Six Impossible Things Before Breakfast
By Ann Aguirre | March 10, 2010 |
If you stick to it in this business, if you work on your craft and keep striving to improve, the chances are actually pretty good that you will achieve some level of success. There’s a saying I really like from Richard Bach: “A professional writer is an amateur who didn’t quit.” And that is so, so true. Now I don’t guarantee where your success will plateau. Maybe you’ll snag an agent. Maybe you’ll sell a book. Maybe the sky’s the limit. But you’ll never know unless you keep at it.
However. (And this is a fairly big ‘however.’)
If you have the conviction to stay with it, despite depressing odds, constant rejection and disheartening criticism, you will also become the target of people who lack your inner fortitude. People who quit on their dreams, no matter what they might’ve been, will tell you that you’re wasting your time. They will do their utmost to undermine your determination. Why? I ask myself that a lot. To me, it seems like a lot of work for no reward. But I think, at base, it hurts some people to see other people display courage or ambition they lack. They think, if I didn’t do it, then it can’t be done. Well, no. Dream big. As the White Queen said: “Why, sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.”
This post regards dealing with the naysayers in your life–the ones who want to convince you to take up knitting or stop wasting your time. That’s not their decision. But before I get going, I will say this: if you’re not writing for love, if you don’t have to, then you should stop. Seriously. There are easier hobbies. But if you can’t, if it’s a drive that pushes you ever onward, then ignore those negative people. Don’t let them distract you from your goals or drain your energy. I have some tips in that regard.
(1) Do not engage.
This can be hard, frankly. Say you sign with an agent, or get your first book deal. Suddenly people you thought were your friends become passive aggressive on you. Accept there’s nothing you can do to change their reactions. Understand that your success is not, in fact, hurting them in any fashion. Sometimes you will have to take the high road and say nothing when you’d really rather offer four letter words and improbable anatomical recommendations. If these people really are your friends, they’ll apologize on their own. They’ll admit their insecurities. How you proceed from there is up to you. If they don’t, well, that brings us to my next point.
(2) Cut the chaff when necessary
If it gets to the point that a relationship is bringing you more stress and grief than pleasure, you need to cut that person loose. This job is hard enough without carrying the weight of other people’s petty jealousies. Now, that’s not to say everyone who criticizes you comes from a place of envy. But after enough experience, you can tell the sniping from the constructive commentary. Sometimes you have to accept that this person is toxic to you and best avoided.
(3) Stay away from “one day” people.
You know Newton’s law? “A body in motion tends to stay in motion unless acted on by an outside force.” Right? It’s the same in writing. If possible, surround yourself with positive people, those who get the job done. Not ones who whine and say “one day I’ll do it.” That kind of thinking is contagious; it really is. If you surround yourself with people who work hard at actualizing their dreams, you’ll find their enthusiasm drives you forward. Their “Yes, I can!” attitude will bolster you, instead of making you feel like you’re wasting your time. “One day” people are that dreaded outside force. They’ll convince you your writing can wait, because there’s a sale at the Gap. You can always write tomorrow, or the day after, and pretty soon, it’s next year. Don’t let them steal your passion.
Believe in yourself. Believe you can, even if the whole world is saying you can’t. I’ve been there, believe me. Here’s my list of impossible things, things people told me I couldn’t do because I wasn’t rich or famous, because I didn’t have connections.
(1) Graduated college
(2) Moved to a foreign country
(3) Got an agent
(4) Sold a debut SF novel written in first person, present tense, that one agent called unsellable
(5) Became a national bestselling author
(6) Sold nearly 20 books in three years
Believe in six impossible things before breakfast. I invite you to make a list of the six things you want most and then go for them.
Photo courtesy Flickr’s extranoise
Ann Aguirre is a bestselling, multi-published author with a degree in English Literature. She is a prolific writer, with nine releases planned for 2011 alone. She writes romantic science fiction and urban fantasy under her own name. As Ava Gray, she writes high-octane romances. She also writes “hot paranormal apocalyptic action” with fellow author Carrie Lofty under the pseudonymn Ellen Connor. Follow her on Twitter.
Great insights!
To me, worse than the “one day” people are the “victims”, those who blame others for their unrealized potential. The “victim’s” toxicity level rivals Chernobyl. Very sad and frustrating to watch a friend or loved one play the blame game…even worse to be the target.
If you surround yourself with people who work hard at actualizing their dreams, you’ll find their enthusiasm drives you forward. Their “Yes, I can!” attitude will bolster you, instead of making you feel like you’re wasting your time.
So, so true. Thanks for a great post, Ann! (Off to make a list…)
First person, present tense? Don’t you know that’s the black sheep of storytelling? (kidding)
Thank you for this. You touched on some things that I’m dealing with right now. It’s difficult to focus on the coming sunrise when you feel like you’re stumbling through a cloudy night. This post was a flashlight for me. I can see my path again.
And Lyn, you are so, so right.
.-= Lydia Sharp´s last blog ..Typing Down Memory Lane =-.
Wonderful post. I was reading and nodding, and then almost spit out my tea when I got to the “one day” people. You are absolutely correct! That type of thinking is very contagious. Someone I love and take care of is a “one day/someday” person (my mother). Life for her has not always been easy, and thinking that “one day” she’ll get to do something is actually a coping mechanism to deal with disappointment (a declaration of hope, if you will), but when said to someone who is trying to succeed in the present it is definitely a momentum stopper!
Thanks!
Oh Ann, I love this! I mean, the stuff about people turning on you is sort of sad and hard to take, but so true (not necessarily of people I know, I just mean of human nature).
“I think, at base, it hurts some people to see other people display courage or ambition they lack.”
Mmm hmm.
My 6 “impossible” things:
1. Get an agent.
2. Become a bestseller.
3. Make a living as a novelist.
4. Live in a foreign country.
5. Learn to speak Mandarin fluently.
6. Live “happily ever after” (in the real life sense, not the fairytale sense).
:D Just writing those down makes me happy!
.-= Kristan´s last blog ..Why Sandra Bullock gives me hope =-.
Love your list, Kristan!
Oh yes…what a great post. I think I need to print this one out and post it in my office and read it every day.
I love this line: “They’ll convince you your writing can wait, because there’s a sale at the Gap.” How many times have I done that to myself? Too many to count! The older I get the less I do it. Thanks for this!
.-= Virginia´s last blog ..International Women’s Day – March 8 =-.
Wonderful post to read today and it doesn’t just apply to writing! I’m so glad I check this blog frequently-I’ve been one of those “one day” people and am so proud of myself that I finally to turn that around. Now I have completed my first book and have already started the second; I have decided to start to learn Spanish for an upcoming trip to Spain; and have embraced the concept that today is The Day…”One Day” may not come or you’ll miss it because you’re too busy with things that really aren’t important to you. Thanks for this post!
Yes, yes, yes! I needed this today. Thank you!
.-= carleen´s last blog ..Meet: J.D. Mason, author of TAKE YOUR PLEASURE WHERE YOU FIND IT =-.
This post is just what I need right now! And I love that quote from Alice in Wonderland. It might need a permanent home above my desk!
My list is similar to Kristan’s but a bit different.
1. Get an agent
2. Write and sell novels until I drop dead
3. Make a (great) living as a novelist
4. Divide my time between the three places my family lives: California, NYC, England
5. Learn to play tennis
6. Create in another medium (not writing)
.-= Rebecca @ Diary of a Virgin Novelist´s last blog ..Oh, the places we write. =-.
Last year, someone close to me dismissed my writing as frivolous because, it was made clear, it didn’t make money in the way that her profession did. I wasn’t looking for a wall to go up in this relationship, but I couldn’t escape the feeling that trivializing my writing trivialized me, and so a wall did indeed rise between us.
On the other hand, a casual friend attended a an author reading a few nights ago where the author told the audience that they should reach out to any writer-friends they had to support them because writing is a tough, often lonely but worthwhile endeavor. Imagine how it made my day yesterday to discover an unexpected voicemail from this friend telling me about this reading and saying, “I just wanted you to know that I totally support what you’re doing and I think it’s amazing that you’re writing a book.”
She and I are meeting for lunch next week.
.-= Tracy Hahn-Burkett´s last blog ..In Transracial Adoptions, Race DOES Matter =-.
This is a wonderful post! I hadn’t realized that certain people in my life were putting down my dreams because THEY never see anything through. This new perspective will really help me deal with them. Thank you.
.-= Melanie´s last blog ..Que Vaya Bien =-.
This is a must-read post for every writer. Well said!
Ann, this is a fabulous post–one I think every passionate, determined novelist (whether published or aspiring) should read. Thank you!! This line rang especially true: “…it hurts some people to see other people display courage or ambition they lack.”
.-= Marilyn Brant´s last blog ..Snatched from the Pages of Cosmo =-.
Lyn, there are any number of personality types that can offer resistance. The key is dealing with them in a way that doesn’t drag you down.
Thanks, Therese!
No, Lydia, it totally is the black sheep. To this day, my editor, Anne Sowards, says I’m the only person to sell her on the style. Ordinarily, she hates it. Which, I must say, makes me feel kinda shiny. *g* And I’m glad the post helped you. This topic was speaking to me yesterday.
Susannah, if this person is close to you and you care for her, then I know you can’t just cut her off, but I hope you’ll be able to dismiss her naysaying and believe in yourself. Don’t let anyone put limits on you. Not as a writer and not as a woman.
Kristan, in ten years, I hope you can look on that list with happy chills and realize you’ve accomplished your “impossible” things.
Virginia, I’ve found that age does remind you to get moving. And really, there’s no guarantee of how long we do have. The time is now.
Janell, I hope you have a wonderful time in Spain. Living abroad has really changed my worldview–for the better.
Carleen, I’m so glad it offered something of value.
Rebecca, now that you have it in writing, I hope you’ll treat it as a list of goals, not impossible things.
Tracy, it’s so great that you found a supportive friend, though I’m sorry to hear about the loss of the other one. But it’s not unusual on this road.
Melanie, that may very well be the case.
.-= Ann Aguirre´s last blog ..Hell Fire Lottery =-.
Thanks, Elaine and Marilyn. I’m glad it was helpful.
.-= Ann Aguirre´s last blog ..Hell Fire Lottery =-.
I know people who fit in all three categories. Lucikly, I am a positive person who always sees the bright side of things. I try to avoid pessimists because they conflict with my splendid outlook on life.
Take for instance a writer acquaintance of mine. When I told her I started my novel and wanted some advice on finding a critique partner she said, “My advice to you is to not even start writing. It’s too hard to get published.” Of course it’s hard. If it were easy, everyone would have a novel or book published. That’s one reason why I write. To push myself. To challenge myself. To prove every naysayer (including my own teeny tiny inner pessimist) wrong.
My list:
1) Finish MS
2) Get an agent
3) Sell first novel
4) Write and sell more novels
5) Globe trot with my family
6) Relocate to a home in the mountains
The sale at the Gap — and other excuses — inspired my own novel in part. Procrastination is a fascinating beast.
Thanks for the great post!
i really try to be as supportive to my writer friends and hope they don’t have any complaints! but i’m no saint in the ‘one day’ place. thanks for the kick in the panties, Anne! t
Wow – very inspiring. Thank you for writing this.
Perfect! I agree with Rebecca: exactly what I needed to hear.
Ann, thanks for being a “Yes, I can!” person with this post. You made my week.
I’ve seen some active negativity in some writing groups where people try to tear down the triumphs and successes of others in an attempt to make themselves feel better. It never works. But on the other hand, I’ve also seen some writing groups that loudly applaud the smallest of successes and are there in an instant to comfort others over loses. I think people forget what an impact we have on each other. Even a smile or a frown can build-up or destroy someone’s self-esteem.
Writing IS a solitary occupation most of the time, and one rampantly misunderstood. I’m so grateful for the group of people I’m collecting around me who are also writers. I’d bake them cookies every week in exchange for the way they lift my spirits.
CS, you bring up an excellent point. It’s important to maintain a sense of realism as you go. You can’t be celebrating wildly each time you write 100 words, or expecting others to cheer because you did. But conversely, it’s also critical to have people who will sincerely cheer for you when you do clear a major hurdle.
.-= Ann Aguirre´s last blog ..Hell Fire Lottery =-.
Hi Ann,
I can think of a hundred impossible things I’d love to do with my life, but my biggest ones are to be a stay-at-home mom while I write full time, and to make just enough of a supplementary income to fly my family home to Canada each year.
Right now it seems impossible that we could divide our time evenly between Canada and Australia–maybe even have a small home in each country–but working toward that goal is what keeps me going.
Thank you for this inspiring post!
Ann, thanks for this post! Toxicity happens in many places, and is a killer for the creative spirit. Most of us have to work a *day job*, while keeping that thread of story alive in our head. I do the best I can to stick with the positive, and to keep the negativity at arms’ length.
Actualize! Love that!
Here’re are my hopes and dreams:
1. Land an agent that loves my work.
2. See my words in print, wrapped in a gorgeous cover.
3. See it all on the silver screen.
4. Own a second home along a shore, and a third along the west coast of Ireland! (Why not?)
5. (REALLY Number One) Live to see an end to world hunger.
.-= Gael Lynch´s last blog ..Wading through the Blarney =-.
Wonderful post. As trite as it may sound, focusing on the positive really does work. It’s good to be reminded of that.
Because I’m not a fiction writer, but I’m a voracious reader, I go out of my way to encourage anyone I know who is a writer. My partner, some friends, and authors I encounter at readings, signings, and on the internet. *waves to Ann* You are all amazing for how hard you work and how terrific you make the rest of us feel. Please don’t stop writing!
Sounds like fabulous advice if you ask me, which you would have no reason to, as I would probably just spout nonsense. But cutting the chaff seems to make perfect sense. I like the concept of “A professional writer is an amateur who didn’t quit”. Quitting is very easy.
.-= Mo´s last blog ..The Rolex and the Unhealthy Zorro Obsession =-.
So very inspiring, what I need right now. I will come up with my official list of six impossible things soon, but I wanted to let you know your post sparked off something in me and I wrote about it.
Thanks again for the shot in the arm.
.-= Yat-Yee´s last blog ..Say nay to naysayers =-.
Oh Ann, what a great post. And so apt. I belonged to a group for 12 years, a non-writing group, and when my first book was released they hardly moved their lips to share in my joy. This went on for a year and I began to feel a divide springing up. I wondered if I had now moved into an area that they didn’t understand, or if they didn’t WANT to understand, or even worse, that they begrudged me my very small moment of fame in the media. Whatever the case, I realised I had to move on and away from them and it came to a head perversely over an issue entirely unconnected with my books but a big moral issue . . . I walked out on their narrow-mindedness. I would be lying if I said it wasn’t an odd feeling, but the same day, I received an email from an acquaintance who didn’t know I wrote, who had bought my first book and invited me to coffee.
We now meet regularly and a true friendship has begun and there have been other equally empathetic introductions into my life over the last year.
I can now say ditching the dead wood was the best thing for my own spirit.
My six are so similar to everyone-else’s:
1. Write more
2. Write best
3. Secure an agent
4. Have a loyal fan-base
5. Remain true to myself
6. Be peaceful
So thanks so much for your post. It and the comments make me realise just how much we’re all in the same tiny little boat on a very big and tossing sea.
On number one, that’s oft-mentioned, but I try to oft-discount it. God bless us, and I’ve even seen it myself, too: When we first sell, we go a little bit crazy for a couple months, even up to a full year. We’re a little annoying, to be honest. We say things that are a little bit off-putting. Sometimes we freak out a little, and sometimes our head grows just a little bit. :-)
I’m just saying, before we start accusing people of being passive-aggressive and writing off friends who we claim are “jealous,” we might take a look at ourselves.
It’s not always that our friends calm down after a few months; sometimes it’s that we’ve calmed down, and they can relate to us again the way they’ve always related to us.
.-= Natasha Fondren´s last blog ..Sitting Sucks; Writing Doesn’t. =-.
[…] Rule #3: Surround yourself with people who succeed. (ht Ann Aguirre and her post from last week) […]
Very inspiring and excellent advice !
.-= Pamela´s last blog ..A much needed night out =-.
Agree with all the others who laud this post!
I try to see a different perspective and believe that many times, a dear friend/relative who is not as supportive as one would like concerning the writing life, may simply be acting out of fear and concern not envy.
They worry about the kind of living one can make in a field that is so very hard. Especially if the writer uses them often as a sounding board for their despair about any roadblocks.
I have always loved the Alice stories and do believe that a life lived believing impossible things is the best kind of life indeed.
.-= Marisa Birns´s last blog ..Voyages =-.
Lovely post.
My 6 Impossible Things Before Breakfast: (Technically after today, but it’s before somebody’s breakfast, anyway.)
1. Continue to be active in new, amazing ways.
2. Finish a novel. (And then many novels.)
3. Get an agent, sell a book.
4. Have writing become my career.
5. Learn a new skill every few years.
6. Be a best seller.
What a good post – especially your points about other people’s reactions. A tiny bit of success can really tread on other people’s toes. Times like this you find out who your real friends are. Writers work really hard for what they get, and have to have enormous reserves of positivity – thanks for expressing this so well!
Ann,
Thank your for this post. Writing is such an in-your-head venture that sometimes it’s hard to see outside of it and realize that we’re not really alone in this.
I’ve been dealing with negativity on some level or another since my agent snapped up and ran with my YA novel. Funny how lovers and haters come out in the most unexpected people. A few stalwart friends do anything they can, one even offered up her quiet house as an escape–while “another day” others call, pester, want to shop or go to lunch. “Sure, Chinese sounds damn good, but I need to make word count” just doesn’t sink in with some.
I’m saving this post to read on the days the “another day” numbers show up constantly in caller ID, or I’m feeling down.
.-= AE Rought´s last blog ..HOLY COW! =-.
[…] } This refers to Ann Aguirre’s post on Writer Unboxed where she invites writers to make a list of the six things they want most – […]
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