Distractions
By Kathleen Bolton | April 16, 2007 |
Our inimitable Scottish friend, literary scifi writer Hal Duncan calls it “eating the purple crayons:”
1. Don’t eat the crayons, even if “purple tastes gooooood”. No, really. Put that down; it’s not meant for that.*
* 1a. This simple childhood rule applies also in adult life to: playing computer Solitaire; browsing the interweb; checking email; surfing for porn. If you are doing any of this you are eating the crayons. Stop it now.
Distractions. They are multitude.
Over the years, I’ve been able to resist many distractions from my writing: cleaning out the closets, reading People magazine online, fixing endless cups of coffee that remain untasted. But there’s one purple crayon I can’t seem to resist, the thing that pulls my mind from my wip and has me mulling over it when I should be thinking about how my next scene should go down–
America’s Next Top Model.
I’m ashamed to admit it. I’ve been able to resist the allure of American Idol, the current speculation about Prince William, and other tasty crayons, but ANTM is a shade of violet I can’t resist. And it’s currently Top Model season, Cycle 8 to be precise. Damn you, Tyra Banks! Don’t you know I have a book to finish?!
If you don’t know what I’m talking about (and if you don’t, I must say, “are ya kidding me?”) 14 beautiful young thangs compete to become the Next Top Model. There are tantrums, crazy photo shoots, Tyra Banks and her creative hair stylings, and lots of bleeped-out cursing. I tell myself I watch it to study the dynamics of the characters. Things that would be useful to a writer. I also watch it for moments like these:
Tyra to contestant #1: “You’re a beautiful girl, but your photos are not ‘model-y’ enough. You have to be a mo-del.”
Tyra to contestant #2: “The camera loves you, but your too ‘posed’ in your photos. Try to forget that you’re a mo-del.”
Shot of the contestants’ confused faces.
Some of the funniest writing online is about ANTM. More purple crayons. But I have to start Mondays with FourFour’s recap of the last episode. Be forewarned: you will spew your coffee over your monitor reading Rich and his laser-like ability to collapse pop culture references and vapid American preoccupations onto this show (he does the same with Project Runway–oh woe). And no week would be complete without reading Potes’ recaps in the Television Without Pity forum (which also has a useful archive if one wants to really inhale crayons and relive past episodes).
Sometimes distractions serve a useful purpose. I find that if I’m too close to a project, I can’t see the forest for the trees. I stall, I fiddle. A distraction takes my mind off the project just long enough to let new ideas flood in.
I used to get mad at myself for letting my attention wander at the shiny pretty things of no account. These days I let myself have the distraction without guilt just as long as I don’t get derailed totally.
Good thing ANTM has a short cycle. In a few weeks, the next Top Model will be chosen, and I’ll have a couple distraction-free months before Project Runway starts.
What’s your distraction? I’ll give brownie points out for the most vapid and pointless.
Kathleen Bolton is co-founder of Writer Unboxed. She writes under a variety of pseudonyms, including Ani Bolton.
She has written two novels as Cassidy Calloway: Confessions of a First Daughter, and Secrets of a First Daughter–both books in a YA series about the misadventures of the U.S. President’s teen-aged daughter, published by HarperCollins, and Tamara Blake, for the novel Slumber.
I am ashamed to admit that I watch Search for the Next Pussycat Doll. It stuns me into open-mouthed silence. This is auditioning for stripper work, and these young women think it is a golden opportunity! What do their families think? Once, long ago, during college days, I was taken to a strip club, and after the initial shock of seeing naked girls cavorting before sullenly silent men, I began applauding the performances and cheering their efforts. The strippers started dancing more for me, and they seemed to have a better time. But I digress. These young pussycat wannabees are too young, too thin and too jerky to be seductive burlesque strippers. It’s actually sad to watch, but I get fixated. Is this as high as they aspire?
My purple crayons include blogsurfing, reading when I should be writing, Survivor, my PVR (so, television in general), reading how-to-write articles and books, blogsurfing, the internet, and did I mention blogsurfing?
Notice how I avoided the mention of blogging, Nienke? koff.
I’ve avoided the Pussycat Dolls, Gloria, as a) I don’t want to try another flavor of purple and b) there IS something creepy about girls competing to be a gyrating stripper.
Maybe the PC are ANTM rejects? As Janice Dickenson would say, “I don’t get it.”