The Haves and the Have-Nots: Surviving Writer Envy
By Heather Webb | January 28, 2016 |
www.papercitymag.com
Being in a creative field has never been an easy pursuit. Low wages, the subjective nature of the arts, and the struggle to be seen pretty much ensures we’re all a little bit nuts for doing it. As if all those factors aren’t bad enough, non-writers often belittle the incredible time, effort, and care that goes into a well-crafted book without realizing it by saying things like, “I’ve started a journal on my dog’s habits and I have another really great idea. I’m sure it would be a bestseller.” In addition to these lovely aspects, we suffer from ubiquitous social media and all that comes with it—the humble brag, vague-booking, and flat out self-indulgence. (We won’t address some of the other hideous things like trolls and bullying.) We get to see, day in and day out, what EVERYONE ELSE has. How everyone else is better off than we are. How pathetic we are in our attempts to be respected and celebrated authors.
It’s tough watching others succeed when we aren’t where we’d like to be. We begin to compare ourselves to that person whose Good News with a capital “g” keeps popping up in our newsfeed. We want that A-level agent, that big publisher, too! We ask ourselves things like: Isn’t my writing stronger, my premise more interesting than hers? Why the hell is this author a bestseller with her lackluster skills? Why did she get all the marketing power when it’s not even a good book?
Believe it or not, being published makes this envy worse. You yearn for a bigger contract or more attention in the media, more reviews, more fans, movie deals, adoration, silk sheets and mansions, black and white postcards with a photo of you smoking a cigarette in some Parisian café. No? Okay, maybe that’s overkill, but you get my drift. More, more, more. Why isn’t it ME? What’s wrong with ME?
I keep hearing a lot about this type of envy (and feel it at times, let’s be honest). So how can we combat it?
WALK YOUR OWN PATH:
Comparing yourself to others dates back to elementary school when Suzie Baker got sparkly legwarmers like the lead in “Flash Dance” or Jonnie Walker strolled down the hall in the latest Nike sneaks. The comparisons morph into different yearnings and dreams as we age, but it’s essentially the same thing. We want to belong so badly, we want to be loved, we want to be valued. But the answer is really very simple.
The best way to be valued and admired, to be a “have”, is to embrace your own journey.
Be your unique, weird, crazy, creative, inspired, wonderful self. Don’t wish for something not meant for you, or try to be someone you aren’t. It will only cast shadows on the true opportunities that swim around you, as well as eclipse all the good you’ve already accomplished. Instead, focus on what you’re learning about yourself, about your craft. How can you funnel all this goodness into your stories?
Besides, you have no idea what’s really going on behind Uber-Cool Writer’s public persona. Perhaps they wrote seven novels and survived years of rejection before being published. Perhaps their publisher has dropped them at one point or another because they no longer want to invest in them, so they must reinvent themselves. Perhaps this writer had an agent for a while that couldn’t sell their manuscripts, or worse, pitched them when they weren’t ready, thereby giving this writer a reputation for subpar books among the pubs (this happens more than you think).
Writers post the good news and the happy thoughts and the inspirational points because it’s part of their job. It’s part of being professional in a public space. Of course everything looks hunkie dorie.
But I can say from experience, I haven’t met a single author who hasn’t struggled with self-doubt about their talents, feared their sales numbers or the timbre of their reviews, worried about publisher protocols, and obsessed over the shifting market and their place within it. Just because an author hits the NYT Best Seller list a time or two doesn’t ensure them a career. And it certainly doesn’t eliminate the emotions I mentioned above. They aren’t better. They’re on a different path.
So focus on yourself, your journey. Someone else’s successes do not diminish your own.
BE PROUD OF WHAT YOU’VE ACCOMPLISHED:
We rarely take enough time to honor our triumphs. (I spend much of my time reaching for that next goal, hardly slowing down enough to celebrate, so I speak to myself as much as you.) If you finish a chapter, reward yourself. If you finish a book, celebrate—whether it’s published or not! If someone leaves a nice review, or you get a shout out from a friend, reader, or the media, dance like the end of the world is near. Share the good news. Spread the good cheer! You’ve earned it and it’s bringing you closer to the Next Great Story. Besides, positive energy attracts more positive energy.
FOCUS ON WHAT YOU CAN CONTROL:
The only thing you can control is your story and your craft. Rather than wasting energy on lamenting what you don’t have, pour it into bringing your skills to the next level. Read voraciously in your genre and outside of it with a studious eye. Pay attention to what’s working and what isn’t. Utilize craft books. Try different types of stories and skill sets. And finish that next book!
The only way out of the funky feelings is through, I like to say. One word after another. You won’t ever get “there” unless you finish the next manuscript.
REASSESS YOUR GOALS:
Be flexible about your vision. Too many authors are rigid in their expectations, whether it be the genre in which they write, the POV they choose, or the era and region of their stories. But I say, if something isn’t working, try something new. If your goals feel unattainable, adjust them so you can be successful. Success, even on a small scale, breeds more of that positive energy I was talking about. This seems elementary, but I can’t tell you how many writers I’ve spoken to who say things like, “no, this is my thing and I’m sticking to it”, rather than venturing out into the unknown. Sometimes we don’t realize that “my thing” isn’t really what we thought at all.
BE GRATEFUL FOR WHAT YOU HAVE:
Be grateful for the connections and the friends you’ve made, the opportunities that have come your way. Be grateful for the courage you have to pursue your passion. So few in life do. Be grateful for the gift of storytelling, of creating art. The beauty of art is a big part of what makes life worth living.
We’re all on the “have-nots” list at some point so be sensitive to others, supportive of their successes. If you can’t be, then mind your own business. Keep your eye on the prize and develop that next manuscript. Envy isn’t called the green-eyed monster for nothing. It’s ugly.
How do you boost your morale when you’re suffering from a case of the green-eyed monster?
Heather Webb is the USA Today bestselling and award-winning author of historical fiction. As a freelance editor and an adjunct in a MFA in Creative Writing program, Heather has helped many writers sign with agents and go on to sell at market. When not writing, she feeds her cookbook addiction, geeks out on history and pop culture, and looks for excuses to head to the other side of the world. To date, her books have been translated to seventeen languages.
Fantastic post, Heather! All true and wise words. “Reassess your vision” is especially poignant. On the path to fulfillment, we must all, always, be resilient about what will bring it. For some (like me) it turns out that over time, it’s not writing.
Thank you, Sharon. As a book lover and lover of writing, you’ve found your own place within an industry for which you have passion. We writers are thankful for that! ;)
Wise words, Ms. Heather. Back when I used to have a resume service I suggested that people update their resume every year if for no other reason than to stay grounded in the progression of their own career. But do I listen to my own advice? Today, I promise to take stock and be grateful. I’ll start with being grateful to you! :)
That’s a great idea, Kathryn. Keeps things fresh. Makes you feel like you’re ready for anything to update the resume regularly. And I’m grateful for you, too, my friend. Write on!
Great post, Heather. I have become afflicted with the “left behind” syndrome. After years of writing, I’ve watched the people I started with landing agents and contracts, some becoming quite succesful. My wife, bless her heart, reminds me that we’re all on different journeys. Some writers don’t have to work full time jobs. Some have no kids or adult children. Some can write for six hours a day. I get one, two at most. So we can’t really compare ourselves. But the wait teaches us patience, I think. I know longer check my inbox every five minutes after shooting a query off to an agent or publisher. Self-publishing has helped as well. We can write the weird stuff or the novellas that no one will publish and put them up on Amazon. Maybe we’ll only sell a book a month, but at least it feels like progress! In the meantime, we keep querying the agents. The key is to never stop moving forward. If you have more than one track to move on, it makes this journey much easier.
From a fellow military brat!
Good for you for finding the good in the “waiting”. Your wife is right. It’s important to focus on your own journey, as difficult as that can be at times. You haven’t been “left behind”. Remember that this is a roller coaster business. One minute we’re on top of the world, the next we’re in the valleys, but the cars keep moving. There are plenty of turns to go round.
Also, you may consider working with a professional freelance editor. If you’re finding you’re not sure what isn’t working, they could assess your manuscript and where it falls in the market as well as your strengths and weaknesses. Good luck! :)
Thanks, Heather. I needed that. I was moaning to a friend last year about the snail’s pace of sales. I think I had something like 50 books sold during one royalty period. She put it into perspective when she said, “I would LOVE to have a book published and have 50 people who wanted to read it!” So there. Belittling your own success, no matter how small, is self-destructive and can only serve to dampen your creative energies. But we all need to be reminded of that periodically.
It’s tough in this sluggish market! But it’s all about perspective, isn’t it? Keep pressing on. We can only hope one day we’ll catch fire in the industry. Or better, perhaps, is to be thankful for what we have. Thanks for stopping by today!
Yup. Everything you wrote here rings true for me. I struggle with the envy, too. I think it’s an unavoidable, human thing and if you’re a creative-type, it only means you’re more sensitive to comparisons.
Having a deliberate gratitude practice helps, as does giving myself permission to wallow in self-pity for a small and defined amount of time. (I may whine to myself or a trusted friend – in private – for 1 day. Then it’s over.) And there’s always focusing back on the work. Being present with it, and not looking forward or looking back.
Great post, Heather.
I like the idea of a deliberate gratitude practice. It’s almost like a yogic practice and Lord knows we could all use a bit more of that.
Also, trusted writer friends are like gold!
Dear H – You’re awesome. I envy you.
Luckily my veneration also engenders warm feelings of friendship. And friendship wins!
Admiringly,
-V
You’re awesome, too, my friend. I feel blessed to know you. Truly. Uplifting, supportive, intelligent writer-friend.
Nice post, Heather. The one further comment I might make is this:
Writing is a solitary sport. If we are not prepared to live and work and create in solitude, we will never make it.
Writers, in our solitude, are a needy lot. Any word of praise from readers is swallowed whole. The major problem here is that readers just don’t realise it.
If you are a painter, when you have visitors you show them what you’re working on, and they comment and smile and pat you on the back.
If you are a writer —
‘Nuff said.
We are indeed a needy lot.
Indeed, we are. Those who are published get that bit of a pat on the back through signings and posted reviews (though I personally avoid reading those). But the daily support we need has to come from ourselves and our critique partners, our beloped writer community. Thank you for your comment!
I needed this one today. I preach these things myself, sometimes, but had forgotten them all in the throes of another book launch. Thanks for the timely wisdom.
You know, I need to hear these too, over and over. We forget as we get sucked into the vortex of stress and anxiety. Hang in there,GF!
Our world is noisy and filled with opinions. The task of nurturing one’s unique journey, voice, and story is the stuff of a heroic quest. Thanks for reminding me, Heather.
Wonderful post.
And what a beautiful reply, Liz. Thank you for stopping by today.
Thank you, Heather, for talking about this. Envy is such a human thing anyway, but add in all the noise out there and it gets even harder to stay grounded in our own uniqueness.
It really does. I think we need writer meditation and yoga and our community to help keep us sane. Write on!
Really great post. I have a 22 mos. old grandaughter. She’s a big fan of Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood. (a spinoff of Mr. Rogers Neighborhood). The core msg. is ” there’s no one else like you”. It’s a good msg. and one that I have learned to embrace as I write my stories. Thanks for the reminder this morning Heather. It’s truly one of the core msgs. of writing, too.
It really is! Our uniqueness (and the journey therein) is what gives our author voice weight as well as glitter. Without it, we’re all the same. Thank you for your comment, Bernadette.
Unfortunately, envy and self-doubt do creep in, but I keep reminding myself it’s not a competition. There are a lot of readers out there, and they don’t read just one book or one author. I try to make it a point to “like” those good-news posts and accomplishments by others. Going back and re-reading good reviews helps, as does getting out of my own head for a bit — staying in touch with critique partners and other authors and offering advice or assistance to a newbie. Just the other day I came up with a great couple of lines for another author’s back blurb, and I’m still feeling good about that! :-)
Good for you, Darlene. I think it’s important to spread congratulations around. It’s like sprinkling positive energy in the atmosphere. Others will do the same when it’s your turn. :)
Just what I needed to hear today, Heather!! It really spoke to me!
I’m so glad, Stephanie. You’re a wonderful writer and have many accomplishments. Never mind being a lovely person. If I can give you a little boost in your day, it makes me happy!
Wisdomous words. I’m not sure I feel envy when I see my friends doing well, but there’s definitely a pang of something.
Thanks for sharing :)
A yearning, perhaps? Follow that yearning and bring the magic your way! Thanks, Jon.
Great post, Heather, and so true.
I’m not a jealous person by nature. I sincerely think we all walk the same road, just with a different set of legs. But wanting what other’s have is a force of human nature, and the only way to combat the urge is to free yourself of self-angst, stretch those legs, and enjoy the stroll. :)
Today, every single one of you are heroes. Make it so.
Hugs,
Dee Willson
Author of A Keeper’s Truth and GOT
Absolutely, Dee. Thank you for your comment!
Hey, Heather,
Inspiring post! Thanks.
We are all on our own journeys, walking our own paths. It’s easy to look across the web and want what others seem to have and try to mold yourself into a form that just isn’t you. To keep me grounded and remind me to simply be who I am (and be fine with it), I always turn to a scene in Bruce Almighty where he and God are having their last conversation:
God: “Bruce, you have a divine spark. You have the gift for bringing joy and laughter to the world. I know; I created you.”
Bruce: “Quit bragging.”
God: “See? That’s what I’m talking about. That’s the spark.”
Bruce so badly wanted to be taken as a serious news anchor. He thought his work was trivial, his stories were fluff, his life, meaningless. He hadn’t embraced his own journey. Instead, he was embracing everybody else’s.
Each of us has a unique gift to offer this world through our writing. The moment we quit comparing ourselves to others and appreciate our own uniqueness is the moment we’ll make great headway in our respective paths.
Thanks again for such an insightful post.
“Each of us has a unique gift to offer this world through our writing. The moment we quit comparing ourselves to others and appreciate our own uniqueness is the moment we’ll make great headway in our respective paths.”
Beautifully said, Mike. Now if only we can repeat this mantra each morning and start the day off with a bang! :)
Wonderful post, Heather. I really needed this one today, especially the reminder to be proud of what you’ve accomplished. I suffered from a bit of writer envy recently when a friend completed her latest book; meanwhile, I’ve been struggling to make my daily word counts. But I just finished the next chapter and you reminded me that’s something I should celebrate! Thanks for a great post.
I have a couple of friends who draft very quickly and have major word counts at a time, so I completely understand how you feel. I’m not speedy at all, but I am persistent. Keep at that word count, Meghan. It adds up. You’ll see THE END and be so proud of sticking it out to the end!
The graf that begins “Besides, you have no idea what’s really going on behind Uber-Cool Writer’s public persona,” that’s where it’s at for me. A good friend of mine has his debut novel coming out this spring, and I’ve been staring at him with green eyes. As if his success is further proof of my lack of it.
But there’s no relation, a simple conclusion I reached only when I reflected on what he’s been through as a writer. This is dude’s third novel; neither of the first two sold, his first agent dropped him. He’s been at it for nearly ten years, creating new work, trying to get his name out there by pounding away on little-known blogs and slowly working up. It’s been tortuous and torturous. I should be jealous of that?
I am happy for him, and have been so even through the envy. But I need to work on being happy for myself.
Thanks for the post. It’s spot-on.
The good news is, you can see how much effort it took your friend to get where he is so you have a realistic perception of the industry and not some fairy-tale view. The bad news is, you have a realistic view of the industry. LOL. A catch-22. In any case, keep putting down the next word, the next chapter, and you’ll get there! And good on you for being happy for him and redoubling your own efforts. It’s best to gain strength and will from watching those we care about succeed instead of the opposite.
The worst is when you are at a multi-author event and it seems like every other author is being mobbed by buyers and you are standing there, alone–just smiling and smiling… (Can you tell I have been there?)
When that happens, I try to remember that THEIR success is not a reflection of the quality of MY work. The two are completely separate. And I REALLY try to remember to congratulate them.
One more thing–I have learned to never ask other participants how they did at these types of events! If they did well, they will tell you without being prompted. If they didn’t, they DON’T want to be asked.
Very good point! I’ve been in that position, too. In fact, a two-time #1 NYT best seller lives in my town and we did an event together because the local bookseller invited us. It was mortifying having my slow trickle of buyers next to his line out the door. *face palm* But it’s a good lesson in humility and how to refocus our efforts on the things that truly matter–like writing and enjoying the process. Thanks for your comment today!
This is a great post. A couple of comments, I came to be published through an unusual route–through contracts with a book club publisher. So keep your eyes open! Second, although I also want the “Big 5” deal, it wasn’t too long ago that I wanted desperately to be published. All the voices can get crazy (I mean the industry not in my head LOL) so need to shut them out, go to my core and create. Really, I want to write things of lasting value. That takes growth, time, and digging deep.
“I want to write things of lasting value. That takes growth, time, and digging deep.”
Indeed it does. I don’t believe we can really create beautiful works of which we’re proud by rushing the process. Write on!
Don’t forget about money, the great unequalizer.
Success in publishing can be, to a certain extent, bought. And some authors are willing to sink (or are able to) much more out of their own pocket than others can or are willing to – and you don’t necessarily see that (you talked about ‘behind the scenes’).
Each author has a budget – and that isn’t necessarily related to the quality of the writing (though a good editor can make a writer look much better than the writer is).
When envying others’ success, at least at the beginning stages, remember that there is no universal quality system to ensure only the ‘best’ stories are published and read.
And spend your money wisely – for the long term.
Money is certainly the great unequalizer. I like the way you put that. I don’t know many authors who spend large chunks on marketing because they just don’t have it, but the pubs do, and you’re right–they decide who they’re going to push and we have zero control over it. All we can do is our best. That’s all we’ve got.
This is a wonderful post Heather and you said it all very eloquently. I think writers believe that envy will go away when they “get an agent “get a deal” “get a good review”. But the “gets” are always going to be something that grows and grows. Appreciating what we have now and the path laid out before us is a more worthwhile endeavor, even if it can be a difficult mindset to shift. Bravo for an excellent topic.
Thank you for your comment today, Fiona.
Great post, Heather! Wise words.
Write on!
Yes! A wonderful reminder for every day in the life of a writer. I once heard someone call Facebook: “Fakebook” and I giggled. It would take a lot of courage to post the day-to-day of being a writer at every stage of the process, and I’m sure not going to be the one to do it. :) Great article.
Me either! Lol. No one wants to really see all of that dirty laundry. Thanks for your comment. :)
Excellent reminder!
The further I get along in my journey as a writer, the more I recognize that the pursuit of “writer’s success”is never ending.
Just because you landed an Agent doesn’t mean that you’re published. Just because you’re published doesn’t mean your book will be bought. Just because your book was bought doesn’t mean that it won’t be liked. Just because your book was liked, doesn’t mean you have another best seller in the works. The cyclictic pattern of a writer’s life… *sigh*.
My take is- We are all in this all together – every stage!
So, so, true, which is why it’s imperative that we learn early on the most important piece–we write because we can’t NOT write, because it fills us with passion and joy, because it helps free something inside ourselves. The rest of the reasons we write are so small in comparison.
“Be your unique, weird, crazy, creative, inspired, wonderful self. Don’t wish for something not meant for you, or try to be someone you aren’t.” Wow, that says it all. You’re so right. Thanks for this, it helps.
Thanks for stopping by today, Anita!
What a wonderful, inspiring and generous post, Heather! I probably need to read it once a week to remind myself about what really matters.
I’m with you, Pat. :) Thanks for your comment and write on!
I love the positive message of your post, Heather. There’s too much cynicism teeming out there in the literary blogosphere, with frustrated writers blaming their lack of silk sheets and mansions on greedy publishers, arrogant agents, traditionally published authors, self-published authors, the Eternal and Universal Brotherhood of Bona Fide Scribes, Worthy Chroniclers, and Real Honest-to-God Writers, or the decline of society in general.
Sometimes when I’m feeling blue that Parisian cafés are nowhere in the near future, I try to think of reasons other people would be jealous of me. I have a stable full-time job and live in a nice neighborhood. I’m young and healthy. I have the leisure time to write because I don’t have kids or ailing relatives. I’ve completed two novels, traveled to Europe and Japan, and settled down with a loving and supportive SO.
Only a tiny handful of writers have had success handed to them on a silver platter. I think we tend to look at the lucky few and think “everyone else” is better off than we are, but that’s not true. We see Veronica Roth and E. L. James on the red carpet; we don’t see the thousands of talented authors who don’t get Hollywood movie deals and probably never will.
It sounds like you have a pretty terrific life! Much to be thankful for, but as a fellow writer, I understand the burn beneath it all. It’s a yearning to say something meaningful, or beautiful. To touch lives. This is why we keep going. Keep putting in the time and you’ll get there.
Also, I’m glad you appreciate the positive spin. I, too, get really tired of all of the “sky is falling” and fear-mongering that’s floating around out there. If people spent half the time DOING SOMETHING as opposed to groaning, we’d live in a really different world. Thanks for your great comment.
YES. And when I see writers ranting angrily about how so-and-so is much more successful than they are and how that means readers and publishers are awful, it comes across as really unprofessional. It says “I demand success be handed to me right now because how dare everyone not recognize my genius?”
Great post, Heather. Thanks for the timely reminders. I know you and I remind ourselves of this almost every day (hello, GoogleTalk…) but somehow it’s really helpful to see it here, too.
We writer buddies need each other! :)
Heather, I’ve written about writing envy before, because, alas, I’ve had that sour taste swirl too many times in my brain, much as I’ve tried to spit it out. I like this quote of Carrie Fisher’s that fits: “Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.” Not the best use of your time.
As you have gracefully stated, we are all on our own writing paths, uniquely our own. Celebrate the successes, push past the pitfalls, and every time we write, write with fresh attention. Envy is a biting weasel, so I’ll wear higher boots. Thanks for the fine words.
“Write with fresh attention”. I like this, Tom. I may put it up over my desk. Thanks for your lovely comment.
I loved this post, Heather. This is something I struggle with quite a bit, no matter how often I remind myself to not compare my process to those of other writers. I guess I’m what you’d call a “slow writer”; no matter how focused I am, the words don’t come quickly. So when I see Tweets from other writers about typing 1000+ words an hour and the like, it can be discouraging – because my output isn’t nearly as quick.
But comparing ourselves only generates more negativity within ourselves… and like you said, positive energy creates more positive energy. The more we focus on the things we CAN control and the blessings we already have, the higher our spirits will be and the more positivity will flow in our direction. When I remember this, I become less frustrated as a writer – and we could all use more reminders of being our awesome writerly selves. :)
I think this is a big reason why I try to be a “cheerleader” for other writers, too. If a writing pal shares good news or joy about a milestone they’ve reached, I let them know how happy I am for them. If they Tweet about having a rough writing day, I try to encourage them, say that things will go more smoothly next time or that it’s only a temporary phase. Reminding other writers to be proud of their accomplishments and grateful for what they already have (just as you have with this post) can go a long way in buoying not only your friend’s confidence, but yours as well.
I agree 100%. Listen, I have a couple of friends who write exceedingly fast. They leave me in the dust and I get frustrated and jealous of their output. But the thing is, we can only go as fast as we can go. We need that processing time. Embrace the care that goes into moving slowly. It shows on the page.
Thanks, Heather, for your wonderful post! You’ve not only shed light on something many of us would like to deny, but you’ve given us ways to deal with it. I especially like your advice to “Be your weird, crazy creative, inspired, wonderful self.” Interestingly, doing this can also be a path to success — our own unique voice is exactly what agents, publishers, and readers want.
Yes! Our uniqueness is our voice. :) Thank you for your lovely comment.
Heather, what can I possibly add to this wise advice?
Maybe this, I suppose: The reason that envy is futile is that no two authors have the same audience, and cannot possibly have. In fact, no two books by a single author have the same audience, either! Royalty statements tell me so.
Your audience is your audience, it’s no use wishing for someone else’s audience. Why would you want that anyway?
This is a great point, Don. Come to think of it, I noticed it this very evening at an event where I spoke. One woman loooooved my first book and enjoyed the second. Another in the crowd was the complete opposite. Either way it made me happy!
The most valuable thing I’ve learned in my years as an author: we must write for ourselves, and take the time to make our manuscripts something of which we’re proud. You are your best audience.
Terrific post! Thank you. :)
Great post, Heather. You’re right, it doesn’t change with the next book deal or review. It just shifts. There are a few great things about this particular creative venture, though. No matter how envious or worried, I think writers are generous souls. Perhaps because we are such solitary creatures, we find community with each other, this blog being a key example. I’ve found more help and advice from other writers than I have anywhere else, as if, in our less envious moments we are all in this together. I think the thing we really need to remember is to pay good fortune forward and help others along the way.
I love this point, Bru. Writers ARE generous, incredibly so, and it makes me both happy and proud to belong to such a crowd. Thanks for your comment!
Thanks for reminding me I’m on the right path, Heather. After all. I’ve made choices all along the crazy, zany highways, byways and tributaries of my pathway to where I am right now.
It sounds like you’re right on track, Anne. :) Keep at it!
Great post, Heather! A must share! From a fellow author and fellow Army brat :)
Thanks, Eleanor. And cheers to you! :) Hard as it was as a brat, I wouldn’t change it for the world.
Great post and great comments! And a little extra from Dorothy Parker: “Four be the things I am wiser to know:
Idleness, sorrow, a friend, and a foe.
Four be the things I’d been better without:
Love, curiosity, freckles, and doubt.
Three be the things I shall never attain:
Envy, content, and sufficient champagne.
Three be the things I shall have till I die:
Laughter and hope and a sock in the eye.”
Given that I have achieved a certain measure of success as a writer,
I don’t feel envious of writers much more successful than me. If anything, I am motivated by highly successful authors to attain much greater heights.
Having said that, I know that there is a lot envy experienced by people who see others being much more successful than they are.
I have been told by certain individuals in my hometown that many people envy and criticize me because of my success, who say things like, “Ernie is just lucky. He just copied other people’s material. He doesn’t deserve to make over $100,000 a year by working two or three hours a day.”
This type of response is very common in Canada, much more so than in the US. The type of people I am talking about are the losers and haters mentioned in this CBC article:
“Sean Cooper pays off mortgage in 3 years and earns online hate”
https://www.cbc.ca/news/business/sean-cooper-mortgage-debt-1.3402026
Whenever I encounter envy, criticism, and hatred by others toward me, these words of wisdom always resonate with me:
“My courage always rises at every attempt to intimidate me.”
— Jane Austin
“When faced with senseless drama, spiteful criticisms, and misguided opinions, walking away is the best way to stand up for yourself. To respond with anger is an endorsement of their attitude.”
— Dodinsky
Fantastic post, Heather! This should be required reading for all authors.
This is a fabulous reminder of how unique we all are. We are all on our own journey, with some facing bigger obstacles than others. In today’s ridiculously competitive world it can be difficult to feel truly fulfilled. Thanks for the nudge!
I loved this post. It arrived in my inbox at just the right time. I was in the throes of envy! What great advice, eloquently put. It’s true that no matter what kind of success comes your way, someone will always seem to have more: a better agent, a two-book deal, more publicity, reviews, etc. etc. Walk your on own path.
Such wonderful advice. The part that took me the longest to learn is that everyone else is struggling too — even the people who seem like they have nothing but good news after good news to share. It just helps to remember that we’re only seeing their happy sides when we’re feeling low.
Refreshing to read not only the inspiring message but the numerous responses from oh so many forlorn writers. I appreciate that Heather summarizes the problems so succinctly and then also has some sensible answers to calm and soothe and resolve.
I agree with Mary, that this post should be part of “The Writing Life 101.” And as it was for Laura, it came at just the right time!