You Are Not Desperate
By Sarah Callender | October 9, 2013 |
Sarah here, with a Public Service Announcement for anyone searching for an agent: You are not desperate.
Sure, you may, at times, feel desperate. You may think, dear not-yet-published writer, that your chances of getting an agent are very slim. You may think it is arrogant to be picky, that if an agent—any agent—wants to represent your work, you should sign with her, no questions asked. You may think that because you’ve heard “no thank you” or maybe nothing at all from your first fifty queries that you will absolutely say “YES!” if numero fifty-one offers representation, signing on the dotted line without a moment of hesitation.
But you won’t do any of that because you are not desperate. Remember? Repeat after me: I am not desperate.
Good. Now, please say these words: I will thoughtfully consider what I need in an agent before I start an agent search.
Because here’s Part II of my PSA: It’s not enough to have an agent. You need to have the right agent.
Of course, “right” looks different for each of us. In fact, finding the right agent is a lot like finding your “right” romantic partner or the “right” nanny for your child. Let’s explore that nanny analogy . . . when you are searching for a nanny, trying to figure out if a particular person is the right in loco parentis person, you do your research. You consider the following questions: Will this nanny love your child (almost as much) as you do? Will she keep your child safe? Will she want your child to have solid skills before she’s launched into the Real World? When she takes your beloved to the park, will she push her in the swings and sing to her and read to her on a picnic blanket and make up silly haiku poems about squirrels and teach her the multiplication tables and maybe a little French OR might this nanny plug into her iPod and iPad and iFriends and smoke ciggies while your crying leibchen is plopped in front of Elmo TV?
And what about the nanny’s personality? Her communication style? Her responsiveness? Does she want to work with you, the parent, in true team fashion, or will she be calling all shots when it comes to your child? How busy is she? Does your nanny LOVE THIS BABY or is she only interested in the money? Does she understand that you try very, very hard not to be an emotional trainwreck of a freakshow but sometimes (maybe once a year) you may need a little encouragement and cheerleading? And in return, do you understand that she is human, that she might be employed by other freakshow families, that your child is not the only sun in her universe?
Please consider similar questions as you search for your agent because while you are at work (on your next book), your agent is going to be parading your book baby all over New York. Do your due diligence.
Let me share a bit about my agent searches. Signing with my first agent was a no-brainer because she was also my writing partner’s agent; for two years, I had a vicarious understanding of this agent’s style, personality, skills and integrity. It was equivalent to hiring the nanny that a good friend had happily employed for years. After this agent made the tough decision to leave agenting, I (cried a lot, then I) embarked on Agent Search 2.0 with a solid understanding of what really matters in the Sarah-agent relationship. I knew what I needed to thrive, and I knew what I could contribute to the relationship.
To illustrate: Since I’m an emotional person who feels things (a little too) deeply, I knew I wanted a compassionate agent, one who would show her emotion and passion in appropriate ways.
I am also very impatient; I knew I needed an agent who had more patience than I, one who was more concerned with doing things right than doing things fast.
I wanted someone with a good editorial eye, someone who’d be willing to provide feedback before my books went out on submission.
I am also a ridiculously lousy salesperson, to the point that once my book gets published, I will probably tell people NOT to buy it. But while I wanted an agent who was an arse-kicker of a salesperson, I didn’t want someone who was too pushy, too charming, too much of a smooth operator. Why? Because my agent represents me. As my agent was pitching my manuscript, I wanted editors to know my agent was symbolic of me.
A business-savvy, patient, kind-hearted editorial agent who could sell the heck out of a book she loved? Yep. I went in search of that. A few months later, I found it. I cried tears of relief.
Of course, there’s only so much you can learn about an agent via internet research. Even when an agent calls to offer representation, you will not see and learn everything about her style and personality. But pay attention to red flags. An extreme red flag: an agent wants money from you before she sells your book. Agents do not earn one penny until they sell your work. If an agent asks for money up front, forget it.
Less-red red flags: she gushes a little too much over your book, she tells you your book will absolutely sell in three days, she bad-mouths other agents or editors, she promises you’ll be the next NYT Bestseller . . . reputable agents will not say any of that, especially not in their initial phone conversation.
I cannot stress how essential it is to have an agent whose style and personality jives with yours. We’re looking for jive, people! If finding an agent is proving impossible, we may need to polish our query, we may need to hone our craft, we may need to write another (better) book, but we must never settle for an agent who won’t act in our or our book-baby’s best interest.
What do you need in an agent? What qualities or personality traits are most important to you?
If you have an agent, please share why she/he is a great fit. Have you been surprised by what is helpful (or unhelpful) in the agent-writer relationship? Thanks for sharing!
Photo courtesy of flickr’s Guadalupe Cervilla.
A Middle Grade novelist (and Middle School English teacher), Sarah Callender lives in Seattle with her family. Because Sarah dislikes cleaning anything that will just get messy again, she tidies the house and weeds the yard only when absolutely necessary. This allows her time to focus on her true–and somewhat fraught–passions: writing, Abe Lincoln, and Tony’s Chocolonely chocolate bars. Equally passionate about mental health advocacy, Sarah is a member of The Stability Network. Sarah’s first novel, LUCY IN BETWEEN, will be published by Margaret Ferguson Books/Holiday House in 2026.
The nanny analogy is perfect. Purr-fect! How do you do it so consistently, Sarah? You are wise beyond your fluffy, bouncy years.
And YOU are too kind, Alex. Thank you!
Thanks for this. I’m in the process of querying and though I’ve only just started, I’ve already discovered many more things about myself and the kind of writer I am. The main thing I look for in an agent is an open mind. To me, that’s the most important thing, not just in writing, but also in life.
For example, if an agent says on twitter she doesn’t want to read anything about [insert tragic circumstance of choice] I take that agent off my list, because what if I decide, now or in the future, that such a tragic circumstance is what my story needs? I don’t like to start a professional relationship while being censored from the start. I have to be able to be myself. And even if being myself and expressing my own opinions means that I might never find an agent, then so be it. Because you’re absolutely right. I’m not desperate.
Thanks, Andrea, for this comment. You are right: we all do have to be ourselves. And a great agent will want exactly that.
Happy searching!
Sarah-
From the agent’s side of the desk, here’s a simple truth, or perhaps a caution:
When you have a great manuscript, you have a great agent. In fact, you probably will get your choice of agents. And the agent you select will be a great one. Why? Because your manuscript will make your agent’s job easy. That agent will look to you like a genius.
Take Sarah Callender’s advice. You’ll know you’ve done so not when an agent says “yes”, or when the fish-in-a-barrel deal is done. It’s down the road that you’ll know that you gave yourself the gift of a rational and considered choice.
You’ll know when sales tank and you despair. You’ll know when your second novel is weak and you don’t want to believe it. You’ll know when your agent talks the gun out of your hand when you hate-hate-hate your cover.
In other words, you’ll know it when your agent gives you exactly what you need, when you need it, and sometimes even when you don’t want it.
Repeat after Sarah Callender: I am not desperate. Great. Now go back and sharpen the sword that is the ultimate source of your power…your manuscript.
The only thing that surprises me in this post, Sarah, is that you describe yourself as impatient. Really? Wouldn’t have guessed.
Thank you, Donald, for weighing in. I was hoping you would!
And yes, when a writer has an excellent manuscript, he will have his choice of agents. What a lovely spot to be in!
Your comment also hints at the idea of loyalty, that the right agent is with you through the bumps because, first and foremost, he believes in you and your work. A “right” agent sees the potential in his writer and he wants to have his hand in building that writer’s career, even with its ups and downs and way-way-downs.
And yes, I am impatient. My agent, Caryn, keeps tight reigns on me so I don’t bolt in stupid directions. That’s just one of many reasons I love her.
Sarah-
“…the right agent is with you through the bumps because, first and foremost, he believes in you and your work.”
Yes, exactly.
Agent? I’m surely not desperate s I continue to choose to self-publish at this point. Maybe in a few years I’ll seek an agent.
That’s right, Dan. There are many routes to publication. I chose this one because I would be so unbelievably bad at all the bizness elements of self-publishing.
I so admire writers who CAN be the creative genius and the brilliant businessman behind a novel. :)
I followed a tip to seek out a new agent at an established firm. It worked and we had a great relationship for years as he asked me to go along with him as he moved on to two other firms. He loved my genre, but I believe he felt an attachment to me because I was one of his early clients that helped get his career off the ground. So, I suggest new writers search out a literary agent starting off, but backed up by a heavy-weight firm. You can grow together.
Yep, James. I totally agree. My current agent had been with her firm for only two years, but she had been an editor in NY for over fifteen, and she’s with a great agency.
Thanks so much for weighing in . . . your point is a great one, and I’m so happy to see the loyalty between you and your agent.
“My name is Denise, and I am not desperate.”
Love it, Sarah.
Denise Willson
Author of A Keeper’s Truth
Thanks for the reminder of what to look for in an agent. Searching for an agent can definitely feel desperate!
I hate to disagree with such a lovely piece, but come on, Sarah. If I’m searching for a babysitter, I’m the one to make the decision. I have a choice. Not so when querying for an agent–unless I’m lucky enough to get multiple offers for representation. Suppose agent numero fifty-one (or three-hundred and one) is the ONLY interested agent? Would I say, thanks but no thanks, but you don’t seem quite right for me? I’m not that desperate. I’m not excited about your credentials. Most writers don’t have that luxury.
I’m so glad you mentioned this, David!
I think of it like a marriage. My husband is a wonderful man, and I am so lucky to be married to him. But are he and I a perfect couple in every way? Of course not! While he and I may not be perfect, he is the right husband for me, and I think I’m the right wife for him. More than right enough.
If I were married to someone who didn’t think I was funny or someone who didn’t support me and my writing goals or someone who was a lousy dad, then (in my opinion) I’d rather be single. Being alone is far better than being in an unhealthy relationship.
An agent might not be a soul mate, but it should be a healthy relationship. If it’s not, if you are strapped to an agent who is hurting more than helping, I think it is far better to be agentless.
We can be totally picky or just slightly picky; I just wanted to remind people that we don’t have to settle. :)
Thank you so much for mentioning this! :)
I will say to myself, “I am not desperate”, but it sure feels like it when you’ve re-re-re-re-edited the hell out of your manuscript, hired an editor and re- re- edited again and again and got it perfect then send a kick-ass query letter out to over 100 agents and all you get is, “It doesn’t resonate with me” a million times. It’s hard not to jump at “the one” who offers representation, whether that person is “perfect” or not.
Yes, is really is hard, Patricia. There is very little that’s fun about an agent search.
I don’t know your situation, but *I* have had to accept that OK, my first book might not sell (even with a great agent). But I am not giving up.
Neither are you.
Maybe the project you have busted your buns to perfect will not land you an agent, but maybe your next book will. Keep honing your craft, Patricia. You have at least one book! That alone is a HUGE accomplishment. :)
I’m debating the agent search, given that I write broadly, from F to NF, spanning baby books to YA. I’ve been selling NF and some F successfully on my own, but I would like very much to have an advocate, someone who will help me manage my career. I guess I’d better write a killer ms, no?
Yep, Vijaya, and that is Donald Maass’ point. A killer ms trumps everything. I think that THAT should always be our goal because accomplishing that will lead to some of our other goals.
Thank you for chiming in!
Great and important article! Thank you so much, Sarah! :D
Sarah – thank you so much for this. It’s just the kick in the pants I need to start a search for an agent/manager hybrid. I know I’m looking for something unique so that’s kept me from pursuing it at all. But your mantra will help me get through it.
Thank you, Malena! I found that once I could narrow down the pool of agents, the process didn’t seem quite so overwhelming.
Best of luck in your search! It may not be a fun process, but it IS an adventure for sure. And, it tests our moxie.
Three cheers for moxie!
What I wanted in an agent: Passion for stories and the business of selling them. Commitment to it, and to helping her authors get the right deal on the best terms — recognizing that it isn’t always all about the money. Ability to move between two worlds: the creative and the business sides. An understanding of my genre, again from both sides, but also an ability to work with other genres, whether that means expanding her knowledge or working with an associate or a co-agent if I choose to write something different from what I’ve done so far. Someone who’s on my side, but honest about it.
Got it, thank goodness.
Fabulous, Leslie. Thank you for your comment . . . you have a high bar (as well you should!) and you found your right agent.
Best of luck to you!
She’s my 4th agent. And enough younger that I intend her to be the last!
As usual, Sarah, you’ve given me a lot to think about. It seems like every time I comment on WU I’m starting or in the middle of another round of queries… a sort of Purgatory of learning YET AGAIN that I need to rewrite the beast and keep at it. I do feel desperate, even though there is no deadline, no pressure except that which i am inflicting upon myself. Your post reinforces a fact that I have until recently ignored: I have to do my research. Thanks for your encouraging and wise words!
Jillian. I always love your comments. Thank you.
Please, keep at it, girl! I was just meeting with my writing partners this morning, and one (her first book was published by Simon and Schuster) was wondering why she is having such a hard time with her WIP. The other partner and I were like, “Um, because writing is really stinking hard?”
Writing great stories IS really hard. So we keep at it, working and improving and getting ourselves closer to our publication goals.
Hang. In. There.
Thanks for making me feel better, Sarah! I was really at the end of my rope today story-wise, query-wise and generally creative-wise.
Thank you for your thoughtful response. Sarah. I think the main lesson is to query only those agents who we’d want to represent us, then the question of desperation doesn’t arise.
My pleasure . . . through this post I also wanted to remind everyone that signing with an agent is a two-way street. We writers are told over and over that it’s so hard to get an agent. And that’s true. But that doesn’t mean that the writer must lie down and take whatever happens to come along. We are choosing them, too. Plus, agents really are people! They have unique styles and personalities that have a major impact (good and bad) on their writers’ careers.
Thank YOU!
Happy writing, David.
I don’t have an agent yet, but I know where my search will start and end (says the snotty nose kid with similac behind his ears). Will my targeted agent(s) be alive or working five years from now? That’s my real concern. I know I’m not ready for my agent(s) yet, but I will be in another three years, maybe earlier.
Hmm, am I ready for my agent! Now, there’s a thought. You ever look at it from that perspective, Pen Masters.
Om num num num
No desperation here, but plenty of humility
Ha. No, you certainly don’t strike me as a desperate sort of fellow, Brian. And hooray for humility. I think we writers either start humble or, at some (or many) points along the way, we ARE humbled.
I’m with you; better to start humble rather than have it rammed down throats and up our noses.
Is the publishing world ready for BBK? I can’t wait to watch and learn. :)
Thank you, as always, for your comments.
Sarah, good stuff. Not exactly desperate here, but somewhat spent, having messed with the novel, the synopsis and the query multiple times, and perhaps not sure if I haven’t made them all worse.
None of the queried agents have directly said it all smells like poop, but I thought I sensed a nose wrinkling in an email or two. Well, at least those agents did supply an answer.
So, now working on something new …
Enjoyed your writing here, as usual.
Yeesh, isn’t that the worst, when you can’t figure out if you have made a story better or worse? That’s a special kind of crazy-making.
The other thing that’s hard to decipher: whether you really DID detect the upturned nose or whether you are (as I am) a writer . . . in other words, someone who sends a story out into the world and feels a little vulnerable.
“Spent.” Yes, that’s a perfect way to describe it. Spent is fine. Spent is light years from desperate.
Thank YOU, as usual, for your comment. I’m glad you’re here.
Thank you for this article. Querying is so draining, it would be easy to fall into desperation mode once I get an offer of representation. You’ve helped me remember the agent needs to be a good fit for me and my manuscript, too.
I’m shopping my first novel, and it’s been a learning experience. It takes incredible perseverance.
If only the selling of the novel was as fun as writing it. :)
I’m not desperate, because I don’t need to be published. I was fortunate enough to retire early, so I’m already writing full time, regardless of whether I ever make a dime from it. I have the luxury of writing what I love, and waiting for the rest of the world to find me. A film producer once commented to an audience I was in, when asked what’s the secret to breaking into Hollywood: “You can leave a good script on a park bench, and someone will produce it.”
Yes, Cal. You are absolutely write, and you are in a great place! Happy writing . . . isn’t it a treat to write without “publish or perish” pressure?
I Love that quote, too. So true.
:)
I’m only nine queries into my agent search, so I’m far from desperate. The whole thing still seems like a magical adventure to me.
I’m continuing to have beta’s read my manuscript and just today, two told me they LOVE my characters…
Can agents and editors really be that different from “normal people?”
It seems like it’s only a matter of time and continued querying before I find an agent who also LOVES my characters–or am I being totally naive?
Yes, and that’s part of my point, Leslie. Agents and Editors are normal people . . . with a variety of personalities, styles, and biases.
They are also very picky because THEIR livelihood depends on it. Normal and picky. Thanks so much for your comment.
Happy querying. Keep us posted!
Astute advice, Sarah. Thank you for another entertaining, thought-provoking post.
[…] Sarah Callender encourages you to not be desperate in your search for an […]
While the idea that a great ms guarantees an author will find an agent, I’m not certain it holds up. Kathryn Stockett’s The Help went through sixty agents and five years before it was picked up. The whole thing’s a total crapshoot to me, agents, publishers, the whole nine yards. You need not only a great ms. but a ton of luck also. Not to imply the whole process isn’t a total blast, just that its all up in the air.
Yes, Tony. I totally agree . . . but instead of calling it “luck,” I like to think of it as “the right timing.” It makes me feel better for some reason.
A book needs to be “ready”; an agent and editor need to be ready to fall in love with a particular book; a publisher needs to be ready to put out a particular genre or topic; the US economy has to be strong . . . all of that is a matter of timing (or luck).
Good lucky and good timing to you (and to all of us)!
Thanks for your thoughts.
All of those points apply to the agent I have. My only problem is she seems to be ready to move on. Her energy for selling has dissipated. For those of us who do not live in NY it is difficult to find that perfect agent. Especially since there’s always a new crop. Any suggestions for people like me who want to know more about who is out there besides just going to writers’ conferences and book/internet research?
Oh, how that “I am not desperate” resonates for so much in this writing life – not only for agents!