What NOT to Do When Beginning Your Novel: Advice from Literary Agents
By Chuck Sambuchino | April 22, 2013 |
photo by kirstyhall
GIVEAWAY: I am very excited to again give away a free book to a random commenter. The winner can choose either CREATE YOUR WRITER PLATFORM or the 2013 GUIDE TO LITERARY AGENTS. Commenters must live in the US/Canada; comment within one week to win. Good luck! (Update: Anita Hayes won.)
In a previous Writer Unboxed column, I discussed the value of starting your story strong and how an “inside-out” approach to narrative action can help your case. But just as important as knowing what to do when beginning your novel is knowing what not to do.
No one reads more prospective novel beginnings than literary agents. They’re the ones on the front lines — sifting through inboxes and slush piles. And they’re the ones who can tell us which Chapter 1 approaches are overused and cliche, as well as which techniques just plain don’t work. Below find a smattering of feedback from experienced literary agents on what they hate to see the first pages of a writer’s submission. Avoid these problems and tighten your submission!
FALSE BEGINNINGS
“I don’t like it when the main character dies at the end of Chapter 1. Why did I just spend all this time with this character? I feel cheated.”
– Cricket Freeman, The August Agency
“I dislike opening scenes that you think are real, then the protagonist wakes up. It makes me feel cheated.”
– Laurie McLean, Foreword Literary
IN SCIENCE FICTION
“A sci-fi novel that spends the first two pages describing the strange landscape.”
– Chip MacGregor, MacGregor Literary
PROLOGUES
“I’m not a fan of prologues, preferring to find myself in the midst of a moving plot on page 1 rather than being kept outside of it, or eased into it.”
– Michelle Andelman, Regal Literary
“Most agents hate prologues. Just make the first chapter relevant and well written.”
– Andrea Brown, Andrea Brown Literary Agency
“Prologues are usually a lazy way to give back-story chunks to the reader and can be handled with more finesse throughout the story. Damn the prologue, full speed ahead!”
– Laurie McLean, Foreword Literary
EXPOSITION/DESCRIPTION
“Perhaps my biggest pet peeve with an opening chapter is when an author features too much exposition – when they go beyond what is necessary for simply ‘setting the scene.’ I want to feel as if I’m in the hands of a master storyteller, and starting a story with long, flowery, overly-descriptive sentences (kind of like this one) makes the writer seem amateurish and the story contrived. Of course, an equally jarring beginning can be nearly as off-putting, and I hesitate to read on if I’m feeling disoriented by the fifth page. I enjoy when writers can find a good balance between exposition and mystery. Too much accounting always ruins the mystery of a novel, and the unknown is what propels us to read further.”
– Peter Miller, PMA Literary and Film Management
“The [adjective] [adjective] sun rose in the [adjective] [adjective] sky, shedding its [adjective] light across the [adjective] [adjective] [adjective] land.”
– Chip MacGregor, MacGregor Literary
“I dislike endless ‘laundry list’ character descriptions. For example: ‘She had eyes the color of a summer sky and long blonde hair that fell in ringlets past her shoulders. Her petite nose was the perfect size for her heart-shaped face. Her azure dress—with the empire waist and long, tight sleeves—sported tiny pearl buttons down the bodice. Ivory lace peeked out of the hem in front, blah, blah.’ Who cares! Work it into the story.”
– Laurie McLean, Foreword Literary
STARTING TOO SLOW
“Characters that are moving around doing little things, but essentially nothing. Washing dishes & thinking, staring out the window & thinking, tying shoes, thinking.”
– Dan Lazar, Writers House
“I don’t really like ‘first day of school’ beginnings, ‘from the beginning of time,’ or ‘once upon a time.’ Specifically, I dislike a Chapter 1 in which nothing happens.”
– Jessica Regel, Jean V. Naggar Literary Agency
IN CRIME FICTION
“Someone squinting into the sunlight with a hangover in a crime novel. Good grief — been done a million times.”
– Chip MacGregor, MacGregor Literary
IN FANTASY
“Cliché openings in fantasy can include an opening scene set in a battle (and my peeve is that I don’t know any of the characters yet so why should I care about this battle) or with a pastoral scene where the protagonist is gathering herbs (I didn’t realize how common this is).”
– Kristin Nelson, Nelson Literary
VOICE
“I know this may sound obvious, but too much ‘telling’ vs. ‘showing’ in the first chapter is a definite warning sign for me. The first chapter should present a compelling scene, not a road map for the rest of the book. The goal is to make the reader curious about your characters, fill their heads with questions that must be answered, not fill them in on exactly where, when, who and how.”
– Emily Sylvan Kim, Prospect Agency
“I hate reading purple prose – describing something so beautifully that has nothing to do with the actual story.”
– Cherry Weiner, Cherry Weiner Literary
“A cheesy hook drives me nuts. They say ‘Open with a hook!’ to grab the reader. That’s true, but there’s a fine line between an intriguing hook and one that’s just silly. An example of a silly hook would be opening with a line of overtly sexual dialogue.”
– Daniel Lazar, Writers House
“I don’t like an opening line that’s ‘My name is…,’ introducing the narrator to the reader so blatantly. There are far better ways in Chapter 1 to establish an instant connection between narrator and reader.”
– Michelle Andelman, Regal Literary
“Sometimes a reasonably good writer will create an interesting character and describe him in a compelling way, but then he’ll turn out to be some unimportant bit player.”
– Ellen Pepus, Signature Literary Agency
IN ROMANCE
“In romance, I can’t stand this scenario: A woman is awakened to find a strange man in her bedroom—and then automatically finds him attractive. I’m sorry, but if I awoke to a strange man in my bedroom, I’d be reaching for a weapon—not admiring the view.”
– Kristin Nelson, Nelson Literary Agency
IN A CHRISTIAN NOVEL
“A rape scene in a Christian novel in the first chapter.”
– Chip MacGregor, MacGregor Literary
CHARACTERS AND BACKSTORY
“I don’t like descriptions of the characters where writers make them too perfect. Heroines (and heroes) who are described physically as being virtually unflawed come across as unrelatable and boring. No ‘flowing, wind-swept golden locks’; no ‘eyes as blue as the sky’; no ‘willowy, perfect figures.’ ”
– Laura Bradford, Bradford Literary Agency
“Many writers express the character’s backstory before they get to the plot. Good writers will go back and cut that stuff out and get right to the plot. The character’s backstory stays with them—it’s in their DNA.”
– Adam Chromy, Movable Type Management
“I’m turned off when a writer feels the need to fill in all the backstory before starting the story; a story that opens on the protagonist’s mental reflection of their situation is a red flag.”
– Stephany Evans, FinePrint Literary Management
“One of the biggest problems is the ‘information dump’ in the first few pages, where the author is trying to tell us everything we supposedly need to know to understand the story. Getting to know characters in a story is like getting to know people in real life. You find out their personality and details of their life over time.”
– Rachelle Gardner, Books & Such Literary
GIVEAWAY: I am very excited to again give away a free book to a random commenter. The winner can choose either CREATE YOUR WRITER PLATFORM or the 2013 GUIDE TO LITERARY AGENTS. Commenters must live in the US/Canada; comment within one week to win. Good luck! (Update: Anita Hayes won.)
Have you read any story beginnings that didn’t sit well with you? We’d love to hear about it in comments!
Chuck Sambuchino is a freelance editor of query letters, synopses, book proposals, and manuscripts. As an editor for Writer’s Digest Books, he edits the GUIDE TO LITERARY AGENTS and the CHILDREN’S WRITER’S & ILLUSTRATOR’S MARKET. His Guide to Literary Agents Blog is one of the largest blogs in publishing. His own books include the bestselling humor book, HOW TO SURVIVE A GARDEN GNOME ATTACK, which was optioned by Sony Pictures, as well as the writing guide, CREATE YOUR WRITER PLATFORM. Connect with Chuck on Twitter or at his website.
Good advice! As a reader if a book has not piqued by interest by the end of the first page I do not continue with it.
I’m with Sally. I want to know the main characters and at least one conflict by the end of the first page or I lose interest.
I enjoyed this article because it made me feel more assured in my writing. It’s great to go down the quotes and be able to say, ‘okay, I didn’t do that one!’ I can trust my instincts. It also helps me put my finger on what I haven’t liked about some books I’ve read.
Great advice… and a few laughs too.
[…] Link to the rest at Writer Unboxed […]
More useful than a dozen books on how to write a novel. And some good laughs, too.
Back to chapter one I go. Love this blog — it makes me rethink and work harder.
Well, after reading this, I now have to start my novella all over again :)
Great info here. I’m glad I read it.
Note to self: avoid rape in Christian storytelling.
At least in the first chapter. :-P
Great advice, all of it.
Always good to read these lists and check if I’ve made any of these mistakes. Usually not, but every once in a while… :)
Thanks for posting this! Such wonderful advice–it’ll definitely be put to good use.
This couldn’t have arrived at a better time! I’ve been debating whether I should self-publish yet or not because I am not fully satisfied with my novel’s beginning. This information is extremely valuable to me and I am so glad I found it when I did. Thanks!
The worst beginning for me came from a book where the main character is in a burn unit ICU. The entire 40 page chapter was describing medical stuff, complaining about being in the hospital, more medical beeps, the same complaint, oh look! Another beep, more complaining. I wanted to shoot myself.
The worst part? I spent 3 weeks in a burn unit ICU, and the information conveyed wasn’t even correct! If someone is going to spend so much time writing about such a thing, a wee bit of research isn’t too much to hope for, is it?
Thanks for the awesome insights. Now, I have more work to do!
[…] Apparently, I am not the only writer who employs the “What Not To Do” construct. Apparently, Chuck Sambuchino thought it was a fine idea as well. He used it over at Writer Unboxed (where he’s one of the monthly contributors) to present his article, What NOT To Do When Beginning Your Novel: Advice From Literary Agents. […]
That was some really good advice! Bookmarking this page for future reference!
Great Advice!
Awesome, seems so obvious, but yet so easy to do.
I actually feel a lot better about my first chapter now! Thank you, a lot of good advice and insight.
This was very helpful! It makes sense when you read these things from people in the business.
Thanks for the advice! Really helpful stuff!
This is immensely helpful–and funny! Thank you for posting, and for the agents for speaking out.
This list is very good. I wouldn’t want to write or read a book that is an example of what was pointed out in the post.
I also dislike stories where two people, who know each other very well, say things such as, “Remember last year when you came over and I was wearing that blue outfit and you, carrying the bottle of wine that you know I like…”
Giving background information like that makes me stop reading.
Thank you.
I remember reading this in your archives. It was the reason my prologue and dream sequence got cut from my WIP, then. Still relevant info and a unique peek into the minds of the guardians…Thanks!
Great advice and made me laugh! The timing is perfect as I am starting my book this very week. Would love to win a copy of the guide to literary agents!
I don’t like beginning with repulsive character descriptions-even if the character is a deviant, there should be some compelling attraction-much like a train wreck.
Agents hate these types of beginnings, but I’ve seen books that begin just like these hated beginnings on the bookstore shelves. I refuse to read such tripe.
Yeah, totally bookmarked this and shared with my friends. Some of these are just hilarious.
Great advice; some new insights mixed with classic no-nos. My pet peeve has always been first chapters that are allegedly full of action, but written so the reader slogs through the details.
The main character dying at the beginning of a book stops me from continuing on.
I invest to much emotion in characters.
So many novels are written by people who don’t read novels, but they do watch an awful lot of movies. So they are really writing a screenplay instead of a novel, with detailed descriptions of scene, directing their characters to turn, to look out the window and think (but we don’t know where they are looking or what they are thinking), and so forth.
Thanks for this article – I agree with every remark except (maybe) the one about prologues – i’m a prologue fan, although it’s true that some I’ve read are superfluous and it would have been better to start at chapter 1. You have to ask yourself what is the purpose of the prologue, and if you don’t have a good answer, you shouldn’t have one. Very funny examples too! thanks.
Thanks for this great information! Do you have advice specifically for writers of children’s books?
Lots of great tips and advice. I love getting the inside scoop from agents and industry professionals. So helpful. Thanks for sharing!
Of course, there are great novels that break these rules, but there are many more that follow them. Your opening chapter has to accomplish a lot, so it deserves to be well crafted.
Excellent advice — and yet, I still like a good prologue, if it’s done well. Agents might hate them, but I still see a lot in published books, so it doesn’t seem to be a fatal flaw.
These are all great! For me, the ultimate turn-off is a prologue. I also think it’s cheesy when you can tell that the author is trying to be unique or different. It works in some cases, but most of the time it is unnecessary.
It might be educational for someone to compile a list of first pages that illustrate these faults/complaints/weaknesses and pair those first pages with examples of similar “style” where the author made that beginning work.
For example: one agent said to not start a book with the statement “My name is _____.” Yet, “Call me Ishmael,” from Moby Dick, is widely considered to be one of the great first lines in literature. Showing us howMelville made that work could help those of us who’ve started their WIP with that sort of opening.
Great information! I have probably been guilty of the information dump…
I’ll echo a pet peeve from the article: It curls my toes when I read books like start off in cliched ways–“My name is…”, “A long time ago…” The only way it works is if there’s some sort of twist, usually funny, and immediate. I also have a hard time when the protagonist dies in the first line.
Do first chapters have to be the literary equivalent of sound bites? Are readers so impatient, that one needs to jump right into action?
Can’t stand dead bodies in the first sentence. Vacant eyes staring at me. Bloated bodies bumping into me in the swimming pool. Assorted body parts dropping from the sky. Just yesterday I went through samples on my Kindle, found and deleted twelve bloody first page corpses.
Woof! I have read a book for every one of these examples and yes, it is painful. Thanks for the spotcheck!
Great post! I am not an agent, but as an editor and reader, I am entirely put off by overly “flowery” language, where 2 or more adjectives or adverbs precede or follow every noun or verb. It slows down the pace of the writing (and reading) and makes me fall asleep. When I read something, I want to be on the edge of my seat, not falling off the edge of the bed. Tease me, intrigue me, or scare me, but please do not overwhelm me with descriptions and qualifiers.
A lot of useful advice. So glad I didn’t do any of these in my first novel. Thanks!
I was not aware of the fantasy story cliche of gathering herbs. That’s good to know – thanks!
Very helpful comments. I’m rewriting my first two chapters now because I thought my novel started too slowly, and will keep all these remarks in mind. Thanks for this post!
I see a do-over in my future!
Love the insight. Gives me hope for my own first. i was a bit surprised to hear the Prologue advice. Some of my favorite books start with them.
Thank you for those helpful tips. I see a lot of what was said a writer should take care of in revisions, before submitting to an agent.
If getting into a story is like getting to know someone, I’ve got to admit that I probably wouldn’t want to get to know anyone who judged me by my first few pages they way these agents describe.
I’ve slept with some great first dates but they rarely turned out to be the kind of person I’d want to spend much time with. I judge a book by the third chapter….
Most of the books I love take time to get into… even the greats like Austen, Morrison, King…
I’m not sure how writing turned into speed dating but I’m of the mind I’d rather write a great middle than obsess about the first chapter. And nothing beats a satisfying ending.
Maybe agents should be reading last chapters….
Great advice! Fuel for the next revise.
I’m always confused by opinions like these, don’t get me wrong, I can’t stand it when authors describe until they’re blue in the face either but all classic novels are extremely wordy. And let’s not forget how the first twighlight novel spent two pages describing the look in Edward’s eyes…and those were best sellers. i wish someone could explain this to me.
Great collection of thoughts, Chuck. A lot to ponder. Maybe I should take another look at that first paragraph. Hmmm.
I sure am glad I did not see any of my techniques listed here. Well, maybe in my SciFi novel, but I have time to fix it now that I know of the faux pas. Thanks for this info!
So glad someone agrees with me about gimmicky, contrived hooks. Hate ’em!
Interesting. Would like to see the rest of some of the stories with the goofy beginnings. Agree with the “Moby Dick” comment but I guess if the rest of the book is terrific we can overlook the “introduction” in the beginning.
It’s great to hear what the agents do and DO NOT like! Fortunately, it seems to line up pretty well with what I do and don’t like in opening pages, too. Now — to live up to that with my own writing! Thank you again! Love your articles.
Cindy
I understand each of these reasons, but I’m also really good at justification… :) and am an avid reader. I like to get sucked in on the first page and it isn’t with descriptions!
Appreciate as much advise as I can get, especially from the experts. Thanks!
Blunt and to the point – very helpful advice from everyone who contributed. Thanks!
It’s great to FINALLY see that I MIGHT be doing something right! Very useful information, since the agents are likely the first professionals to see our work. Thanks for the post!
It’s a good thing I wasn’t drinking anything when I read the line under Christian novels. My screen would be dripping right now. I have a novel, NO SURRENDER SOLDIER, tbr Sept. 2014 by Merit Press (Adams Media/F+W Media) that could be put in that category: rape discovered in first chapter; God’s forgiveness and mercy discovered in last chapter. Good thing I never pitched it that way.
Thank you for sharing this list.
Something not directly touched on was opening with dialogue. I’ve heard rumors of this being taboo, but haven’t heard a defintive on this.
I seen it done, and I’m sure agents have seen it all, but no one really complained directly.
Knowing what not to do is often a straighter road to finding your way than knowing what you should do.
Thanks Chuck. A reference page to keep.
What an excellent post. Not only informative, but it made me feel clever for not having done any of those things!
To prologue or not to prologue…I have a prologue in my novel-in-progress that is a historical vignette, one of several in my book. I have moved it back and forth between the very beginning and just after Chapter 3 more times than I can count. This post has just inspired me to move it back after Chapter 3 so we dive right into the Chapter 1 action, and I will do my level best to keep it there. Thanks Chuck!
Any first chapter that includes the metaphor “A storm is coming” or the claim “I had no choice” makes me want to throw a book against the wall. Both have been done a gazillion times – and hello, there is *always* a choice. All options might be miserable, but you still chose one of them. Accept your consequences, people.
This were PERFECT examples of every ridiculous thing I’ve done. Chip MacGregor, you win the prize for “A rape scene in a Christian novel in the first chapter.” People, please post the name of an excellent writing coach who loves paranormal.
I am reading a novel that started out with a main character and after a few chapters the author killed him off. Then another character took his place and the same thing happened. I am almost finished with this novel and I still don’t know whose story this is. It can be very frustrating for readers.
Excellent advice! I especially agree with the tip not to spend too much time describing a character’s appearance…it almost feels like the writer is leering at him/her…
I found myself nodding my head in agreement at a number of these listed pet peeves, the back story comments in particular. I am really impressed with authors who slip in back story in bits and pieces so that it’s hardly noticable.
Also have an eye-rolling, “Yeah Yeah Yeah” reaction to trite (and let’s face it – just plain silly) descriptions of the hunky guy and the shirt stretched tight across his shoulders
Helpful info. Thanks to all.
Carol
Awesome tips here. I almost want to reformat it as an 18X20 poster and hang it where I’ll always see it!
My brother just gave me the same advice two weeks ago after reading my novel. I looked at my novel again and immediately axed the prologue and first chapter. My only wish now is that I could resubmit to literary agents who turned me down based on the first ten pages that now no longer exist.
Commenting merely to win one of your books.
So true! I would also add the “action start” where 2-5 pages later you find it’s a future crisis point and then the story shifts timelines back to “ten days earlier,” forcing you to wade through 100-200 pages leading up to the known crisis point. I’ve been known to either put the book down (if new author) or skip ahead because obviously the author felt that there wasn’t enough movement or tension in the first half of the book.
Good advice! Most of it makes me think I’m on the right track but with a great many things to think about. Thanks.
Guilty, … guilty, …I hadn’t realized I was committing so many of these pet peeves but I can see how these transgressions can have a negative impact or give off a ‘bad’ first impression. This was very insightful and I appreciated the examples, it really helped to drive it home.
Thanks for the great advice – came at the perfect time as I’m rewriting the start to my MG novel :)
Thanks for this great reminder! I agree with everything these agents said, and have either skipped ahead or put down the book forever when I’ve been bored or frustrated by these occurrences. I may be the only one on earth to say this, but I could not get past the first five pages of Life of Pi. There. I said it.
Thank you for that information. I am so happy to say that I don’t use any of those tactics. However I wonder why some best selling authors are using some of these same “don’ts” and selling millions of books.
Very helpful…but doesn’t make the task less daunting.
While there is a lot of pressure about having Chapter 1 be everything to everybody, realistically, it never can be.
I love seeing do/don’t comments from agents because it helps give me a better idea of who I should, or more importantly, shouldn’t be querying.
Really though, if the rest of the novel is crap, it doesn’t matter how “perfect” the first sentence is…
Great and interesting list. I think I should take a good look at my first chapter again before sending it out!
I try to write my stories how I would like to read them. I try to be the writer and the reader at the same time. Sometimes it’s not easy, but it helps with my writing. Great advice and I will keep it all tucked away in a corner while I write so hopefully I won’t make those dreaded first chapter mistakes.
Loved the comments. Found the dislike of prologues quite interesting. There are some writers who use them all the time and I personally like them — if they’re done well and not just some item in oblivion that I can never figure out or an excerpt from the future of this specific novel. Maybe the prologues that really work well could just be chapter 1.
Great tips from those in the know. I found the prologue part funny. Clive Cussler starts every book with a prologue, and he has no problem getting published. :)
Great post! I admit to being guilty of one or two at first. I try my hardest to not use them now.
Awesome article. Very insightful.
Certainly a lot of information to digest and difficult to use in some cases. Like all education, these snippets of what not to write have made me think — do I do this? Naturally the first answer it “of course not.” Then that slinky thought sneaks into my memory and I have to admit the truth. I have done many of these. Fortunately, most of them were revised into the trash. Thanks for good information.
Thanks for gathering so many voices together, Chuck. And thanks to the agents for specific examples.
The dreaded chapter one. I’ve struggled with it from my very first book. Each time I finish a book, I read multiple posts to glean just a little more information before I finish editing.
Guess what – I end up throwing the first TWO chapters out and start where the story should be starting. I’ve done this three times, so now I just get chapter one over and done with, not paying a whole lot of attention to it knowing I am going to throw it out anyway.
Love the info, Chuck. Keeps the real important issues in front of me at all times.
Ah, yes, I think I’ve made every single last mistake on that list! Seriously. I’m working to correct these mistakes and make my novel an attention and gut-grabbing read from the first page.
(Methinks I need to add a troubling “muffin top” for my heroine! Maybe a crooked nose on the hero.)
This is my first novel and I’ve gone through it several times, rewriting and taking out the parts where “she” bumped into “him,” nearly falling down. Although the hero did lose in a cat-human dance – the hero did fall on his cute little bum.
All “I’m tired” hilarity aside, these pet peeves do help me get an idea of what not to do. Thank you!
I laughed my ass off on some of the advice or should I write, “I laughed my [adjective] ass off as I rolled around on the [adjective] floor! Some other comments got me to chuckling too.
The advice gives me ideas for the worst first chapter ever. Isn’t there a contest every year?
How about a first chapter that starts with a perfect hero in a sci-fi battle with plenty of exposition about the dirt on which the battle is fought only to have him wake up staring into a hazy sun. That’s a keeper. :)
Thanks for organizing it by genre… that was helpful!
As someone who has started over one hundred different stories (and not finished one) this was useful information. Thanks!
Excellent post! I’d have to say I hate the ones with too much useless detail. The author focuses on something mundane and I, being the dutiful reader, figure it must be important, so I focus on it too.
I’ve been known to fling books across the room when the thing/event/item in question is a big pile of nothing ;).
Awesome information.
Great post.
So…never start with the weather, a discription of a dream, dialogue, prologue, a character thinking or washing dishes, a first person intro, a cliche, too much setting or character description, info dump, rape scene or awakening from a dream, any kind of “telling”, or a sex scene…
Wow. What exactly, is left? ;)
One article and you’ve given a bowlful of useful information. Will like & link & bookmark & all the other techy things to keep you around.
Thank You.
Just received a rejection which stated that the premise was very intriguing but the writing didn’t deliver… This blog pretty much nailed me, starting with prologue and moving on through the list! Oh, gads! Another rewrite!
Thank you for the insightful article – as all of your articles are. As I’m reading, I’m thinking, “This is common sense.” But it’s not and I think sometimes author’s don’t realize they’re doing it or they see that it’s worked for someone else, in the past. Thank you for the reminder to be diligent.
A good read with great reminders–thanks!
Time to edit the (expletive) (expletive) sun out of the (expletive) (expletive) sky.
Hot dog! As a willowy, golden tressed, exciting 21 year old beauty, I am happy to know I don’t have to describe myself…that’s so boring!
Laughs, and a slight increase in fear and trepidation!
I hated the opening to Stephanie Meyer’s novel, The Host, as an example. She prattled on for chapters without clarifying that the actual names of some of her characters were noun/verb combinations describing physical undertakings. It dragged on for ages, in book time. That kind of beginning strikes me as one that published because of author recognition, versus literary merit.
Great. I tried really hard not to do any of those things. Now can I have an agent please? :)
Thank you! I have read a lot of books where the first three chapters or whatever is backstory and I hate that. And then here I was thinking about doing the same thing! Somehow I didn’t get the message before.
I felt the rage roil up inside me when one famous thriller writer spent the entire chapter one makinge me fall in love wiith the lead character and the problems he was facing only to see him and every one in his car killed in a hail of machine gun fire in the last paragraph of chapter one. Pulled me right out of the story. I was hooked and he cut the fishing line. I set the book down and did not pick it up for a week. He was lucky that I picked up the book again to read instead of throwing it in the trash bin for that dirty trick he played on me.
Solid article. Common theme of criticisms: too much explaining. Just get to the good stuff… detail of everyone and everything should unravel, not be spilled in the first chapter.
A timely post for me – I’m completely rewriting my opening. These are good things to keep in mind as I do so. Thanks! :)
Jiminy – No not helping! I’ll never finish b/c I can’t stop obsessing over the first 10 pages of my narrative non-fiction book!
3 fully edited starts:
A. Borders on a “False Beginning:” the protagonist IS in the hospital, DOES wake completely alone & terrified, then relaxes when a nurse FINALLY shows up & says her baby girl is ok
B. A pregnancy results from a sexual assault. The pregnant college student meets a biker chick in the mall who convinces her “no one will love your baby like its Mama.” The student decides she’s good enough to keep & raise her blameless child.
C. A heart-warming (or is it too flowery???) meeting of young unwed mother & daughter after a tough delivery. It’s you and me against the world kiddo – set to the background music of “Memories” on the Johnny Carson Show
* sigh *
jk about the not helping part
LisaT
https://MamaRemembertheMusic.wordpress.com
Rallying against bullying, dating violence & self-injury
I’m so glad not to have fallen into the categories listed in these pet peeves. My sympathies to you editors. Even I was astounded that some authors use these contrivances to open their ‘great American novels’. Thank you for the advice and the relief.
Crikey, thank goodness George RR Martin and Tolkien are already published, they’d never get past the agents on your list :)
Especially Martin, how he got an agent with the opening of the Game of Thrones I’ll never know, but I am thrilled that he did.
So far so good with my opening. One critique jumped on the “I did not find a compelling reason to root for your hero.” And he had read only the first two pages and the query letter. I am hoping it was due to the query letter. If not, how soon should a reader “care” about the hero?
“…Damn the prologue, full speed ahead!”
– Laurie McLean
I believe I’ve found my new mantra. I’ll remember those six words.
I’m not only going to have a prologue, I’m going to have a TWO PART prologue between characters seperated by a year in time and 5918 miles :)
I had already put them back to back as prologue and chapter one, but my main characters and story arcs don’t start until chapter two that way. While neither the prologue or chapter 1 are not info dumps (things happen, characters worth caring about are doing things) I think introducing the main characters in chapter one is important enough.
So, in the prologue it’s 800 words of vignette, ***, then the second vignette. About 2000 words total before chapter one.
Ugh.
Start in the middle of the action — good advice. This eliminates many of the pitfalls mentioned here, because you and the reader are set in a particular spot and doing something important to the story.
This post really gave me some things to think about. The only thing that jarred me as a reader was the idea of taking out the Prologue. I’ve always loved reading them, if they’re an intriguing beginning. I’m going to share this on my fb page. Thanks!
A lot of things to keep in mind. A great article overall except that it’s making me want to cry. I have one story I’d been trying to publish for the past couple years and it OPENS with a prologue.
Not once did I ever hear that method was such a turn-off. I would have appreciated getting at least one rejection that told me that.
That’s just my style, starting with prologues. It just doesn’t make sense to me to have chapter 1,2 and so on being backstory, and suddenly in chapter 2-3, it’s set in present day. I personally find that span of time very jarring, especially when the backstory takes place decades, if not eons previous to the mainstory.
Lots of great advice. Thanks so much.
Good to know…. I think I’ll go delete my first chapter. And the prologue.
Great article. I love a good opening.
This bit of information is extremely helpful. I sometimes read blogs like this and because they usually don’t have comments from the pros I find them not credible and unreliable. But this has direct quotes from Lit. Agents that I know will help me effectively revise my stories. I am greatly appreciative of this. Thanks!!
Thank you all for the great advice! I’ve got a long way to go before I put a novel together, but this information is useful for shorter posts as well.
I too dislike a lot of description and I tend to skip over it. I could really care less. I just want to get on with the story. I also do not like prologues very well. I agree that the information could be weaved into the story.
Things not to do in the first chapter is so awesomely timely. I had intended to start my first novel two days ago. I am starting this afternoon and loved the insite.
I tried reading a book where the first sentence lasted about five pages and was full of descriptions. It was a Charles Dickens book. I have never bought a Dickens book since. It obviously worked for Dickens but it was a hard read. In fact I never finished the first sentence.
Great advice – especially about prologues. I’m going to rewrite my opening yet again.
Glad I found this site. Thank you.
Excellent advice. Writing is like golf — we can all continually be improving our craft while we continue to swing away.
Thanks, Chuck, for getting all this great information straight from the experts. You hear a lot of these comments bandied about in writers forums or critique groups and to have them validated this way is much appreciated. I can’t come up with a specific opening that put me off, but I don’t like being introduced to the entire ensemble in the very first chapter. I have a hard enough time remembering names when I meet folks face-to-face. LOL
A brilliant post! Thank you for sharing. My first chapter has been getting on my nerves and this advice will help whip it into shape.
Phew, only a couple of these pet peeves made me cringe when thinking of my novel in progress.
This is a good compilation of what not to do when beginning a novel.
Great tips – especially to take the time to give back story on characters instead of sll at once. Always a good reminder to give credit to your readers that they’ll “get” the story with out a full run down of each character. We aren’t speed dating here – let’s court for awhile first and make sure to get a second date.
Hmm…I don’t do any of these things but something is still not right with the first chapter.
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This information has proven to be invalueable. Thank you!
I am in agreement with The comments. If there isn’t Energy with action in The first few paragraphs it looses my interest. I don’t want a person to die in chapter one or the prologue. I start mourning which distracts too early and I miss details.
I like to study movie beginnings. It’s pretty obvious when something works and doesn’t work.
Opening chapters are TOUGH! They’re so hard to get right. Great advice on what not to do.
Question: If agents hate prologues, why do we see so many in published books?
Great advice, and some that I’ll take to heart when I go over my book again.
Once upon a time, there was a great post on what not to do (he, he). I found some of the pet peeves hilarious!
I am so glad someone mentioned the lunacy of having a woman startled awake by an intruder whom she then finds sexy. Who writes this silliness? A great no-no list.
You asked if we’d ever read a story beginning that didn’t sit well with us. At the risk of sounding blasphemous, I have to answer with the beginning of Flannery O’Connor’s WISE BLOOD.
“Hazel Motes sat at a forward angle on the green plush train seat, looking one minute at the window as if he might want to jump out of it, and the next down the aisle at the other end of the car. The train was racing through tree tops that fell away at intervals and showed the sun standing, very red, on the edge of the farthest woods. Nearer, the plowed fields curved and faded and the few hogs nosing in the furrows looked like large spotted stones…” Then it goes on to introduce Mrs. Wally Bee Hitchcock, describing her in details and summarizing her conversation…
On and on. If this book hadn’t been required for a college class, I would have been begging for Cliff Notes. As it turned out, I ended up appreciating the book, the main characters, the plot, and becoming a fan of O’Connor’s writing. But the opening page was a confusing yawner.
Sorry, but you asked…
Not a fan of dreams in first chapter either.
thanks for the post!
This was a great read. I noticed that I’m incredibly guilty of violating more than a few of these bits of advice. (I still don’t think I’m quite ready to relinquish that prologue…) Writing flawed characters is also kind of difficult, but I’m always worried that I’ll push a character into unsympathetic territory.
Back to the drawing board.
This is what I want from the first chapter:
• A hook that will sweep me into the story
• To be introduced to an interesting main character
* To discover the main character’s main virtue and main flaw
• To get a hint of the story’s direction
• A great narrative voice
The beginning of the first chapter of a novel should introduce the character and the setting in which the character sees action (and there should be action). But it should certainly not flail the reader to death with details of either setting or character.
It should be vivid and concise, and compel the reader onward. Other details can be scattered throughout the rest of the book as it progresses naturally.
As to prologue, um, well, ahem, I have a very short page and a half before my first chapter that does the above. There has been much conversation in my critique groups about this, and the consensus is to leave it as a prologue.
And, oh no, I have an epilogue also.
If my book ever sees the light of an agent’s eyes, I’ll likely do whatever works for that agent.
This makes me feel more secure about my first page. My MC does reflect on her situation, but this includes a description of her surroundings, not a look at her past, other than a 1 sentence look back.
Great article, but your timing is awful. Wished you would have posted this three months ago. I’m on the ‘damn the prologue’ ocean cruise with you.
Great post! I;’ve definitely read a few stories where the beginning didn’t quite sit right with me, but for most of them I stuck around to see how the rest worked itself out.
One in particular that I read where the beginning was weird/slow was Just Kids by Patti Smith. I had no clue where things were going, and even though we kind of already know the main ‘character’, I wasn’t sold that there was going to be any additional character development. I was pleasantly surprised after the first few chapters though.
I’d love to win the latest guide to literary agents!
Great post! I’ve definitely read a few stories where the beginning didn’t quite sit right with me, but for most of them I stuck around to see how the rest worked itself out.
One in particular that I read where the beginning was weird/slow was Just Kids by Patti Smith. I had no clue where things were going, and even though we kind of already know the main ‘character’, I wasn’t sold that there was going to be any additional character development. I was pleasantly surprised after the first few chapters though.
I’d love to win the latest guide to literary agents!
Why are prologues so unpopular with agents? It seems like half the novels I read have prologues. It does not appear editors share this prejudice.
This was very informative. Thanks!
Wish I had read this before I started my most recent project! But there’s still time for a rewrite, and rewrite I shall!
Ah yes the prologue! For the past two years I’ve done an experiment to skip every author’s prologue and read it at the after I finished the book. In all cases I could follow the story without trouble. For some it added to the character, but only because I finished the story and cared about their childhood (etc) by story’s end – never at the beginning.
My suggestion to all. Save all prologues for your special deleted scenes you email your fans or blog as teasers if it’s a series. That way you still keep your baby but not slow down your beginning.
Great blog post! I am going to share with my critique group, see if they are guilty of any of this. See, I’m not. (wink, wink). ;-D
Excellent points & I have shared in several writing groups. I agree with every last point. My current series is in the fantasy genre and I have read so many 1st chapters where the story starts off with a war! It’s so cliche. In fantasy, I’m also tired of elves, dark lords, orc like creatures & an inanimate object that must be given back to it’s rightful owner to save the day. I’m also tired of talking inanimate objects like swords unless it’s a children’s book (even then its been done a million times), female warriors with steel panties on & farm boys who don’t know that they are “the one”. Every writer in every genre needs to read this, thanks!
This post is a definite keeper. Thanks!
I generally skip over prologues and flip to the first chapter. It’s so true that most prologues are how lazy writers avoid weaving in back story.
I used a prologue for my first book and realize now it was a mistake. I toy with a new edition to issue as an e-book, and the prologue has to go!
So I understand the agent’s frustration.
As I have grown as a writer, I find I like to drop my reader into the middle of the action as an opening, and only tell the readers what they need to know when they need to know it.
Open with conflict, and keep the action moving.
Wow, that really opened my eyes! :)
Prologues can sometimes work, but more often then not are me, as the author, figuring out my world. I’ve found that often I can spin them into an entirely separate short story.
As for physical descriptions, when editing one of my books, I got to the very last chapter, couldn’t recall what color or length hair my heroine had, went back and found that I never once described her. Oops. :D
Interesting. Some of those I never would have thought of being a problem.
I keep hearing the comment that I start too late, too deep in the action. Perhaps it’s okay to board the ship before going full steam ahead. A full prologue may be too much, but it seems too little is also possible.
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Good points, all.
Here’s a pet peeve I have: the protagonist who is never named. Ever.
And another: leaving out the quotation marks around quotes. I’ll put down the book after the first page.
This is a very helpful article and I agree with the things stated, however, I’m going to play devil’s advocate for a moment and point out that some of the most successful books and films have done everything in the first chapter or first 10 minutes that most of these agents designated as “no-no’s.” NOTE that many of the things listed here are due to their strong influence on popular culture; after all, that’s what inspires the new generations to eventually create the trends and styles of the future.
Moby Dick (prologue, exposition, purple prose and voice)
Fight Club (prologue and exposition)
Citizen Kane (main character dies in the first three minutes, prologue and flashbacks)
Pirates of The Caribbean (prologue and dream sequence)
Inception (prologue and dream sequence)
Lawrence of Arabia (main character dies in the first three minutes, prologue and flashbacks)
Lord of The Rings (prologue, purple prose and exposition. LOTS of exposition)
Harry Potter (prologue and exposition)
Great Expectations (prologue, voice, backstory, exposition, and purple prose)
A Study in Scarlet-Sherlock Holmes’ Introductory Novel (prologue, voice, backstory and exposition)
Batman Begins (prologue, backstory and dream sequence)
A Tale of Two Cities (prologue, backstory, purple prose and exposition)
To Kill A Mockingbird (voice, exposition and backstory)
Reservoir Dogs (prologue, exposition and main character is going to die within the first five minutes)
Silence of The Lambs (lots of exposition)
Based on what these agents are saying, it’s a miracle that anything gets published or filmed. If any of the works listed above would have fallen on any of their desks, we probably never would have been able to experience them.
Touché!
Nothing beats a book when all the above are done really well, in a practised way, to demonstrate the experience and savoir faire of the author. The listed items are the hardest things to accomplish, which is why they immediately stick out as being awkwardly handled when compared with examples in the canon.
Some “info dumps” can be startlingly engaging, some “purple prose” so striking and so important in a literary sense they can win the Booker. Take “Possession” by AS Byatt, shortly to be released once more in hardback to mark its importance. It contains all these aspects and more – there is enough material that’s non-essential to the story, and which does nothing for the plot, that the book might be cut down by half … but then what?
It would be like taking a box of exquisite marron glaces and pralines, ridding them of their little cases and beautiful packaging, and handing them to me in a plastic bag, like some common TV MIX chokkies. Would I reach out for them? Probably not. Would I read “Possession” over and over again if it were stripped of its non-essential parts? It would not be the same novel, would it? It would be just another writing-class product, bereft of genius.
Thank you Michelle!!!
I cut out the backstory, made the character relatable by page two, and cut straight to the action. Can I keep the dream sequence if it’s a recreation of my character’s memory of an event? Crud, back to the drawing board.
Many books start out with so much backstory that I skip pages to get to the ‘real’ story–if I don’t close the book first.
~Debbie
I hadn’t thought about the fantasy opening where someone is gathering herbs in a field – but I’ll keep an eye out for it from now on!
It’s always good to know what the agents are thinking, thanks for this. :)
As a writer who has not led critique groups or read through slush piles, I like to write whatever needs to be written in the draft, and this sometimes fits into some of the pet peeves above. As long as my revision is tight, I enjoy having no rules at first, even if it’s garbage.
Great stuff. I’m sending this link to everyone in my writing group!
Anyone else get tired of the winds sweeping out of somewhere and into somewhere introductions to the Wheel of Time books? I know I did.
This is an awesome post, and it helps a lot :) Great advice!
Great list, but I agree whole heartedly with what Lyndsay wrote — “I was also surprised about the anti-prologue sentiments. A great many of my favorite books kept me reading on because of an intriguing prologue. It would be interesting to find out if this is this opinion of the majority of literary agents or just those represented here.”
As a reader I like prologues that are written well and aren’t too long. Maybe one reason why agents don’t like them is because they have to read so many bad ones. I think one instance where a prologue does a great job is when it gives the reader a point of view they would not otherwise experience. In fact most of the first chapters of JK Rowling’s Harry Potter books could just as easily have been prologues and they felt a little like that as we were seeing scenes all about the villains to which Harry wasn’t privy.
Personally my own WIP has a prologue because it is short, gives the reader a point of view they wouldn’t otherwise experience, and because this book is part of a series and I plan for there to be some parallelism between the novels with all of them having a prologue from the same character’s point of view (which isn’t the MC in my first person narrative urban fantasy novel) Just my two cents.
I am using a prologue in my novel, however it is only one-page in length, and has no actual characters. It is simply for setting a “mood”. Unfortunately, I found that in chapter one, I have spent too much time describing a mundane action that my main character is doing (driving), so I realize that I should go back (yet, again), and do some more revising. As far as stories that jump right in, “in medias res”, I do enjoy that effect and believe that can be a powerful way of drawing the reader in.
My pet peeve as a reader is a beginning that rambles on without letting me know the main character’s overall story goal. I want to say to the writer, “Where are we going with all this?”
Awesome article! It’s interesting that prologues were mentioned. A few friends who have read my new manuscript are telling me to add a prologue. I don’t think so now. Thank you so much!
Keep the great articles coming – they are eye-openers for me.
Debbie – Maybe the suggestion for the prologue is a desire for the story to set the scene just a little more. Bits of exposition early on, tucked in here and there may work just as well.
If I cringed during the reading of this post it is because I recognize myself in some of the comments. I like to think I don’t make those mistakes anymore, that as I’ve studied the craft of writing I’ve become better at recognizing those flaws in my own work, the better to avoid them. But I’m not perfect, and neither is my writing. Fortunately, I belong to a terrific writers’ group, and I can always be certain they’ll catch anything major before I embarrass myself with a premature submission. :)
Great info. Thanks for compiling and sharing it, Chuck!
This article is alternately hilarious and terrifying!
I don’t find too many of these annoying (except the adjective thing!), but then I don’t see as many books as an agent would. What makes me put a book down forever is bad writing, plain and simple. When the story gets muddled under clunky sentences, terrible dialogue, and wandering focus, I quit reading. The best writing makes me forget that I’m reading. :)
I had no idea about some of these. I need to go back and do some editing. Thanks for the giveaway.
There are as many differing opinions as there are agents. A good story is a good story, no matter what the author’s voice or style. It’s the readers who should decide, not the all-too-often myopic gate keepers. Thus the value of self-publishing today. Chris Paolini became a national best seller, but NO ONE would publish him until he published his own work first and sold a few thousand copies by hand. That’s just one example of many in recent years. So much for the good judgement of all those agents and editors who rejected Eragon in the beginning. And that includes all those who rejected Harry Potter. And those who rejected MY first children’s book, THE LEGEND OF HOBBOMOCK: THE SLEEPING GIANT that went on to win a Connecticut Press Club award and become a local best seller — and the single best-selling title ever at the North Haven CT Barnes & Noble.
As an aspiring writer I am overwhelmed by how little I know.
How ever will this amazing storyline see the light of day?
I read a book that began, “Mable had known there would be silence.” I wanted to know why. The book’s cover stopped my browsing, and I read the first sentence. I kept reading, because the pages tempted me with crumbs of curiousity. Was it a great book? No, but it was an escape read that served the purpose of giving me a break from my complicated life. The book, “The Snow Child.” I am not a writer, but an artist and a reader-I read a lot.
Oops!
I think there are ways to start stories with preludes, but it does need to be treated the right way. Done poorly, it is a bad way to start!
Love the other points, too. Really good to see what agents have to suffer through… whew!
Thanks!
Thanks so much for this! I am now happily patting myself on the back that I am not an offender of ANY of the above!!! (insert rediculous, gutteral, guffaw here) I am working on my first novel, and I have been hesitant to really consider publishing… but the more I read on WD the more confidence I gain that I have something special in my novel! :D
Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!!!
Most of them I knew, and some of it came as a surprise to me. I didn’t know that some people kill off the main character in chapter 1. Some of them I found funny (in an ironic sort of way).
I’m definitely bookmarking this site for future posts.
Good post but there is always another way to look at things. Prologues. Some writer’s who use prologues could favor them because they are also readers who enjoy prologues. The best way to view them is in concern to how they are written and what their importance may be to the story as a whole.
Some are no-brainers but always good to get a reminder now and then to ensure we’re all on the same page, (pun intended – sorry).
Nice piece.
Would love more mystery moves to avoid. One I personally could happily miss in future mysteries: The book opening in the confused pov of the killer, who conveniently has a mental nickname for himself.
Thanks so much for sharing this post. Aside from being absolutely hilarious, it has helped me see just how far I’ve come as a writer, and how far I still need to go. I’m sharing this one with my critique group.
Thanks again!
I confess that I open my fantasy story with two of the characters dueling but it’s sparring practice, not a fight to the death. I wanted to show rather than tell that the two girls live in a society where women are trained as warriors. Thoughts? I’m quite happy with that intro but I’m open to opinions and suggestions too.
All of these are good points that I try to instill in my students. In today’s world, readers don’t have time to waste. They want to get right into action and a moving story. Although I am not that way and I enjoy a prologue, well-written, and a little back story, I know what readers tell me and they don’t want to read a chapter before the story really begins.
I’d say, find your own way to tell your story as creatively as you can. Trying to write by formulas makes for tired writing. Yeah, “Moby Dick” starts with a variant on “My name is… ” but in Melville’s time that was a big surprise. Another great opening line I remember is Thomas Mann’s start to “Joseph and his Brothers” : “Very deep is the well of the past.” It completely engaged my imagination and kept me going through the lengthy exposition that followed.
“Who Deserves to Pay Taxes?” https://blogs.record-eagle.com/?p=10183
I hate novels that tell me the time and date first….I will figure that out…hopefully.
Interesting information. I think, though, that what agents want and what readers want tend to be two different things. The whole discussion about whether or not to have a prologue has been waging for a while. While some agents don’t like one, others don’t have a problem with it. And when done correctly — which is probably why the dislike of the prologue, it’s not always done correctly — it does go over very well with readers.
Very interesting indeed. And a lot here to take to heart.
Great article! I must say that I’m now reconsidering the Prologue I added to my book after the first draft. I don’t want to turn off an agent from the very first page.
Some good comments, but its always interesting that every agent has a different opinion. If writers followed every suggestion they would never get a story completed. I like the saying, “write a good story, people will read it.”
I’ve been writing for some time, but am a novice to submitting to agencies. I found this post very helpful and will use these recommendations to review some of my work before submitting!
Excellent post, especially the point about Christian novels. i’m appalled at the rape culture in some “Christian” books.
I had to laugh at a few of these… Who kills their main character off in the first chapter? Seriously, this was great advice. Thanks for sharing!