Obsessive Compulsive Editing Disorder (And How to Fight It)
By Jeanne Kisacky | September 30, 2010 |
I’ve been writing the same book for ten years. Well, OK. I wrote it once, and since then I’ve been continuously rewriting it. Now there are those who write a passage and it’s beautiful, and they never have to edit. I’m not one of those. I’ve been known to have over a dozen drafts to get words exactly where I want them. However, ten years is a long time for one book, even for me. There was something else going on than simple editing, and it’s that something else that I want to write about. It’s called fear.
I finished a presentable draft of my WIP in 2001, and sent queries out to four big name agents. Two asked for sample chapters–I danced around my room for a few weeks in anticipation. All of them passed on it. None gave a clear indication why; the best I got was that it just “didn’t grab” them as much as they’d thought. Now in academic publishing (my background) when you send a piece out for review, you get back concrete, if cranky, comments that range from suggestions on exactly what research is missing to which parts of the article were unconvincing. The agent reaction to my fiction submission was minimal and vague; this opened the door to self-doubt. Why hadn’t it grabbed them? Was my work as good as it needed to be?
So, this is where I made the big mistake and listened to those doubts, and not to all the available advice on how to find an agent, which would have had me simply send out more queries. I listened to those doubts because they led me back into familiar, almost comforting, territory—editing. It was so much less scary to sit with my pages than to send them out into the world. So I sat down and edited the heck out of it, again, until I had bright, shiny, completed manuscript version 2. Then I sent out a few more queries, received a few more rejections, and sat down for another rewrite.
Clearly, I had developed an obsessive compulsive editing disorder. Sending out queries and sample chapters potentially placed the book outside of my control. The editing was a coping strategy; it brought the work back under my thumb.
I’m now trying to fix my ‘disorder,’ not my work. This requires learning healthier strategies for dealing with the uncertainties of being an unpublished writer. Years ago, when I was struggling to finish a project, an advisor told me a hard and elusive truth: “There are two kinds of written works–perfect ones and finished ones. The latter are better.” He was right. The bottom line is that I have to learn to let go.
So, I’m trying two strategies to shortcircuit the compulsion.
First, I’ve asked several writer friends for their reaction to the latest version of the project. What they tell me will at least give me a barometer as to its readiness, and some concrete input that will hopefully defuse the unsettling vague silence of agent submission rejections.
Second, I’m going to try to keep a more steady flow of outgoing queries (at least one a day), so that when a rejection rolls in (and it will) other queries will still be pending. That means there will still be hope remaining–enough, perhaps, to let me leave that red pen on the table.
Any other compulsive self-editors out there? What are your strategies for beating the fear?
Photo Courtesy of Innadril at DeviantArt
Jeanne Kisacky trained to be an architect before going back to her first love–writing. She studied the history of architecture, has written and published nonfiction, and has taught college courses. She is the author of Rise of the Modern Hospital: An Architectural History of Health and Healing, 1870-1940.
Great post! And, boy oh boy, do I identify with you. I have a problem with listening to and applying every criticism I get — even when they’re contradictory. Needless to say, after having 9 people read my WIP and hearing 9 different sets of suggestions and gripes and likes/dislikes, I’ve had to take a step back and THINK.
Just like I don’t like books that a lot of people love (I also love books a lot of people hate), I can’t have that many beta readers and expect consensus. I can’t possibly tailor my edits to each person’s tastes. I can’t KEEP EDITING AFTER EVERY READER GETS THROUGH WITH MY NOVEL!
Like you, I’m a compulsive editor. I haven’y even tried sending to agents yet because I’m scared. And you worded it exactly right — I’m placing the book outside of my control… which is totally terrifying. But enough fear, right? It’s time to let the control go.
Thanks for the insight and advice!
Jeanne, At the risk of dispensing tough love, I’ve seen this situation in some of my writing colleagues, and the answer was eventually putting that book aside (shedding a few tears in the process) and starting another one. Maybe it’s not your writing. Maybe it’s the subject matter.
Persistence is important, and I applaud you for yours. WU contributor Ray Rhamey told me that his editing colleagues felt that it took writing two or three books before an author finally begins to “get it.” Sort of like the first waffle, the one you throw away.
Don’t interpret this as advice to quit. It’s advice to keep on trying, because persistence pays in writing. Thanks for sharing.
A tip I got at a writing workshop was to send out your ms and, while you are waiting, get your list of the next places where you’ll submit. Once the rejections come back, send the ms out to the next place. You have your Plan B ready to go and are never at a loss for your next step.
I have had this trouble, too, although in my case the WIP is “only” 5 years old, and I can excuse that b/c I have been raising tinies the whole time, amid many nonfiction projects which have been completed & pushed out of the nest.
Still, I’ve decided that it is time to push this one out of the nest, painful as it is, and move on to a new project. Which is terrifying in its own right. With all that I learned on my last one, I’m paranoid beyond belief about those darned opening pages!
I hear you on this one, but I have to echo Richard. I finally broke through the agent hoop (not the publishing one yet) when I moved on to other projects. That doesn’t mean I stopped querying the earlier book, just that I gave my brain something new to obsess about. That made all the difference.
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Susan: Hang in there. Maybe if you have a number of readers, wait until all the comments are back before reading any of them, then you have to deal with them en masse, not one at a time.
Richard and Anne: Believe me, I’ve thought about letting this one go, but it’s the one that my brain won’t let go of; I’m still thinking about the characters and events even though I haven’t had time to touch it for 18 months. Maybe all the rewrites of this one count as my 2-3 practice manuscripts? Or maybe that’s just rationalizing.
Linda: Good tip. Given my history, I think having the next query ready to mail, so I can just hit the send button when the rejection hits my doorstep might work.
Kathleen: Opening pages are awful, but I’ve found that they are easier to write after I’ve made it all the way to the end of the story. Then I know what the start should be about to set the tone.
Wow – so much to say! Great post.
I agree with a few others here that sometimes, you just need to move on to a new project. That said, I can relate to the confusion of vague or cryptic replies from agents, and how this can trigger a self-doubt-driven process of editing and revising. I’ve learned the hard way that in this case, the best course of action is often to stop writing for a while and network with other writers, read their books, hear their experiences and find out what IS working for them as opposed to what is NOT working for you. There are certain story types and writing styles that do better than others, and writers serious about publication need to learn exactly what these are.
Reworking a manuscript over and over might be a waste of time–if the story concept isn’t strong, if the story doesn’t have you by the guts, if you don’t believe in it 100%. But sometimes it isn’t. Sometimes, the story concept is exactly right, and you’re using all of those revisions to grow yourself as a writer and grow the story at the same time. This is what happened to me. But where’s the line? Who makes that call? You believe in the story; it won’t let you go. So you probably owe it to yourself and the story to try one more time. When you’re ready to submit again, maybe promise yourself you’re going to send to five agents at once until you hit a magic number (30? 40?). Then look at what you have. I’d bet that a few of those agents will give you the feedback you need to decide what to do next. While you’re going through the sometimes insanely long process of submitting, start writing something new.
Ya know we believe in you, right? :-)
““There are two kinds of written works–perfect ones and finished ones. The latter are better.””
Yes, I love that, and I firmly believe it. Honestly, a very popular book led me to realize that for myself, to realize that I was focused too much on perfection and not enough on finishing. I’m still working to achieve the right balance, because I want anything I send out into the world to be something I’m proud of, but at the same time, I WANT TO SEND THINGS OUT INTO THE WORLD. (Duh!) Which means they have to be finished.
I don’t know what the answer is, what the strategy is for remembering this all the time. All I know is that awareness is the first step. We’re aware. We’ll get there.
I love that quote as well. Going to steal it. ;)
Yes, I too have this problem — although not so much with my manuscript itself, but with my query letter. Because I’ve been unable to get an agent to request my manuscript, I’ve assumed it’s my query letter. I swear, I’ve sent out ten different versions of that thing. I imagine if an agent eventually asks to see my manuscript and then passes, I’ll do the same thing with the manuscript. Blah.
Oh, I hear you. My fear I think is a bit different. I’m still a third of the way on my novel. The thing is, going back, changing things, adjusting the plot and doing rewrites just seems more comfortable than to keep moving and finish the manuscript. I just can’t move on until something seems perfect, and yet I always seem to find one more reason to go back. And, of course, the longer I postpone it, the less threatening it feels…
Help!
Teri–thanks for the love. :-)
Kristan–yeah, those words of wisdom have gotten me to finish some pretty ugly projects in the past. And boy am I glad to be done with some of them.
Rima–there’s even more pressure to make queries perfect than for manuscripts, particularly because they are so short that every single word is precious.
Gabriela–I’m guessing you write sequentially (start with ch. 1 and move ahead?) Have you ever tried writing the last chapter first? Or at least a throwaway version of the last chapter? Having a target is sometimes motivating.
I’m wondering if anyone can answer a question about agents. If the agent gets 15% of the deal, how big would the deal have to be to get their attention?
I’ve heard a lot of talk about authors getting $5k to $10k as an advance on a first book. That would work out to $750 to $1500 for the agent.
If I think my book compares to those that got small deals, is it insanity to try to interest an agent? I should just go straight to the small publishers, right?
Or should I start working on a new project, one that has blockbuster appeal. My future publishing sensation is called Baby Fight, featuring weaponized gladiator babies that have vampire superpowers. Two babies fall in love and must travel through time to rewrite history so they can be together.
(Just kidding.)
go with your gut, jeanne. you love this story -never give up. hugs t
Jeanne, a few thoughts from one who could so easily go this way: it sounds like you haven’t made maximal use of the resources available to you (yet) because of self-doubt. If you can work on keeping your hope intact, you’ll figure out whatever baby step needs to next happen as pitfalls arise. To that end, I’d highly recommend the Ralph Keyes book on hope and the SEVEN STEPS ON THE WRITER’S PATH. Perhaps even better, there’s an upcoming online course available dealing with this subject: https://www.rwa-wf.com/2010/09/08/rwa-wf-online-workshop-quiet-please-silencing-your-inner-critic/ ($25 for non-RWA-WF members)
Also, if it’s any comfort, I know several people who took 7-10 years to finish their first manuscript. They sold, often under very good terms, and seem to have found their rhythm. Book #2 came much, much faster.
Another option is to put it aside FOR NOW and move on to another project–or maybe just for NaNoWriMo which is coming up in a month. Churn out a wordcout, commit to working on something else for a while, and then come back to it. My present WIP was my second book, which I rewrote and rewrote, found an agent for who couldn’t sell it, abandoned it, wrote a couple other books, and now I am back to it completely reimagined. And my agent thinks it’s worthwhile pursuing.
Some books you can work on and reach a point where you know they’re ‘done’. And some grab onto you and you can’t let go. But even having that pull doens’t mean you don’t have another story inside you to tell.
I love the truism about perfect words vs. finished ones. I had an editor once tell me that he preferred to work with writers who met deadlines vs. ones who turned in perfect pages. Any time I am tempted to over-edit, I think of what he said to me: “Turn it in and let me worry about making it better.” It helps me avoid making that “one more pass” that leads to another and another…
It sounds like you are doing all the right things. I hope it works for you!
However, Richard has a good point – “…the answer was eventually putting that book aside…and starting another one. Maybe it’s not your writing. Maybe it’s the subject matter…”
A friend of mine did exactly that. Her novel was okay, but after setting it aside (indefinitely) she is producing outstanding short stories. And, for whatever reason, she doesn’t feel the need to continually edit as she did with her book.
The lesson I have learned is that when you feel the need to compulsively edit, it is a pretty good sign there is something wrong with the story. The story, not the writing.
I spent two years on the opening twenty chapters of one of my books. It wasn’t until an editor thwacked me with an obvious suggestion (it needs to go back to third and have a different POV added) that the work came alive. And when that happened, I realised the story was upside down.
I also think – and I’ve seen this in critique groups where people listen to everyone’s opinion – that there is a danger in over-editing. It seems to reduce work to a bland ‘I can please everyone’ kind of state.
I sympathize with your need to edit until something is perfect — but who is acutally getting to define “perfect” in this situation? It sounds like you’re getting a lot of different definitions of that term, from a lot of different sources, making it impossible for you to know how to make this manuscript what you want it to be.
I second the suggestion of others to work on something else. It not only gives you fresh eyes when you come back to this story, but it also gives you some emotional detachment. It’s hard to love so hard on one book when you have other ones to love too.
No matter what you do, I wish you all kinds of good luck. :)
Tamara–your question is outside my expertise, but maybe someone else visiting the blog can help?
Thea — hugs right back!
Jan–yep, self doubt is a major problem in my life. Thanks for the references, and I do indeed like to remind myself (regularly) that Charles Frazier took years and years to write Cold Mountain.
Sarah–I’ve actually laid the thing aside for the last two years, and may finally have the perspective to ‘fix’ it. Glad to hear you’re getting back to your own lost ‘child.’
Barb–Can I borrow that editor? :-)
Sean–yeah, that was a big worry. hopefully the outside readers will help give me a neutral idea about the subject’s viability.
VK–That was an excellent thwack from your editor! I think that’s the problem with agent responses; they only thwack the ones they love.
Donna–“It’s hard to love so hard on one book when you have other ones to love too.” Amen to that!
I also have this problem, well I did. I’m hoping I’m managing to get past it. I’m now only editing very obvious problems as I write, missed words that I spot, spelling errors but for the most part, I leave them – I write in rtf format so I don’t get any red wiggly lines. I plan to edit it once or twice once the WIP is finished, then attempt to get an agent. I’ve found compulsive editing not just something to hold me back, but also something that is flawed – I can’t spot my own mistakes, so no matter how much I edit it – those mistakes are still there. I’m just wasting my time, over and over. And having spent weeks re-working a few paragraphs, I know this is a big problem that I need to stop, I can’t get back into that pattern again.
Jeanne, you just described much of my novel experience. But in my case the book was accepted by an agent, and it was the revisions they wanted that made me begin to doubt my ability. I took another six months to comply with their suggestions, and then my agent passed away before we could get the ms out to editors. In the meantime my contract with them ran out, and they declined to continue with me since they no longer had anyone who represented my particular genre. Now I’m back at square one, querying, getting those “just doesn’t grab me” rejections, and wondering if I need to rewrite the book again.
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I suffer from a similar disorder, but it flairs up during the first draft, usually in Act I. Thankfully, I’ve gotten it under control and I’m moving into Act II. Now if only I can get compulsive about house work!
Kitty–keeping the forward momentum while writing is huge, I know people who swear by Alphasmart keyboards because they do not allow editing (or at least make it painful). And yeah, when editing is simply pushing words back and forth it’s a sure sign it’s time to quit.
Joe–OMG I am feeling your pain. Hang in there with it, if it sold to one agent, the odds are in your favor for it to find another.
Gina–glad to hear you’re managing the disorder. Housework is a four-letter word in my home–I’m too busy editing. :-)
Chiming in late here.
I think there’s a big difference between editing for changes to plot and character and editing to tweak word usage and such. If it’s the latter, it may be time to move on. But if the story is still evolving and you still love it, give it some time.
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That is an easy predicament to get into. I have done several editing revisions on my fantasy novel. It’s going on a 3 year process. After this final edit phase I have told myself no more. I suggest setting it aside, sending our your queries and start writing something new. When *cross fingers* you find an agent most likely they will offer suggestions and go from there.
Compulsive copy editor, who me?
About 5 lines up from the bottom:
Like you, I’m a compulsive editor. I haven’y
the Y. :-)