Behaving Badly in Publishing
By Heather Webb | May 26, 2016 |
https://sharronjamison.com/
I’m going to rant a little today, I’m afraid. It’s a post that I had to write, both because I care about my work “environment”, and I care about my colleagues. I’m talking about internet road rage. You know, the cyberplace where you don’t have to face the music in person so you act out in ways that are ugly, hurtful, and sometimes, disgusting? I’m talking about that volatile “place” that demonstrates our fundamental breakdown in social evolution, in manners and boundaries, and above all, meaningful communication.
The world is a crazy place and we now have access to its darkest corners, all day long, 24/7. To my chagrin. But what we need to focus on for now is how writers add to and detract from this environment. How we treat one another is a commentary on how we view our worth as a whole, our importance (or lack of) to culture and society. We are the thinkers and creators, the match to the fire. How we conduct ourselves matters, not just to us individually, but to all those whose lives we touch.
Interacting Online:
Social media posts, journals, blogs, forums, review sites. These places are where writers live, and to my horror, the “writers gone wild” culture appears to be growing.
A few disturbing things I’ve seen lately (in abundance):
- Rude and edgy comments when someone makes a mistake or typo in an article or post
- Belittling and bullying someone who has a different opinion
- Making passive aggressive statements in a public forum that betray another writer’s confidence in some way (i.e. sharing private information, or calling someone out publicly for interactions that have happened “behind closed doors”)
- Trashing an author’s book in a way that is a personal affront, as opposed to a thoughtful, critical review
- Blowing off requests for book blurbs by not responding to the inquiry at all, or worse, agreeing to blurb and never responding with a decline or explanation of suitability, obligations, etc
The problem is, when acting this way, you have no idea who that author knows, and how they’re connected. If you anger or disrespect them, they could black-ball you among other groups, with agents, or even editors. I’ve seen this happen. A lot. Just as in any industry, “who you know” can be very important. Play nice. Be professional. Be generous. And do not, whatever you do, take out your angst over the rejections you’ve suffered in hateful, jealous rants in public. That’s what friends are for in private. This behavior will bring you no closer to your goal and it will make enemies. No one wants to work with a poor sport—or read their books.
Why has this all become acceptable? I guess what I’m asking is, don’t we all deserve a measure of respect? Doesn’t this sort of behavior engender a self-centered culture that breeds a lot of anger and disillusionment, lots of resentment? We are better than this.
Many of these issues boil down to one thing: ego
Ahhh, ego. It’s what drives us. We don’t have to ask Freud to recognize this truth.
One could argue writing is all about ego. What makes our stories so damn important anyway? Why should our books be published, recognized, heralded? Because we’re _____. You fill in the blank. Yet I believe it’s something more noble than that, at least for most of us. It’s about touching lives, about starting a narrative around difficult emotions or controversial topics. Perhaps highlighting something which shaped our history and was forgotten. It’s about adding beauty and intrigue and excitement to this trying life.
So instead of lashing out, I implore you to forego the ego and:
R.S.V.P. (Répondez s’il vous plait): Politely decline a blurb request if you’re too busy or it’s not the right book for you. Pretending the request didn’t come is just poor manners and many people take offense.
Express Opinions with Care: You are not the god of the universe. People are different from you and also, they make mistakes. So do you. Kindness goes a long way. And never assume that you won’t be in the same shoes as this person you have laid low.
Keep Passionate Discourse Relevant: Having impassioned ideals and opinions is fabulous. It’s what shapes the future. Just keep it relevant. If you’re having an intense emotional reaction to a topic, take a step back for a few hours or a day or two, and respond when your head isn’t on fire. You may find you’re being triggered emotionally because of some underlining cause that has nothing to do with this incident. Besides, once you’ve cooled off, you’re more likely to bring intelligent points to the table.
Exercise Your Skills Through Tone: Most of us learn the hard way that tone is everything. Tone is something we master as novelists. Why is it, then, that it isn’t carefully honed in online discussions? While you can’t predict how someone will take your meaning, do your best to use your writerly abilities and put forth the true message you wish to convey. It’s an incredible tool and a weapon. Writers, of all people, possess the ability to wield that power. Choose your words wisely.
Take the High Road: When someone steps out of line, take a deep breath and either exit the conversation or respond with sense and sans emotion. I try to remember the Buddhist philosophy of “having no hooks”. Envision negative energy (or comments) flowing toward you and around you. If there is no emotional hook sticking out, it continues on past. It can’t grab hold and take purchase. Let the crap flow downstream. Hike to higher ground. Which leads me to my last point.
Apologize and Win: There’s this saying out there that goes something like, “Apologize for your part in something and let the rest go—even if the other party can’t and won’t apologize back.” It’s called owning your shit. It’s freeing and it tends to pop the tension balloon in an instant.
Sadly, we have a way of forgetting the good and hanging on to the bad. Remember that. It’s an unfortunate part of human nature, but it’s reality. Memories can be long and slights not easily forgiven. Create the kind of professional writing life you are proud of, relationships from which you benefit as well as add to, and make like Aretha. Show a little R-E-S-P-E-C-T.
Where’s your happy place when you’ve been scalded by a little internet heat?
Heather Webb is the USA Today bestselling and award-winning author of historical fiction. As a freelance editor and an adjunct in a MFA in Creative Writing program, Heather has helped many writers sign with agents and go on to sell at market. When not writing, she feeds her cookbook addiction, geeks out on history and pop culture, and looks for excuses to head to the other side of the world. To date, her books have been translated to seventeen languages.
I’ve seen a lot of this lately too. Betraying confidence, rudeness. I think playing nice has never gone out of style. Internet messages can sound so cruel. Some of us have thinner skins, and no, I don’t have to “deal”. And I hope no one ever has to with one of my posts. Very relevant and helpful.
Isn’t it just awful? I can’t even read comments on articles anymore without becoming completely disgusted at the vitriol and the many unintelligible idiots with nothing better to do.
Thanks for your comment!
I’m sorry to read that, Heather, though I’ve read others’ similar reactions in so-called social media. That’s why I (in the midst of pasting together a multi-voice, multi-century novel) chose to not now engage in it; and if ever I’m published I might never. Still I wonder, is there a place for other silent antisocials, like Donna Tartt, these days?
I’ve been very lucky with most all positive experiences in social networking. I think that’s partly because I don’t engage in ugliness and pettiness. And I don’t create it.
As for blurbing – I once found a request for a blurb in that “other” folder on FB that I often forget about and I felt horrible I’d missed it until it was too late (I try to look through my email junk folder and my “other folder” in FB regularly but I do get behind.) So, it could be someone misses the request if they do not respond at all!
I become envious of someone’s success just as anyone else would, but I am also truly happy for them because I know how much work and angst and worry goes into this business. Acting like brats just makes us all look petty and bad.
I’m with you, Kathryn. I feel very fortunate to have dodged it for the most part, as I treat people the way I’d like to be treated. Still, I have had my name muddied here and there, simply because someone disagrees with my view. I find it so tiresome and ignorant to trash someone because they’re different from you.
As for blurbs, accidents can certainly can happen, but I suspect you handled it quite well. :)
Thanks for stopping by today.
Heather,
Great post. I made a meme many moons ago about the power of words. Let’s see if I can’t get it to post here.
Too true! Thanks, Mike!
It’s all true. My contribution is that, still getting to spend time around teens in school, I reflect a lot on how manners and politeness grow (or don’t). The internet encourages kids who don’t know who they are yet, to blast others from what seems to them a safe distance. VERY hard to resist that temptation, I bet- I know I wouldn’t have, but fortunately when I went to school we were still using smoke-signals.
So we’re raising a generation that’s skilled and technically adept, but without some more work it won’t be particularly patient or kind. And it’s no coincidence that the alleged grownups are affected too- political arguments have never been so heated, in part, because they can be so loudly amplified. And when those “dark corners” include places where any lunatic notion can be supported with reams of “facts”, no one need ever change their mind again. No real argument, no discourse or change. Sigh.
That’s the true issue, Will, isn’t it? There’s no longer real discourse. People are too busy attacking each other. They’d prefer to be angry, rather than really seek any sort of understanding or truth.
I taught high school for a decade so I know what you’re talking about. It terrifies me to think about my young children getting to that point and grappling with social media. It will be on lock down in my house for sure.
Thanks for stopping by today!
Words of Wisdom. . . . Now don’t get on me for my cliche!
Famous phrases have their place! Thanks, Liz.
A much needed post these days, Heather. The Buddhist hook is an effective image. It’s true our society is in a trend of being fashionably aggressive and self-absorbed (Trumpisms that attack with name-calling and bullying ). Too many people lack the integrity of kindness in their every day lives. Maybe because we do less face-to-face encounters and hang out on the internet and in chat threads too much.
“Too many people lack the integrity of kindness in their every day lives.”
We’ve become such an entitled and greedy, lazy culture in many ways. Too individualistic, too much about me, me, me. This is where the breakdown in integrity and kindness begins. I, for one, plan to fight this!
Thanks, Paula.
“I’m going to rant a little today, I’m afraid.”
That’s a rant? I wonder what you would sound like if you raged.
Civility is a veneer, of course. Science has shown us that. Remove the restraint imposed by the presence of live human beings, and the inner beasts come out.
I agree with all you say; however, I think there’s a place for high feelings and unfiltered opinions: on the pages of fiction.
In fiction the rule is nearly opposite. Points of view too polite do not pop. They make a bland gray static of nice sentences and unchallenging sentiments.
Rant a little, I say…just give it to your characters to do.
Ha ha! Benjamin, the article became more toned down as I edited the post, so less rant, more preach. You don’t want to see me rage. :) And you certainly won’t see it online!
I adore this point you brought up–funnel the rage onto the page. It’s in fiction where the many intricacies of our anger and disillusionment can be explored properly and safely.
Thanks for your thoughtful comment.
It’s been a long while since I was attacked but it happened on Twitter, my favorite place to be online. An author I’d never met and who had just followed me decided to lash out at me. His words hurt but I chose to ignore him and his hurtful words and carry on. I know that there are members of Goodreads who think poorly of self-published authors and when I come across them I ignore them as well. In life and online I have a practice of ignoring bad behavior because the feeling of dismay is momentary and I prefer to interact with people who are kind.
I’ve fielded a handful of nasty tweets myself. I tend to block those people and, like you, ignore them. Some really enjoy stirring up trouble so ignoring them is the best revenge.
Happy writing!
Thank you for that much needed rant. I agree on all counts.
Glad you stopped by, Lori!
Amen, sister. I decided to take a Facebook hiatus because I’ve seen too much bullying in another writing group. The last post I read with its endless comments and singling out one writer finally pushed me to say, “I need a break.”
I get so sick of that garbage. It’s all fun and games until you’re in the hot seat. I take breaks from Facebook and Twitter as well from time to time.
All good points. I’m afraid these behaviors are not confined simply to the online writing communities. I work in healthcare and these same things you describe are very much present in day to day interactions with coworkers throughout the organization and do not have boundaries (ie. it doesn’t matter if they’re rank and file or managerial).
Communicating poorly or not communicating at all is a costly business practice in any case–and a fact that strangely people in whatever type of business never seem to grasp.
“Communicating poorly or not communicating at all is a costly business practice in any case–and a fact that strangely people in whatever type of business never seem to grasp.”
This is so true and why is this? I think it goes back to the fact that people have trouble getting outside of themselves. Sadly, another thing social media has taught us is how to be even more self-absorbed.
Thanks for your comment today!
I’ve been largely immune to the sort of nastiness on the interwebs that I hear about. I’ve been a member for over 10 yrs to a fantastic kidlit online community (Blueboards) and the basic rule — play nice — really works.
But yeah, I totally get it. I was thinking how all of us have no problem doing this one spiritual work of mercy: instructing the ignorant :)
Count your blessings, Vijaya. It’s wonderful you belong to such a supportive group. As for instructing the ignorant, the biggest issue is they don’t realize how little they know and often refuse to be open to change–until something wrenches open their minds via tragedy, usually.
Thanks for stopping by!
Heather Webb, what a wise post! How often have I wondered why those who call themselves writers make comments that are vague, careless, insulting, denigrating of others, apparently not giving a moment’s thought to the reader’s reaction.
We are writers. We control our words. Or not.
If not, can we claim to be writers?
Yes, there are those who demand honesty. I’m one of them. I demand honestly, but in commenting on social media I’m aware of a broad member base, and that nothing is private. My honesty expresses itself with respect. It took me a while to learn this, because in my honesty I always wanted to show that I KNOW what I’m talking about, and the other person therefore has to be wrong.
BAD APPROACH both in social media and in life. Mea Culpa.
So thank you Heather Webb for putting it in perspective and in words of one syllable or less that even the most dim, aggressive ‘my-way-or-the-highway’ can absorb. (Hmm. Am I doing it again?)
Had I read this ‘rant’ five years ago, I would have saved two years of aimless thrashing and earning enemies. Some of us, though, do eventually learn from experience.
:)
Lyn, I’m so impressed by your honesty in admitting your troubles from the past. It’s a tough lesson, but the fact that you were able to both recognize it and change is tremendous. A true testament to your character. I wish more could be like you! :)
Thank you for your thoughtful response today.
It all comes down to advice we got from our mothers, doesn’t it?
“If you don’t have anything good to say about a person, don’t say anything at all.”
Or, as I used to tell my students,
“Not every thought that goes through your head has to come out of your mouth.” Or your keyboard.
Thanks for a polite but needed reminder, Heather.
Amen! I need to start using that second comment on my children. :)
Thanks, Rita.
Rita, I got my example from my mother, who was always right and always let us know it. Truth is – she WAS always right.
Of course what we must do when we are social networking is modify our tone. We can always be right without insulting others about it. I practise doing that all the time. ;)
AND, by the way, it’s no trouble to be honest. If you always tell the truth you don’t have to remember what you said.
Thank you so much for addressing this issue. Somewhere along the way we stopped teaching and using basic manners. It’s time we all started using them again.
Agreed! We start by being examples ourselves. Thanks, Sheila.
Heather, so true. I haven’t yet experienced it, but it’s only because my exposure as an author hasn’t reached critical mass. If it ever does, I fully expect to be the target of some cretin out there. Once I left a comment on a Huff Post blog about parenting. Nothing negative at all, just talking about my experience as the mother of two. Someone jumped on me—I was terrible mom, etc. I immediately took down my comment and never looked back. We all have enough obstacles in our writing life and in life in general, to deal with vitriol from such clueless people. I think “Hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil” is a good mantra for social media.
Ugg. That’s exactly the kind of thing I’m talking about. A good friend of mine is a journalist for a pretty large newspaper and she has run into some real whackos in the comments. Your policy was best–delete and ignore.
Thanks for your comment, Densie.
Take down and ignore: excellent idea, Densie. I posted something on my timeline that I thought relatively innocuous. And then someone started a thread that got ugly. People responded.
So, off with its head. Delete, such a powerful tool.
Deleting is a powerful tool, indeed. I hate confrontation (online or off) as much as the next person. My fear, though, is that by deleting our comments and opinions we might be silencing ourselves. I think that’s exactly what some internet bullies want: to make us so afraid of nasty comments that we censor ourselves.
All of you are right that sometimes it’s best to just remove your post. Yet, I also think sometimes we have to speak up anyway.
When my memoir of being on welfare came out, I was terrified. I knew there were many negative stereotypes of welfare mothers and a lot of hatred and anger towards us. It was scary but I thought it was important to challenge those stereotypes.
P.S. I never responded to the ugly comments–that way lies danger!–but other people usually did in respectful and thoughtful ways. It turned out to be kind of cool.
Great post, Heather! Yes, be kind to everyone. Today’s assistants, aspiring authors, and interns are tomorrow’s high-powered editors, agents, and blockbusters. We can’t afford to alienate anyone. A little kindness goes a long way.
That’s another great point. Those who are striving may pass us by and rise to positions of influence in a blink of an eye. Never assume they aren’t important!
Thanks for your comment, Mary.
Well said, (Mary Sharratt a little kindness goes a long way) and it take the same ammount of effort to be polite and kind to others.
Heather, I’m shocked, SHOCKED, that you would declare in a public forum that I’m not the god of the universe. However, because I am large and contain multitudes (thanks WW), I forgive you.
But yeah, there’s a lot of pissy, crabby, and strikingly ungenerous bile-disguised-as-discourse happening in our common cloud. Thanks for the reminder to be just a bit better than that; it isn’t that hard to be kind, and the small effort might one day result in you being god of the universe. After I retire.
Tom, thanks for the laugh. You cracked me up. I bow to thee, oh wise one! :)
Great post, Heather.
While I shy away from online conflict and nastiness, I’m not blind to it. It’s a shame really, when people hide behind a computer screen and lose their humanity. As the song goes, “We are all innocent.”
Dee Willson
Author of A Keeper’s Truth and GOT
We’re really beasts inside, aren’t we? We have to learn to tame the angry voices or the part of our brain that yearns for schadenfreude. But with “anonymity”, suddenly it all becomes very easy to let the monster out.
Thanks for stopping by today. :)
A really great post, Heather. I think this gets at the heart of some really important issues we see bubbling to the surface in many corners of the world. Thanks for writing it.
Thanks for stopping by today, Matt!
Always a good reminder of the power our words can have, for good or for ill, to bless or to curse.
None of us wants to be perceived as the bully on the playground, and yet too many ignore the consequences of words that seem like bullying to those on the receiving end. Thanks for this post, Heather.
Some people feel they hold the high ground, and they are stronger if they can bully and disprect others, and don’t realise it is weakness.
I really don’t notice a lot of ugliness on Facebook. Most of my friends are respectful writers, gardeners or relatives. I rarely post anything political and I don’t allow starting on my page. I’m in a couple of private writing/book groups and don’t read a lot of nasty stuf. But sometimes I get annoyed when someone says they ‘hated’ or just didn’t like a book but can’t articulate why. Just a ‘I hated it’. Yeah, I get that. Please explain why. And then you find out the protagonist reminded them of their fourth grade teacher. Or they hate cat heroes. Or the romance is unrealistic. They are pretty specific, however, if they’re complaining about too much or too little or too kinky sex. I like dissecting plot flaws and dialogue etc. I’m probably asking too much. But the ‘I hate this book’ without specifics is annoying. Oh and I dislike people who make fun of disadvantaged people.
Great post, Heather. In our world of FB and Twitter there truly is no place to hide. Which could be a good thing if people would follow the rules, but they don’t. We all need to be careful of what we say and how we say it–words have staying power, they don’t go away. Just as our novels and other works can be uplifting and open the hearts of our readers, so can one criticism be extremely hurtful to the person who receives it. It just might injure their ability to create. And a final note–there should be room for all of us. Thanks.
I commented briefly above, but wanted to add that my current writing project addresses these same issues from a slightly different angle. It’s a historical thriller trilogy that features some of our darkest conflicts as a backdrop (the World Wars, etc), and whose primary female character is led toward a pacifist pathway at the outbreak of a Third World War. Nonviolence is not an idea that is typically explored in the thriller/suspense genre, but if I’m able to pull it off believably, I’m excited for the message.
It seems to me that even the smallest hateful comments — whether they be from unhappy writers, or our presidential candidates directed at minority groups — have the capacity to build over time and to bring us to a place we don’t want to be as a civilization.
This resonated with me today not because I’ve been witnessing a lot of hostility in my writing communities of late (thankfully), but because I keep seeing volatile posts among my nonwriter friends in social media. So many smart, kind people, and they are picking stubborn fights with each other! :-( I scroll past a lot of things and refrain from commenting when I sense people aren’t interested in listening/reading carefully. I know I have my hooks, and I can see theirs too clearly as well. All that negative energy sure feeds itself.
So thank you for this, Heather. I know in the comments you mention that you toned down the rant while editing, but I really appreciate how well you modeled a balanced, positive way of being truly professional! It’s easy to see all the “what not to do” examples, and sometimes the real value comes from giving readers the wisdom of the half-full glass. :-)
We all need a reminder to be nicer to each other – some more than others. :-) I do book reviews on my blog and like to support indie authors, so I will often accept a book for review and then find that I can’t relate to the story or find the writing lacking. Instead of doing a negative review, I will tell the author that I can’t write the review without saying why. Most authors respond with a polite note saying “thanks anyway” but one or two authors have not been so polite, writing angry letters and demanding to know why I accepted a free book and then failed to hold up my end of the bargain. Bargain? Since when is sending a book for review part of any kind of agreement?
I did not respond to those messages, even though one author bugged me several times before giving up.
This new era of digital publishing when anyone can be an author has created a new breed of writers who don’t understand, or perhaps don’t know, how to behave in a professional environment. Even though we don’t see each other face to face, we should still remember those professional guidelines that had us treating editors, reviewers and fellow writers with respect.
Heather,
Thanks for highlighting a spiritual aspect of our roles as writers. The world has never suffered from a lack of unkindness, but in recent years the swirl of negative energy clearly seems to be building. Your approach here is to employ ju-jitsu, let that energy remove itself. And avoid compounding things by lashing out in return. Certainly important skills in the arts of forgiveness and grace.
I wonder if the lack of eye-to-eye engagement allowed by our new technologies and the illusory (and hurtful) megaphone that media also provides are dulling our sense that we get what we give, dulling our sense of how things actually work. You know, the ‘what goes around, comes around’ thing. Beyond building enmity and bad spin, AND making ourselves targets, the other hand is that time spent being negative (in this case, in response to attack) colors our mind. We suffer twice from being hit once. It may be more accurate to say that we pummel ourselves many times using a person’s one thoughtless comment. Not wise! We artists are quite skilled at self-doubt to begin with.
If there isn’t a blog or website set up as a digital hospital for treating wounded artists, perhaps we should create one.
Thanks for the great post, Heather! What resonated with me was the “blurb request” point. I think if someone is willing to write a heartfelt and polite request, the least you can do is acknowledge it and politely decline. It’s the right thing to do, especially if you’ve been given an out by the author requesting it. Having reached out to an author I admired with a request for my latest release, and receiving crickets in return (even after a gentle reminder)…her books are no longer in my TBR pile, nor will they be ever again. I’m not only an author, I’m also a reader. A simple ‘no,’ would’ve been appreciated. Luckily, I had a wonderful author agree and provide the final blurb. I make it a policy to support other authors, and show my appreciation for those who support me :-)
One solution: block anyone you can who does nothing but rant, complain, disparage, and stir up pointless trouble. I’ve also blocked posts on FB from certain organizations that always make me angry. I’m not changing my mind on those issues and neither is the person posting about them, so why even get into an argument about it? Just block and move on. Unfriend/unfollow if necessary. And regular social media blackouts.
Thanks for this post, Heather. It always seems worse during an election year.
The Guardian is doing a series of articles exploring ways to deal with online abuse in their comments sections (and the difficulty of moderating the comments). https://www.theguardian.com/technology/series/the-web-we-want
Thanks for bringing out our special responsibility as wordsmiths.
Here, Here! Maybe we need a Emily Post “Etiquette for the Internet”!
NICE anti-bully wisdom. It’s time to bully the bullies. ‘Bully’ verb here, being only metaphorical-ish or -esque. Meaning simply point it out to the person being mean. Something like that. At least Heather’s sage advice moves the bullying concept iceberg (too much NOT talked about) inches upward. Thank you so much.