Helping Hands: Writing With Children
By Anna Elliott | September 5, 2013 |
photo by Etsy Ketsy
There are days when I joke with my husband that I’m going to dedicate my next novel: To my children, without whom this book would have been finished sooner. Oh, it is tempting sometimes. My kiddos are my joy, my light, my universe– all those good things. One of the first things you learn as a parent is that all those squishy greeting-card sentiments? When it comes to your children, they are really true. But conducive to long stretches of uninterrupted writing time, small children are definitely not. I do have help– three mornings a week, our lovely babysitter comes and takes my girls to the park for a couple of hours so that I can sit in an amazingly quiet house and wedge a longer stretch of writing into our usually busy homeschooling schedule. But at the moment, she has the audacity to be off on her honeymoon (Kidding! I truly wish her a lovely time!) which leaves me without that luxury for three weeks.
(Right now as I type this, my girls are downstairs. Being suspiciously quiet. Which means that it will probably take me twice as long to clean up whatever mess they’re making as it will to write this post).
But anyway, I thought that this would be an excellent opportunity to remind myself that there are ways– really there are– that having small children has actually been an incredible benefit to my writing career.
You get to experience the world through a child’s eyes. I read somewhere or other that novelists should strive to bring the boundless wonder, curiosity, and amazement of a young child’s perspective to their writing. Look at that huge tree! Wow– look, a brown dog! Mama, you HAVE to see the enormous bug in the back yard. Children offer a daily reminder of the wonder and miracles to be found even in the minutia of daily life– and that awareness inevitably seeps into my writing.
You’re constantly reminded of the simple magic and power of stories. As a writer, I tend to automatically think in analytic terms of all the stories I encounter– those I write, those I read, even those I watch on a movie screen. And I think it’s important to do so– but at the same time, it’s easy to get a little bogged down by that sometimes: thinking in terms of micro and macro tension, character arcs, plot pinch points, etc. etc. My girls and I also read together for hours a day, though– and at 6 and 4, neither of them is consciously thinking about any of that. They simply love and respond to good stories, love getting lost in a make-believe world. It’s a breath-of-fresh-air reminder of the overarching purpose of all those craft techniques in my writing toolbox.
You have a constant, built-in reality-check when creating fictional child characters in your own books. I admit this is a pet peeve of mine, but we’ve all read them, haven’t we? The books (and not to be mean or overly negative, but I’ve read NY Times bestsellers that in my opinion at least fall into this category) that suffer from what I have privately dubbed Utterly Unrealistic Child Syndrome. The fictional child characters who might as well have ‘plot device’ stamped across their tiny foreheads, because they are unfailingly nothing but sweet, charming, precocious, and too adorable for words. The ones who obligingly fall into instant and preternaturally sound slumber the moment their parent/guardian wants to have an important conversation or a romantic tryst. Who have perhaps one meltdown or troubled moment in the course of an entire 400 page novel– usually conveniently timed to coincide with the climactic action of the rest of the plot. Don’t get me wrong, children are miraculous, amazing, extremely adorable, and often wise beyond their years. But they’re also complicated, quirky, random, and rarely convenient to anyone’s schedule or agenda but their own. I haven’t– and wouldn’t, for the sake of their future sanity!– actually based a fictional character on either of my children. But parenting my kiddos certainly informs any child characters who do pop up in my fiction.
You’re automatically forced to use your time wisely and well. For me at least, this is a biggie. For all I sometimes feel the pinch of wishing for more writing time, I know I’m actually so much more productive than I was before I had children. People ask me how on earth I can write on average 2 or 3 books a year while homeschooling 2 young children– but it’s really not that I’m Superwoman or anything (Trust me. So not Superwoman). It’s actually because I homeschool 2 young children that I can keep up that kind of creative output. I know my writing time is limited, so there’s just no time for the kind of procrastination or pencil sharpening I struggled with before my kids came along. When the opportunity arises, I run to the keyboard and start typing.
Of course there are a million and one other non-writerly reasons I’m grateful for my children every day, but those are my writerly ones. Anyone have any others to add? (Observations about fur babies welcome, too!)
Help me out– I still have another 2 babysitter-less weeks left to go. ;-)
Anna Elliott is an author of historical fiction and fantasy. Her first series, the Twilight of Avalon trilogy, is a retelling of the Trystan and Isolde legend. She wrote her second series, the Pride and Prejudice Chronicles, chiefly to satisfy her own curiosity about what might have happened to Elizabeth Bennet, Mr. Darcy, and all the other wonderful cast of characters after the official end of Jane Austen’s classic work. She enjoys stories about strong women, and loves exploring the multitude of ways women can find their unique strengths. Anna lives in the Washington DC area with her husband and three children.
Lovely post about writing with children. As for me, I wouldn’t have become a writer without them. Here’s a quote by Katherine Paterson that resonates deeply with me: As I look back on what I have written, I can see that the very persons who have taken away my time are those who have given me something to say.
What a beautiful quotation! Thank you for sharing.
I adopted a puppy last spring just as I was beginning a rewrite and worried about fitting in walks and writing. But I learned that when the puppy was sleeping, I should be writing. Often I would stay in my chair much longer just because he was sleeping and I didn’t want to wake him!
So true! Babies or puppies, you learn to take FULL advantage of those nap-times.
For me, my kids (young girls as well) keep me grounded. They put things: life, career, writing (not always one and the same) in perspective. They keep it real. Writer’s block, rejection, deadlines, these all roll off the shoulders when my kids run to me, arms outstretched, big baby-teeth grins, and say “you’ve GOT to see this Mama.”
We are writers. But we are people first. And Mama is the greatest role I’ll ever play.
Thanks for the great reminder, Anna.
Denise Willson
Author of A Keeper’s Truth
Denise, that’s a huge one for me, too. My girls definitely keep me grounded and put even the worst writing day in perspective.
All true, Anna. Those are the benefits. Now all I have to do is steal your babysitter.
Ha! You’d have to fight me for her. As I’m sure you’ve discovered, an excellent sitter is worth her weight in gold!
This is a rather selfish observation on the benefits of having kids while writing, but I love how – as they’ve grown older – they interact with me about writing and my books.
They knew all about blogging when they were 5 and 4, respectively. They help me pick photos for my blog, and even have been featured for their puns.
Now they’re 7 and 6, and the 7 year old (who watches homemade Lego movies on YouTube) plans to turn my book into a movie. They cheer when I get a good review. And now that they are able to write, they write stories of their own. (Fantasy – mostly Lord of the Rings fan-fiction). We talk about writing and reading and they are part of my journey in ways no one else could be. Writing is something we share, and it makes it all that much more fun.
Lara, thanks for sharing! I love that aspect, too. My kids will proudly tell anyone who asks, “My mommy is an author!” and since they overhear my husband and me talking, will ask me, “So how are sales going?” Or “How many words did you write today, Mommy?”
I think it’s an amazing achievement you can write 2-3 books a year and homeschool your children, I’m in awe. My son is currently chasing my daughter around our kitchen with a broom, this is how we live, utter chaos, hence I write when my kid’s are at school! They are such an inspiration to my writing though because they make me laugh and keep me young, I’d have it no other way. Thank you for such a great post.
Gemma, that scene plays out in my house on practically a daily basis– you’re not alone! What is it with kids and brooms, anyway? ;-) As far as the writing goes, if you had told me 5 years ago that this would be my current writing setup, I would have said, no way– absolutely no way I can make that work. But yet now that we’re here, it does. Often you really don’t know what you can do until you’re doing it. :)
Great post! Your last point concerning the use of use your time critically resonates. As an at home Dad I find that I waste no minutes between my 3yr olds 9 am drop off and pick up to do editing and marketing and I have learned that every available moment is the right writing moment. A few sentences at a time can be edited for the necessary continuity at a later time.
Best to your family – keep writing!
“To my children, without whom this book would have been finished sooner.” Bhahahaha! Oh so true, so true… :) Your last point especially. I can say that I wish I had more time to write, but I used to have nothing but time (before marriage and kids) and I didn’t write. Having kids and having very limited time, when I get time to write, I write! Thanks for the reminder and the laughs. :)
Love the post and couldn’t agree more. I remember those days when I had all day to produce and never got anything done. It took becoming a mom to find my voice, my muse, my direction, and oddly, the discipline to finally use my limited time, and wisely. Cheers!
I love that “dedication,” it is so true!
I don’t write many child characters, but nonetheless parenthood has been influential for me as a writer. It has forced me to grow as a person and deepened my emotional and empathetic capacities, and those are critical for writing fiction.
Echoing others, as well; you are dead on right with the point about structure and lack of time making you efficient. My problem is that my writing time is so spread out; I have time to write, but I do so many different kinds of writing, it’s hard to focus. Still working that one out.
As for the honeymoon, maybe this is the time to go easy on writing and take some field trips with the kids? That’s how I try to look at the summer. (So glad summer break is over!)
I find my kids GIVE me ideas to write about. I have written about them more than I care to admit to them. Hey, you do what you have to do to pay the bills!
I’m reading through LM Montgomery’s journals, and I thought you’d like this:
1/16/1926
Stuart, when he was two and three years old and found himself shut out of the parlor when “mother” was writing would sweetly and patiently lie down on the hall floor outside and “throw kisses” to me under the door, desisting not until I had thrown him a kiss back, then going away contented.
This is awesome! I just had my first baby and I know how true this is.
Haha let’s just say my babysitter’s name is Naptime and she only comes for about an hour at a time so I *really* have to be productive. ;) But I have never gotten more done in an hour.