The Battle of the Query
By Anne Brown | May 1, 2010 |
Please welcome Anne Brown to WU. Anne was one of our finalists in the hunt for a WU Unpubbed Writer. We know you’ll love her essay on, “THE BATTLE OF THE QUERY AS TOLD BY ONE IN THE TRENCHES” as much as we did. And visiting her blog, I just learned she recently had her first creative essay published by Literary Mama! Congrats, Anne!
Enjoy.
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“My story is about a man, a woman, and two dogs. It’s a modern-day retelling of Pride & Prejudice, except the characters of Jane and Mr. Bingley are a tad hairier than in the original.”
Confession time. That is an honest-to-God excerpt from the first query I ever wrote. And, yes, I actually sent it out the door. Ten times.
You probably won’t be shocked to learn I received ten rejections, and you’re probably wondering why you’re reading a post on queries from someone who’s unpublished. Well, thankfully, I’ve made some progress since that abysmal beginning. Although I’m still waiting for the life-changing phone call from Dream Agent, I am finally winning the battle of the query and getting more requests than rejections. Here’s a strategy that has helped me go from public humiliation to killer query.
Step One: Pull Out Some Quirk
Most agents seem to like some degree of weird. So don’t let their first impression be déjà vu. For example, rather than introduce your main character as a middle-aged high school teacher, focus on a weird quirk or trait, such as: “Mary Olson is a middle-aged drama teacher with a paralyzing fear of heights.”
Step Two: Stir the Pot
Next, show agents where they’ll find your main character when the story starts and, most importantly, give them an indication there is some unrest that is about to be stirred up. You can do that simply by using the expression “at first.” For example, “At first, acrophobic Mary thinks her life is perfect—great hair, great job, ground-floor apartment on the Nebraska plains.”
Step Three: Raise the Stakes
Then show the conflict. No conflict, no story. At the query stage, agents don’t care about our craftily constructed themes, our inspired use of metaphor or, by the way, that our story might be a modern-day retelling of Pride & Prejudice. They want to know what’s at stake. An easy way to show conflict is a sentence that starts off “But when” or “Everything changes when.” For example, “But when the circus comes to Omaha, and Mary meets tight-rope walker George Maserati, she risks an anxiety attack for the chance of finding love.”
Step Four: Holy Cliff Hanger, Batman!
Then drop the bomb. Entice those poor unsuspecting agents and make them cry out for more. (This is what happens in my fantasies. Poor agent, somewhere out there, crying over my cliff hanger of a query . . . but I digress.) Leave them wanting more with the classic Batman ending.
Remember the 1960s t.v. show? The Joker would throw a punch at Batman, then the scene would freeze and the announcer would say in an angst-ridden voice: “Will the Joker drop Batman into the vat of boiling oil? Will Batman get the last laugh? Tune in next time for the conclusion of . . .” In a query, the Batman ending could translate into something like: “Mary climbs to the heights of hot circus love, but who will catch her when she falls?”
So there you have it! I’m not saying this four-sentence query should be the end of your drafting process. But it’s a good first draft formula that, in my experience, leads to a door-opening query. And that, as you know, is half the battle.
Photo courtesy Flickr’s woodleywonderworks
Anne Greenwood Brown got her start as a traditionally published author of young adult paranormal and contemporary romance. Currently, she is a USA Today bestselling author of adult paranormal and contemporary romance (both traditional and indie) under the pen name AS Green . For more information see the Contributor tab. You can also follow her on Facebook , Instagram , and TikTok .
Great post, Anne. I’m intrigued about anxious Mary and her tight-rope-walking lover. :)
Good luck on your agent search. I’m going through the same thing right now.
.-= Samantha Clark´s last blog ..Agent news: Marissa Walsh =-.
Anne,
Intriguing post, and one that got my attention. Maybe you should put an ad in Writers Digest: “Queries written. Reasonable rates.” I’d be contacting you for sure.
Great post. :)
.-= Lydia Sharp´s last blog ..New Month, New Announcements =-.
“Pull Out Some Quirk” — Ah-ha moment! My queries are toooooooooo bland. Great post!
.-= Deb Salisbury´s last blog ..Blog posts for writers – April 30 =-.
Great advice, Anne, especially focusing on quirk. It gives us something to sink our teeth into, or makes us tilt our heads and wonder.
Love your example query. Gave me a good laugh!
.-= Hayley E. Lavik´s last blog ..hayleyelavik.com — May Updates =-.
Richard–That made me laugh. I’m not sure what “reasonable” means though. How do you put a value on hair loss and anxiety attacks–because that’s what query writing really means.
Lydia–Thanks so much!
Deb and Hayley–Yep! That quirk thing helped me find that the elusive query “voice,” too.
Bravo, Anne! Great advice for queries and for plot (conflict, conflict, conflict!) I will also be thinking about the canine Mr. Darcy all day. ;)
Oops–
And Samantha–Good luck on your search. It’s an exercise in endurance! ; )
Great post. There seems to be a phalanx of resources for learning about query letters, from blogs to certain chapters in books on writing, all the way to whole books written on this topic alone. I’d like to say how refreshing this post was and how well written it was. You got to the point and broke down something that can be complex, into something doable. Thank you. It was well received.
.-= Daryl Sedore´s last blog ..Conferences or not? =-.
Excellent post!
One thing you illustrated but didn’t actually mention: the ‘quirk’ is even more powerful when you put it together with irony.
So I guess the only thing I would add to your article is that you can find the best quirk for the pitch by thinking about what is ironic in your story.
(And no, I didn’t think that up myself – I got it from the late Blake Snyder.)
.-= Camille´s last blog ..The Next Dare and the First Chapter =-.
Yes! This is great. Getting that query right is HARD. Thank you for this. And the ‘quirk’ thing is spot on. If I were an agent reading query after query, I would desperately need a refreshing dose of originality. Quirk it up!
Great formula & advice, and holy heck this line is FANTASTIC:
“Mary climbs to the heights of hot circus love, but who will catch her when she falls?”
Please, PLEASE write that book. I MUST read about the “hot circus love”!
.-= Kristan´s last blog ..A few notes =-.
Thanks everyone–especially you, Therese and Kathleen, for giving me the opportunity to write for WU! Can’t wait to do it again in July!
This is about the most straight-to-the-quirk advice on The Dreaded Query I’ve read recently. Well worth a go, Anne. Thanks.
.-= Leigh Verrill-Rhys´s last blog ..Surfacing =-.
Love this post. Thanks so much for being here, Anne!
There’s a reason writers dread querying. These are valuable tips, and I’ll definitely come back to them when the time comes. Great first post!
.-= Tracy Hahn-Burkett´s last blog ..“Your Child Is Sick and We’ve Called the Paramedics” =-.
As I near the querying process I find I am gobbling up everything written about it. Thanks for this article. I will definitely have it in mind as I begin drafting my queries. (which, to be honest, I am excited to do!)
.-= denice´s last blog ..eating well made easy with these 3 tips =-.
Hee. I love your step 4, except remember when it was the giant sewing needle o’ doom? That episode gave me nightmares.
.-= Jan O’Hara´s last blog ..Goldilocks and the Three Mares =-.
I really needed to hear some advice on querying. I’m nearing that time for my new WIP and I need all the advice I can get. Great post!
.-= Erika Robuck´s last blog ..Authors to Watch =-.