I Avoided Career Self-Sabotage and You Can Too!
By Jan O'Hara | September 20, 2010 |
I recently had an idea for a fantastic essay about writing. It would prove controversial, but hold merit; it would change the world, or at least help my post hit a high retweet number. (Which to honest, because I’m terminally competitive, would scratch a persistent itch.)
Problem was, I couldn’t nail the voice.
I knew it was partly that the feelings were too fresh. I was angry and hurt. Worse, I was disappointed in myself for feeling angry and hurt. Still, what I wanted to say felt big enough to try to push through, and I wanted to silence an inner critic. You know? The one that says professional writers would suck it up and git ‘er done, so what was my problem?
Aiming for objectivity, I walked, meditated, wrote approximately twenty first drafts in both earnest and comedic tones. I wrote my post in parable, wrote it in limerick, looked for visual metaphors. About the only thing I didn’t try was smoke signals, but since our weather has been crappy and the woodpile soaked, that seemed impractical at best.
At last I struck gold. My post arrived as a gift — swift, authentic, sideways from what I’d intended, nevertheless, done. I sent it to some writing friends, just to confirm I’d finally hit my stride, and the response came back a uniform O.~
“Nope, Jan. Good idea, Jan. Poor execution.”
Thing is, the minute I had it verified – no, when I pitched the idea – I knew the state of my heart. I didn’t want to write an educational op-ed that happened to be provocative. I wanted to make somebody wrong.
So, note to self (and anyone else for whom this post resonates):
- If you struggle to write an opinion piece and know the issue isn’t content, work ethic, or organization, but rather, tone and voice…
- If you must ask your writer buds questions like, “Will this end my career before it’s begun?”…
- If your own hope-index plummets even as you strive to make the world a shiny place where people frolic in clean, rainbow-hued clothing…
then guess what. It needs time. Lots of time.
In fact, I recommend the following:
- Record your experiences to preserve the richness of original detail.
- Bury them in your hard drive, subconscious, and in paper version in your garden.
- Allow the latter to compost and nourish an earthworm, and in turn, a magnificent bald-headed eagle.
- Notice where the regal beast shites, and several seasons thence, pluck the ripest of fruit from the most graceful of trees. When you have walked back to town and booted up your computer, if sweetness lingers upon your tongue, then pronounce your neener berries ripe.
Until then, give thanks for steadying friends, zip your lips, and hasten to Writer Unboxed, where you compose a meta-analysis about near-misses.
Oh! And retweet all super-awesome posts while sharing your wisdom:
What test do you apply to ensure you’re writing for persuasion rather than from pain?
A USA Today bestselling author, former family physician and academic, Jan O’Hara (she/her) left the world of medicine behind to follow her dreams of becoming a writer. She writes love stories that zoom from wackadoodle to heartfelt in six seconds flat: (Opposite of Frozen; Cold and Hottie; Desperate Times, Desperate Pleasures). Her latest Christmas novella, The Cowboy’s Comeback Christmas, is part of a 9-author-strong anthology (A Cowboy This Christmas: A Sweet Romance Anthology). She also contributed to Author in Progress, a Writer’s Digest Book edited by Therese Walsh.
Am I talking about me (bad) or about them (good)?
Am I talking at someone (bad) or to someone (good)?
Does writing the story make me feel better?(bad)
The author should be invisible if the book is meant for someone else.
Marc Vun Kannon
https://authorguy.wordpress.com
This reminds me of what they say about writers needing to kill their babies. I’ve learned that the more I’m attached to an idea, a sentence, or whatever–the more I need to let it go for awhile. Or better, like you did, have someone more sane at the time make sure I’m on the right track.
Neener berries? Right there you earned my retweet.
Oh, haha, I SO feel this. Several times I have written a blog entry, only to email it to myself with the subject heading “Not going to blog.” I am a big fan of unsent letters — to old crushes, to current loves, to passive aggressive frenemies… I’ve even drafted snide “thanks for rejecting me – NOT” letters, only to have my (beloved) crit partner say, “Um, I hope writing that out made you feel better, because there’s NO way I’m letting you send that.”
And I usually DO feel better after writing it out, you know? Sometimes we just gotta release it. Then we can put it away and forget about it.
I’m glad you didn’t sabotage your career!
[…] I Avoided Career Self-Sabotage and You Can Too! This entry was posted in Writer Unboxed, Writing and tagged Arts, Jan O'Hara, philosphy, Tartitude, Writer Unboxed, Writing. Bookmark the permalink. ← Twitterscaping: Why I’m Abandoning Follow Friday and Writer Wednesday Hashtags […]
I am so distracted by that scrumptious pic. *tummy grumbles*
Great post. As writers, we naturally want to write about our experiences. And that’s fine; it’s a good outlet. But as bloggers, a heated debate of some sort can garner us the attention we crave. Resist! Think about what you’re doing/ writing/ blogging/ whatever before making it public, no matter where you are on your career path. Some things just aren’t worth it.
I’ve learned, or am trying to learn, the art of patience when it comes to opinions, and to separate my blogging from my fiction. I can get my opinions and experiences across through characters in my novels, but I’ve had to stifle my outspoken side for blogs, facebook, Twitter, etc.
Terry
Terry’s Place
Romance with a Twist–of Mystery
Time is the best friend for someone who is writing to express angry or negative comments. If it helps to process the emotion, write it down–put it in the computer or on paper, then let it sit. Go back to it hours or a day later, read aloud, see if it still sits well with you. Amend as you wish.
This waiting period provides a bit of saving grace before pressing the “send” button!
I agree with Kristan on the value of “unsent letters”, messages, etc.
You have shared an issue common to all at one time or another.
Wishing you writing peace of mind!
Patricia
https://pmpoetwriter.blogspot.com/
One of the reasons why time is a writer’s best friend. Even for an opinion piece, which at first blush would seem like a no-brainer, but in fact can be more emotionally charged than fiction! The emotion brings the passion, time brings the moderation needed to express it in a meaningful way.
With all the instanteous communication devices at our fingertips, it definitely is tempting to send our thoughts and reactions instantly.
But as you’ve described, it may not be ready for dissemination. Maybe it needs a little time to ripen and cure and a whole host of other things. :)
One of my fave mottos applies here: “Just because you CAN, doesn’t mean you SHOULD.” LOL
“Record your experiences to preserve the richness of original detail.” yes, that says it perfectly. Then that little thingy called time will give you perspective. I’ve learned that the hard way.
I encounter this when I comment on blogs. I typically comment on blogs that focus on personal issues, spiritual beliefs, or social issues, so it’s always tempting to say something inappropriate.
There have been many, many comments that I have decided not to post because I: A) might be giving away personal information that’s inappropriate; B) gossiping about people in my life or revealing private information about them; C) just be trying to get revenge or belittle someone else.
If I can figure out a way to say it without doing A,B or C, I’ll return to the post and comment. I’ve done the same thing with commenting on or writing Facebook status updates, and writing my own blog posts.
just as you said: when I don’t worry about shite hitting the fan after its read; or, as I’m writing it, I don’t have that uncomfortable feeling that maybe just maybe I better not let anyone see what I’ve written; or, I want revenge more than I want to write something that helps or supports or gives something to someone else.
that kind of thing!~
OMG, you guys are the best. Throw down the Twitter gauntlet and it’s seized and seized with alacrity.
Marc, you’ve got some solid criteria for self-assessment and I applaud that. I’m not sure I’d agree with point about the author feeling better as a warning sign. In part I write to make sense of my universe, and if I can create a sense of justified resolution for the characters – and I hope the readers – that works for me too. But if you meant that self must be subsumed for story, there I would agree.
Holly, yes, thank goodness for the cold light of uninvested minds. :)
Anne, admit it: you were really worried I couldn’t link the image to post, and then I pulled it out at the last minute, didn’t I? ;)
Kristan, meep. Remind me not to get on your bad side. ;) Honestly, I’ve written things like that but I’m afraid to put it in e-mail form in case something goes awry. I’m generally known for being level-headed, so this was a good lesson about hubris.
Lydia, isn’t that a gorgeous picture? (Sorry about the tummy.) Good advice there.
Terry, wishing you luck on your compartmentalization. It isn’t always easy.
Patricia, thank you for the kind wishes. I’m happy to say I’m there already. :)
Sharon, yes, at least most fiction is vetted by trusted critique partners and/or editors. With instapublishing in the form of blogs, it’s easy to shoot oneself in the foot.
Donna, LOL, and just because you can’t doesn’t mean you shouldn’t. ;) But yes, I agree 100%.
Dana, ouch. Hope the bruises faded quickly.
Laura, some good criteria there. And oh, the gossip… Don’t you think it’s like Ramen instant noodles? Quick, cheap, and gives you heartburn? (Also, way too much sodium. Like 400 mg plus.)
I have a firm 72-hour rule on all anger issues. Meaning: that if I receive an e-mail or read a blog post that makes me angry, hurt, (or fill-in-the-blank with the negative emotion of your choice) I make myself wait 72-hours before responding. I must then go in and re-read the e-mail or blog post. Nine times out of ten, my anger was unjustified in the first place.
The second rule of thumb that I keep firmly implanted in my head is this: Anything I write online will be read by several people who have never met me. If I wouldn’t want my words spread across the NY Times, it’s best I keep them to myself. Also, these people will not hear my tone of voice, so they won’t know if I’m hurt or angry or just being a bitch.
If I can’t disagree with someone in a non-confrontational manner, then I need to vent vocally, not in writing. Either that, or follow your fine suggestion of writing, then send it through the shredder of your choice. ;-)
Finally, I save my pain for my novels. That is where I can argue my points anonymously and hopefully inspire others to examine the same kinds of issues in themselves.
This is a great post, Jan, and much needed for writers and other bloggers. You did the most intelligent thing by going to other people who understand you and following their advice and your heart.
“In part I write to make sense of my universe, and if I can create a sense of justified resolution for the characters – and I hope the readers – that works for me too. But if you meant that self must be subsumed for story, there I would agree.”
Two points I would make here, as I have in various of my blog posts:
1) When I say the author should be invisible, I usually mean that the story is not to be presented as the author sees it but as the character sees it. I do most of my description from some character’s POV, not my own. In this case the POV is generic but still not my own. The story, the blog, the email does not believe Joe X is a pinhead, I do. The story does not know Joe X.
2) Every author is a reader. I don’t write to make me feel better as an author, I write to make me feel better as a reader. Diatribes and rants may make me feel better as the author of them, but I’ve read other people’s diatribes and rants and usually find them embarassing. If, as a reader, I would feel embarassed by something I’ve written I would do well to delete it.
Marc Vun Kannon
https://authorguy.wordpress.com
Ouch, this reminds me of an article I sent to Salon.com after the Abu Ghraib scandal. I was so profoundly angry over the whole affair, and let my passions roar. I’d written a couple pieces for Salon and had developed a bit of a relationship. When I sent this curse-word laden essay, I got zero response. Nada.
Man, I’m still embarrassed to this day. Should’ve walked it off…
Kat, we have mind-melded and I didn’t even notice, LOL.
Teresa, are you reducing my eagle to a shredder? (If you are reading this comment and wondering, I know these two ladies, and they know I live in “tease mode” many days.) But back to your points, yes, some solid filters there. I could work with those.
Marc, ah yes, I agree. When I feel scolded or lectured within fiction – and one hallmark can be a slipping POV – that book’s in peril of becoming a wall-banger. Thank you for the reminder
Great post, Jan –
I rarely have enough interesting things to say in my own voice to warrant writing non-fiction, but I did struggle mightily with this while trying to gain traction on my recent book. Oh the controversy! (She said, hand to forehead a la Norma Desmond)
The difference for me was learning what constitutes good passion/anger versus bad passion. Bad passion is when I take something that pissed me off in the news and turn it into a political diatribe mid-novel. Bad passion is when I write a sex scene because I’ve decided my hero is way too boinkable to go unsatisfied for another page. Good passion is learning to let things simmer a bit until they release the proper flavors.
Anyhow, since my metaphors are considerably more hackish than yours, I’ll end there. Because really, after neener berries, there’s nothing else to say ;)
Jan,
It gets a little tiresome, all this sucking it up we all have to do. Makes your teeth grind sometimes.
Whenever I’ve gone public with a beef I’ve kept names out of it and tried to frame the experience in terms of what I learned. Otherwise, I treat my wife and a few especially trusted writer friends to a hamburger now and then.
Not sure, though, if I ever served anyone a helping of neener berries.
Wow – you know what I thought when I read that? Thank God I don’t blog or twit. It sounds like you’ve spent a huge amount of time producing writing that isn’t going to forward your actual novel.
I’d love to know from people who do it – does the act of blogging or twitting increase your readership? Does it make it more likely you’ll be signed with an agent?
I’ve never gone and purchased someone’s book on the strength of their blogging. Not even John Scalzi’s and I adore his blog, ‘Whatever’.
I admire your willingness to hang your foibles out in the open, but I’m not sure what it achieves.
Oh! Jan, what timing! I have never needed to be reminded of this more than this week when I was faced with something I was totally i should have been prepared for but wasn’t – public criticism. How I wanted to post some defence, to rebut, to somehow prove myself in the face of what feels like meanspirited, unjust remarks.
But anything I would have said in a public forum would have appeared petty, and yes, probably embarrassing. Instead I wrote out my rant by hand and then shredded it in my own way (ripped it up and deposited it into a feminine hygiene receptacle in a random public washroom – I’ve read enough notices on the back of the stall door to know not to flush – though flushing would have been oh-so-satisfying!)
The sting still lingers, but not nearly as long as an emotional post I can’t undo.
Great topic. Thanks, Jan!
Tart and Soul, love your username! (I’m a Tart myself.) Sorry you learned this the hard way, but thanks for sharing a cautionary tale.
Rebecca, is this the Carol Burnett version of Norma Desmond? If so, I’m there with my neener berry pie to share after your soup. Darlin’, I think you sell yourself short in the chef department.
Dave, *dusts knuckles on shirt* that’s how we roll here at WU. We’re anti-cholesterol. ;) Seriously, you’ve been in this biz a while, so you must be a pro at reframing.
VK, ah, the voice of a pragmatist. :) You got me. If I allowed the sole measure of success to be the fiction words written in the past few weeks, I’d be a failure. But…I write for many reasons. Going through this process, I believe, has taught me much that will serve me in fiction and in life. I think it’s helped my craft. Also, what’s not to like about limericks? As for the business aspect of blogging, that’s a whole ‘nother discussion – perhaps one Jane Friedman or Donald Maass would care to tackle.
DL, LOL, you win the Internets. I can’t top that disposal method. :)
There are several things about this that I find a bit disturbing, and perhaps a little specious to aspiring writers (myself falling into this category). Primarily, the idea that writers ought to strive for a particular kind of voice purely for political ends(as you say, to avoid “self-sabotage”) is inherently against what it means to be a writer, and in my opinion, a good human being. Maybe I’m idealistic and naive, but I’ve always thought that honesty is more important than career goals. In other words, I have always been of the school of thought that writers ought to say what they think without regards to what others might think. Am I way off base here?
Jan, what clarity you achieved through all the angst over the past few days, and not putting out there what you so badly wanted to say! And as a result (judging by the number and tone of responses) you produced something that was less personal – perhaps less immediately gratifying – but something far more generous for your readers (us!) that resonates with authenticity and wisdom. And, not incidentally, something you can be proud to have hanging around the internet with your name attached to it.
To David:
I think you’ve got a good point. I strive to be both honest AND sensitive in my online writing. Personally, I think writers should say what they think (as opposed to being dishonest) but we should also consider the affect our words have on others. To me, that’s one of the hardest things about being a writer: carrying the responsibility of knowing how words can help heal or hurt another person.
Spouting off when we’re angry (as I’ve seen happen time and time again on Facebook) can hurt people. That’s my point in letters B&C; I don’t want a relationship with a friend to be destroyed by my online words. So for me, it’s not just a matter of CAREER self-sabotage, but a matter of maintaining good relationships with people offline and online.
It’s not that we have to pretend we agree with them, not express our opinions, etc., but it’s the need to think about HOW we express them.
David, I’m all for authenticity and bravery. In fact that’s the reason I persisted for all those drafts, and why I’ll say what I need to say at a later date. It’s just that I haven’t found stridency particularly helps change minds. For a non-critical issue, it made no sense to me to offend people and be ineffective. But ask my family. I promise, I can be quite feral if there’s immediate jeopardy. :)
The struggle I had to find the voice is just my signal the cake’s not baked. But I’m still cooking. Does that make sense? (ETA: My opinions apply only to me; even then, I reserve the right to change my mind.)
And can I just say I’m loving the level of discussion here. Thank you, all.
Deborah, thank you!
Laura, yes, I don’t really distinguish between how I behave with my friends and family and how I behave with industry people. I try to live by one code. (Fall short 99% of the time, but that’s another matter.)