3 Tips for Riding the Rejection/Acceptance Roller Coaster
By Suzannah Windsor Freeman | October 7, 2011 |
The writing life is one never-ending roller coaster ride of rejections and acceptances, of form rejections and personal rejections, of thoughtful feedback and hurtful criticism.
One day, you’re down in the dumps. The next you’re on top of the world, and nothing can come between you and your victory.
Until the next dip in the ride.
Ever since I got back into writing short stories and submitting them to literary magazines, I’ve personally experienced the ups and downs of the writing life. With my most recent story out on submission, I’ve found the mixed messages especially difficult to deal with.
I’ve received form rejections from very small publications, which made me second-guess my ability to write. A form rejection from a tiny, nobody’s-ever-hear-of-you magazine hurts a lot more than a form rejection from a top-tier journal. If the little guys don’t like my work, does that mean it’s not very good? Should I just give up now?
On the other hand…
I’ve received personal rejections from higher-tiered journals, praising some aspect of my work and encouraging me to submit more. So, a few of the more well-known magazines have said they liked my writing and wanted to see something else. I don’t get it. I thought those form rejections meant my writing wasn’t very good. Does this mean there’s hope after all?
Just when a seemingly endless string of rejections—both form and personal—started to crowd my rejection folder, and just when I was seriously considering withdrawing my work from consideration…
I’ve received a letter of acceptance from a university-affiliated, print-based journal. Expecting just another “Thanks, but no thanks,” and instead reading “We absolutely love this and want to accept it for publication,” sends me into a state of elation. You mean they want to publish my story? The one that nobody else seemed to want?
Today I’m on top of the world. Somebody likes my writing. Someone wants to publish my story.
But I have to remember that although victory tastes sweet, more rejection waits just around the corner. If I want to stay in the game, I have to learn how to ride the coaster without falling off.
Here are three keys I’ve personally found to help with the ups and downs:
1. Remember that writing is subjective.
Why do some agents or editors think your writing merits only a form rejection, while others think it merits publication? Because all writing is subjective.
It depends on the reader, on the potential audience, on the market, and on a lot of other factors. Just because one person doesn’t like your work doesn’t mean nobody will like your work. Every book you classify a masterpiece, someone else considers not fit to be read. And a book you find snore-inducing probably keeps someone else awake at night.
Often, it’s not a matter of “my writing is crap,” so much as “I just haven’t found the right place for it yet.”
2. Celebrate high-point accomplishments.
The top of the roller coaster is obviously the most fun place to be. It validates all your hard work and assures you that someone enjoys your writing.
Whether your high-point be an outright acceptance or a positive personal rejection, celebrate your accomplishments along the way. If you don’t have big things to celebrate, focus on the small steps. Acknowledge how far you’ve come in your writing journey.
On the other hand, don’t get too cocky just yet. Staying humble keeps you grounded so you can focus on improving your craft.
3. Embrace low-point teachable moments.
No one likes rejection, but hitting bottom can often be the point at which you acknowledge your personal weaknesses.
If you’re getting nothing but form rejections, take a close look at your work. What are those agents or editors seeing (or not seeing) that’s turning them off? Is your story strong, but your prose weak? Are you telling the wrong story? Is there enough conflict? Show your piece to fellow writers and ask for a critique.
Look for teachable moments in the low-points of your journey, and apply them to help you better your writing.
Staying on Track
Whether you experience more ups or downs, know that every writer goes through the same emotional turmoil to some extent.
- How do you keep yourself on track when you’re facing more rejections than you can handle?
- What personal victories have shot you to the top of the emotional roller coaster?
- Have you had any personal experiences that support the “writing is subjective” argument?
Here’s to hoping for high-highs, productive lows, and the strength to keep it all together in between!
Photo courtesy of gaelenh on Flickr
Suzannah Windsor Freeman is a Canadian freelance writer and editor whose work has appeared in The Writer, Sou’wester, Grist, Saw Palm, Anderbo, The Best of the Sand Hill Review, and others. She is the managing editor of Compose: A Journal of Simply Good Writing and Writeitsideways.com. She lives in Ontario with her husband and four children.
Good reminder, Suzannah, that writing is inner directed at its core. For the roller coaster, I need look no further than the reviews I receive on my works on Amazon. As you know, the reviewers post a comment then click a one-to-five star rating. I have works that get great comments and five-star ratings and the next guy gives the same piece a one-star and comment that I ‘wasted his time’…with a free download. Sigh.
I love this photo.
Celebrating success (#2) is definitely important, but compared to the other two–remembering that it’s all subjective (#1) and embracing teachable moments (#3)–it’s short lived. In my opinion, #1 and #3 are key, and involve personal strength. You have to believe in your work to persevere, but you have to hear critique and evolve your work–and yourself–in order to reach new (loopy, scream-worthy, something-to-celebrate) heights. Learn to thrive while on the ride however you can, because once you’re published, you’re on a whole new roller coaster.
Thanks for a great post, Suzannah!
Great post, Suzannah! For me, the key to surviving the ups and downs (and Therese is absolutely right, once you’re published it’s just a whole new–and often even tougher–roller coaster) is that I have to just focus on the writing. Define ‘success’ as writing words that I’m happy with every day, crafting a story I love. Anything external that happens beyond that is either great or challenging–but loving the writing and the story I’m telling is my center.
I like your view, Anna. When it comes to the ups and downs in life, my strategy is too keep the highs from going to high and the lows from going to low. Focusing on something more steady – ie; your enjoyment of writing – sounds like a very good technique.
I agree with Anna. The bottom line is that any writer needs to keep forging forward. I am blessed and cursed with a mercurial personality, and left to my own natural devices, I go up and down with the dramas of every success and failure (of every aspect of my life).
But that’s ultimately exhausting. With experience, I’ve learned to moderate the highs and lows. Maybe it’ the perspective of middle ago – the realization that one rejection doesn’t matter so much in the grand scheme of life.
I’ve also got a new mantra when I find myself tempted to lick my wounds over book sales or feeling “blocked” : This is a first world problem. People would feel lucky to have this problem.
I know people say “if you’ve had nothing but rejections then something is wrong with the query.”
But I’ve had one partial request and about a dozen rejections.
So I don’t know where I stand. Do I keep going? Is it a waste of everyone’s time because my début novel doesn’t follow début novel rules (standard high fantasy with a non-linear timeline, complex worldbuilding and a massive backstory woven in) but more closely follows a sophomore novel? Do I trunk it even though it’s had a partial and concentrate on polishing a novel I think more strictly adheres to a début novel standard?
I don’t mind getting rejections. But it’s not all I’ve had, so I know someone has seen something and I want to know if anyone else will as well.
Great reminder that the journey isn’t linear. I remember being shocked at a conference to hear that Jane Yolen hasn’t been able to get many of her books published recently. Wow. And she’s Jane Yolen! It’s not necessarily the writing, so we have to stop measuring ourselves according to how editors see the work and instead measure our own progress. This is an excellent reminder.
Thanks,
Martina
Great post. I’ve always said that rejections are great because it brings you one step closer to acceptance. I don’t always believe that however.
Lou
Hi everyone, and thanks so much for your wonderful comments so far!
@Alex: Amazon ratings surely must be frustrating. The wide variety of ratings does prove that writing is subjective and everyone has their own opinion!
@Therese: Thanks so much for your thoughts, and for reminding us that the ups and downs don’t stop once you’re published (and that, in fact, they’re probably worse)!
@Anna: Thanks for chiming in! In terms of external validation, I like your concept of being happy with the words you write every day. I think I read somewhere that Alice Munro never read her reviews whether they were good or bad, because she felt the bad ones would give her hack away at her confidence and the good ones would make her cocky. An interesting approach!
@Kathrine: I agree that enjoyment of writing is definitely key, because if you don’t enjoy it, there’s not much point in it! Of course, writing is still difficult and some parts are more fun than others, but focusing on how much you love writing is another great point. Thanks!
@Mari: So true that a lot of aspiring novelists would feel lucky to have the problem of poor book sales and other things published authors face. It helps to remember that even if your book isn’t wildly successful this week or this month, you were extraordinarily successful to even have a book traditionally published at all! A year ago when I had zero publication credits to my name, I would have loved to be in the position I am today with three print short story credits. It’s all relative to where you are, I suppose!
@Lissa: That’s a tricky one. I wouldn’t give up just yet, though. I think it’s Noah Lukeman who recommends you query 100 agents before giving up. But, you could always workshop your query letter a little more to see if people think it could be improved. Has anyone else here been through the same experience and can give Lissa some advice?
@Martina: Thanks for the excellent reminder that sometimes it’s market considerations and not our writing that’s the problem!
@Lou: Rejections could be considered “great” if you look at it as meaning you’re writing and getting your work out there for consideration, versus not producing and/or submitting anything at all! But still, none of us like it :)
For me, another factor is that it’s okay to feel bad about rejection. It’s one things to *know* all these things are true, it’s another to apply them while that rejection is still burning like a flame in my hand.
I can give myself, say, that night, perhaps even two nights – to be bummed out. After that I can better focus on the high points and seek the teachable lessons.
Rejections are an important part of life; they keep you from getting too uppity and overconfident. On the other hand, it’s OK to feel bad about them, as long as you don’t allow yourself to wallow for too long. The most important thing is not to take them personally. They don’t mean you’re bad or your writing is bad or you will never succeed. They just mean that this wasn’t your shot.
I bet those never-heard-of-them journals get more submissions than we imagine, given the number of us out there trying to write. The only short story I’ve submitted got a very personal rejection from a pretty decent magazine, so oddly enough, that ended up being encouraging. I really need to get back on the horse and try to get some short stories out there; I’ve been so focused on novels because being concise is my biggest challenge!
Like everything in life, when you get rejected there’s also a chance that next time you’ll be accepted! so good luck!
I think you have to expect rejection as a writer and embrace it. Knowing that rejection is part of the process makes it a little easier. I had plenty of rejection before I found my editor, but all it takes is one believer.
I’m bookmarking this one to come back and read on those ‘dip’ days!
Thank you!
When it comes to rejection it’s important, at least for me, to separate the work from the self. I, personally, am not being rejected. It’s the work that’s being rejected and the work can be fixed. (Me, that’s another story!)
Remembering that writing is subjective is one of the hardest things for me. You spend so much time on your baby, and it just might not be for some agents, editors, etc. That doesn’t mean it’s bad, just not right. Thanks for the reminder and tips!
Thanks, everyone, for some more interesting thoughts on rejection and how you cope with it!
@Kristin: I’m sure you’re right about how many submissions even the small journals get. There are a whole lot of writers out there!
@Petrea: Yes, it’s good to separate the work from yourself and remember that writing can be revised over and over until it’s ‘perfect.’
Have a great day, everyone!
I like your tips i think that you got them only from experience, i can add that what is for sure that not everybody will like you and you have to keep on in your way and remember that Success is a leap from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm :-)
You make some very good points. For me, the worst thing is being rejected without even knowing why. The ”Thanks, but no thanks” rejection does not let you really understand what you did wrong.