Publishing Exhaustion
By Catherine McKenzie | March 29, 2016 |
Flickr Creative Commons: Jessica Cross
So, I know this is going to sound like I’m complaining—maybe even ungrateful—but bear with me.
I was talking to a book club recently, and I made a quip I’ve made often: that I went and turned my fun hobby (writing books) into a second job. It got the laugh it often does, but someone followed up to ask me whether that meant I found writing to be work, something I didn’t enjoy. Of course, writing is work I said, and of course I love it. What I was referring to is all the ancillary stuff to writing once you’re published—the promotion, the revisions, the endless decisions about cover art, and inside copy fonts and which festivals you should travel to and why. (See, I said it would sound like I was complaining). It can be a lot. And frankly, I literally had no idea about any of it before I got my first book deal. I’d never heard of Goodreads. Wasn’t on Twitter. And was about to quit Facebook (shocking, I know).
Six months later I was active on all those things and more, things I don’t even remember my passwords for anymore such as LibraryThing and MySpace. It was, in retrospect, overwhelming, and from July 2009 (when I got my Canadian deal) until January 2011, I really didn’t write anything. Oh, it looked like I was writing lots of things. I had three books come out in three years, but I’d written all of them before I got my deal. So while I was doing a lot of re-writing, there weren’t any new words, any new stories. I felt tapped out. I wanted to do something, write something, different, but I didn’t know what.
Then I slowly started writing the book that would become Hidden. Where I’d written my other books in about six months (for a first draft) Hidden took eighteen. I could say it was because I had all three of my books come out in the US that year, that promotion had gone into overdrive, but really, I think I was just tired. Tired of writing.
I finished that book and then…nothing. I mean, really nothing. No writing, not fiction anyway. Instead, I read 52 books in 52 weeks and wrote book reviews. I spent a lot of time on Facebook etc. But from September 2012 until September 2013, I once again wrote, essentially, zero fiction.
I could go on, but I think you get the point. I seem to have these bursts of creative energy followed by fallow periods where I’m casting around for something. The ideas have dried up and the task of writing a good story seems insurmountable. And all the promotion and blog writing and travelling and, oh yeah, my day job, leave me without the drive it takes to sit down in the chair every day and write.
This has been happening to me again lately, with a slight difference. I’ve written two books in two years (Smoke and the upcoming Fractured), and I’m proud of those books. But as I sat down to start writing this year’s book, I found myself pushing what I was supposed to be writing aside and starting something else. And when I had 60 pages of that, I went back to the book I was supposed to be writing and in a manic writing sprint, wrote 120 pages. And so now I have two manuscripts sitting there, waiting for my attention while I’m in the middle of copy edits and cover choices and…yeah, here I am again. Having trouble putting my butt in the chair and writing.
I’ve had some tough talks with myself in the last few weeks: what do I want to be writing? Why I am pushing myself to this pace? What is the next best step for my career? This is not usually how I think. Usually, I am caught up in one idea which I need to get down on paper and that gets done as it needs to. I enjoy it. I don’t tend to feel overwhelmed. I don’t tend to feel…exhausted.
Because that is what this is, I realized. I am suffering from publishing exhaustion. That feeling that I need to keep producing content, without giving the last book time to breathe. Time to have a life on its own once it’s out in the world. If my mind changes from one book to another right after I write “The End” am I doing the best I can? Am I being fair to my art?
Now, don’t worry. I’m not having some existential crisis—though I couldn’t fault you for thinking so. Nor I am going to hang up my hat and quite writing. I love the two books I’ve been working on, and one day soon, I’m going to decide which one I’m writing and put my butt in the chair, and write it. But I’m going to re-impose some rules I’d put on myself a long time ago, and had somehow let slip. Rules I hope can help you avoid going through the same thing, whether it’s your first novel or your tenth.
So here they are—my top five rules for avoiding publishing exhaustion:
- Learn to say “no”. This is a bigger life rule, really, and one I’ve struggled with forever. I do not need to be the one to do everything. I’m going to repeat that: You do not need to be the one to do everything. One more blog post. One more signing. One more Facebook post or Tweet. One of the crazy-making parts of this business is that it always feels as if you could be doing something to make your career just a little bit bigger. But the cost benefit analysis is minimal. Spend most of your time on writing the best book you can, and less on doing everything else.
- Take some time off between books. This is my Ferris Bueller advice: life goes by quickly, and if you don’t take the time to enjoy where you are once in a while, you’ll miss it. Read, see movies, enjoy time with your friends. These things fuel your creativity, they don’t take away from it.
- Let your books go. Somewhere between the first draft and the tenth is where your best book lies. Tweaking and tweaking and tweaking for perfection is probably not attainable for most of us. Doing the best you can with a reasonable amount of effort. Stop when it isn’t fun That’s usually a good sign.
- Speaking of which, remember to have fun. What got you writing in the first place? A crave for riches and fame? I didn’t think so. You, like me, probably loved telling stories and the stories you wanted to tell needed to be put down on paper to be their best selves. Find a way to keep that fun. Because publishing is a job, but it can be a fun one if you keep it all in perspective.
- Let others help you out. Part of being in a great community like Writer Unboxed is that there are plenty of others who have been through what you’re going through. Reach out, ask for help, get some advice. And that goes for me too, that’s what the comments are for, right?
Write on.
[coffee]
A graduate of McGill University in History and Law, Catherine McKenzie practices law in Montreal, where she was born and raised. An avid skier and runner, Catherine is the author of 11 bestselling novels, including HIDDEN, THE GOOD LIAR, I’LL NEVER TELL and YOU CAN’T CATCH ME. Her most recent novel, SIX WEEKS TO LIVE, releases in Canada April 20 and the US May 4, 2021.
I challenged myself to write and self-publish four novels last year. And I did it. By December, I couldn’t write another word. It became un-fun. And that’s a big problem. So I backed off for the first few months this year, only editing a middle grade novel for traditional publication. Last night I opened my OneNote and reviewed a bit of the last outline I was working on. And that old spark appeared again. I was excited to get back into it. And so I shall. The MG novel is almost done with this last round of editing, so it will fly off into the hands of agents (who will LOVE it, of course), and I’ll dive back into my latest wip. But no more mass production writing. I’ll stick to a more leisurely pace this time. I even got into traditional archery this year. A new hobby! Outdoors! Air! I may even go hunting this year. If I can remember what a deer looks like (not that I ever encountered many when I hunted on a regular basis). So, yes, take time to regroup. Be human. Do human things. If we don’t, all our novels will be about frustrated, overweight, pale novelists who weep bitterly over the Facebook posts of other people’s real lives.
Write on.
“If we don’t, all our novels will be about frustrated, overweight, pale novelists who weep bitterly over the Facebook posts of other people’s real lives.” – Brilliant! Thanks.
Excellent post. In addition to the pressure, though, a friend of mine says we write the easy books first, the ones that have been sort of rattling around for awhile. In a way, I think that’s true.
True! Or at least they seem much easier if you do that.
Catherine, I love your ‘time to breathe’ message today. Says it all and not just for writing but for the various daily treadmills we all create for ourselves. What’s wrong with not writing for a while, or not publishing and promoting anyway? What’s the old cliche, still waters run deep. Your reminder today that there’s just as much virtue in escape and rest as in work and productivity is an important one.
Thanks, Paula.
Good post–sound reminders. I spend a lot of time jumping between fiction and nonfiction book projects (the latter mostly as a ghostwriter/editor), and every now and again, I look at the screen and it seems to talk to me, as in: You might as well take a day trip, because nothing is going to happen today. My signal that writing/publishing fatigue has set in. If I take some time away more or less regularly, then the screen delivers these messages less often.
Agreed, breaks are good.
What a timely (and wonderful and so-so true) post. I started up Facebook this morning and got my “Four years ago today” memory post–it was of me, opening the box of my first book as my author copies arrived from the publisher. Last week, I opened the box on #15, and #s 16 and 17 are turned in. The last book is going to need tons of revision because I was too darn tired to write it (I also still have the full-time day job). This is a good reminder that I’m pushing too hard and at some point, something–lack of joy in writing, or stress-related health issues–is going to push back even harder!
Wow, that is amazing. I feel lazy now! Thanks, Suzanne :)
I have written easy books and I have written hard books. The easy books made hard stories look easy. The hard books made easy stories look hard.
In other words, it wasn’t the inherent difficulty of a particular project that made it a pleasure, it was the pleasure of a particular project that made it look like a piece of cake. Hence your advice #4, have fun, resonates with me.
But I then have to ask myself, what makes one project “fun” while another isn’t? I think there are two answers. One is having the necessary craft tools. Using only a screwdriver to build a chest of drawers is not a pleasure. (Unless it comes from Ikea, but what fun is that?)
The other reason is something less easy to express. It’s a heart appeal that doesn’t come from anything except my heart. For me, I can say that often involves a heroine with whom I’m in love. Who would not want to spend hundreds of hours in her company?
But that is not the only heart appeal. Others are more elusive. A place that I feel I know. Things that I don’t know that I enjoy researching. A topic that makes me angry enough to speak out. A game of concealment, of nesting doll discovery, of can you guess where this plot is going?
What makes a project “fun”? When it is play.
I don’t feel sorry for you, Catherine, but I do love your advice, thanks. Forgotten was wonderful, BTW, and Smoke totally raised the bar of my expectations for your work.
No pressure, of course. Have fun.
Thanks, Benjamin!
Wise words, Catherine. Thank you for them.
I came to blogging as a way to commit to daily writing; I remain a blogger because it helps me keep writing fun. The road to publishing can be long and twisted, but not when you publish through a blog. You can push that button any time.
After ten years of writing and studying the craft, my book Luck is Just the Beginning was released in Nov 2015 by Floricanto press. I’m thrilled but working so hard on promotion and I loved your post, I can relate with the feelings of getting tired! This is the whole other part of wrting, isn’t it?!?
What an excellent post. I’m right in the middle of ‘there’. As in, been there, done that. Still doing it.
I think our first novels are probably what we really set out to say; and when we’ve said THAT, we need to find new themes, new directions, new concepts.
All of our fiction comes out of our imagination, which comes out of our life experiences. Even the wildest sci-fi comes from some idea born of some experience that triggers an imaginary adventure to somewhere. Sometimes we just run out of new themes.
Today, after almost four years of searching for a new theme, I think I’ve found one. Today I had lunch with a couple of readers who just wanted to talk about my historical series and how I came to write those four novels. Then they asked the Big Question: What next?
And suddenly, from our table conversation, I think I know what will be next.
Probably the worst thing we can do is share that next idea with anyone. If I describe the project to somebody, it becomes a twice-told tale, and it’s gone. I have to hold the story inside until it has burst out upon the page, where it belongs.
I think a lot of writers feel this way.
I had brave intentions to whip out a non-fiction book in the first quarter of this year, but life handed me a plate of distractions. Among them, my daughter announcing her engagement, my dog getting sick, my husband needing help with bank matters and several friends coming to stay. I reminded myself that the reason I am a writer is so that I can have this flexibility, and this being the case, I really need to stop myself from getting over-ambitious with my writing goals. In fact, tonight I’m going to watch a movie online, just to fill my creative tank and take a breather!
GMTA! I just wrote a guest blogpost last night on the importance of ‘fallow’ times for artists. And as much as I get anxious when I’m not working on something, I also know that trying to be a productivity machine is the quickest way to burnout I know.
Thank you for the reminder – especially about saying no.
Perfect coincidence!
Catherine, lots of good stuff here, but I’m most interested in how you balance your day job as an attorney with all of the writing you do. My day job is a solid career as well, and I feel terrible when I don’t write every day, but sometimes I simply can’t. How did you balance that? Did you write every night, or did you decide (like I am now) that I can either write the next chapter, finish the next story, send out said story, or get caught up on my social (and online) responsibilities. If I try to do more than one of those things, I get exhausted or overwhelmed.
And sometimes I can’t do any of those because my better half and I go out to dinner or see a movie. It’s important to have something that resembles a life, too.
For a long time I felt guilty and miserable of not doing morning pages, or working an hour every day, etc. I found I wrote a lot more when I stopped feeling this way, and felt good about just writing when I knew I had the time. Or when I decided to simply have one goal per night.
Anyway, any input at all would be appreciated. Sorry for the long response!
Steven,
I had to come to terms, long ago, with the fact that my day job is more important – I have deadlines there that are not moveable, and am dealing with real problems for real people. So I don’t write every day. Sometimes I do, but more often than not I write on weekends when my time is more my own. So my lesson is: forgive yourself. One job is enough. The second job is is something I love, and is a real job too, of course, but it can be set aside – usually – if it needs to be. So go out, have dinner with your family. When I do those things, I have more space to write, not less.
Thanks very much for the response. It’s nice to know I’m not the only serious writer out there not writing every day. That’s been a serious self-disappointment that now doesn’t need to be. It really sounds like I’m doing enough; I can’t tell you what a relief that is.
I think the ‘write everyday’ is a common suggestion for writers. I don’t always write daily, as I am a homeschool mom of 4, and other responsibilities that don’t always give me that time.
But, I do try to get out a few afternoons a week to get some serious work done and then I can feel positive about that and get back into the family groove. Every writer has to find what works for them.
I am now in the promotion phase for my novel Cookie Encounter and feel self-pressure to market, market, market and have to tell myself, I can only do so much as one person.
Thanks for the reminders to say no and take time for yourself.
Definitely, you can feel exhausted in any profession. Most of the people think that publishing of articles and blogs is a very easy task..You only need to open the software and upload the content on web server and then customizes it accordingly…But if you get about 100 articles how you effectively publish all..
You do feel tiresome within few minutes…So it is important to work on some tactics for growing the publishing profession..
Thank you Catherine for your valuable tips…I hope these would also help other people
Regards,
Jennifer
Thanks for sharing your thoughts and experience with us.
I know what you mean, being in a full-time job and having to push yourself to the limits to do all you want / have to do in the little freetime you have. Writing often becomes 2nd top priority, then you slow down, then you stop and produce nothing for AGES.
I make a moderate use of social media, as every hour I spend on Facebook or Twitter is an hour I could potentially dedicate to something else – writing, reading, a stroll in the park to put ideas together in my mind, etc. But so far I published only one book and that was long ago. Since then it has been revising, revising, revising. It’s as if I cannot stop having ideas on how to improve that book and what to add to it. It’s a neverending story. I promised myself this will be the last revision I carry on on it. At some point one needs to draw a line.
I read somewhere that even famous authors tend not to re-read their own books once they decide they’re finished, to avoid the tempation of revising them again: is that true? :)
I’m in the thick of revisions for my second novel, just launched an audiobook of a short story, maintain an active blog and social media presence, and teach classes in indie publishing at two colleges. I also work part-time and live with a number of repetitive strain injuries and chronic pain. Days off are mandatory and I don’t feel bad when I take one. Vacations are a must and I just got back from a week in Florida where I took a break from all of the above. We writers are a driven lot. Let’s not drive ourselves crazy.
Right on, Catherine. You totally need a Cup ‘O Joe! And I bought you one. :)
Terrific reminder to stop and breathe and make sure we are enjoying what we do. If we are not, the reader will surely notice.