Strike Back Against Setbacks
By Jael McHenry | October 3, 2011 |
I am a notorious brightsider. On Writer Unboxed and elsewhere, I have advocated for persistence and positivity, for not letting artistic or career setbacks get you down, for not being jealous of other writers’ success. I have talked about my own long road to publication, and advised other writers “don’t give up, and don’t go it alone”, because sticking with it doesn’t guarantee that you’ll get published, but giving up guarantees that you won’t.
However. I have bad days just like anyone else. And on those days, my “Someone else’s book is doing so much better than mine, waaah” self kind of wants to punch my “Don’t worry about it! All you can do is write the best book you can!” self in the throat.
So when platitudes of positivity aren’t enough, what happens? What’s the practical, rubber-meets-the-road advice that will get you through the inevitable setbacks? What do you actually do?
There are three ways to address any setback. Pick one.
1. Head-on. I don’t mean that if you’re jealous of another writer you should write them a long email detailing all your jealousies, but you should work hard, that very minute, on whatever you can control. If you’re depressed about queries getting rejected, send out more queries. If you feel like your upcoming book doesn’t have enough blurbs, write to authors you love and ask (politely) for blurbs. If you’re worried that another book out in the market is too similar to your work in progress, go buy a copy of that other book and read it. For every way that you can possibly flip out (believe me, they are nearly infinite) there is some way that you can address that flip-out. You probably can’t dissolve it entirely, but you can make it smaller.
2. Off to the side. Does the head-on strategy seem too daunting? That’s okay. Work, but work on something else. If your first book has just gone out into the world and you’re worried about bad reviews and/or low sales numbers, get cracking on book #2. If your work-in-progress hits a snag and you just can’t make yourself unsnarl it, go off in another direction — brainstorm another concept, research Facebook ads, look at agent blogs, whatever. Do something that’s related to your writing in some other way. It may not solve the current problem, but it keeps you from stagnating, and that’s a powerful thing. Progress is progress.
3. Not at all. This is a perfectly valid reaction, but there’s a trick to it. If you get a rejection from your dream agent, for example, you don’t have to send out a huge batch of queries that same day. You can say, “Today, I am doing nothing about this.” The trick is, decide it for just that day, and the next day, decide again. The trick is that you choose anew, every day, intentionally. And if you decide to do nothing, do nothing writing-related. Watch movies or play with kittens or polish the silver or focus on your family. That way, if you can’t make progress, you can at least get some time away from the stress and the worry. And it just might make it easier for you to come back the next day, renewed and ready to strike.
It almost doesn’t matter which of these methods you choose, in the long run. But choose something. Because thinking positive is great — I highly recommend it — but what you think also has to mesh with what you do.
(Photo via Flickr Creative Commons by Alaskan Dude)
Jael McHenry is the debut author of The Kitchen Daughter (Simon & Schuster/Gallery Books, April 12, 2011). Her work has appeared in publications such as the North American Review, Indiana Review, and the Graduate Review at American University, where she earned her MFA in Creative Writing. You can read more about Jael and her book at jaelmchenry.com or follow her on Twitter at @jaelmchenry.
Excellent advice, although one must be careful to pay attention to that “for TODAY” in #3. Although I try to get involved in some aspect of writing, there’s nothing worse than looking at that WIP and seeing you haven’t done anything for 10 days.
I keep telling myself that as soon as I figure out how the body got into the locked room, I’ll zip ahead again. But I have to remind myself that I have to sit down and figure it out.
Terry
As a long time sufferer of writer’s block, this speaks to me. I think the only other thing that helps is the “don’t go it alone” portion of your advice in the first paragraph. It’s hard for me to reach out, but it’s completely worth it, no matter which of the other three I wind up going with. And I absolutely agree: positive thought is only part of the equation. Small, conscious action is crucial. Thanks for this post!
I think what I’d like to add to #3 is a modification. At least some of the time the right course of action is to do nothing … for the moment. Knee-jerk responses to things generally backfire on us and many of us have lived to regret not taking the time to think about what might be a more appropriate course of action. That response might still be to do nothing, to ignore whatever it is but at least we will have considered our options.
Love this clarification, Jim. Reacting too fast to anything — critique, criticism, setbacks, even things that look positive at first — can lead to trouble. Never hurts to ponder things a bit before jumping in.
Thank you for this post. I have had experience with number two. Books and even television shows have seemed too similar to my manuscript. I then would read or watch them and learn that the similarites were superficial and far-between. Thanks again for the post. I found it very helpful.
Wonderful article! I just wrote about this topic on my blog. It’s very hard to keep positive and it is a long road to publishing.
Brittany Roshelle
The Write Stuff
I also very much agree that writers need to hit such doubts and negativity head on. That’s all you really can do. Otherwise, you and your writing stagnates.
Brittany Roshelle
The Write Stuff
Perhaps #3 is best rephrased as “take a break” or “let your emotions cool”, since, as others have pointed out, you want your non-action to be a momentary occurrence, not the beginning of a habit or a long stretch of unproductivity.
I’m just glad to see a post offer multiple approaches to deal with a problem. Too many try to offer one-size-fits-all solutions or absolutisms, but every situation differs depending on the details, context, and players, and no one approach is going to apply in every situation.
Great advice. I especially like #3. Sometimes the best course of action is not to act.
Jael,
Thanks for the great advice. This reminds me of a banner former New York Giants Head Coach hung in the team’s locker room. It consisted of six words:
Expect nothing.
Blame nobody.
Do Something.
These are words for football players and authors to heed.
The coach’s name was Dan Reaves. Sorry it was omitted from the last comment.
Thank you for this! I’m a keep positive kind of person myself, but this week I’m struggling. I think number 3 is especially key. Sometimes we need a break. A conscious decision to do nothing.
Very nice post. I’m bogged down in this stupid editing from hell stage with my WIP…this plodding along seems to leave my creative mind with lots of time to think about what an enormous waste of time this whole writing gig is… Good to see some plans of action to address my wallowing!
Really enjoyed this post, Jael. I’d add to #1 by saying, “feel what you’re feeling.” Especially when it comes to the little stings of jealousy we all feel, no matter where we are in our careers. There’s a tendency to run away from the less attractive things we feel, but they often have something to say. What do I want?, for example.
At the very least, acknowledging that yes, I really feel THIS means it can be addressed and healed in the long run.
And there are definitely days that pulling the covers over my head and watching 200 episodes of whatever TV series I’m currently watching works better than anything else.
Good simple approaches. Just categorizing your reactions is a way of dealing with issues. I like this.
Hope Clark
FundsforWriters.com
I’m currently working on #2. I always feel better when I’ve achieved a good chunk of writing, and once I’ve started writing I forget what’s going on around me anyway.
Great advice. Thanks!
Fantastic thoughts, Jael.
Thank you for writing about this, and sharing your positivity with the writing world at large. It’s so easy in our Web world to be upset about something, and blurt it out for the whole world to see and read on the internet. It’s so important to find ways, I think, instead of venting, to turn the disappointment or tough stuff into positive energy. These are three wonderful ways.
Thank you!
Everything you said is right on point. I strongly agree with #2, because I do have writer’s block from time to time (although I’ve heard people say it doesn’t exist) and when I do, I find something else to do related to writing. I may work on another WIP or take a break to clear my mind.
Thanks for this timely reminder. I’m an optimist, too, but as a writer sometimes find myself drawn into overwhelmedness (yes, I made that word up!). Good tips!
Judy Christie
What you are saying is to choose.. this is good advice, every day choose to work, or choose to wait or choose to fight on, and tomorrow choose again. Apathy is a terrible thing isn’t it. I have to write something new every day, period, a new blog page and at least 500 new words in the Big Work. Often it is rubbish but you have to choose to get busy. I liked your post.. thank you.. c
Great advice!
Judging by the photograph–which appears to illustrate the “head on” approach–I’m going to go with option #3.
Anne, ha! I thought of him as experiencing a setback, but it’s true that whatever he’s doing, he’s doing it head-on.
I love these ideas and I think I’ve tried them all at one point or another. I generally go with #1 — trying to change the aspects that I can control. But I’m also a big fan of taking a break, either with another project or a string of Glee episodes.
And for those times when you are doubting yourself: I LOVED The Kitchen Daughter and everyone I know who has read it loved it just as much!
@ Jim Murdoch.
I misread the first sentence of your comment as “I think what I’d like to add to #3 is MEDICATION.”
Medication! Yes!
And if you don’t care to medicate, have a glass of wine or a cold beer and start again bright and early tomorrow. Action has rarely failed to produce results!