On Reviews and How (Not) to Take Them
By Anna Elliott | November 6, 2014 |
I got the call from my husband two weeks ago, the one you never want to get. While at the park, our oldest daughter (age 7) had fallen and broken her arm. (My girl is something of a tree-climbing-roller-skating-bike-riding daredevil. Yet she managed to get a fairly spectacular compound fracture–her first–falling less than 4 feet off the toddler section of the playground. Really? Yup).
She was absolutely incredibly brave about the whole experience, from the ambulance ride to the hospital to the x-rays to the procedure to set the broken bone in a full-arm cast. Then she came home–and she was still brave. But she also had to face the kind of sucky reality that the whole ordeal of having a broken arm (her right arm, too) was really only just beginning. In a couple of months (a compound fracture means a loooong time in a cast) she’ll be fine, and she knows that and understands that she could have it so much worse, but it was still hard–especially in the first days when she was under orders to stay lying down with her arm elevated to keep the swelling down.
Now, my kids are always begging me to tell them stories, sometimes made-up ones, sometimes true stories from when I was their age. So to cheer up my daughter and pass the time while she had to stay lying down, I told her that I’d make up a story just for her. My girl loves witches and ghosts and all things spooky (spooky by 7 year old standards anyway), so I made up a story about a little-girl witch and her adventures.
Perfect, right? And the rest of this post is going to be all about the healing power of stories during times of adversity, right?
Ha. Only in Hallmark movies are kids that simple. My girl was polite–she’s always polite. But her response to my story was basically a resounding “meh.” My five-year-old daughter, on the other hand, loved it, couldn’t get enough, and begged for new installments multiple times a day. So at least I have some hopes that it wasn’t just a totally lousy idea.
I’m not knocking the healing power of stories (because it’s absolutely real), but this post is about something else entirely. Something that as authors we all face, something that I KNOW, yet it’s always good to have an added reminder about…and that’s this: you can’t take reviews personally. You just can’t.
[pullquote]I’m not knocking the healing power of stories (because it’s absolutely real), but this post is about something else entirely. Something that as authors we all face, something that I KNOW, yet it’s always good to have an added reminder about…and that’s this: you can’t take reviews personally. You just can’t. [/pullquote]
I don’t connect to every story that I pick up, so how can I expect that every reader will connect with mine? Take my recent example with my daughter–which is really pretty hilarious if you think about it. I mean, obviously even having your own mother make up a story expressly for you isn’t enough to guarantee that magical story-to-reader connection– which makes it kind of remarkable that any readers ever connect to my stories at all. But they do. They review my books and write me e-mails and I’m incredibly grateful for the privilege of it all. Even though there’s also the flip side.
The flip side, of course, is that there are always readers who don’t connect to my books. But you know what? That’s completely okay. To get a bit philosophical (or in other words to say the kind of thing that brings the, Oh God I really did marry an English major look to my husband’s face): I can labor over my stories and polish every world and make every sentence shine. But my stories–however hard I work on them–are still dead on the page unless a reader picks up my book and lets it come to life by reading it. That’s the only shot at life that my characters and stories get: inside a reader’s imagination. I’ve heard it said, and I think it’s absolutely true, that the author only brings 50% of the reading experience to the table. The other half happens inside the reader’s mind, as he or she takes the written words and creates their own story from what’s on the page. Every reader is different–which means that every time someone reads one of my books, it’s a different story. No two readers will interpret the story in exactly the same way because every reader brings his or her own unique life experiences and personalities to the table.
I’ve picked up books and then set them back down because the story just wasn’t grabbing me–only to pick them up again sometimes years later, and discover that I love them. Same exact story, the only thing that is different is me. I think that’s what you have to remember about your readers and reviewers. When someone didn’t like your book–well, maybe your story just wasn’t what they needed at a particular point in their lives. Maybe their loved-one has died, or they’ve just lost their job or maybe they’ve just had a long and stressful day with their kids.
Maybe your reader is grumpy because her broken arm aches and it’s hard to sleep with her arm above her head and her carefully selected (long-sleeved) Halloween costume is never going to fit over a full-arm cast. You know.
Although there is a surprise twist to that story, too. After about a week at home, when my daughter was starting to feel a bit better and be able to do a bit more, she suddenly asked for more of the story about the little-girl witch. “You like it?” I asked, somewhat surprised. “I LOVE it!” she said. There you go. It’s all about timing.
What about you? How do you cope with reviews? And does anyone have any good ideas for fun activities for a 7 year old in a cast?
Anna Elliott is an author of historical fiction and fantasy. Her first series, the Twilight of Avalon trilogy, is a retelling of the Trystan and Isolde legend. She wrote her second series, the Pride and Prejudice Chronicles, chiefly to satisfy her own curiosity about what might have happened to Elizabeth Bennet, Mr. Darcy, and all the other wonderful cast of characters after the official end of Jane Austen’s classic work. She enjoys stories about strong women, and loves exploring the multitude of ways women can find their unique strengths. Anna lives in the Washington DC area with her husband and three children.
Anna, your comment “the author only brings 50% of the reading experience to the table. The other half happens inside the reader’s mind…” is a statistic that surprised me. Very enlightening perspective. A veteran author once told me that when you get a few bad reviews, look at them as a badge of honor. It means you are reaching beyond the cult. Every really good author has bad reviews, from Walt Whitman, Hemingway, F.Scott Fitzgerald to Bronte and Pulitzer prize winning Donna Tartt with over 3600 negative reviews. Can anybody name a widely read author who has 100% positive reviews?
So true, Paula. No story works for everyone–that’s what makes reading so magical, really.
Anna–
Thank you for your post. You are talking about something important, but I think the principal point here for writers doesn’t have to do with how to take negative reviews. It has to do with how to see what’s written in relation to readers.
You are certainly right: like your kids, every reader brings a unique life to whatever she reads, whatever she creates through imagination, when she converts ink blots on the page into meaning in her mind. This means the writer needs to think about which readers are most likely to respond to the writing. Is she trying to appeal to readers who always read historical romance and little or nothing else? That will be a different reader from one who likes literary fiction, including novels that may or may not make use of history and/or romance. Etcetera.
I don’t personally like the idea of coldly studying “the market” and choosing a genre. The genre should choose me. If we are a good fit, I will be reading that genre, and learning from it. If I’m a good student and what I learn is reflected in what I write, the reviews will take care of themselves.
That’s a great perspective, Barry– I agree!
Great post! It reminded me of my all-time favorite “review” from a reader” “My teacher made me read your book. I thought it was going to suck. It didn’t.”
Two of my daughter’s favorite activities when she was seven were bottle band–fill five or six glass bottles with different amounts of water to create a different note with each one and make music–and the Never-Ending Story–a round robin story in which each family member wrote a paragraph. Some of our stories were pretty good if I say so myself.
That is the best and most hilarious review ever, Sofie! Love it, thanks for sharing.
I have a confession to make. I read other authors’ one and two star reviews on Amazon (ignoring the snarky ones) to know what *not* to do. Works better sometimes than a how-to book.
So, even though no one likes bad reviews, maybe some good is coming from them? ;o)
Feeling for your seven-year-old. Two months is a lot longer for them than it is for us.
I do that, too, Carmel. It’s very interesting to get an insight into the spectrum of reader responses.
Thank you for your wonderful post. I was recently having lunch with a group of fellow writers and we talked about contests for unpublished writers. I said my experience had been the judges either loved my entry or they hated it. That’s when someone said something that has stuck with me. She told me to be proud of that because it meant I had a strong voice. Not everyone would connect with it but those readers that did would have a wonderful reading experience.
I thought that was a great way to look at it and I think it fits in with reviews too. I think it’s better to have someone love you as opposed to saying “meh”.
That’s very true, Carol– a passionate response (whether good or bad) from the reader is always preferable to an indifferent shrug.
Funny little story from today: a new reader said she loved my first chapter, but, correct her please, wasn’t Für Elise written by Beethoven, not Schubert?
That chapter has been read by at least a couple of hundred people, and that line has been there for over TEN years, and nobody mentioned it?
One can say my writing is so compelling that everyone overlooked it. If one was being charitable.
With everything that is out there about how perfect your first chapter/Look Inside sample/first pages should be, exactly how long do you think it might have taken for some reviewer to seize on that – slip? landmine? avalanche trigger? – as the core of a (deserved) negative review?
You are correct: timing is EVERYTHING. I just had my neck saved, thankfully, before publication, by a lovely person who bothered to comment. I hope your daughter heals quickly – and enjoys all the future episodes of ‘her’ story. She is a lucky girl to have a mother who can write as a comfort measure.
Alicia, this is a great point you add here! Being a piano player for more than twenty years, classical and romantic era music is my favorite. I almost shuddered when you said that Fur Elise was by Schubert! However – however – you make such a good point that every author brings his or her own perspectives, and let’s face it, every one of our perspectives are limited. I write fantasy that is set in a world I’d best describe as ancient Egypt in its prime, but with consistency with the Georgian era of history. As much as I’ll endeavor to research, I’ll be careful to hire a few specialty readers to cover some of the elements where I’m not an expert – a historian with background on this time period would be a start.
That said, to tie this into Anna’s point, there will always be readers who are not happy with what they’ve read. I once heard an author (Robert J. Sawyer) speak at a convention wherein he said the sign of a great book is 5 star and 1 star reviews. He stuck up his index finger and his baby finger to demonstrate. He then said a bad book will gain three stars; he stuck up the corresponding finger for that one too, which got quite a laugh out of the audience (and made his point quite well!). A great book will polarize audiences. Readers who its meant for will love it. Readers who it’s not meant for will hate it. A bad book is one that does not generate much enthusiasm at all. No matter which readers you put it in front of, their response will be, “Meh”.
Anna – I hope your little girl gets better soon!
Thank you, John. I shuddered myself when I rushed to check who wrote it – and made myself review SEVERAL references (Wikipedia has been known to be wrong on occasion, just like everything else).
For good measure, I played a good version on YouTube three times – the correction is locked in my brain (for now).
When I’m wrong, I’m wrong. I like your idea of having specialized readers – I will need an Irishman of a certain age to wince and correct a few things for me. Haven’t been able to find a volunteer yet. David Gaughran said he was too busy (smart man).
Alicia
Aww. Poor thing, I broke my elbow in two places at the same age, and also not the high up (the tailgate of my dad’s truck was loose as I climbed in).
Markers and coloring books so she can practice using with her left hand (this is a skill I still have, ambidexterous)
Graphic novels
Find videos of your favorite childhood cartoons and movies to share with her
And lots of visits from friends
Good luck guys!
Thanks for the reminder of how the writer and reader connect through the story. I don’t fret over the not so good reviews of my books, as I just chalk that up to not making that connection with that particular reader. If all reviews were negative, I would stop and consider pulling that book, because obviously I goofed on that one. But I am lucky that the positive reviews far outweigh the negative ones.
This is one of those posts that I’m going to bookmark for later reference, you know, just in case I come across a review that give the ol’ one-two to my ego (fragile thing that it is). Thank you so much for the insight and lovely approach to something that scares the snot out of us all. This was a fun read, and it’s very appreciated. Kudos! I hope your (bigger) little one is on the mend, “meh” review and all. :)
Hello Anna,
This is the first time I read anything from you, but I sure will look around your blog now. This post was really inspiring :)
I am not exactly new to wtiting but I am new to sharing my work. I dread the reviews, even if they are from a family member or a friend. I had never thougth about it this way. I just accepted/defined this pressure that my stories had to please everybody.
I love how you shared something so personal yet so magical. It made me think of books I was told to read in school and hated, but now adore and actually have re-read.
I guess timing does play a part in it. Thank you for helping me ease my mind. I am only now diving into my deram and I won’t receive any reviews anytime soon but this single post made me feel more confortable to push through the fear and keek posting.
Thank you for your words.
Cheers from Portugal,
ZC
Here’s what buffaloes me. I can have a pile of good reviews, but it’s the bad ones I hang onto and remember. Logically, I know all the great points you’ve listed in this article are truer than true, so why let one or two bad reviews whisper in my ear?
Someone once told me we are hardwired to remember criticism. As we evolve, it helps us adapt and survive. I’m not sure if that’s true. But what I’ve learned from the review process with each book is to face the fear, grow thicker skin, learn what I can, and go back to the keyboard and keep writing.
(And expect to be buffaloed, because that’s the mystery of being human.)