Are you really going to post that?
By Kathleen Bolton | May 10, 2010 |
These days, aspiring authors and writers are trying to carve an online presence to break through the white noise of obscurity. We talk a lot about online platforms here at WU, as a matter of fact. But as more and more people flood Twitter, message boards, and blogs, we’ve seen many instances of really smart writers acting reeeeaaaalllly stupid online.
It may seem like you are posting out in a void where no one is reading your blog, and where your snarky blog post or opinion will never come to light. Lemme tell ya, once it’s online, it can always be accessed by someone. Right here at WU, for instance, I never thought we’d have people going back and combing our archives to react to posts written years ago, but we do. Google cache can also bring up things you’d rather have left dead and buried. I’ve got a few cringeworthy things out there that I wish I could take back. But I can’t. I have to live with it.
Here are a couple of rules that I’ve found helpful to keep in mind before I post.
1. Never diss an industry professional online. You’ll never know when that person can impact your career years from now, even if they’ve made you screaming mad right this second.
2. Stay positive on Twitter. Twitter can be a great way to connect with people. But trash talking can make things go bad so quickly you’ll have to disable your account. See #1.
3. Don’t cross the line of personal if you don’t like an author’s book. You read it, you hated it. Fine. Most authors are a million percent aware that not everyone is going to like their work. But recognize that that’s all you can honestly comment on. You can’t comment on the author’s personal life or process in any way, because you just don’t know. And if you think that author isn’t going to find out about it if you do, think again.
4. Your snarky insider blog written anonymously isn’t going to stay anonymous forever. Someone always finds out. Always.
5. It’s certainly okay, desirable even, to weigh in on controversies or differences of opinion. I’ve found that the best way to do so is to preface the statement with an “I think” or “in my opinion” or the equivalent. A good discussion is just that, as long as it remains respectful.
It pretty much boils down to this: online stupidity can last forever and haunt your career. If you wouldn’t say it to someone’s face, don’t say it in an e-mail, Tweet, blog or message board rant. Imagine yourself at a party years from now when the object of your diss comes up to you and says, “So, I read that you said Mean Thing XXXX on your disabled blog seven years ago. Yeah, I haven’t forgotten.”
No one wants to have that conversation.
Have you seen instances where people should have stepped away from the computer before hitting the “submit” button? Have you done so? Where do you think people should draw the line? Let us know in the comments.
Kathleen Bolton is co-founder of Writer Unboxed. She writes under a variety of pseudonyms, including Ani Bolton.
She has written two novels as Cassidy Calloway: Confessions of a First Daughter, and Secrets of a First Daughter–both books in a YA series about the misadventures of the U.S. President’s teen-aged daughter, published by HarperCollins, and Tamara Blake, for the novel Slumber.
I am very very aware of my online image. But at the same time, I know that a successful online presence means being myself and being honest. I think that is the part that is tough to balance. How much do I share? When do I bite my tongue? Am I being transparent enough?
I find that I lose interest in blogs that are too heavily cloaked or glossed over with a shiny veneer (i.e. fake). Finding that middle ground can be challenging, but luckily, there are lot of great bloggers out there who can show us how to do it well!
.-= Rebecca @ Diary of a Virgin Novelist´s last blog ..Using music to help your writing =-.
True
Kathleen, thank you for this important reminder. I think writers at times think they have to be cute or snarky, or they react on impulse when something upsets them and they press send. I live by the motto I learned from a female deputy sheriff who worked among inmates at a county jail. Can you imagine the trash talk she heard every day? She wrote “Just be professional, it’s not that hard.” I live by those words.
A friend forwarded a link just the other day for https://loveyourcopyeditor.blogspot.com/. The site features an anonymous copy editor working at a major pub house snarking on authors and editors. Sure, writers may be able to learn a thing or two from the entries, but what happens when the copy editor’s identity is fully known? (It seems already to be known by a few.) How will that impact the editor’s relationships? Is it worth it?
Kathleen-
This is a wonderful, smart and informative post. Too many people these days toss thoughts out on the web like they’re disposable, when, in fact, if anything, they can stick around forever. Thx for taking the time to write about!
Allison
Great reminders! I think the ease and casualness of posting online tricks people into thinking that what they’re saying doesn’t carry much weight, when really, it’s just like anything else you say: it can and probably will be used against you. So generally speaking, it’s best not to give anyone anything to use. This is why I don’t do reviews anymore. I will rate a book honestly at GoodReads, but IF I am going to go beyond ratings and actually write comments, I focus on the positives.
In terms of blogging, I think it’s a hard balance to strike, for the reasons Rebecca stated: as readers, we want a certain level of honesty & “intimacy” (for lack of a better word) to establish a connection with the blogger. But I think there’s a lot of room for being honest and “intimate” without trash talking anyone.
.-= Kristan´s last blog ..It doesn’t have to be what it is =-.
Oh, and btw, the Star Trek TNG picture totally made my day. :D
.-= Kristan´s last blog ..It doesn’t have to be what it is =-.
Great post. I’ve seen plenty of instances where writers should have stepped away from the computer before hitting “submit” on blogs, Facebook, bookseller reviews, you name it. To list them here would be to repeat their errors in judgment. My motto is to avoid posting anything about anyone you wouldn’t say to them in person.
My mother gave me the best advice (and the worst): “Never put anything in writing you don’t want people to read.” That goes for private diaries (handwritten, kept in the bottom drawer of the smallest, darkest closet) as well as everything online – once it is there, there’s no eating your words.
It’s the worst advice for a fiction writer – absolutely stifling.
Whatever you’re writing, someone, somewhere is bound to object, disagree, take offense or hate you. At some point, you have to click ‘submit’ or ‘send’ and hope my mother won’t haunt you.
.-= Leigh Verrill-Rhys´s last blog ..Surfacing =-.
If you’re serious about a writing career, you have to treat it like a business. A while back, I posted a blog called The Business Savvy Author. The post is based on what I’ve learned in my marketing career. One of the most important lessons I learned is you are your own PR manager.
Here’s a link if you’re interested in reading the piece: https://bit.ly/abhSGz
.-= Vicky Dreiling´s last blog ..Words for Women to Live By =-.
The thing that gets me are posts that are too personal. Maybe I’m old-fashioned or maybe it’s because I write mid-grade and picture books, but I think you can be authentic and still maintain boundaries.
.-= Caroline Starr Rose´s last blog ..Do the Write Thing for Nashville =-.
Hmm good point… but isn’t it really just like real life? Whatever you say to someone may come back to haunt you. And someone always remembers the stupid things you’ve said, because that’s just the way these things work.
I can see how it’s tempting to pour your innermost soul/demons/bitch into your blog posts (and yes I am constantly tempted and may have succumbed once or twice), but that happens when you talk to people in real life, too.
I had someone in a coffee shop rant at me while we were waiting for our lattes, about their terrible terrible bitchy a## of a boss, and all the while they had no idea that said boss was a cousin of mine. I didn’t tattle, but OMG how embarrassing and potentially damaging to his career would that have been?
Seriously, it’s best to consider the world as transparent and interconnected as a small village – everyone is connected somehow, and everything you do or say will get back to you at some point.
That’s doubly true for the unforgeting world of the internet.
.-= Tessa Conte´s last blog ..The Zen of Doing My Nails =-.
Yes, boundaries are good…especially online. I always try to think before I post so I won’t make an idiot of myself. Better to stay as professional as possible all the time.
A timely reminder. For some reason, I’ve always been an overly cautious person when it comes to having something I write come back to haunt me. I never even kept a diary. And the only time I wrote about something that was breaking my heart at the moment, I tore it up into a hundred pieces right away.
So, the identity of Miss Snark is well known? I must be one of the only few who still don’t know.
.-= Yat-Yee´s last blog ..In which the frog jumps out of the pot, or see you in September =-.
I had a problem come up recently along these lines. I’m part of a group that gets books for free in exchange for reviews on our blogs; I can’t receive another book until I review the last one I read.
Unfortunately, one book I ordered was (IMO) extremely sexist in its terminology. I had a huge issue with that, not the author. But I debated about how to review it without unnecessarily offending those who were connected with the book (agent/author/publisher/editor/etc.) because, after all, I want to be published some day!
I hope my review didn’t cross the line from honest to offensive; I did point out the good things in the book and tried to carefully explain WHY I felt this way about the terms the author used. I really hope that blog post won’t come back to bite me.
.-= Laura Droege´s last blog ..Laura and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day (or why I want to move to Australia) =-.
This is good advice for anybody, not just writers. At some point, we’ll all be engaged in some sort of professional activity, and what we post on the internet can be found. Assume people will find out, and then ask yourself whether you’d really want that to happen. If you wouldn’t say it out loud or would mind everybody knowing it, don’t say it online.
.-= Kristin Laughtin´s last blog ..Literary Orange, Part III (of III): Hosting the Panel, and What Writers Can Take Away from Listening to Those Who Have Already Made It =-.
An excellent reminder, Kathleen. It feels so anonymous to post comments sometimes, but it’s just not.
When I worked in politics and policy, we observed a strict “Washington Post” rule, as in, “Never send out in an e-mail anything you don’t want to read on the front page of the Washington Post.” I still think about the rule all the time, and it comes in handy before hitting that “submit” button.
.-= Tracy Hahn-Burkett´s last blog ..Shortest, Most Liberating Blog Post Ever =-.
Fabulous and important post that writers need to read. I prescribe to Leigh’s mom’s advice — except I change it up to… “Do I want a future client, manager or family member to see it?” Adding people to the question makes it more real. Why family member? Many of us likely have relatives that we’d rather not know some things about us.
.-= Meryl K Evans´s last blog ..Guest Post: This Book Versus That Book =-.
I guess I’ve been in customer service too long. I want people to like me. So while I might feel snarky, or think snarky, I rarely speak snarky. And if I do, I don’t name names or even hint at who I’m speaking about.
These are definitely some good things to keep in mind given that current technology means that it NEVER GOES AWAY. :)
Great Post! I wrote about my own personal fears of blogging just this morning. I think you are write in stepping away from the computer before hitting send. Unfortunately thinking before taking action is becoming a lost art.
https://onewomanseye.blogspot.com/2010/05/fear-of-blogging.html
.-= Joanne Tombrakos´s last blog ..Fear of Blogging =-.
I loved what you and the other comments said. Just because we can say something, or write it and share doesn’t mean we should.
.-= Mary Marvella´s last blog ..Getting Your Skin Ready for Winter =-.
Kathleen, this is so, so true. The (seeming) anonymity of the internet can make people far less courteous than they would ever be in a face to face encounter. Props to you for encouraging some limits on what gets posted!
Read this a bit ago, then lo and behold just caught this link, tweeted by fellow author Mari Carr: https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/101982644.
I found the comments particularly instructive. You can see public opinion forming in more or less real time. Little (none?) of it has to do with the quality or lack thereof of the book in question, but an awful lot of it centers on the author’s ad hominem attack of the reviewer. Is that really the part the author wanted to “stick”? I doubt it very much.
.-= Del Dryden´s last blog ..Del Dryden website is up! =-.
Lots of wisdom here. Thanks, Kath!
Firstly, I love the picture. Something everyone should keep tacked nearby as a reminder against foot-in-mouth syndrome. For my own bits and pieces, I try to approach ‘issue’ blogs as I did essay writing. Stick to the material, back up statements with concrete examples from the text, and don’t go further than that. I blogged some time back on attitudes toward genre fiction, for example, and drew from an interview that struck a nerve with me, but made very sure not to let the topic become an issue with the interviewee or their work, but rather with the sentiment of the interview in question.
As for recent “Shouldn’t have said that” issues, I caught belated wind of a lot of the fallout from recent debate over Diana Gabaldon’s stance on fanfiction, and by the time I heard anything of it, the original blog posts had been removed. It doesn’t make a difference though, as google has caches which people linked instead to preserve what transpired, and others grab screenshots, copy content into files, and numerous articles recapping the situation with quotes from the original text. It’s always out there, and it won’t go away, even if it’s taken down on blogger.
.-= Hayley E. Lavik´s last blog ..New short fiction, "Fool’s Fire," now available =-.
When I’m angry, upset, disgusted … I put it into a scene.
Sometimes we need to get out with what embarrassed us; I think, this is very human.
But as writers, we are luckier than other people: we can always make it productive in our own work.
Annemarie
I always think before I write. All the intimate thoughts I save for my journal.
.-= Maribetth´s last blog ..Changing it up =-.
I used to think I was discrete, then I got burned.
I’ve learned to edit myself (boy there were many more details I would have liked to have published with the first sentence if this comment) and to not publish anything emotional until a few days after I’ve written it. Actually I tend to wait 10 hours to publish anything to my blog. That way I have time to rethink what I’ve written.
Im worried about anyone who made a comment here that they’re careful, because I dont think you really know how careful you’re being until something gets back around to you.
[…] recently read a blog post, Are you really going to post that?, highlighting the need for online writers to be careful what they say. It seems we all forget […]
Trouble is, without dish, snark and gossip, we run the risk of being bland, like an unseasoned dish. I think the rule should be, Don’t identify the object of your scorn. Or alter the name(s). Salinger has Holden Caulfield diss the Lunts, Alfred Lunt and Lynn Fontanne; He doesn’t see what all the fuss is about. And he names them.
Vastly enjoyable, and if either of the Lunts confronted him later, he could say
Oh, that was just a character trope I invented for Holden.
Now some people (Dick Cheney comes to mind) deserve all the opprobrium
you can heap on them; in fact, being polite in this situation, IMO, amounts to
a betrayal of patriotism. In my own book, I portray talent agent David Begelman as a shifty, self-serving s.o.b. I’ve never heard a word.
Like to hear others thoughts.
John Meyer, Author, Heartbreaker.
Great post. It makes you think…
[…] 12, 2010 by mesmered Today on writer unboxed (https://staging-writerunboxed.kinsta.cloud/2010/05/10/are-you-really-going-to-post-that/) the discussion ranged over the issue of what to post and not post on blogs, on the assumption that […]
[…] Are You Really Going to Post That? Another reminder of how to be professional online. […]
[…] Are You Really Going to Post That? Fabulous advice on thinking before blogging, tweeting and whatnot for writers. “It pretty much boils down to this: online stupidity can last forever and haunt your career.” I love the photo that accompanies the article. […]
Great piece of advice. I often wonder about the line between reviewing and judging the books and films I discuss. I never want to seem like I’m irresponsibly fawning or demeaning another artist’s work. It’s a fine line, and I’m still figuring it out. As long as a review is respectful, even if it is a negative one, do people believe you can maintain a good image online?
.-= Joanna´s last blog ..Revanche =-.
[…] well, Writer Unboxed’s Kathleen Bolton discusses five rules to keep in mind before posting anything […]
I must admit that when my first blog post attracted one angry customer, I was totally shocked and surprised. But it was just a difference of opinion and I was polite with my side of the conversation. But it was an eye-opener to say the least.
I’m rather pleased that I seem to have adhered to your rules, so far. I think it’s about contributing without getting personal. And making sure that what you’re saying adds value to the discussion.
Absolutely true, Iain.