So Long, Farewell…Good-bye
By Julia Munroe Martin | April 11, 2015 |
By Flickr’s Min Lee
You type “The End.” Then what? If you’re like me, first you cry. (I always do.) One part of you is happy. I mean you’ve worked a long time on the manuscript. Maybe you’re on deadline. Maybe you have a publisher or agent waiting. Maybe it’s the first novel you’ve written, and it feels really good—really really satisfying to be done.
But maybe, you’re like me. The deadline is of your own devise. Maybe it’s not your first rodeo (as one of the characters in my just-finished-manuscript would say). Maybe you’ve been through this a few times, maybe even with this particular manuscript. Maybe it was a major revision. Then maybe (if you’re like me) you have mixed feelings.
On the one hand, I’m happy. I’d been working on this book for a long time, a really long time. I wrote it once for NaNoWriMo a couple of years ago. Rewrote it after that because it was a disaster. Rewrote it a third time with this major revision.
On the other hand, I’m ready to move on to something new. New characters, new storylines.
On the other hand (can there be three hands? I say yes: it’s fiction after all.), I can’t stop thinking about what the other people are doing—you know, those characters—the ones who’ve been keeping me up at night. For the last month or so (who’m I kidding, it’s for the duration) of writing a manuscript, I don’t sleep well. I wake up early and they (those people, those characters) are the first thing on my mind.
In the past few days (since I finished said manuscript), in no particular order, I’ve run the gamut of these emotions about the characters I just bid adieu to.
These characters are like friends. Except they aren’t. Some of them I really don’t like very much. But I dreamed about them. They live and breathe within me.
They are a part of me. I feel their feelings. Who am I kidding? They feel my feelings.
They are my babies. In one sense of the word (that they came from within me) they really are. But if they’re my babies, they are immaculately conceived because only I was involved in their creation—unless you count my writer friends (who I discussed them with), but that’s just weird.
I’d defend their actions, even they’re existence. I had to cut two main characters in my latest revision—one of them was my favorite character in the book—and it took me a while to convince myself those two should no longer exist. (I take solace in the fact they do exist in the previous manuscript and will someday exist again—in some way, in some part of a new story.)
When I start a new story I feel like I’m cheating (for a while). Or pretending. I don’t think I’ll ever feel again like I feel for these characters. Then I remember. It’s not my first rodeo. My other characters are only a drawer (or shelf) away.
I’ll never “see them” in real life. All my characters have hazy faces. I can’t see them clearly, but they became like living breathing people to me. In the interest of full disclosure, I’ll be honest and admit that one or two of my characters do have faces. I “found” one of them on Instagram. That is, I saw a face and realized it was my character. (True story.) That was weird.[pullquote]In the interest of full disclosure, I’ll be honest and admit that one or two of my characters do have faces. I “found” one of them on Instagram. That is, I saw a face and realized it was my character. (True story.) That was weird.[/pullquote]
It’s not only about the people. It’s the places, too. In my mind’s eye I see every place, every scene distinctly and I can “walk through” every location. For instance, in the novel I just finished, a lot of the scenes take place in a horse barn located at the end of a long driveway. I am sad that I never get to write about that long dusty driveway again. The orange groves in a full moon. That beach in Hawaii. The pomegranate bushes in the backyard.
Everything is suspended in time. The people along with the places and action. One of my main characters dies in a war. Everyone else in the book is forever changed by his death and are left figuring out what to do with their lives. Things aren’t completely resolved, and I don’t know what will happen to these people.
See? Somewhere in the recesses of my mind they are real people.
One of my beta readers asked me what will become of the main character? When I told her I didn’t know, she said, “I think she’ll go to vet school.” That could happen, I agreed. I thought of my main character where I saw her last. Sitting in her car. Figuring things out.
Kind of where I am right now. Figuring things out.
Saying good-bye forever is hard.
What about you? How do you say good-bye to your characters? How do they stay with you?
Julia Munroe Martin (@jmunroemartin) is a writer and blogger who lives in an old house in southern coastal Maine. Julia’s other passion is photography, and if she’s not writing at the dining room table or a local coffeeshop, you’ll likely find her on the beach or dock taking photos. Julia writes The Empty Nest Can Be Murder mystery series as J. M. Maison.
Julia, you’ve expressed some of my own feelings exactly. I’m finishing my third novel now. You struck me with the “hazy faces.” I often cut out images of people in magazines that look like my characters in my stories. I normally keep them in their folders with their histories but toward the end of the revisions, I pin them up by my desk so I can really see them every day. It’s a silly thing but adds to my time with them in a more physical sense. Once the novel is totally finished, I take down the pictures. I usually have another story sketched out or half written story waiting for me so I’m ready to open another door. Creative writing! We’re all just a little bit crazy, I think.
You know, Paula, I could’ve written your comment because I do exactly the same thing with photos from magazines (and photos I take of people at the grocery store, etc., ssshhhh!) and in just the way you do at the same time in a project!! It sounds like we have similar ways of doing things because I too have another idea, another door ready to open. So glad you commented — nice to meet a sympatico writer!
I love this post Julia! It is wonderful to feel validated regarding the writing process and characters.
Thank you, Amy! So glad you enjoyed it and can relate!
Julia–
I think you’ve done a really good job of capturing the aftermath (or afterglow, depending on your state of mind) that comes with the completion of a novel. I especially connect with your idea of fictional characters resulting from “immaculate conception,” and I’m not even a true believer.
“These characters are like friends.” So true, and it can cause problems. In my new novel, I developed a very nasty character, but as happens with others in real life, the more time I spent with him, the more “human” he became. I got so close to him that I gave him too much of the story. To preserve the central focus on my protagonist, I had to take away some of my bad man’s humanity.
“Everything is suspended in time.” That’s one of the pleasures that goes with writing a series instead of stand-alone novels. The story is complete, but questions linger, waiting to be answered in the next book. My new novel Deep North ends emphatically enough, but there’s no question that her actions mean big problems are waiting for Brenda Contay.
Thanks, Julia.
So glad you enjoyed it, Barry, and that you could relate. I love your point about a series — so true — and I can really understand your feelings about the antagonist. It must mean you’ve created a realistic, multidimensional character because few of us are all good or all evil, and you got to the core of his humanity. Thank you for your kind words.
I loved this post, Julia – thank you for sharing your process and thoughts, especially when it comes to the writers’ connection to their characters.
You’ve made me feel validated, rather than just silly, about how real and close that connection is.
I was interested to read that for you, faces are “hazy”. It’s that way for me. I’ve occasionally seen an image that comes close, but I never have a fully-realised image in my own mind. Some aspects or details, yes – but for me, it feels more as if I’m looking out through the character’s eyes even when I’m writing them from someone else’s point of view.
So, much like I can’t be certain how I look to someone else, it’s works the same for my characters.
I have yet to type “The End”, to say goodbye to this set of people, so it is my first rodeo :) Even so, there is still a feeling of both suspended animation and possibility around them – almost as if they are both waiting for me to reach The End, but going about their business while they wait.
I’m so glad you liked it, Piper! Thank you. This fascinated me: “So, much like I can’t be certain how I look to someone else, it’s works the same for my characters.” I never thought of it that way, but it’s so true. Even when we catch a rare glimpse of ourselves, true selves, on camera or in a mirrored reflection, we don’t know if it’s how we’re truly seen through another’s perception. Great insight.
Please do let me know (once you type the end) what kind of reaction you have — I’ll be curious to hear. “Going about their business” while they wait. Very cool way to see your characters!
Thanks Julia – I’ll be sure to report back when I do get to type ‘the end”! Perhaps after I’ve recovered from the celebrations, though. :)
Julia-
It isn’t weird to see the faces of your characters in real people, any more than it is to base those characters on people you’ve really known.
I wish I could sit down with characters and talk with them, be surprised by what they say. That happens sometimes. Not enough. I know when I’m writing about them, not *as* them, and that’s not the best way to bring them alive.
When I part from real life friends, I know I’ll see them again. It should be even easier with fictional people, they don’t even have to drive over for a visit, but it’s not. Strange.
What’s interesting is that even when I base a character somewhat on someone I know, that character still doesn’t look like the person I know. Only once — when I wrote about an historical figure — did I see a character clearly.
As you say, it really should be easier with our fictional friends to feel like we’ll see them again, yet somehow for me they’re frozen into that special time and world that I can’t access any more. Yes, very strange.
Great post. Don’t you think your sensitivity to the work you have done in creating these people is the reason you think about them and miss them? It’s part of being a writer, of these characters living with you for long periods of time. The other day I heard a phrase and it caught me up, made me wonder about it, until I realized it’s something my MC says in the novel I’ve been working on for a long time. Maybe at some level
they talk to me in my dreams.
Thank you, and that’s such a good point, Beth — we live with these people and their story for so long — that the creation becomes a part of our subconsciousness, a part of our own story. “Maybe at some level they talk to me in my dreams.” << I wonder that as well.
I mill them when they’re gone.
Exactly! Me too.
Yes, saying goodbye can be as difficult in a fictional world as it is in the real world. As writers, we normally don’t give cerebral birth to our characters; we come to know them as individuals with a life history that we must uncover. I kept rewriting my first fully-completed novel because I felt safe and comfortable in the universe they inhabit. It really was tough to let them go and turn to other stories I had in mind. But I had to do it. Besides, I can always go back and visit those other folks!
That’s such a good point — it really is a gradual process of creation and re-creation and revision — I’d never really thought of it that way. Maybe the problem I have, then, is that although I can go back and visit, I know I’ll never create more story about those people… and that’s the part that’s letting go and moving on to new creations. It’s truly bittersweet.
I think you summed it all up for a lot of writers. Our characters are real. If we’re lucky, they’ll become real to a lot of readers as well. But no reader will ever know the true intricacies of our characters. My characters are very clear in my mind, except for my main character. I often look for people of similar age and wonder, is that what she would look like? Every now and then I catch a glimpse, then she’s gone again. That’s okay. If she’s still a mystery she still has secrets to reveal. She’ll travel through five books, three done, two still to be written. I can’t wait to see where she ends up.
“I can’t wait to see where she ends up.” << Cool! I love the way you think about your MC, Pauline -- with her secrets to reveal. It will be so interesting to know if at the end of book five, she will be more clear in your mind. Fascinating! (And here's hoping that these particular characters in my book come to life for others!)
Thank you, Julia. I didn’t get a chance to read this until just now, but I loved every word of your post and the many wonderful comments afterward. I was explaining to a friend just the other day that I still tear up when I think of certain scenes of my first book, and that I can still fall asleep to crisp images and sensations from that world.
I knew I was on the right track (finally) on my current manuscript when I began to feel that strongly for the new characters … after forgiving myself for the cheating, another sentiment you captured so well.
Thank you for your very kind comments, John — and I’m so glad to know someone understands. >> I was explaining to a friend just the other day that I still tear up when I think of certain scenes of my first book, and that I can still fall asleep to crisp images and sensations from that world. << I could have written those words. I'm so glad to hear you're on the right track now for your current ms. I am working through those cheating feelings as I try to fall in love again. (btw, I looked at your novel and it sounds amazing -- just ordered and can't wait to read!)
I’m so flattered. I checked out Desired to Death as well, and downloaded a copy before bed last evening. I’ve been using travel time for reading these days, and have quite a bit coming up. Look forward to diving into the story soon.
Also, wanted you to know I checked out your blog, which is fantastic — you’re talent for photography definitely complements your writings. I sent a link to your recent “Love Notes” post to a dear friend. I think she’ll enjoy your musings. Plus she’s always on the look out for hearts found in nature, so the pic will definitely catch her eye.
Be well, Julia, and have a wonderful week.
I can see how writers have developed a reputation for being… shall we say… eccentric? I was nodding along the whole time I read this, thinking, “Well, yeah. Totally. Of course!” And then I realized that none of this is obvious or even clear to non-writers, and that maybe we’re all really stinkin’ weird. :) (I wouldn’t have it any other way.) Great post, Julia!
Yes, there is that… :) I wouldn’t have it any other way either, Annie, but until you mentioned it I never thought to include the fact that I’m sure my friends (who aren’t writers) do think I’m a bit eccentric in that way. I’m lucky I have a husband who understands! Glad to hear I’m not alone in my (ahem) eccentricities.