The 10 Most Generic Tweets of All Time
By Annie Neugebauer | January 10, 2015 |
photo by mendhak
Twitter is chock full of vague, generic, redundant tweets. Usually my eyes skim over them like the filler they are, but every once in a while I’ll sink into one and roll around in the absurdity of it. I have no excuse other than sheer glee at such nonsense. (Yes, my humor is a little twisted.) [pullquote]I have an announcement! I’ll be looking for your questions about the strange and magical ways of Twitter – everything from function to etiquette to theory – and answering a few of them right here on Writer Unboxed. Details are at the bottom of this post.[/pullquote]So today I thought I’d share the joy by posting the 10 most generic tweets of all time – snark included free of charge.
(But seriously, I’ve posted a few of these too. Don’t sweat it, guys. This is all in good fun.)
1. I’m drinking coffee. I like it!
Yes, we know. Everyone likes coffee. You’re probably not even a “real writer” if you don’t have coffee siphoned down your throat as a form of alarm clock. (We won’t speak of The Tea People.)
2. I want some chocolate.
And?
3. I love bacon.
I’m seeing a trend here…
4. Nutella, amirite?
I don’t know how to break this to you guys, but Nutella really isn’t that great. I mean, it’s fine, but it’s no coffee. Let’s just not pretend it is, okay?
5. I’m upset. =(
I’m sorry, but that is so vague I have no possible answer but… “I’m sorry.” And if we ask, “What’s wrong?” and you can’t even tell us, a particularly unfriendly lobster will come pinch your toes tonight while you sleep. Not even kidding.
6. I have good news that I can’t share! =D
Tease. Braggart and tease!
7. Buy my books! Links, links, more links. #Free #ebook #romance #fantasy #mystery #thriller #contemporary #Kindle #LetsHaveAHashtagParty #OhDidIMentionMyBookIsOnSale
*sigh*
8. Retweet if you love rainbows!
I… what?
9. “Inspirational quotes tell you not to give up.” –Anon <3
It’s my personal belief that no one in the past 100 years has bothered to look for any quotations that haven’t already been quoted at least 10,000 times before. <3
10. It’s so cold in here!
Gee, maybe you should put some socks on.
~*~
Okay, I’ve had my rant. It’s your turn! What generic tweet drives you crazy?
NOTE: I have an announcement! Starting with my next post, which will be March 14th, we’ll be trying out a new feature we’re calling Ask Annie! I’ll be looking for your questions about the strange and magical ways of Twitter – everything from function to etiquette to theory – and answering a few of them right here on Writer Unboxed. Your question can be anonymous! Questions can come to me through the comments here, directly to my email at annie_07@alumni.utexas.net, or on Twitter itself; tweet me @AnnieNeugebauer. In case I want to choose yours, please specify if you’d like your question to remain anonymous or be attributed to you, and if you do want it attributed to you, please include your name, Twitter handle (optional), and website (optional). And don’t worry; if I don’t get to your question this time around, there’s always next time.
There you have it. Generic tweet snark and Ask Annie questions are all welcome in the comments below!
Annie Neugebauer is a two-time Bram Stoker Award-nominated author with work appearing and forthcoming in more than a hundred publications, including magazines such as Cemetery Dance, Apex, and Black Static, as well as anthologies such as Year’s Best Hardcore Horror Volumes 3 & 4 and #1 Amazon bestsellers Killing It Softly & Fire. She’s a member of the Horror Writers Association and a columnist for Writer Unboxed and LitReactor. She’s represented by Alec Shane of Writers House. She lives in Texas with two crazy cute cats and a husband who’s exceptionally well-prepared for the zombie apocalypse. You can visit her at www.AnnieNeugebauer.com for news, poems, organizational tools for writers, and more.
This is great, Annie. #5 and #6 drive me absolutely crazy. I love your response to #5 (if…”you can’t even tell us, a particularly unfriendly lobster will come pinch your toes tonight while you sleep.”) and I think it’s appropriate for #6 too.
As for “Ask Annie,” I love it. I can’t ask here, but I’ll contact you anonymously because my question is — you know — a secret ;)
Agreed; #6 deserves the unfriendly lobster as well. ;) I’m looking forward to your question, Julia!
Hey Annie,
Funny stuff here. I’ll have to admit, I’m not the Twitter aficionado I should be, although I’m branching out and chirping more often. I’ll be sending you PUH-lenty of questions.
On a side note: I understand that Pat Sajak has some really odd tweets. I think they’re attempts at humor. They fly about as well as his jokes on Wheel of Fortune.
Thank you! The more the merrier. :) (You can send them all in one email, btw.) I can’t say I’ve ever looked at Pat Sajak’s Twitter account; sound like maybe I should though, haha.
Misty, vague emotional or motivational tweets drive me crazy. “Love is the greatest motivator of all” “Sprinkle a little gratitude around every day” “Be at peace with all the world” kind of thing. I see a couple of those on your timeline, I don’t follow back.
Lol, those are some doozies. They irk me too!! Sad thing is, even though you were making up over-the-top generics, I’m pretty sure I’ve seen all 3 of those at one point or another. =/
I also dislike shoutouts; #ff is so 2010; and the worst offense of all….
Tweeting lines from your books.
They’re not nearly as good as you think.
I couldn’t agree more about the lines from books. They *never* sound as good out of context as people think they do. Maybe in the book they’re genuinely great lines, but out of context on Twitter they often sound silly and contrived. Honestly, as sad as it sounds, a “quote from my WIP” tweet is more likely to make me cross a potential read off my list than to add it on.
Hands down #7, especially when they pile on the hashtags. It just screams, “My book’s not selling! I’m desperate.”
It really does. I doubt they realize that, though. They’re probably just trying to “widen their audience.”
Tip for any hashtag abusers reading: no more than 3 per tweet — I stick to 1 or 2.
Thank you for the laughs. I don’t spend that much time on Twitter but those were great and the comments were even better!
My pleasure! I’m glad you liked it. And I agree; some of these comments are hilarious. :)
“My questions for you, Annie, are these,” said the woman with < 1,000 followers. "Do people with 50K and more followers work the Twitter lines all day long? And what do 50K followers mean, I mean, in the real world? Also, what happens to your followers when you die? Can you will them to someone?"
Enjoyed your post.
Those are great questions, Barbara. Thanks for sending them! I’m adding them to my list right now. :)
Fun post, Annie. You’re right, inspirational quotes are beaten to death these days and not only on Twitter. Inspirational posts in general are overdone. I confess I’m no longer a big fan of Twitter. If anyone tweets me about their breakfast cereal, dog or cat, sunsets, then I unfollow. The value of Twitter for me is to drive people to my weekly blog posts. This week I posted a horror story written by Sir Winston Churchill and tweeted it. Few people knew Churchill even wrote fiction. It got some decent retweets. I look for the same type of substance in the tweets I follow: tweet me something I don’t know or haven’t experienced. Your #8 is hilarious! I think I’ve seen that one.
Here’s my question: how long does a tweet live before it gets buried in the scroll line? Someone told me less than 60 seconds. Is that accurate?
Great question, Paula! I’ve added that to my list as well.
As a horror writer and reader, I love the sound of the Churchill story. I had no idea either! So I agree that that’s a great thing to share. I think many of the people who tweet mundanities are doing it because they run out of things to say but feel pressure to say *something.* You have the right idea: slow down, tweet good stuff, and people will find you. Thanks so much for your comment and question!
Thank you for the morning smile. Love this.
Regarding your question, the first that comes to mind is travel tweets, particularly generic, expected reports.
“Line for security is sooooo long! #WishIHadMyStarbucks”
“I HATE Traffic!”
Which are usually followed by something snarky a few hours later …
“Finally at Hotel. Can you say upgrade!”
“My view of the Ocean #AtPeacewithUniverse”
(either / both accompanied by generic beach / mountain / cityscape photo #24)
Culminating later in the evening with the big reveal …
“The crowd for tonight’s Booksigning! #StandingRoomOnly” (accompanied with bizarrely angled shot showing a mass of legs, midsections and two smiling faces in the upper corner. Artsy or just suspiciously vague?)
“She said YES!”
(photo of diamond the size of Texas thrust into camera lens)
________
As for my own guilty admission, I must confess a reliance on the posting of random photos – building facades, flowers, cracks in sidewalks, just to prove I’m alive and to assuage my guilt for never quite getting the hang of twitter, nor its appeal.
Have a wonderful weekend, everyone!
Haha! This is great. I love that you connected all of your vague tweets into one long scenario. And yeah — spot on. I’ve seen this whole thing before. Too funny, John.
And to be fair, I love photography on Twitter. I like a little description with mine so I know what I’m looking at, but I don’t see any problem with tweeting some pretty pictures — especially if you’re still tweeting other content too! Thanks so much for your comment; I got a good giggle out of this one. :)
John, when you read, “She said, ‘YES!'” did you tweet back, “He got it at Jared’s?” ;)
The one that bugs me is, “Please pray for us!!” Without any indication of what might be wrong. Yeah, I’m not praying for someone if their issue is that they ran out of clean underwear. I need more to go on than that.
Linda, you just made me snort-laugh. The underwear caught me totally off guard, haha. Yes, that one’s much like #5. It’s fine to be upset or need support, but the vagaries are pretty frustrating. Thanks for your comment!
I really dislike those pray for me posts on Twitter, as well as those on Facebook, vague or otherwise. I wouldn’t walk into a big party and announce that my mother is dying and I need prayers. Or my dog is dying and I need prayers. I might call a few really close friends and ask for their support, but to me online social media sites are not places to throw stuff like that out. But then I’m from a different generation that kept things more private.
I tend to agree, Maryann, but I’m a relatively private person. I also don’t often feel compelled to share my politics, personal relationships, etc. with the general public either. But I suppose everyone has to find their own line.
Annie, the problem with folks finding their own line is sometimes sharing what other folks don’t want shared. When my husband died a well-meaning friend posted on FB asking for prayer for me and announcing his death before I had even had time to notify extended family.
It is so quick and easy to post something on social media that some people don’t stop a moment and wonder if they should or not. Maybe that’s something you could address in you upcoming posts about social media etiquette. What shouldn’t be shared on social media?
Well, that is way beyond the line. There is a *huge* difference between asking for prayers for yourself if you’re struggling (your prerogative) and sharing someone else’s personal struggles without asking them first. I’m so sorry that happened to you, Maryann. In that case, I would reach out privately to that person and ask them to remove their post, explaining the situation to them as kindly as possible (because they probably had good intentions) and requesting that they check with you before doing that sort of thing in the future.
I firmly believe that we all have control over our own social media accounts; we can share what we want how we want. But we also still need to be respectful of others, if for no other reason than that we’re all human beings behind these accounts, and humans deserve to be treated kindly.
That’s a great question that I’ll add to my list: how much is too much when it comes to sharing? Thanks for the suggestion!
Annie, that happened a year ago, and I did ask that person to take the post down and gently reminded her that putting a request out there for someone else is not the thing to do without contacting that person first. I have seen a few other folks do a similar thing and always feel bad for the person whose personal issue was outed like that.
This is hilarious, Annie! I #despise when #people put 5 #million #hashtags within their #sentences to #tweet something also. Drives me nuts.
Thanks, Heather! Man, even looking at your example makes me cringe. I *really* hate cluttered hashtags!
Twitter is for “watching” tennis matches when you can’t get to a TV set. And yelling en masse about election results. For selling books? Nah.
(Thanks for the fun post–and I loved John J Kelley’s comment too!)
Lol to tennis matches. I think you’re teasing, but Twitter *is* great for getting real time feedback on something you can’t watch. On the silly side, people live-tweet TV shows. On the serious side, people also live-tweet world events that the news channels aren’t bothering to cover. And as for selling books, well, it only works for those who strike the right balance — and it’s a hard balance to strike. Thanks, Michael! Glad you enjoyed the post. :)
Correct. Here is my tweet from 3:02 a.m. Eastern time this morning, for your edification and to prove you so right, Michael:
Psyched for @milosraonic vs. @rogerfederer (just won his 999th time) at @BrisbaneTennis. @ATPWorldTour
https://twitter.com/Porter_Anderson/status/553824207449366528
Thank you for the post, Annie. I’ll add two of the most endlessly used phrases on Twitter that I’d call Top Coy Generics — they have a purpose, in that both are brag-tweets described as something else.
(1)
In case you missed it:
OR, the even more coy abbreviated version:
ICYMI:
This means in a tweet that what follows is something you’ve already tweeted into the ground but are determined to tweet yet again. Usually something you wrote yourself. In short, this is a brag tweet disguised as helpfulness. “Just showing you something you might not have seen…” As if we don’t know what you’re doing.
Remedy: Just tweet the thing again if you want to tweet the thing again. Don’t try to tell us you’re helping us. You’re brag-tweeting.
(2)
“I have to get back to my writing now”
OR
“Sorry, my new chapter is calling me away again”
OR
“Would love to be in your chat but my book won’t let me, #IAmWriting”
Oh, please. This, too, is brag-tweeting.
Remedy: Just go write, if that’s really why you’re decamping the tweeterie. In fact, just go do anything. We actually do not care. Sorry to shock anybody. Your mother may care. We are not your mother.
Yours in all provocation,
-p.
On Twitter: @Porter_Anderson
Haha, I have to agree with you, especially on the “Oh gosh, sorry but I need to leave” bit. Twitter is inherently come-and-go-as-you-please. I never understood why people feel the need to announce when they’ve “arrived” and “are leaving.” Like, if you’re tweeting, we know you’re probably around, right? And even if you aren’t, you’ll still see whatever people say to you the next time you hop on. It’s such a strange little quirk. (Then add on top of that the humble-brag that the reason you’re leaving is to write, and yes, I can see that being doubly irksome.) I’ve never thought of ICYMI that way, but I can see your point. It is sort of obvious; that’s the only reason anyone tweets things more than once — in case we missed it. Yep, I’m convinced. Save the space and add something valuable! Thanks for you comment, Porter. Entertaining as always. :)
@AnnieNeugebauer, a generic tweet that I don’t like to see is: #Ifollowback. I don’t #follow those tweets.
Here’s my question:
What is a good way to get discovered on Twitter?
You may use my name: Barbara McDowell Whitt
my handle: @BarbaraMcDWhitt
my website: https://parkcollege1961-1965.blogspot.com
Ugh, yes! The “follow back or not” tweets drive me nuts too. And that’s another great question; it’s on my list now. Thanks so much!
Annie,
Thank you. What you and others have shared—especially Porter—brings relief to my periodic fear of being behind the curve in understanding Twitter.
The “Ask Annie” sessions sound wonderful. You are a breath of wisdom.
You’re so kind! Thank you, Jocosa!
#7 and #9. GAH. Instant unfollow.
Gah, indeed! I don’t often “insta-unfollow,” but #7 will do it for me every time. I just don’t have the patience to be mindlessly (ceaselessly) advertised to.
Annie,
The buy my book one annoys me the most. I think it should be mandatory that all authors who insist on perpetuating such tweets use the #SPAM hashtag.
I am all for this! Who do I have to bribe to make this happen?
A hacker? Meanwhile, there’s the unfollow button.
These really made my day- loved it!
Thank you! I’m happy to hear that. :)
#7 is the worst. So irritating.
People actually tweet #8? I haven’t seen that one.
Yes, I’ve actually seen it. The idea, I think, is to choose the most universally loved items in hopes of getting lots of retweets. Now, what 2,000 retweets about loving cupcakes accomplishes… that I don’t know.
Inspired now to tweet ‘Well, THAT just happened.’
But mostly because I really really like lobster. *sets trap
Now there’s a plan. If it works, you could be eating like royalty every day! (If so, I will need to be collecting a small commission in the form of crustaceans.)
Anything passive-aggressive pushes my buttons, so put me down as another who dislikes #5 and 6.
If you’re looking for topics, you might discuss the two profile-types of what I call the Professional Churners. You know the people who have no prior relationship to you, who have 50,000 followers and who are only going to follow you for a week unless you follow them back. (Or who wait until you follow before promptly unfollowing, and who hope you don’t notice.) Before I cottoned to the pattern, I used to feel alternately flattered then flattened. Perhaps a few innocents can be spared.
I feel your pain, Jan. Professional Churners is a great name for them! What bothers me the most about those people is that their insulting habits don’t even accomplish anything. None of those followers are authentic, interested parties; at best they’re casual followers who were probably hoping to build a friendship or form a connection — but of course that can’t happen one-sidedly. Even if they keep most of those 50,000, how many are really invested? Not only is it tacky, but it strikes me as a massive waste of time. I’ve advised against that type of behavior in several of my past posts; hopefully some newbies have seen them and caught on!
These are amusing.
Re #10: I’m wearing socks, slippers, a long sleeve shirt, a hoodie, and the heat is on. Still cold. Winter stinks.
Haha, thank you. And I have to admit, I’m constantly cold myself, so I get it. I have a space heater churning under my desk as I type!
“Hi, my name is Maryann and I am a Twitter abuser.”
“Hi, Maryann.”
“Last Friday I did 10 #FF tweets.”
“We hear you.”
“And the Monday before I tweeted and used four hashtags instead of three.”
“Oh, dear.”
“And I retweeted quotes. I’m so sorry to say I really did.”
“Please, don’t tell us you Tweeted about your book.”
“I’m ashamed to say it. But yes, I did.”
“Don’t worry, Annie will help you.”
*sweeps in wearing a super-hero cape* Never fear, I’m here! *trips*
Well, my entry may be less than graceful, but I’m always happy to help. My best advice: learn what you can about how to use Twitter well, but don’t sweat the small stuff. No one has a “perfect” Twitter account, and that’s a subjective concept anyway. If you enjoy it, your followers probably will too. :) And please send any questions my way; I’d love to have them for “Ask Annie”!
Thanks for the rescue, Annie. I feel so much better now. LOL.
“It’s my personal belief that no one in the past 100 years has bothered to look for any quotations that haven’t already been quoted at least 10,000 times before.”
So my question for your next post would be:
“Can I quote you on that?”
Absolutely. ;)
My biggest pet peeves are the big list of hashtags like you showed. I don’t like them in bios either. Something about a list of hashtags #makes #my #eyes #skip #that #tweet.
I’m with you 100%, Nina. They’re visual clutter, and they drive me absolutely bonkers. I would say too many hashtags in bios are even worse than in tweets. At least with tweets we can scroll right past them. In bios they’re stagnant. *shudders*
This is great Annie! I’m new to Twitter (thanks to Nina Badzin’s great twitter tutorials) and I was so afraid to mess up the etiquette, which is the Type A in me :) it’s hard to know at first, but you’d think some would be common sense, esp #6 and 7, but clearly not. I have to say, thank goodness for the mute button, and it only takes a few “amirights” to make me twitch in pain.
Looking forward to your column!
Thank you, Dana! What is it about the ‘amirite’ that’s so grating? (And why do they so frequently misspell “right”?) The mysteries of the Twitterverse. :) But yeah, don’t stress about the etiquette stuff too much! If you’re a considerate person who’s making some effort to learn “the rules,” I’m sure you’re doing just fine.
Dear Annie,
It’s all right that the Coffee People don’t speak of the Tea People. I’ll let you in on a little secret about the Tea People: They never speak of, or about, or to the Coffee People–unless they absolutely have to.
Tea People far too busy drinking tea, and talking of Michelangelo. And when they are not otherwise occupied in the lives of great artists, they are busy eating hot buttered crumpets and petting their cats and dogs. And reading when their pets decide to sleep (which is quite a bit).
The Coffee People think that they hip, and suffering for their art (at Starbucks nowadays instead of in a freezing garret); attempting to touch type on their MACS, their heads tilted back to balance a paper coffee cup tipped precariously towards their parted, coffee-stained lips.
But it’s the Tea People who have figured out the optimal place to write. They sit comfortably at home, work quietly by an open fire in the winter, enjoy the garden and its flora when it’s warm: a porcelain teapot, matching cup and saucer, near to hand. Or if they like a cup of solid strength, a mug of builder’s tea, with standing spoon.
Tea People always understand why Coffee People are not able to talk of us. In fact, we are relieved that they are not.
Love,
Sevigne
Tea Person Writer
Dear Sevigne,
It’s a well-known but little-discussed fact that the writing community has broken into sects based on how we consume our caffeine. The war has long been dominated by The Coffee People, who, with the vast majority of numbers in the western hemisphere, throw their weight around and have become something of a noisy bully. Holding their own in the east, The Tea People sit quietly and snobbishly by, judging the majority with blazing eyes and quiet fingers. But today let’s spare a moment to acknowledge the minority factions: The Soda People, The Powder People, and The Abstainers. The Soda People, a high-strung and jittery bunch, take their caffeine with a (more than) healthy dose of sugar. Alternatingly boisterous and sluggish, The Soda People have been known for their harsh denouncement of the Coffee and Tea Peoples. Another sect, and perhaps the smallest, consists of The Powder People, who order their caffeine in its driest form and mix it into other substances. Little is known about The Powder People, because, frankly, they frighten all of the other groups. And finally, there are The Abstainers. These brave writers forgo the caffeine altogether. It has long been argued whether they were insane to begin with, which made them willing to deny caffeine its rightful crown, or whether the lack of caffeine has driven them insane over time. Regardless, these are the real crowd to watch out for. They get full nights of sleep and create their own energy, so should their numbers grow large enough they may someday be able to overthrow us all.
In the end, my hope is this: that someday we will be judged not by the method of our caffeine consumption, but by the words we string together. I imagine a world free of factions. And if you promise not to tell anyone, I’ll offer this small beacon of light in the darkness: I drink tea too. And sometimes even Dr. Pepper. I think we’re on the right track. ;)
Love,
Annie
Coffee Person Writer (closeted Tea Person and occasional Soda Person)
Oh my, I had no idea real writers didn’t drink tea. I’ve been drinking tea for years. Do I have to find another 12-step program? LOL
=)~
Dear Annie,
Your post made me laugh.
I won’t say I never drink coffee. When pressed to drink it outside–sadly, most American restaurants don’t have the first clue about (a) good tea and (b) how to make it if they have any–I have to add lots of half and half and sugar. If I make it at home for friends or guests I serve it with hot milk, the way I drank it in Brussels at the university, the year the then Soviet Union invaded Czechoslovakia and students held sit-ins at the Sorbonne. Of course I had to drink coffee then, if for no other reason than as an act of solidarity.
I am interested in a slightly different question regarding Twitter. I have never got into it much even though I have had an account for years. Largely because I feel it’s even more impersonal than other social media. What do you like the most about it? Or what do you think are its attributes, that make it preferable at times to other forms of social media (leaving aside its speed to disseminate news of global significance)?
Coffee and tea each have their own place; I think that may be the moral of the story.
Great question, Sevigne, and one I hear expressed quite a bit. I think maybe I’ve addressed some of what you’re asking in my post “Should You Be On Twitter?” You can read that one here: https://staging-writerunboxed.kinsta.cloud/2014/03/08/should-you-be-on-twitter/ In it, I tried to take a balanced look at the pros *and* cons. I’m not sure if that fully answers your question, though, so I’ll go ahead and add yours to my Ask Annie list as well. Thanks so much for the question, and for being a good sport; it’s been fun. :)
Thank you, I’ll read the link. I remember it now and didn’t read it last year because I’m such a poor user of Twitter.
Thanks for these! This post is both hilarious and informative:-). I don’t tweet a lot, so I don’t have any that I feel are redundant, but on facebook, I get tired of posts that hint at some ambigious/unidentifiable emotion: “Feeling some kinda way” frustrates because it means absolutely nothing!
Thanks, Alison! I totally agree; those posts drive me crazy too. It’s so common that there’s a term for it: “vaguebooking.” Go figure!