The Complete List of Creative Distractions and Defenses Against Them
By Dan Blank | June 26, 2015 |
Image by Marchnwe
So I thought that, in order to understand the problem, I would catalog every distraction known to writers. Then, in the post below, turn this into a guide. If you are a writer hoping to overcome distractions, all you need to do is simply memorize this list, and learn to avoid the key triggers that turn each of these items into distractions.
Okay, here goes. The Complete List of Creative Distractions and Defenses Against Them.
Distraction: Cat Videos
- Definition: Amazing, lovely, cute, wonderful cat videos. Is there anything more amaz…. No wait. They are evil, evil distractions. These perfect little cute… ACK! BAD! DISTRACTION!!!
- Defense: Become an evil soul with a heart of pure stone. That is the only way to avoid the majestic beauty of adorable, cute… ACK! STOP!!!!
Distraction: Real Cats and Dogs and other Pets
- Definition: In moments of weakness, we allow these wild creatures into our lives. One moment you are a writing machine, the next moment, you spend all of your time coddling this filthy, wild creature. “Oh, just a little more rubbing on the tummy… Oooooh yes, you are such a good puppy. Yes you are! Yes you are!” It’s sickening, really.
- Defense: Open the back door. When the animal leaves, close back door. Put in ear plugs and get back to writing.
Distraction: Education
- Definition: Remember when your parents trapped you into a concrete building for the first 18 years of your life? Then how you got back at them by wasting tens of thousands of dollars doing keg stands instead of going to class? Yes, that is the education I am talking about.
- Defense: Do I really care what year Isaac Newton invented gravity? Or how to properly subjugate an adjective in a paragraph? I mean, really? Education is a sham. A giant ruse developed by whichever political party you dislike the most. Education, in all its forms, should be avoided. Like the plaque.
Distraction: Cleaning
- Definition: Dust bunnies. You can hear them calling, can’t you? They say, “Dust us! Collect us and deliver us to the afterworld of the magic dust bin!”
- Defense: For centuries, mankind has lived in filth. Sewers running through the streets, people bathing only monthly. I mean, the vacuum cleaner wasn’t even invented until 1860, meaning that most of human history was spent without them. Some of the greatest written work of all time was written specifically in the absence of the unrivaled suction power of a Dyson. Let’s face it, if A + B = C, there is no argument. A world without vacuum cleaners is a world where great writing thrives.
Distraction: Celebrity Gossip
- Definition: I’m going to try really hard to not mention the K-word in this one. The fact that Kar… I mean Kaaar… Kaaaar-daashhhhh… I can’t do it. Kaaaaa-rrr-daaaashhh-eee… Useless. Useless to resist.
- Defense: Write this in large letters on the wall (yes, directly on the wall in a black Sharpie) above your writing desk: “If I care about celebrities, I am a horrible human being.”
Distraction: Television (most especially Netflix and their entire seasons of shows)
- Definition: We convince ourselves that watching TV and movies helps us study the craft of storytelling. I mean, AMC, Netflix, HBO: Who asked you to create these amazing original TV shows? We were fine with Season 10 of Beverly Hills 90210 which focused mostly on David. Really, we were. We still watched that crap.
- Defense: I’m working on a blog post that will spoil every TV show ever created. Once you read that, you will have no use for TV. Wonderful TV and all of its amazing storytelling that doesn’t revolve around David Silver. Spoiled!
Distraction: Internet (most especially social media)
- Definition: Isn’t it amazing how you can now stay in contact with your ex-boyfriend from 7th grade on Facebook? How you can learn every detail of how he redecorated his cube at his accounting firm? How he washed his 2007 Honda? I mean, the magic of the internet, right?
- Defense: Gee, it’s gonna be hard for me to make an argument around no longer caring about what your ex-boyfriend from 7th grade is doing right now. I mean, what if he has a feeling about the latest Mad Max movie? Would you really want to miss that?
Distraction: Family
- Definition: Connection to loved ones is one of the most primal human compulsions, after our inability to eat just one Dorito. We care for others even more than we care for ourselves, just like John McLane in Die Hard.
- Defense: See my thoughts on “pets” from above.
Distraction: Windows (and the reminder that there is a full and vibrant world out there)
- Definition: Windows. No, I’m NOT being petty here. Windows offer hope. Hope that you can gaze outside of them and dream of a life where you are not doomed to slave in front of a screen writing your next book.
- Defense: You wake up. A beam of sunlight crosses your bed. You hear birds chirping. A school bus drives by with the sound of laughing children. Let’s face it, you aren’t getting ANY writing done today. Simple solution: Move your bed to a the basement. Embrace the magical isolating properties of cinder blocks. If you want a distraction-free writing life, you’d better begin appreciating the dark, dank smell of the basement.
Distraction: Mirrors
- Definition: We all want to feel attractive, right? Or at least, presentable. Oh, wait… WRITERS. We are talking about WRITERS here. Let me rephrase that. We all want to ensure there isn’t food dribbling down the front of our shirts before we leave the house, right?
- Defense: Mirrors. Really? I mean, how selfish and self-centered are you? Did Han Solo ever look at a mirror to ensure he looked dashingly handsome? Did Yoda have a mirror on Dagobah? Did Darth Vader check the shine of his helmet? The answer for all three is a clear ‘maybe.’ But let’s face it, you don’t live in the Star Wars universe. Reality check, folks! Get rid of your mirror.
Distraction: Health
- Definition: All. This. Pressure. To FitBit my life. To eat right and exercise because it provides longer life, resistance to disease, more energy, and better rest.
- Defense: Let me ask you this: Does Hemingway care about his health? Answer: No. Why? Because he’s dead. Simple fact. If you want to be like Hemingway, face facts that the only thing that matters is how you are remembered. Working out, eating well, any meaningful exposure to fresh air or sunlight — these are all extravagances that only selfish writers seek out. The only thing that matters is if, in 80 years, people create little images with quotes from you on them that they can share on Facebook. That is all that matters.
Distraction: Caring
- Definition: That’s right, caring. Caring in any way about other human beings, any social causes, any environmental or political causes, or about anything in general.
- Defense: Some of the coolest characters ever created were uncaring. They were rebels without a cause. Cool hand Lukes. Thelmas and Louises. They didn’t care about your rules. Your “causes.” They did what looked cool. Isn’t that what you really want? To look cool?
Distraction: Blog Posts (about how to avoid distractions)
- Definition: Yes, we are getting meta here. Writer Unboxed, for instance, has many wonderful posts about how to identify and combat distractions. (Here, here, here, here, and here, just to name a few. Oh, and this one is amazing, but please don’t click that link. It is just a distraction, remember.)
- Defense: Close this browser window right now. GO — CLOSE IT!!! The only thing left in this blog post is the one most amazing tip I ever heard that will help you, the writer, avoid creative distractions. That’s it. Oh, is that interesting to you?
Done! See, now that you have eliminated all of these distractions, you are ready to live a full, flourishing life as a writer. A writer with no:
- Friends
- Family
- Pets
- Knowledge
- Relationships
- Heart
You are the perfect writing machine!!!!!
This concludes The Complete List of Creative Distractions and Defenses Against Them, Volume 1. In Volume 2, we will delve into the many different TYPES of cat videos, and the distinct challenges of learning to not be distracted by each. For instance, there are the cat videos where they are purring adorably, and then the cat videos where they are trying to jump onto something, but missing. It’s a burgeoning field of study.
Please let me know: What distractions take you away from your creative work each day?
Thanks.
-Dan
[coffee]
Dan Blank is the founder of WeGrowMedia, where he helps writers share their stories and connect with readers. He has helped hundreds of authors via online courses, events, consulting, and workshops, and worked with amazing publishing houses and organizations who support writers such as Random House, Workman Publishing, Abrams Books, Writers House, The Kenyon Review, Writer’s Digest, Library Journal, and many others.
Posted in REAL WORLD, Writing life
What’s distracting me now? Easy. Summer! Yeah, each year it’s the same. After being in blissful solitude through the off-season, our sleepy little beach community is suddenly filled with vibrant, joyful souls seeking respite from their urban imprisonment. Kids shouting, voices full of cheer, bikes zipping by, folks strolling about at dusk, visiting and laughing together, wine-glass in hand… The whole thing’s enough to make a writer sick (with envy).
Since this was once our getaway home, but now we have nowhere to getaway to, I’m honestly thinking we need a place even further north. Like way up there, where it stays cold all summer. Or maybe when they come north, we could go south… Like way down in the sweltering depths, where we’d have to live with all the windows closed. We’d be fresh air and sunshine free, all. Year. Long. Yeah, that’s the ticket to writerly success!
Fun post today, Dan. And great point well-taken. Thanks.
Ha! Sounds like you are in a real predicament there. Thanks so much Vaughn!
-Dan
I can so relate! I live ten minutes from you here in sawyer summer paradise! Although…the weather has been horrible so there goes that excuse. You are right about the getaway though. Our chicago neighbors cant figure out why we go up north….
Howdy Neighbor! Ah well. We always say, can’t live with ’em, couldn’t live here without ’em. ;-) I’d say there’s always Greenbush, but you can’t even get in there edgewise this time of year. Cheers, Ellen! I’d say “be running into you at SGC,” but we wouldn’t even know it.
Great post! My biggest distractions from writing are life stresses, the usual: money, worries about family members, how to get everything done. Paradoxically the business of writing (specifically getting published) is a huge distraction to my writing at times, either the act of querying or the act of worry. BTW, I have to say that as for cleaning, I could never ever ever be distracted by that… if anything I use writing projects as a distraction from cleaning!
Thanks so much Julia!
Dan,
Call me heartless, but I never got into cat videos. Now I see I may have dodged a bullet. My biggest distractions tend to be unresolved ‘life’ issues that sit on my shoulder and whisper incessantly in my ear. I’ve had to learn to give myself permission not to think about them during certain hours of the day. It’s taken me years to learn this skill (still not perfected). The other thing is cleaning. When I get the urge to vacuum while working on a scene, I know I’ve run up against the resistance and should not leave the chair. My success rate is imperfect here, too, but improving. Funny thing, though, once you commit to doing anything big or difficult, distractions seem to quadruple and crawl out of the woodwork.
So true – thank you Susan!
-Dan
And you write this post in the height of summer! I should throw out the pets and the kids :) Actually, very old cat is looking dolefully at me because nobody is feeding her … gotta feed her, then walk the dog :)
Ha! Good luck!
-Dan
I relate to almost every one of the above! And indeed life seems to be a steady stream of such distractions… procrastination comes too easily for me, especially in summer.
But my NUMBER ONE distraction is an annoyance that is NOT something I choose to spend time on. It just butts into my day’s activities: That is TELEPHONE CALLS__ mainly those asking for political donations or bogus telemarketing offers. Yes, I ignore them and don’t answer, but still they pull me away from my writing.
Enjoyed this article. Thanks!
Unplug the phone! Get a cheap cellphone with a brand new number for emergency needs.
-Dan
My biggest writing distraction: work. As in, the thing some people pay me to do from 8 to 5, and often until later.
I know it’s stupid of me to get sucked in to the whole “making a living” thing. I have a very strong union. My employers couldn’t fire me even if I spent half my time playing Spider Solitaire and the other half taking “breaks” at Starbucks. And even if they did, so what? That’s why we keep those bothersome family members around, even though they suck time away from writing–because we can beg them to feed us and pay the mortgage for us when it’s too inconvenient to do it ourselves.
So I really have no excuse not to spend that precious 40 hours a week writing instead. None. I really should get my act together.
Ha! So true!
:)
-Dan
But Dan, subjugating adjectives—the sniveling curs—makes me feel powerful!
Ogre!
:)
-Dan
Dan, I can’t believe you forgot FOOD. Ranging from making food so your family to eat, to evening out the line of brownies because it isn’t totally straight, to heating up your hot beverage of choice because it sat there too long while you were staring into space trying to think of an alternative to whatever boring way you’ve put something on the page, to deciding that now is the time to learn how to make souffles so everybody needs to stay still and watch it puff up in the oven, to that one more gin and tonic (or Campari, how will I ever forget about Campari with Porter around) to fuel your brilliance / give yourself as a pre-reward for working on your novel.
I have yet to discover the defense, both because I need food to live, I am the main cook/baker in my family, and because food and drink are just so delicious.
Natalie – YES! Food is a big one. Thanks!
-Dan
Dan,
This is a great post and I found myself relating to many of your points, especially the real life pets. My cat is my supervisor, but often that means jumping up on my lap when my laptop is on it. A competition ensues for who gets control of the keyboard, and often I lose, especially when the purring begins.
Probably my greatest distraction is my cell phone. I find I’m most productive when I put it on do not disturb. But that’s not always as easy to do. Some days I have a lot on my mind, or I’m distracted and will pop on my phone to check messages or emails. That might lead to checking my chess app and thinking of my next move. In the back of my mind is the justification that it’s good to take mental breaks from mental work. But I know that’s a load of crap.
All that said, though, I think this is a reminder that yes we need to come up with strategies to get the work done, but that nonetheless we all struggle with being distracted, and the process of overcoming this is a work in progress. Last weekend I wrote 6,000 words of my novel, and they were excellent (I’ve even got an email from Jennie Nash saying I’d impressed the editors at Author Accelerator!). I had a very distracted weekend, though. I ended up having to haul my butt to Tim Hortons in the rain on Sunday night and sit there with my computer until 11pm to make up for that. But, all that said, the willingness is there, and the work gets done and, distractions or not, I enjoyed my weekend. Could I be more productive? Of course! But meanwhile, I did well, and I’m always learning more.
Now, back to my work on your Get Read course, which I’m just loving so far! :)
John,
Thanks for sharing this, it underscores the complexity of ‘what we know to do,’ and the reality of making it happen.
I appreciate the kind words!
-Dan
Ah, yes. Here in Hawaii, it’s summer all year long, forcing one to take boogie board to the ocean and lay back onto gentle waves as you stare up at the blue sky. Do I feel guilty that I’m not writing? Yes, but then I remind myself, “It’s a rough fucking life. Someone has to do this.”
Ray — enjoy!
Dan, what a great post! I chuckled all the way through it. I can relate on so many of these distractions. I am easily distracted, most by social media. Even though I have scaled back a lot, I am still a Facebook junkie. Is there a 12 step program for that? Oops, groups–another distraction! My biggest is my indecision on the beginning on my WIP. I am not sure how to begin and keep changing my mind. I am having many plotting issues. That I can hopefully work through. We have some excessive heat going on here right now. We have a weather advisory for this weekend, it is expected to be between 110-115 F. I am staying indoors, under the A/C, yet I am still distracted by the heat. I want to go to the mountains. :)
Rebecca,
Thanks for sharing this, and GOOD LUCK this weekend!
-Dan
Loved this! Thank you for the laugh. However, I am a little ticked off–I have to come up with new excuses now.
Awesome post, Dan. Especially the cleaning stuff and this: “If I care about celebrities, I am a horrible human being.” Yes.
Cleaning used to be my number one distraction… which is why I hired a cleaning lady to come every other week! It’s about $100 a pop, but I get so, so SO much done. Plus, it makes me feel fancy for just a second.
Definitely the dogs! Two heads on your lap make it difficult to wring your hands in your lap when a scene just isn’t working!
Love the post! Time to let the dogs out!