Just Tie the Darn Knot
By Jo Eberhardt | September 3, 2016 |
Photo by Flickr user chris rosakranse
My nine-year-old son is so much like me, it hurts. He’s sensitive and earnest; he dislikes conformity, even when it’s in his best interests; he can be literal-minded and pedantic; and when he’s anxious, he tends to adopt a “my way or the highway” mentality that’s the very epitome of unhelpful. He’s also curious, creative, intelligent, strong-willed, and has a social justice streak a mile wide.
There are pros and cons to this similarity. We understand each other without needing to put in any real effort, but, on the other hand, we drive each other nuts in a way that no one else in the world can. Because we’re so similar, I often find myself having to give him advice and guidance on situations that either I’ve faced in the past, or that I deal with every day. Thus, in the crucible of parenthood, I find myself learning at least as much as I’m teaching.
In fact, it’s my son that I have to thank for my new writing motto.
The Eternal Sunshine of the Creative Mind
If there’s one thread that seems to tie all creative people together, it’s that we’re interested in everything. A word, a phrase, an image, a scent… anything can lead our minds on a whirlwind journey of curiosity. That’s a wonderful thing — especially in the Age of Google, when answers are but a few key-strokes away. But it can also make focus and productivity a billionty times more difficult. Especially in the Age of Google.
My son’s mind works in the same way. We recently had a conversation that started with him asking a question about why some people measure in inches and we use centimetres, which veered into a brief history of the French Revolution, paused on the apocryphal tale of Marie Antoinette’s “Let them eat cake!”, took a side-route to the meaning and etymology of the word ‘apocryphal’, jumped to an overview of Les Miserables, and finished with a discussion about the difference between justice and law. At the end of it all, neither of us remembered if his original question had even been answered.
Come on, we’ve all been there.
But as cool as boundless curiosity is, it’s important to be able to tell your creative mind to take a breath. Just for a minute. Just long enough to actually get something finished.
Stop, Collaborate and Listen
My son has recently started scouts. He loves it, but he struggles mightily with the expectation of quiet conformity. Everyone wears the same uniform. Everyone does the same thing at the same time. Everyone has to tie the same knot. Even if they have a million questions about why that knot exists, why it has to be tied in that specific way, who invented it, and what do you call this completely different and unrelated knot, anyway?
During yet another conversation where I was trying to explain the benefits of listening and joining in with the group, my son said, “So you’re saying I should just tie the darn knot?”
I nodded. “Tie the knot first. Then ask your questions.”
He nodded, apparently content as long as there was still time for asking questions.
“So what are you going to do next time you’re told to tie a knot?” I asked.
“Just tie the darn knot.”
“And what are you going to do when the leader says it’s time for parade circle?”
“Just tie the darn knot.”
He gave me a cheeky grin, and the phrase hung between us like an invocation.
Just Tie the Darn Knot
It was only afterwards that I realised how often I get distracted while I’m writing; how often I could use that same advice. Once I hit The Zone, I’m fine. It’s getting there that’s the problem. So often, I’m distracted by… stuff. What are we having for dinner? Did I remember to pay that bill that’s due today? I’m hungry. There are dirty dishes on the sink, and washing them is suddenly the most important thing in the world.
Even when I manage to block out those real-world distractions, my mind doesn’t stop. I have a great idea for a completely different story. This would be easier if I stopped writing and went and found a picture of my character. How many words have I written so far? How many pages is that? What would my manuscript look like if I changed the formatting? Maybe I should go back and rewrite the first chapter.
Over the years, I’ve found lots of ways to stay focused. Setting deadlines, writing for set amounts of time per day, cutting off the internet… And they work. They do. But, at the end of the day, what I really need to do is put my questions and curiosities on hold and just get the job done. I need to stop wondering and just write the damn scene.
I need to just tie the darn knot.
This is your Brain on Knots
With this motto to fall back on, I find myself less distracted — although significantly more prone to internal arguments.
Maybe I should do some more research on the mating rituals of ravens. No. Just tie the darn knot.
Did I say my protagonist was wearing a t-shirt or a jacket? It doesn’t matter. Fix it in post. Just tie the darn knot.
I should wash the dishes. They’ll be there later. Just tie the darn knot.
Hey, it works for me.
What about you? Do you have a motto that helps you stay focused and on track?
[coffee]
Jo Eberhardt is a writer of speculative fiction, mother to two adorable boys, and lover of words and stories. She lives in rural Queensland, Australia, and spends her non-writing time worrying that the neighbor’s cows will one day succeed in sneaking into her yard and eating everything in her veggie garden.
That’s a nice phrase to remember, Jo. Such wisdom from the mouths of our children. Part of the problem is that we live in a world filled with distractions. It’s so easy to go down the Internet rabbit hole instead of writing. Or, to pay that bill or fix yourself a snack. The point is that it takes real discipline to stick to the task of writing. Thanks for the great reminder.
Thanks, CG. I’m serious about learning more from my children than I teach them. They’re full of unexpected wisdom. Good luck avoiding those rabbit holes!
I always liked the dentist’s motto: if you ain’t drillin’ and fillin’, you ain’t billin’.
Apparently even dentists need to work for that paycheck.
And then there were the days I sat around with my fishing and\or hunting buddies, discussing at length the movement patterns of whichever fish or critter was in season, and failing to get into stream or field before it got dark. I didn’t have a motto for that, either. Which explains why my word count in comment sections like this is higher than it is in my Scrivener file.
Then there’s the life motto my dad taught me: fake it ’til you make it. Which is the means of making it to retirement without anyone figuring out you really don’t know what the hell you’re doing (this also applies to parenting). His hunting motto, btw, was “hit ’em where they ain’t.” He isn’t someone to turn to when in dire need of a motto.
I think, perhaps, my lovely wife is most helpful in my search for mottofic (new word alert) inspiration. She’s adopted the phrase “OFFS” to shorten her response to most situations. OFFS, as we all know, stands for “Oh For Fek’s Sake.” Of course, she prefers the R-rated version (which I believe is now PG or pretty much anything that doesn’t include cute bunnies). And she has directed OFFS at me on a regular basis. Fitting to our conversation here would be “OFFS! Just write the damn book!”
That works. I think I’ll head off the the engravers now and have that written on an old piece of driftwood to hang over my desk. This, of course, requires a trip to Lake Huron for said piece of driftwood…though Lake Michigan driftwood is generally of a higher quality, though a longer drive from my side of the Mitten. Then I’ll have to go to the engravers. Oh, and Home Depot for hooks and wire and such…
Okay, no time to spare. I’m off to scour the shores of Lake Michigan. The writing will have to wait until tomorrow.
Your comment made me laugh out loud, Ron. Thank you.
I’m a big fan of the “fake it ’til you make it” motto myself. And I shall definitely be adopting the word mottofic from now on. As well as mottorific. Happy procrastinating– er… I mean, writing.
Jo, I thought you were writing about my kids and me. We have similar conversations and head-butting. “Just tie the darn knot!!!” Great motto. I do this better at night and my motto is “Demain!” When we lived in Belgium, our landlord always said this when I rang him up to fix something. It works for me when the distractions threaten to derail me. But it works best in the evening.
It’s always nice to know other parents and children have the same headbutting conversations. :)
I think writing at night is generally easier when you spend your day with children (at least, I’ve always found that to be the case). I like your motto, too. Happy writing!
There is nothing the scene needs that I haven’t already gathered, and analyzed to death.
Just tie the darn knot.
Thanks, Jo.
Thanks, Alicia.
Also, just looked carefully at the image. That’s a granny knot, a failed square knot. Scouts don’t tie granny knots. So shiny, though. Scouts tie square knots a lot.
I’m thinking those boys should learn a bowline, the knot for sailors. When I was young, we used a square knot on our small boat. When I grew up, I needed a bowline (plus other, harder knots) for the bigger boats.
As with knot tying, we create and often end up with a granny knot, a knot that’s not quite there, one that will unravel easily. If we keep focused and learn to tie the square knot, that’s good–maybe even good enough. It will stick, but it’s harder to undo when stressed. So we keep working. And we learn to tie a bowline–and we learn to tie it with eyes closed–because it frees us to be more creative in our applications.
So, tie the knot, but keep on practicing to tie the best one. Jo, teach that boy how the bowline works, let him learn to do it by feel, and then suggest he show his scout leader. Who knows? It may earn him a badge for creativity.
I’m going to remember your words when I’m distracted, which is far too often these days. Tie the darn knot…
Ah, yes. Thank you for fulfilling my expectations. :) When I was searching for a creative commons image of a knot, this was the only good one I could find. I hesitated about using it, because I knew someone would immediately notice it’s a granny knot rather than a proper scout-worthy knot. But, hey, at least it sticks in your mind.
So timely for me, Jo! I’m closing in on the final stretch of a revision and I ran into a quandary about a minor character – a should-I-or-shouldn’t-I-include-this-scene quandary that has had me playing mental ping-pong for two days. This morning I told myself to choose a path and commit to it. In other words, to ‘tie the damn knot’. I’m putting your motto on my ‘to be a tee shirt’ list. Thanks for an invigorating and helpful post!!
Thanks, Susan. Glad to be of assistance! Good luck with the final part of your revision.
My current mantra is: 62 days until Uncon. Oh I do struggle with sitting down to write. Could writing actually be an exercise to perfect procrastination? There are days when I get distracted wondering about that…
I always find it best to leave my procrastinating until tomorrow.
There is something wrong with that knot! A writer/sailors nemesis. A
Great post, Jo. It’s true. We just have to tie the darn knot. Love that motto, too.
Also, I can’t help wondering, what are the mating rituals of ravens? I need to Google this…
If you do, make sure you also google ravens and anting. It’s fascinating. :)
Thanks, Bee!
I love this post, Jo. It makes so much sense. If only I could just tie the darn knot!
But, ok, this is going to be my new mantra.
Thanks!
Thanks, Samantha. Best of luck putting aside distractions and tying that darn knot!
Stuff. My greatest enemy and my saving grace. And there’s so much of it.
Having been a Scout, having climbed, fished and sailed, I love knots. I keep a short length of climbing rope hanging off a lamp where I write to tie knots when I’m pondering, or when I’m trying to find the right word to make a phrase ring. I also tie knots when I’m thinking about stuff.
Tying the knot may not be right for me, but I believe you, and your elder son, have hit upon the key. And that’s my self prodding phrase. Whenever I find myself floating off the page, rereading that last sentence over and over, or blankly staring at a blank page, I’ve found that writing almost anything will get me started again, so my writing motto is, more or less, “just hit the darn keys.” Actually, a lot of words fit that fourth space, depending upon amount of time wasted, deadlines, how fascinating the stuff was, and so on.
Thanks, Jo, for putting it so well. And please let your son know that there’s always another knot to learn, so life doesn’t become tedious, although, somehow I don’t think that will ever become a problem for him.
Smart boy! Smart mom ;-)
My mantra addresses my biggest problems. It is only two words:
Focus. Finish.
Great post, Jo. Sometimes I think my kids teach me more than I could ever teach them. We’ll keep that our little secret, right?
My motto is simply The Only Way Out Is Through. Which has helped in my writing and through many a battle of depression, anxiety, and stormy weather. Simply reminding myself that there is an other side, an end and a new beginning, is often enough.
Wait, I see Schrodinger’s cat in that knot. Should I untie it to release him, or is he already released? Great advice Jo, pared down to simple (which is almost always good) understanding.
Thank you for my new motto. You sound so much like me. Now back to my WIP. Just tie the damn knot.
There are square knots, bowlines, double half-hitches, figure eight double loop, clove hitch, lark’s head, sheepshank…and those are just the knots I use.
Use for what? Ah.
The thing is, you learn them. You just do. And once you do you wonder how you got along without them. Fiction craft is like that. POV. Inner turning points. Micro-tension. It’s more than just getting down to it.
It’s knowing how.
When I’m not getting my writing done, I tend to think something along the lines of: When I die, do I want a clean sink or a finished story? That usually does the trick.
Though perhaps it is a bit morbid…