Character Connections
By Anne Brown | June 29, 2016 |
(I’ve been thinking a lot about empathy lately. It’s been an obvious subject of conversation in the wake of the Orlando massacre and high profile sexual assaults. Violence is often the result of one person’s inability to connect with and appreciate the value and integrity of another person.
In that regard, author Shannon Hale has been very vocal about schools not engaging female authors for speaking engagements and not promoting books with female protagonists on the premise that the author or the book won’t be interesting to boys (while not having the same concerns about male authors and male protagonists being interesting to girls). Hale recently tweeted (and I’m paraphrasing here): When we constantly tell young boys that they don’t have to consider the female point of view, that the female protagonist’s story has nothing to teach them, and even to ridicule those boys who (gasp!) pick up a book about a girl…is it any wonder why there are so many young men who cannot empathize with their female peers?
Obviously developing empathy is an important piece to cultivating a safer and healthier world, but I’m not here to bemoan current events. Instead, let me focus on the importance of developing empathy for the purpose of improving our writing. This is Writer Unboxed, after all.
Why do we, as writers, need to develop a strong ability to empathize?
Let’s start by defining our terms. There is a difference between empathy and sympathy. As researcher and professor Brené Brown explains, empathy fuels connection between people; sympathy drives separation. “Empathy is a choice, and it’s a vulnerable choice” because in order to connect with the other person, you have to connect with something within yourself that knows that (often terrible) feeling that they are feeling. (See Brown on “Empathy”)
As a teenager, I believed all artists had to suffer to create. I worried I could never be a writer because my life was too secure. I had never been discriminated against because of my race; I hadn’t suffered from a mental illness; I had a car, but I’d never had to sleep in it. This strange insecurity that arose from my own socio-economic security convinced me that I could never write about suffering because I hadn’t suffered enough (yet).
Fortunately, my concerns were put to rest by a professor who told me that I didn’t have to be a “method writer,” if you will, and seek out suffering in order to write. Rather, I should cultivate my ability to empathize with others and learn to better connect with those whose experiences were different than my own. For example, while I may not have ever been homeless, I had felt fear and loss. Being able to tap into those feelings and apply them to characters in situations I had never suffered myself, that is the kind of empathy we, as writers, need to develop so that we can create realistic and feeling characters and connect in meaningful ways with our readers.
Most of us are empathetic, though our levels of empathy come in varied degrees. Developing and increasing our ability to empathize is a skill that can be learned. Here are some steps I continue to practice:
- Listen. It is important as writers that we not only tell our own stories, but listen to the stories of others––the stories they are willing tell us and, perhaps even more importantly, the stories they are reluctant to tell. Take the time to listen to (or to read) those stories that don’t immediately appeal to us. That feel out of our personal wheelhouse. Listen to the words they use, the emotions they convey.
- Re-enact. Don’t only listen but watch. When a person tells their story, their body is part of the communication. Later, when their story is done, you can better understand their point of view if you re-enact the body language you witnessed them using: their posture, physical expression, and tone. Does your physical re-enactment of their clenched jaw and tight fists help build certain emotions within yourself? Do those emotions help you better understand and connect?
- Imagine. Imagine a time when you felt similar emotions (though in a different circumstances). Now imagine yourself in the other person’s body, feeling those emotions. Does it help you better imagine what it would be like to walk through life in their shoes?
- Love. Think about someone you love or admire. Think about all the words you would use to describe that person. Now apply those same words to the person you are trying to better understand. Do you feel a deeper connection?
- Practice. With every developing skill, the key is practice. Stretch those muscles. Try to empathize with those whom you even despise. What is the result?
- Use Caution. When you write with empathy about characters who are different than yourself, use caution. There will invariably be nuances you will miss. In some cases, it is simply inappropriate for some writers to tell some stories. But if you are pressing forward, use “sensitivity readers” (i.e. beta readers who have experienced the situation you are writing about) before bringing those stories to the world. They will help you catch any unintended misstep.
In conclusion, practicing empathy makes you feel vulnerable, so it is not always a comfortable skill to practice. It will often force you to question your assumptions and prejudices and while you by no means have to agree with everyone, it is to everyone’s benefit to understand where others are coming from. That empathetic understanding is an important skill––not only for our current world but for the success of our characters, novels, and the chance to connect with readers on an even larger scale.
If you have any additional tips for connecting with characters who are unlike yourself, I’d love to hear about them in the comments. (And if you want to test your own empathy quotient, click here.)
Anne Greenwood Brown got her start as a traditionally published author of young adult paranormal and contemporary romance. Currently, she is a USA Today bestselling author of adult paranormal and contemporary romance (both traditional and indie) under the pen name AS Green . For more information see the Contributor tab. You can also follow her on Facebook , Instagram , and TikTok .
Well, this is timely. I’m preparing my own blog post about writing a character very different from myself. I’ll link back here (for the two people who ever come to my blog).
In my case, and I think with all my characters, I inhabit them in my mind as fully as possible. I walked my character through all the key points in her life that led to her becoming herself (that did not make it into the story I published). I don’t claim to have mastered her life experience. I can only write her life through my eyes, which is why I feel strongly that while it’s important for us to write about others, it’s equally important for others to write their own stories.
I scored 51.
Let”s not forget that reading factual or even fictional accounts of people from other walks of life can help us gain understanding of their situations and empathy for them.
“I should cultivate my ability to empathize with others and learn to better connect with those whose experiences were different than my own. For example, while I may not have ever been homeless, I had felt fear and loss. Being able to tap into those feelings and apply them to characters in situations I had never suffered myself, that is the kind of empathy we, as writers, need to develop so that we can create realistic and feeling characters and connect in meaningful ways with our readers.”
This.
I think you’ve covered all the ways one can develop empathy. Imagination is the biggest one for me. But what I struggle with is maintaining voice for an entire novel from a male POV. I have a book I began from a 14-yr-old immigrant boy and his story won’t fit in a short format so I’ve put him aside to work on easier books. I need to become a better writer before I can write his story.
Voice is another subject–related but separate. I think we all naturally fall into certain types (contemplative, snarky…). For whatever reason, I write male characters/voices more easily than female. I think it’s because I had more guy friends in high school.
I had the same experience, Anne, I grew up with boys, as the girls were all just babies, so I always had guy friends. I too can write male characters better than female. A few years back I was involved with a multicultural theater, where 80% of our cast were American Indians. My Mom was afraid of Indians, but now I smile at that, as I made many friends, and learned so much over the years of their anger and hurts, and joys, that I am able to write a novel because of it.
What a beautiful post! Yes, empathy makes us vulnerable, but I think the practice of it also makes us more human, and being more human makes us better writers. After all, we are vulnerable, whether we’ve actually experienced something or live in fear that we might. Everyone is vulnerable to the terror of the unknown. People read books to learn how to navigate rough waters, and hopefully, how to celebrate the joy of winning through to the other shore. I got so much from this today! Thank you.
Hi Anne.
To steal from Truman Capote: writing fiction as distinct from just typing requires empathy. IMO, all writers are repressed actors. If you’re not able to imagine how characters who aren’t you would react in a given set of circumstances, you’re better off signing up for diesel mechanics, or accounting classes.
And I would add this. It’s not for me to judge my capacity for empathy. That’s for those who read what I write to decide.
Yes, yes, yes! “Repressed actor,” that is me exactly!
I would argue that empathy is the core of what being a “method” writer is all about. Same with method acting. “Method” isn’t where you have actually lived something, method is where you get under the skin of a character who has lived something to understand them, so to portray them authentically. I would also argue that the empathy of “method” can also be use to accurately portray a place real, or imagined that one has never been.
The very steps you listed above are “method” steps. And they are great ones.
I really enjoyed your post, not only for the commentary on writing from points-of-view different from our own — and why empathy is such a key ingredient to getting it “right” — but for the vaguely metaphysical aspect to your technique. To think of somebody whom you love and admire, the words you would use to describe that person, and then apply them to the person you’re trying to understand. That’s magic. Plain and simple. A marvelous skill to develop for writing and for life.
Thanks for sharing!
Your definition and explanation of the difference will drive some of my choices when I do some rewriting today. Also, recent research underline that people who read literature–novels of all kinds–are more empathetic because they have connected with characters and lived other lives through reading. Thanks for your post.
Beth–
I’m sure the research you refer to is even more applicable right now. Technology’s influence has brought about an amazing redistribution of time, away from actual human interaction to other points of focus. We actually know others less well now, which means time spent in depth with fictional characters is even more valuable. At least I think this is true.
Lovely post with some very smart suggestions. I agree with Beth, that I grow in empathy when I’m reading a really good literary novel. I just finished reading the Annotated Jane Eyre (K.M Weiland) and, wow, was that amazing. Of course I had read the book years ago but reading the annotated version crystalized so much about the emotional motivations of the characters. Very deep!
Paula–
I absolutely second your recommendation of Katie Weiland’s Annotated Jane Eyre. Just before it came out, she invited me to review it. After I did I came to think of it as the best how-to writing book I could think of.
I agree, Barry, it is the best how-to for writing and so enjoyable. Never a dry moment in Weiland’s analyses. I also read the Annotated Dracula by Bram Stoker, annotated by Mort Castle, also Writer’s Digest. Nothing near as good as Weiland’s examinations. Weiland deserves 6 stars.
As far as I know, these two are the only annotated classics by Writer’s Digest. I wish they would do more.
Lovely post, Anne. I’m reminded of this from Julian Barnes (paraphrased): “A writer must have universal empathy and yet remain something of an outsider.” I think those two positions are actually opposite sides of the same coin: empathy. For our outsider status allows us to empathize with the outcast in a way being inside the social circle does not.
And if I follow your advise, Anne, not only will I be a better writer I will be a better human.
To add to the discussion…
And when you write your story: Be honest. Claim your prejudice. Identify your growth. Very few people enjoy being preached at. Most people like to connect–from one flawed human to another.
Excellent post. Than you!
A thoughtful article on many levels. Aside from the importance of getting inside the head of each character, practicing empathy will help us understand other human beings — an ability that seems to be more and more overlooked every day.
Regarding the development of writing skills: listening, re-enacting, practicing, and loving are all crucial to writing fully-fleshed characters, even your antagonists. Especially your antagonists. A good villain seldom thinks of him- or herself as a bad person. Most simply consider their actions as the right ones to achieve a goal important to them.
If they have the time, money and access, writers can benefit enormously from acting classes. Most of what I know about creating characters came from my theater days. (Not a repressed actor, just a former community theater participant!)