computer system which had to be seen to be believed!
She shrugged and said, “I can do it again and better”
She did, it was, and she’s still my bestie!
Eat another biscuit and go do the words again and better Sarah…you know you can.
Oh my gosh! It’s bad enough to lose one’s own work. To lose another person’s work? Horrible. I’m happy to hear that you and she are still each other’s besties.
And thank you for the encouragement, Janet. So great.
:)
Sarah, thanks so much for the reminder that we are NOT perfect. Oh my, the only thing perfect about me are my flaws!! I was the epitome of a screaming mommy when my children were small. Funny thing, my daughter looks back on those years and tells me it wasn’t my fault God gifted me with difficult children to raise.
AMEN!! Wow!!
Writing travels down much the same path. I couldn’t abandon raising my children any more than I can give up the dream, the passion the good Lord has put on my heart to write. The famine of words is frustrating at times, but I have to believe the soil of my creativity is being fertilized as I trudge through each dry spell. I pray I survive all the concussions from pounding my head against the wall, LOL!
Thanks for sharing all the honest truths, Sarah!
Hi Audra,
I am grateful for your comment (both the reminder that kids can be forgiving–and forgetful, I hope!) and the empathy regarding our book babies. I feel such tenderness toward my characters–the protags especially. I’m glad to hear that you feel the same.
I’m like you … I’ll keep going until I hear that I shouldn’t keep going. There are certainly worse and less productive ways to spend our time! And, I get to use the reality of all my rejections as an example (to my kids) of tenacity. A few years ago, my daughter asked, “Are you ever going to have someone not give you a rejection?”
We shall see!
Happy writing, Audra.
I love your honest heart and your transparency. There is something freeing about being real and it opens others up to be able to share their struggles. As a mother of 4, I have had my share of screaming days, for sure! ;)
I gave up writing for a time because of the discouragement and frustration. It became an obsession and was quite unhealthy. I guess I am just one of those crazy people who are “all in” when they put their mind to something. But I am writing again and struggling, as usual, but I’m learning to have faith and move forward, one step at a time.
Four children. And you are hear to speak of it as if it is (somewhat) in the past … at least the days with wee ones. I much prefer teenagers. Seriously. That said, I was terribly depressed with my kids were really little so maybe that made me love that stage a little less. :)
My husband knows that I have that “all in” attitude too. I can forget to take good care of myself. I like the passion; I don’t like the obsession or addiction. Don’t you find there’s a fine line?
We are funny brain’d we humans! Thank you for sharing Sherrinda. Here’s to a good day or writing for both of us.
I disagree with Pam’s comment that most writers have their heads in the clouds about the writing life. I think most of know very well the realities. And we forge ahead anyway. Does that make us rose colored glasses wearing idiots? Well, maybe, if we are that percentage of writers who truly suck. And of course most of us want to make money from our writing, unless we are self sustainable millionaires. When I shared with a church group last night that I was working on a novel, faces lit up with smiles. “Oh that sounds like great fun!” someone said. I gave a wan smile. “well actually it’s not. It’s really hard, if you want the truth.” But I am lucky. I have a husband whose income I can rely on so I can grovel forward. I know another thing, and that’s if we didn’t have a balance of “you can do this” support, like WU, it’d be a dreary path indeed.
Yes, Ellen. I agree with every word you say. Maybe a few of us tend toward the “delusions of grandeur” end of the spectrum, but for the most part, we are itchy enough to write that we don’t let the lousy parts of publishing deter us.
My sister is a farmer, a musician and a poet. If she couldn’t grow and create things, she’d be in a world of hurt. She’s well aware of the challenges but she pursues her passions anyway. We do too. If we have this thing in us, there’s not much we can do but pay attention to it.
WU (and great writing partners) keeps me going. Thanks for being part of the community!
Every single one of your columns is a keeper, but I love this one madly. Thank you, Sarah.
Faith has been so much a part of my journey I wouldn’t know where to begin, but just now, today, I’m very happy for the reminder.
You are MY inspiration, Barbara. You are (and have been for quite some time) a writer who can support herself and her family. It’s amazing really, how you have persevered while always being true to who you are.
You are one of the ones who boosts my faith when it’s feeling a little skinny.
Thank you for taking the time to comment. XO!
Hi Sarah, Like someone else said, I really needed your post. After seven years of writing, I’m losing faith and am as close as I’ve ever been to quitting. So your words are very comforting. I bought fabric to make my first ever quilt as a way to rechannel my creativity. It’s been sitting in a bag, waiting. I’m about to accept that my novel needs to go into the drawer with its sister novel. It’s very uncertain if I will write again. But I know one thing I will definitely be doing–I found a recipe for Nutella brownies! I always love your posts, Sarah.
Nutella brownies are little squares of heaven. Let me know how they turn out.
As for the writing, Mary, you have a sister novel AND your current novel. That in itself is amazing. It’s so hard to remember that just the act of writing a chapter, much less a whole novel, much less TWO novels is incredible. I have friends who run marathons, and I never think they have failed when they don’t hit the finish line first. How silly. To me, anyone who even trains for a marathon is a success. If it takes them five hours to complete it, that’s success too.
You have two novels. That’s amazing. Maybe you need a small break, but drawer novels do not equate with failure.
:)
Really enjoyed this post, Sarah. thanks for sharing your faith and your persistence. We need them as Christians and as writers and as human beings!!!
I agree, Carol. Thank you for the kind words. Kindness is good and important right now (and always, but especially right now).
Happy writing to you today.